The man waiting for me near baggage claim was nearly unrecognizable. In fact, at first, I’d ignored his efforts to get my attention until I took a closer look and nearly passed out from the shock.

“Luke?”

“Who else would I be?” He smiled, but there wasn’t a drop of levity behind it. Even his eyes, always so expressive, gave off no warmth.

“I’m… I don’t know. You look totally different.”

Granted, it had been a couple of months since I’d seen him last, but Luke had made the transformation of all transformations.

“Did you dye your hair?” The mere uttering of the sentence seemed ridiculous, but here I was staring at my brother, whose normally dark close-cropped hair was now licking at his ears and highlighted with streaks of blond.

“No, I just woke up one day and it was this color.”

“Really?” Somehow that made more sense than him dyeing it.

“No. Of course I dyed it. Or a friend of mine did. I take it you don’t like it?”

“I just… I’m shocked, is all. It might take some getting used to.”

The other thing that was tripping me up was his weight, or the lack thereof. He caught me eying him and answered my question before I asked it.

“I’ve lost some weight.”

“Some? Are you okay? You’re not sick, are you?”

“No, Casey. I just lost some weight. No big deal.”

“It’s not some weight, Luke. You’ve lost everything! I mean you look… you look…”

I’ll tell you what he looked like: a completely different person. And it wasn’t just his outward appearance that had me all weirded out, there was a change in his overall personality as well. No longer the jovial goofball, Luke had a strained exterior now, as if his light, which had always burned so bright inside him, had burned out. My god, I’d been wallowing in my own sadness for so long that I hadn’t even stopped to consider what Luke was going through. Sure, Mom had said she was worried about him, but she didn’t mention this full-body makeover.

“Would you please stop staring at me?”

“Sorry. You could have warned me. I mean, would a Facebook update have killed you?”

Instead of answering, he bent down and hugged me. “How are you doing, sis?”

I fell heavily into his arms, feeling sluggish and worn and in need of my big brother’s comfort, even if he now looked like a beach bum.

“I’m okay,” I sighed.

“That’s not what Jake says.”

I didn’t answer. What was the point in defending myself when neither one of us would believe it anyway? “How’s Mom? I talked to her just before the flight. She sounded pretty good.”

“Yeah, but you know Mom. She’s pretending everything’s fine in order to get home.”

“You don’t think she should leave the hospital?”

“Not if, when she gets home, it’ll be business as usual.”

We exchanged a knowing glance. “Who’s got them right now?”

“Aunt Cheri came over to watch them so Dad could stay at the hospital, but she won’t be able to handle them tonight, so you and I will need to take over.”

I nodded. “How are they?”

“Riley’s doing okay, actually. We’ve been keeping him busy in sports. But Sydney…” Luke shook his head. “She’s a handful, to say the least.”

My eyes clouded over. It was no wonder. “She misses her mom and dad.”

“We all do.”

“I know, but it’s not the same for us. We lost our brother and sister-in-law. Syd lost her mom and dad. I can’t imagine how that feels.”

“She keeps asking for you, Case. She’s gotten worse since you left.”

“I know. I talk to her everyday. I can hear a difference.”

“Here’s the thing. Mom needs rest. She’s having a lot of trouble controlling Syd. And Dad… he’s no help at all. He has a really short fuse with her. Mom is doing everything.”

“Could we hire someone to come in during the days?”

“They’re at school during the days; that’s not the problem. It’s the nights and weekends, and now that summer break is coming up for them in about a week, I seriously don’t know how Mom and Dad are going to handle it.”

“Maybe summer camps,” I said, brainstorming. “And we’ll get them a babysitter to come in a few hours a day.”

“Or… I was thinking…” Luke stopped mid-sentence, running his fingers through his newly grown out hair.

“What?”

“Of getting them away completely for a few weeks… so Mom can heal.”

“You’re going to take them on vacation?” I asked, surprised he’d even consider such a thing. But then with his alter ego in charge now, maybe he was evolving.

“No, Casey, not me. I was thinking maybe you and Jake could take them. I mean, summer break starts next week. Jake’s on tour. It might be fun for them to see what that’s all about. And during tour stops, you can take them on little adventures maybe. I could even get a week off myself and come and help. I don’t know, it probably won’t work, but I’m just throwing things out there at this point.”

I bit down on my lower lip, thinking over his proposal. “I’d have to ask Jake. It’s not the worst idea, though.”

“Right?” He brightened. “It would give Mom a chance to rest up, and I think it would be good for Sydney to have you around. She needs a mother figure right now, and our mother just ain’t cuttin’ it.”

“Because she’s exhausted,” I said, defending her.

“I was kidding. Damn, my jokes aren’t landing anymore. Maybe I was only funny when I was the fat best friend.”

“Stop it,” I said, punching him in the side. “Anyway, I don’t think I’m much of a role model myself.”

“None of us are right now. We’re all doing the best we can.”

The look in his eyes gave me pause. Things had gone downhill since I’d left three months ago; that much was obvious.

“I’ll call Jake tonight and run it by him, but he should be fine with it.”

Luke snorted. “Oh, he’s going to love it. Nothing spells fun like two bratty kids.”

My eyes sparkled in mischief. “We’ll leave the bratty part out, shall we?”

“I think we shall.”

My brother and I grinned at one another as I linked my arm in his and said, “Take me to Mom.”

* * *

My mother was holding court when I arrived in her hospital room. A female nurse and male orderly were laughing politely at something she’d said. I marveled at her strength. After her son and daughter-in-law died, she’d allowed herself several days to grieve before wiping away the tears, rolling up her sleeves, and getting to work making a stable home for her grandchildren to live in. In fact, they left their own home of thirty years to move into Miles and Darcy’s house so the kids would feel as comfortable as possible during this horrible time in their lives.

Her devotion was admirable, for sure, but my mother hadn’t allowed herself enough time to heal from the trauma of losing her oldest son, and the stress of it all was dragging her down. And now she was here, entertaining the hospital staff, when what she needed was both physical and mental rest.

“Casey!” She became even more animated upon seeing me. “This is my daughter.” Then, from behind her hand, she motioned with her thumb. “The one I told you about.”

Surely Mom had given them the lowdown on my hot rock star husband, and the three of us exchanged awkward hellos as they looked me up and down. I mean, what were they expected to say – congratulations? I walked over and hugged my father before leaning down and kissing my mom’s cheek. The words I’d intended to speak sank down into my chest as I fought to control my emotions. This incident proved she was only human and that realization scared me. I couldn’t lose her too.

“None of that, Casey. I’m fine. Everyone’s making a big deal out of nothing. It was just a little heartburn… embarrassing, really. I’m absolutely fine and ready to go home.”

“You aren’t fine, Mom. You need rest. This happened because you’re over-stressed and not taking care of yourself.”

“Everyone’s making such a fuss. It’s annoying.”

“Because we need you. Mom, you’ve got to get healthy. None of us can survive without you.” I sniffled through each painful word. “You’re what’s keeping us all intact.”

“What do you want me to do? I can’t be lying in this hospital bed. Those kids need me at home.”

“Well, I’m here now, and I’ll take care of them while you get the rest you need.”

My father perked up right away, grabbing my hand and squeezing it.

“I hate that you have to come here and take time away from Jake and your life,” she said. “I promise, just a few days and I’ll be as good as new.”

* * *

After spelling out for Jake the situation at home and the need to get the kids away for a while, I dropped the bomb.

“How long are we talking?” he asked, trying to disguise the doubt in his voice. Neither one of us was used to caring for kids twenty-four seven, so I got his hesitation. I was feeling the same way.

“Three or four weeks. I’ll take them on outings at the different stops.”

“The travel might be tough on them and the bus feels pretty confining after a while.”

“We’ll manage.”

“And what about your work?”

“I’ll take some time off as soon as I finish the clients I’m working on now. Jake, I know this isn’t ideal but, under the circumstances, I don’t see any other alternative. I could stay here for the next few weeks, but I know my Mom – she won’t rest. This is the only way.”

“Checking us all into a mental institution seems easier.”

“No doubt.” I laughed at the visual image of his coping strategy.

“But we’ll make it work,” he conceded.

“You’re sure?”

“No.” He chuckled. “I’m not sure at all, but I can always force Lassen to babysit for a few hours if they get to be too much to handle.”

“Oh no.” I cringed. “I didn’t think about him.”

“I mean, Lassen can’t even deal with a single Kleenex in his trashcan,” Jake said. “How will he handle two little germ magnets?”

* * *

“Casey!” Sydney screeched as she flung herself into my arms and buried her head in my stomach. She’d become so clingy, something so out of character for the precocious child she’d always been. “I missed you so much!”

I smothered my niece in kisses, letting her hang all over me. “I missed you too.

A dead weight smashed into my back, dislodging Sydney.

“Riley!” she shouted, punching her brother in the leg. “Go away.”

“Syd, he wants to see me too. Be nice.”

Although I could tell she was fuming, I needed to set a firm tone now, or she’d walk all over me later. Besides, Riley, with his big gap-toothed grin, was a sight for sore eyes. I grabbed him and tried to kiss him, but he squirmed away and took off running in the other direction.

“Don’t you run away from me, little boy.”

I gave chase but that only resulted in him running faster as he squealed with laughter.

“Oh, I’m going to get you at some point, Riley James, and when I do, I’m going to double…no I’m going to triple-kiss you!”

“Nooo,” Riley screamed and hid behind the chair. “Never!”

“Casey, Casey!” Syd’s whole body was hanging from my arm. “Are you going to stay now that Grams is sick?” Her eyes were filled with hope, and my heart broke for her. I hugged her again.

“Better. Riley? Come here, you’ll want to hear this. I promise not to kiss you if you surrender in full.”

My nephew crawled out from his hiding spot but still stayed a cootie-safe distance away from me.

“So I’m going to stay with you until you finish school next week.”

“That’s just what I figured. Then you’re just gonna leave us again,” Syd huffed, sending a pile of papers to the floor in one fell swoop.

“Sydney!” Shocked by her sudden burst of anger, I stood there staring at my niece. This was going to be harder than I’d anticipated. Would Jake be able to handle this? More importantly, would Lassen? “Pick that up.”

She crossed her arms and adopted the sourest of sourpuss faces. We stood there like that at an impasse for so long that Riley actually came over to pick up the mess.

“Nope. Not you, Riley. I appreciate the effort, but that’s Sydney’s tantrum and she gets to be the one who cleans it up.”

Still no compliance. “Okay, I guess I’ll just take Riley outside and tell him alone.”

“Do it. Riley can’t keep his mouth shut. I’ll know twenty seconds after you tell him, and the paper will still be on the ground.”

Luke, who’d apparently been standing in the doorway for our entire hopeless deadlock, joked, “I see you’ve met Sydney.”

A long, shrill scream inexplicably originated from somewhere deep within our niece’s body and saturated the room with negativity.

“Syd, stop screaming.” I tried to grab her but she pivoted and sprang down the hallway to her room. The door slammed shut. Luke and I stared at each other, frozen in place, our ears ringing off the hook.

“Was it something I said?” Luke asked, wisely keeping his voice low.

I rolled my eyes at him.

“She was quite wonderful for me.”

Luke and I startled, both forgetting Aunt Cheri was at the house babysitting while Mom and Dad were at the hospital.

“A perfect angel, actually. Of course, I was never a permissive mother. My kids always had the best behavior.”

“Yeah. They’re awesome. Well, we really appreciate you babysitting,” Luke said, as he grabbed her purse and escorted our aunt to the door. “We’ll see you real soon, Aunt Cheri. Thanks again.”

Once the door was shut, his eyebrow lifted skeptically, and he said, “Correct me if I’m wrong but she’s the one who raised Doug, the adulterer who broke up three marriages and got his daughter’s third grade teacher fired, right?”

I nodded.

“Wow. Mother of the Year.”

Suddenly the door down the hall opened and Sydney yelled out, “I don’t care about your stupid surprise anyway!”

We exchanged resigned expressions. She was going to need to be dealt with. The only question was who got the honors.

Luke sighed, getting his hands ready to duel. “Rock, paper, scissors?”

“No. I’ll do it. I need to get my feet wet before I have her with me full time for a month.”

“That’s exactly what I was hoping you’d say.”

“Sydney, it’s Casey.”

I pushed the door open to find my niece under her blanket. I reached for it, but she yanked back and we played tug-of-war for a few seconds before I got the upper hand and pulled the soft fleece off her.

“I don’t want to fight with you, Syd. I just got here, and I want us to have fun together, like old times. All you have to do is come back out and pick up the mess, and then we can have fun and you can hear my surprise.”

“I’m not coming out while Luke’s there.”

“Why?”

“Because he was making fun of me.”

I wanted to argue that it was just Luke and that he was only kidding, but looking at it through her eyes, I guessed I could see her point.

“If I get Luke to say he’s sorry, will you apologize to me and clean up the mess?”

Sydney considered my compromise for an extended period of time before finally nodding. It was a small victory, but not without significance. Now I knew she was a pliable opponent, if not a pleasant one.

Luke dutifully apologized, and after the paper and pens were picked up, both kids sat on the sofa, rapt with attention. Riley’s cheeks were burning bright with excitement, and even Sydney, used to playing hard to get, seemed sufficiently curious.

“How would you two like to go on an adventure?”

“An adventure?” Sydney asked, with interest. “Like a jungle safari?”

“I want to go on a monster truck safari,” Riley added.

“No,” I said, deflating a bit. Their idea of adventure differed a bit from mine, for sure. Cramped in a tour bus, driving for hours on end… maybe it wasn’t as exciting as I’d hoped it would be for the kids.

“No. None of those ideas, though they do sound fun. My adventure is a little different. How would you like to go on tour?”

Syd’s face lit up. “Really? With Jake?”

“Well, yes, and me too.”

“But Jake will be there the whole time, right?”

“Yes. The whole time.”

“Yay!” Sydney jumped from her seat and cheered. “Did you hear that, Riley? Jake’s going to be there!”

“And me too,” I reiterated, but no one was listening to me. By now, Riley was on his feet too, jumping up and down.

“We’re going on tour, baby!” she sang out, and Riley repeated her word for word. I doubted he even knew what ‘going on tour’ meant, but it didn’t matter. Sydney’s happiness was all it took to spread the joy.

“I’m going to go pack now,” Sydney said, racing down the hall. “Come on, Riley.”

He happily followed after her like the obedient little brother he was.

“We aren’t leaving for another week,” I called after them, but they were already gone. After so much heartache, these kids finally had something to look forward to. My worry was whether Jake and I would be able to live up to expectation.

* * *

Luke and I waved the kids off at school and then drove to a coffee shop. After parking, I sat in the car a few seconds longer than necessary.

“You weren’t kidding about Sydney.”

“No.”

“She’s exhausting,” I admitted. “Mom can’t handle that day in and day out.”

“No.”

“The counseling doesn’t seem to be helping.”

“No.”

“Stop saying ‘No.’ Don’t you have anything else to add?”

“What do you want me to say? I don’t have an answer to this, other than to pawn them off on you and Jake for a few weeks.”

“Yeah, I like how you sprang it on me before I had a chance to see them in action with my own two eyes. Thanks for that, by the way.”

His brows furrowing in response, Luke said, with clear desperation in his voice, “You aren’t backing out, are you?”

“Of course not. I’m just worried about Sydney. She’s not the same girl.”

“And she probably never will be again. I think the goal now is to just make her a functioning member of society.”

“That’s not enough. I want her to be happy.”

“Surrounded by all of us sad-sacks? Unlikely. Are you getting out of the car? I need coffee.”

Luke and I waited in a line eight people deep, feasting our eyes on the baked goods calling to us through the glass. While we waited for the person in front to pay for her order, a pretty young cashier smiled at Luke before gliding her eyes over me curiously.

“Mornin’, Tess,” he said, “How’s it going?”

“Can’t complain. I haven’t seen you in here for a while. I thought maybe you didn’t like the way I was preparing your coffee.”

“No, nothing so scandalous. I’ve just been holed up lately.”

“You haven’t been sick, I hope.” She scanned him covertly, and I could tell she hadn’t seen him since his massive weight loss either. It was rather jarring.

“No, just, you know… hitting the gym.” Luke flexed his arms in his attempt to be the douchebag he’d only seen in movies. He failed miserably. My brother was just too nice a guy to ever pull off a move like that.

“Well, you look great.” Her eyes lingered on him longer than was required for a random barista, and I took note. Luke, on the other hand, seemed completely oblivious. No wonder he never had a damn date.

After sitting down with our coffee, I asked, “You know she likes you, right?”

“Who? Tess?” he asked, glancing over. “Extremely doubtful, if not downright delusional. She’s dating some tool.”

“Really? Because that’s not how it looked to me. She seemed overly interested in you.”

“Trust me, Casey. I’d have a better chance of winning the lottery than getting a girl like that. Can we talk about something else?”

“Like your weight loss?”

“Why is everyone making such a big deal out of it?”

“You really do look great, don’t get me wrong. Are you actually going to the gym, or were you just trying to impress the girl?”

Luke looked up at me over his coffee cup and actually smiled. “What do you think?”

“If I had to guess, then no.”

“I’ve gone a few times, but people are crazy at gyms. This one time I saw some idiot put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.”

I laughed. Luke and his goofy personality were still in there. Still, I needed a little more from him to ease my mind. “I’m just worried that it wasn’t a conscious choice of yours to get healthy.”

“Well, it wasn’t like I said, ‘My brother just died, whoopee, sign me up for Nutrisystem for men.’ I just don’t feel like doing much of anything these days, and that includes eating. Right now, life just sucks.”

“Don’t I know it,” I said, covering his hand with mine. “I’ve been pretty depressed myself. I am eating, though, but only to keep my strength up so I can continue to bully Jake into getting me pregnant.”

“There you go, Casey. Projecting your misery onto others. Good for you.”

“You know me… always putting others before myself.”

His eyes focused on his coffee and he smiled, but it was heavy with strain. “I’m doing better. I really am. Stop worrying about me.”

“Sure, I’ll just cross your name off my list of angst.”

“Thank you. So, are you pregnant?”

“No. We’ve only been trying for three months. It’s probably for the best if we don’t get pregnant, but it just doesn’t feel like that. I want one so badly. A baby would bring joy back into our lives, don’t you think?”

“A baby’s just a Band-Aid, Sis. It might stop the bleeding, but the reason for the wound will still exist. My advice would be to fix yourself first.”

“That might take a lifetime,” I huffed, taking a swig of coffee. “And I don’t have the patience.”

Both our phones buzzed at the same time, and we glanced down at the screens like mirror images. “Mom’s been discharged.”

“Yep, let’s get home.”

Luke and I walked over to throw our cups away and the barista called out to him, “Have a great day, Luke.”

And, without hesitation, my brother answered, as he always did, “Have a better one.”

* * *

My mother arrived home later that afternoon, looking surprisingly strong and healthy. Her mood was upbeat as well. I didn’t know what type of happy pills she was taking, but I wanted some. How could she have such a positive demeanor in these trying times? She couldn’t. At least that’s what I assumed. This whole thing had to be an act, and when she was alone, I was certain my mother was suffering in silence. This calmness of hers had to be denial all wrapped up in a pretty box with a magnificent bow.

The first topic she wanted to discuss as she took her place on the couch with a glass of her favorite ice tea was the kids’ impending departure. She didn’t think it was necessary for them to leave and tried to pull rank by letting us know, in no uncertain terms, that she was their legal guardian and the decision was ultimately up to her.

“Well, then, when you tell Sydney she doesn’t get to go on tour with Jake, I want to be in an adjacent state,” Luke said.

“Me too,” Dad agreed.

Mom’s eyes shifted among the three of us. I could see her resolve fading. “Fine. They can go. It’s not like you’ll make it four weeks with them anyway.”

* * *

The wheels touched down on the tarmac and my heart leapt in my chest. We’d only been apart for a week, but it felt much longer. Jake had flown in from Texas on a private plane just to pick us up. It would have been easier for him to stay put and for us to travel to him, but Sydney begged him to come to the play her class was performing on the last day of school.

Although we’d told her it wasn’t possible, Jake secretly made plans to surprise her. He had exactly four hours in Arizona before we needed to be on the flight back for the evening concert he was to perform.

Although it was just him getting off the flight, I pulled out a cardboard sign and held it over my head. It had become somewhat of a ritual for us, and Jake loved it every time. Sometimes it was just a flimsy piece of paper, and other times I went fancy with colored paint on thick paper stock, but regardless of the materials I used, the sign always had the same four letters on it: cake.

Jake smiled as he walked toward me and ducked under his paper greeting to give me a kiss.

“You look hot,” he commented.

“Well, it is ninety-three degrees outside.”

He grinned. “Not what I meant, but okay.”

Tucking the sign between my knees, I grabbed his face and planted one on him. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. Are you ready to be parents for the next month?”

“No. Are you?”

“God, no. It’s going to be a disaster.”

“Or,” I said, coyly. “We could totally surprise ourselves.”

He and I stared at each other for a moment before laughing and saying, “Nah.”

Sydney’s class was preparing for the play, so Jake and I visited Riley’s third grade classroom first. They’d just started the party, and the children were lined up like little toy soldiers waiting for their turn to select their finger foods off the beautifully decorated table.

“Did you make something?” Jake whispered in my ear.

“I did. You want to guess which one?”

He scanned the elaborate selection of items, all tailor-made for kids with fun little designs. There were deviled eggs sporting funny faces and pigs in a blanket shaped like actual pigs and rainbow fruit kabobs. And then there was mine.

Jake was diligently trying to determine my contribution to the kid table, when a smile spread out wide across his face. “You didn’t?”

I shrugged. “They said to bring hors d’oeuvres.”

“They’re third graders.”

Okay, so maybe my shrimp skewers weren’t the best choice, but how was I to know what a third grade palate was like? At least the skewers were colorful little swords. That looked third gradish, didn’t it?

“Jake McKallister!” A voice from behind called out. “Wow. I’m Tiffany. Welcome. I can’t tell you how excited I am to meet you. I’m such a fan.”

Tiffany was Miss Soriano, Riley’s very young, and very hot, teacher. By the looks of things, she’d heard Jake was coming and had dressed accordingly in a body-hugging shirt that accentuated her bosom. Too bad the bulletin she received about his arrival didn’t also include information on his marital status. However, because she was Riley’s teacher, I was inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt. It was possible she’d been imprisoned in a foreign country or had tragically been stuck in a well around the time of our wedding. Whatever it was, no way was Miss Soriano trying to hijack my man. Or was she? Within seconds of her introducing herself, I was effectively boxed out of the conversation.

Annoyed, I stood off to the side as a group began to form around him. I was about to swoop back in and rescue my husband when a strange sight caught my eye: a group of boys, Riley being one of them, was gathered around one central location. Curious, I wandered over and my eyes doubled in size at what I saw – my shrimp lying limp on the floor, and boys everywhere trying to stab each other with the plastic skewers. I gasped and looked back toward the teacher. She and all the mommies had formed a circle around Jake, and none were aware of the fight club that had materialized out of thin air.

My hors d’oeuvres were to blame for this medieval swordplay, and I needed to get rid of the evidence before anyone noticed. Stomping my way into the circle, I went boy to boy with my palm laid flat. “Hand it over,” I demanded. One by one, the little swords filled my hand, and the boys scattered off.

As I was about to pick up my discarded shrimp, I could hear Jake disengaging himself from the conversation to come find me. With no time left, I used my shoe to scoot the shrimp under Tiffany’s desk. With any luck, they’d sit there all summer cooking up a nice stink just in time for the start of the new school year. Smiling, I tossed the skewers in the trash and rejoined my husband.

My mom and dad were saving us seats in the front row of the auditorium, and we arrived just in time to see Sydney’s class file in to take the stage. She glanced over and gave us each a wave before her eyes settled on Jake. A squeal could be heard throughout the room as she broke ranks, ran to him, and flung herself into his arms.

“You came!” she said, her cheeks flushed with excitement. Syd yanked on his arms attempting to pull him from his chair. “Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

“Oh, no.” Jake sat back. “I’m here to watch you on stage, not be on it myself. Besides, your play is starting.”

“I don’t care. It’s stupid anyway. I’m playing a celery stick. I don’t even like vegetables.”

“Celery?” he laughed. “Dude, that sucks.”

“I know.” Syd rolled her eyes. “That’s what I said. I wanted to be the strawberry, but the teacher gave it to Kimmy because she’s such a suck up.”

“Okay.” Mom stood up and pulled Sydney off Jake. “Get up there and be the best celery stick you can be.”

“Fine,” she huffed, stomping her way back to stage before turning around and saying, loudly enough for the entire auditorium to hear, “I’m so over fifth grade.”