“Catch me, Jake. Catch me,” Sydney said, as she hung precariously over the back of her airplane seat. One false move and she’d be in his lap. Without even the slightest display of emotion, he reached out a hand and pushed her back over. This little scenario had played out no fewer than twelve times now, and by the blank look on his face, he’d gone into survival mode. I couldn’t help but laugh because otherwise, I’d be crying. We were officially in way over our heads. Jake shifted his eyes toward me, the only part of him apparently still functioning, then pretended to break down in tears. Right back at you, bud.

We’d managed to get Syd and Riley strapped in for take off, but once the flight leveled off, Jake and I had made the rookie mistake of letting them take their seatbelts off, essentially setting them free to wreak havoc on every unsuspecting adult on the flight. Thankfully this was a private jet, and besides the two pilots and a flight attendant, the only other ones with us were on Jake’s payroll, so they had no choice but to grin and bear it.

“There are only two of them, right?” Jake asked. “I can’t tell because they seem to have multiplied.”

He was right. We were only an hour into the two-hour flight, and Sydney had already visited the pilots twice, been in the bathroom four times, and had sung the song from Frozen, oh, I’d say maybe fourteen times. Not to be outdone, Riley had pulled out every elementary school game at his disposal – right now he was playing Duck, Duck, Goose – and yet still, somehow, had managed to fit time into his busy schedule to eat a snack in every unoccupied seat on the plane. The worst of it was, neither one seemed remotely close to slowing down. As for Jake and me, the past hour spent chasing them down had used up every last bit of our reserves, and we were now slumped lethargically in our chairs.

“Yes. Only two,” I confirmed for him.

“I think I can officially say we suck at parenting.”

“Agreed.” I nodded my head. “Thank god we didn’t get pregnant.”

“I wasn’t going to say that, but it’s exactly what I was thinking,” he said, then added, “Maybe once we grow up.”

“Yes, that seems like a smart plan. Let’s grow up first.”

He stuck his hand across the aisle and we linked pinkies. It was the most energy either of us could muster.

Sydney popped up from behind the seat like one of those terrifying jack-in-the-box toys. “Hey, Rock Star?”

That was what she’d taken to calling him once the flight began. Jake displayed a pathetic little pout before turning his attention back to her.

“Yes, Sydney? What can I do for you?”

“Are we going to your concert tonight?”

Before he could give her an answer, Riley burst forth from behind Jake’s chair and walloped him on top of the head.

“Duck!” he yelled, a look of glee on his seven-year-old face as he jumped off the seat and took off running.

Jake’s eyes followed Riley up the aisle. “Does he really think I’m going to chase after him when he gets to Goose?”

I turned my head toward my sweet hubby and smiled. We both knew he would.

“So, are we going to the concert or what?” Syd asked again, but this time she would not be ignored. Grasping Jake’s chin in her fingers, she turned his face toward her.

“It depends. Are you going to be good?” he asked her.

“Duck!” Riley popped me on my shoulder, choosing that spot because, with Vadim, Jake’s bodyguard, sitting directly behind me, he couldn’t reach my head. Again my nephew took off running. So far, this was a game I could get behind because it hadn’t required any extra movement on my part.

Sydney leaned all the way over until her forehead was nearly touching Jake’s. “Define good.”

“You want a definition, do you?” Jake asked, breaking out a smile. It was no secret he loved her spunk. Regardless of how shitty we were at parenting, Sydney needed him. At this difficult point in her life, he seemed the only person she respected enough to listen to. “Okay, good means that you do what Auntie Casey says, that you don’t get in the way of the crew, and that you don’t run out onto the stage and sing ‘Let it Go’ while I’m performing.”

“That’s it?” she said, actually wiping her brow with the back of her hand. “What a relief.”

Sydney let go of his chin and disappeared over her chair again. Jake and I exchanged confused expressions. What did that mean? What exactly was her definition of good? But before we could get our answer, Riley skipped by us, stopping in front of Vadim.

“Du…” He was only halfway through the word when Vadim grabbed his hand mid-duck.

“Don’t even think about it, kid,” he said in a menacing growl while throwing in a lip curl to the threat.

“Vadim!” Jake shot up from his chair, hands balled into fists. His reaction was so swift that it startled everyone on the plane. “Get your hands off him, now!”

Vadim immediately let go, and Riley, frightened not only by Vadim’s actions but also by Jake’s sudden eruption, burst into tears, flinging himself into my arms.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jake asked, bristling.

“These kids are not my job,” Vadim challenged, clearly incensed and not backing down. If it came to it, he had the size and training to take Jake out in less than two moves. It’s what made him a great bodyguard, but also a feared human being.

“Your job is what I say it is. These kids are my family, and you’ll treat them with respect or you can find yourself new employment.”

The two glared at one another. Vadim had been with Jake for years, and in all the time I’d known him, I’d never seen them disagree. But then, he barely spoke to me in the first place. When he had something to say to Jake, he always pulled him aside for a private discussion, as if I could not be trusted with pertinent information. I’d never really cared for him, but at the same time, I always felt that both Jake and I were safer when he was around.

“Sorry,” Vadim mumbled, breaking eye contact with Jake and leaning back in his seat. I could only imagine what it took for him to stand down when it was clear by his body language that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Jake stood there a moment, still fuming, so I grabbed his hand, forcing his attention away from Vadim. Both Sydney and Riley had been watching the exchange intently, and how he handled himself now would be etched in their memories for a long time. I motioned toward the kids with my eyes and then at his chair.

The situation diffused, he nodded, but before taking his seat, Jake got the last word in with Vadim. “Don’t ever touch him again.”

“You want to talk about what happened earlier?” I asked, as he was getting ready for the concert. We’d arrived at the venue a couple hours earlier, but with the kids occupying every second of that time, this was the first opportunity I’d had to talk to him. And if it weren’t for Kyle wandering into the hornet’s nest and unwittingly taking over the parenting duties, we wouldn’t even have had this chance.

Seemingly bothered by the incident with Vadim, Jake didn’t look my way when he said, “Not particularly.”

“I get why you were angry. I was too. Vadim didn’t have any right to grab him like that.”

“No, he didn’t,” Jake said, edgy once more. “There was no excuse. He was trying to intimidate Riley, and I’m not going to put up with that shit.”

I understood then that this wasn’t just about Riley. Vadim’s aggressive behavior had triggered something in him. I imagine he’d been in Riley’s shoes more times than he could count – the difference being, he hadn’t had anyone to stand up for him during those dark times. His protective instincts had kicked in the minute Vadim grabbed Riley, and I had no doubt he would have defended his nephew with his life. I respected the hell out of him for that.

“Hey.” I slid my arms around his back. “Don’t feel bad. You did the right thing.”

“No. I lost my cool in front of them… in front of everyone.”

“A little bit, maybe, but it didn’t affect the kids in the way you think it did. They didn’t see you as being aggressive. What they saw was their uncle standing up for them. For better or worse, they now know you have their back.”

“I want Captain Crunch,” Riley demanded of Kyle.

“Nope, I’m sorry. That’s not a dinner cereal,” he replied, taking the box out of my nephew’s hands and putting it at the top of the cupboard.

“That’s not a dinner cereal,” Riley mimicked.

“That’s not a dinner cereal,” Kyle mimicked back.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” Riley whined.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” Kyle whined right back.

As we re-entered the room, Jake stepped between the two. This pre-adolescent pissing match could go on all day without proper intervention.

“Okay. Enough, Riley,” he said. “And no cereal for dinner. We may be amateurs, but your Auntie Casey and I still have some common sense. Catering has food for us. Go get ready and we’ll leave in a few minutes.”

The kids just stood there staring up at him. Jake looked to me, perplexed, then back at the kids.

“What?” he asked.

“We’re ready.”

“You don’t have to, like, brush your hair or change clothes or anything?”

“We’re kids,” Sydney said in a snooty tone, lifting her arms in exasperation. “I thought you said you had common sense.”

Kyle burst out laughing until he caught sight of our disapproving glares. “Well, she has you on that one,” he said under his breath.

Now I stepped into the fray. “You know what, Syd? I don’t like that attitude. You might have been able to walk all over us on the plane, but that was only because we were just getting our sea legs. Now that Jake and I know how you operate, we’re not going to let you take advantage of us anymore. Got it?”

Sydney glanced between the two of us, no doubt trying to determine how much control she could relinquish without selling her soul. Finally she folded her arms in front of her and said, “I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t exactly a sincere apology, but it was the most she’d offered since I’d been around her all week, so I was inclined to take it. I gave her a quick hug. “Now, go brush your hair.”

Riley looked up at Kyle, his face scrunched in confusion. “Sea legs? Were we on a boat?”

Kyle just shrugged his shoulders as if he too were baffled by the analogy. Yeah, maybe he hadn’t been the best choice in babysitters.

Riley didn’t make it past the third song before he slid to the floor and fell asleep on my foot. No joke – I looked down, and he was out. Too bad sleep wasn’t that easy for the rest of us. I had to get him back to the bus, and I knew instinctively Sydney would not go willingly. My stomach did a little ‘punch in the gut’ number at just the thought of the confrontation that was sure to follow. In fact, by the time it was over, Riley would probably be wide awake again and bouncing off the walls for the rest of the night.

For the umpteenth time that day, I felt wholly unqualified to be calling myself their caregiver. As evidenced by the flight this afternoon, I was no mother. I could barely be called an acceptable babysitter. Sydney and Riley deserved better; but unfortunately they weren’t going to get it because when you draw the short end of the stick in life, you just had to learn to make do.

Stop procrastinating. It was time to deliver the news. My hands broke out in a sweat and I swallowed the lump in my throat. It was best just to get this over with. I looked to Syd and opened my mouth to speak, but something in her demeanor stopped me. It wasn’t how engrossed she was in the concert, or the way she was watching Jake’s every move with unblinking fascination. No, it was that peculiar little smile on her face. Wait a minute. I knew that look. That wasn’t just pride in her uncle. Oh, no. Like millions of girls the world over, little Sydney Caldwell had a crush… on my husband.

Ten. She was ten years old. And when I say ten, I’m talking she just turned that number. A few months ago, she was still in the single digits! This was not good. Why hadn’t I seen this before? Had I just not been paying attention, or was it a recent thing? I was going to have to tread lightly here. The last thing I wanted to do was squash her spirit, because if there was one thing I was certain of, it was that my niece couldn’t take any more heartbreak.

“Casey?” Syd interrupted my mini panic attack by pulling on my hand. She looked up at me with tired brown eyes, and like I had been many times since the death of her mother and father, I was struck by the change in this little girl. She used to sparkle all the time, but now it seemed as if a filter had been put in place to dull and subdue her.

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“Riley needs to sleep.” She pointed down to my feet.

“Ya think?” I grinned. The kid was now sprawled out on the floor, the noise-canceling earpieces doing their job beautifully.

“I know you’re enjoying the show, but…”

She shook her head. “I want to go.”

“You do?”

Tears pooled in her eyes. Syd frowned and wiped them away with her sleeve.

“Are you okay?” I asked, hugging her to me. “What’s wrong?”

Then came the downward flow as she broke into sobs. I stood there unprepared and helpless. What had I been thinking, bringing her here? She clearly wasn’t ready to leave the safety of her grandparents. Holding her to me tightly, I grabbed my phone and dialed. He answered on two rings.

“Kyle, I need you.”

Kyle gently placed Riley in the bunk bed as I extracted the earplugs.

“You sure that’s a good idea?” Kyle whispered, glancing over at Sydney, who was still sniffling and blowing her nose. “The earplugs seem like keepers.”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’m not doing a good job with these kids. I think I made a mistake bringing them here,” I said, tucking Riley in and covering him with a blanket.

“You’re doing fine. Can I give you a suggestion?”

“Please.”

“Don’t dwell on her tears. Don’t even mention them. Some people prefer to suffer alone. Sydney strikes me as one of them.”

“But she’s so young. Shouldn’t I try to get her to talk to me? Find out why she’s crying?”

“You already know why. Her parents are dead. Nothing you say or do is going to change that.”

“Are you suggesting I just ignore it altogether?”

“No. Let her know she can come to you, but don’t push her. She’s proud. Crying pisses her off. If you highlight it or make a big deal out of it, you’ll only alienate her more.”

“Huh. Okay. Do you have a psychology degree or something?”

“No. I speak from experience.” A quick snapshot of pain flashed across his face. It was a rare moment of raw honesty from him. Kyle preferred to hide behind his smile and a truckload of jokes, but under it all was a sensitive guy who had more skeletons in his closet than most. After what he’d just told me, I had to wonder how much suffering he’d done in silence.

Grabbing his hand, I squeezed. “Thank you.”

“No problem. If you need help with them, I don’t mind. I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite dinosaur is. Besides, it’ll get me out of the scut work. Vadim always puts me on the shittiest detail just because he can.”

“You should tell Jake.”

“Uh…no. And you won’t either. I already have one strike against me with the other guys for being Jake’s brother, but if they think I’m running home to tell my mommy every time they’re mean to me… yeah, not good.”

“Ooh,” I winced. “I see your point. Never mind. Go back to scrubbing toilets.”

“I will. Thank you.”

“So?” I said, a sickly sweet smile forming on my face.

He picked up immediately on the tease and mimicked my lovesick grin and singsong voice. “So, what?”

“When is Kenzie coming?”

“You already know she’s coming next Friday.”

“I just want to hear you say it. You always get that goofy look on your face.”

“That’s just my face. I’m naturally goofy.”

“Ah, see.” I grabbed Kyle’s jaw and shook it. “There it is. That smile. You love her, and don’t try to deny it.”

“I’m not trying to deny it. I tell her all the time.”

“So?” I tried again. I had intel on a certain subject straight from the source, Kenzie, and I wanted confirmation.

Kyle raised his eyebrows. “So what?”

“I know you’re going to propose,” I blurted out.

He didn’t even blink at my extortion attempt. “You don’t know shit, Casey. I know how you operate. You’re using fake news to get me to confess to something that doesn’t exist.”

“Okay, deny it. I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do. Look at you all a-quiver.” He laughed. “You can barely contain yourself.”

“Fine. Yes. I’m excited.”

“What makes you think I’m going to propose?” he asked, more interested in my answer than he was trying to let on.

“Um… gee, Kyle. Maybe it’s because you were asking my opinion on what her ring size might be? I just naturally deduced from there. Plus Kenzie keeps talking about it. Apparently you asked her the same question.”

“And she took that to mean I was going to propose?” he asked, seemingly surprised that any girl would come to such a preposterous conclusion.

“Um, yeah. Of course. Why wouldn’t she?”

Kyle appeared stumped by that one. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. “What if I were just getting her a skull ring or something?”

“Then you might want to duck after giving it to her because that’s not at all what she’ll be expecting.”

“Great,” he mumbled, suddenly distracted by the wall.

“Wait – you didn’t actually get her a skull ring, did you?”

Kyle didn’t answer my question. Instead he headed for the door. “Goodnight, Casey.”

I followed behind him right on his heels. “Because if you were actually thinking of proposing, you could always employ my services… which, I might add, are free of charge.”

“Oh, I’m sure they are,” he said. Thankfully he accepted my meddling ways with amusement. “Anyway, it’s been fun, Casey, but I’ve got to get back, or Vadim will kill me in my sleep. Remember what I said about Sydney. You’re going for ‘I’m there for you’ not ‘Let me smother you in my love.’”

“Got it. Thank you, Kyle. I can always count on you. And, you know…” I winked in his direction. “You can always count on me.” Wink. Wink.

He shook his head, smiling as he purposely avoided responding to my goading. Kyle grabbed a Kleenex out of the box on the kitchen counter before walking over to Sydney and dropping it in her lap.

“How do you make a tissue dance?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she said, looking up at him.

“Put a little boogey in it!”

Sydney wiped the last of her tears away and laughed.

“See ya, Syd.” 

“Bye, weirdo.”

He caught her insult in his hand and pressed it to his heart, as if it meant the world to him. Sydney and I both giggled.

“Goodnight, ladies.” He stepped out of the bus but then popped his head back in and with a sly smile on his face said, “Oh, and by the way, Casey, your services may be requested somewhere down the line.”

I threw my arms in the air and had them perform a silent little boogey of their own.

“What was that all about?” Sydney asked, once he’d left.

“Just a little inside joke.”

“Oh. He’s funny. I like him.”

“Me too,” I said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Are you ready for bed?”

Syd eyed me skeptically. “You’re not going to ask me why I was crying?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Nope.”

“Okay, then, let’s get ready for bed.”

She dragged her feet, but eventually I did convince her to put on pajamas and brush her teeth. Sydney climbed up into the top bunk. Earlier in the day, she and Riley had fought viciously over the coveted spot, but in the end, she’d pulled rank over her little brother and claimed it for herself. I felt for Riley. Being the youngest myself, I couldn’t have even dreamed of getting the top bunk back in the day. When we went on family vacations, I was lucky if I got the cushions off the couch.

I spent extra time folding the blankets and sheets over my little niece, hoping to swaddle her in comfort. Her life was so hard now, anything I could do to lessen the blow was at least something. Sydney surprised me by reaching out and lightly running her finger over a strand of my hair.

“You’re so pretty,” she whispered. “I wish I was you.”

A flood of emotion threatened to overtake me as I hugged her. “You are me… in so many ways. We both have similar personalities, sarcastic and brave, and you look like I did as a kid, only you’re much prettier than I was.”

“You think I’m pretty?”

“I think you’re beautiful. But trust me when I say being attractive on the outside might get you places, but it doesn’t make you special without having a good solid core.” I held my hand to her chest. “Inside here. This is what makes you count.”

“What if I don’t have anything left inside here?” she asked, placing her hand over her heart as well. “Then what do I do?”

“Everything that makes you who you are is still there, but it’s just under a layer of sadness. I see your light trying to shine through. I know you want to be happy again but I think maybe you feel guilty… like you aren’t allowed to be happy because your mom and dad aren’t here to enjoy it.”

A tear slipped down her cheek as she nodded.

“But you know that’s not what they would want, right? They’d want you to live and smile and be happy. They always only wanted the best for you and that’s what Grams and Gramps are trying to give you, Syd. Nothing we can do will bring them back but there’s a lot you can do to keep them alive inside here.”

Sydney silently tapped her fingers on mine, seemingly contemplating my words before saying, “My mom was going to take me to one of Jake’s concerts this summer. Just us girls. She said we’d fly to any city I wanted to go to. That should have been her with me tonight.”

“Oh.” I had no idea how to respond to her. Something soothing or maybe insightful would have been ideal, but that had never been me. I thought with my emotions, not my brain. “Your mom was so awesome.”

Sydney immediately broke down, covering her face to silently weep. Crap, that was such a stupid thing to say. It only served to make her miss her mom more. Now it was me stroking her hair.

“I cry for your mom and dad everyday, too. Did you know that? I miss them so much that sometimes I can’t breathe.”

“That’s how I feel too,” Syd said. “And mad.”

“Yep. Me too. So mad that they had to die… for what? A text? If that lady had just looked up from her damn phone, they’d all still be alive.”

“I’m so mad I want to hurt people.”

“Is that why you’re so hard on Grams and Gramps?”

“I guess. Someday everyone is going to stop loving me because I’m so mean.”

Tears splashed down her face faster than I could wipe them away. I pulled her head to my chest and held her tight.

“That’s never going to happen. You’re way too loved. But I’ll admit, I feel the same way sometimes.”

“You do?” Sydney sat up, wiping her face in her sheets. She was now fully vested in our conversation. I was aware that Riley was asleep in the bunk below and that, if he woke, I’d be in for a long night, but it would all be worth it if I could get this little girl to open up.

“I’m scared that my sadness is going to push Jake away. I don’t want him to get tired of me and decide to leave.”

To my surprise, Sydney reached out her hand and placed it on my cheek. She had temporarily forgotten her own misery to tend to mine, and that’s when I knew my sweet niece was still in there, buried deep under all the rubble. “He won’t leave you.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because he loves you.”

“Like we love you?” I asked.

She nodded, but I sensed that she wasn’t convinced.

“Nothing you do will ever stop us from loving you, Syd. We might get frustrated or angry with you, but that’s not the same thing. We’re family, girl. We stick together.”

“Then why are you afraid Jake will leave? He’s family too.”

That was a damn good question. Why was I always doubting his loyalty when he’d done nothing to deserve it?

“You’re right. I’m not giving him any credit. Just like you’re not giving us any. We’re a pair, aren’t we?”

Sydney nodded her agreement.

“You and me, we need to stop acting like Eeyore and be more like Pooh.”

“Huh?” she said, looking perplexed.

“Winnie the Pooh?”

Recognition dawned on her face. “Oh. I’ve never seen it.”

Seriously? What were they teaching these kids nowadays? “Eeyore is all doomsday and Pooh is sunshine. Which one would you rather be?”

“Eeyore,” she answered, suppressing a smile.

“The correct answer is Pooh.” I tickled her, and we both giggled.

“So what do you say? Shall we both give positivity a try?”

She shrugged. “I don’t really have anything else to do.”

“True,” I said, laughing at her apathy. “I know it feels weird to have fun when your mom and dad can’t be part of it, but I know they would want you to smile again and be goofy. So let’s make it our mission to be crazy fun at least once every day while you’re here.”

“Like this?” She rolled her eyes up in her head and sucked her cheeks in.

“Ah, yes, the fish face. Nice start, girl.”

I high-fived my smiling niece and silently cheered my first victory.

* * *

Jake came in a couple hours later, and I placed my finger over my lips to let him know he needed to be quiet. He nodded as he slid into place beside me on the couch and draped his arm over my shoulder.

“What happened?” He whispered. “Kyle told me Sydney started crying. Is she okay?”

I tucked both knees under me and sat up straighter, excited to tell him about the breakthrough I’d had with Syd. As I rattled on and on, Jake listened intently, nodding and smiling at the right moments. Finally when I stopped to breathe, he leaned in and planted his lips on mine.

“That’s awesome, Case. I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time.”

“I am. I just feel like I really connected with her… like maybe I can help her get to a place where she doesn’t want to cry twenty-four hours a day.”

“And maybe she’ll do the same for you.”

I nodded, although I was wondering whether she already had. I now had a mission more important than myself, and it felt good.

“Oh, and just a heads-up. I think Syd might have a crush on you, so keep the strolls through the bus in your underwear to a minimum.”

“I’ll do my best to refrain from public nudity.”

“Thank you. And, I have to say, you don’t seem all that surprised that she’s crushing on you.”

“Because I already knew that.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. She’s always mean to me. That’s how crushes work at that age. You’d know that if you hadn’t been a card-carrying tomboy growing up.”

“Hey, this tomboy had crushes. Lucky for you I threw the athletic shorts and jerseys away long ago. I’m all woman now,” I said pushing my bosom into him to prove my point. His hands went straight for my breasts like a moth to the flame.

“If I promise to be really quiet,” he said, his voice so low I had to strain to hear, “do you think we can get it on?”

I stood up and held out my hand. “I think that can be arranged.”

We tiptoed past the bunk bed and confirmed two sets of eyes were soundly closed before sneaking into the bedroom.

“Lock the door,” I said as I crawled quietly onto the bed. “And Jake, I’m not just talking once – check that damn lock no less than three times, then tip-toe your ass over here… but don’t forget to keep your mouth shut along the way.”

“Jesus, that’s a lot of instructions to remember.”

“If you can’t recall three simple steps, then you don’t deserve to have sex.”

“Easy, woman,” he said, placating me with his hands, “I didn’t say I couldn’t remember them. I was just pointing out the excessive number of demands. And might I add, this is almost as hot as the sex talks we had prior to our baby-making sessions.”

“I promise this will be hotter.”

Jake formed his fingers into a V for victory and headed straight for the bed before stopping himself and turning back around to check the lock.

“Only checked it twice,” he whispered.

“Get over here,” I laughed, as Jake crawled onto the bed, grabbed my hips, and slid me along the bed until I was snugly wedged between his legs, his erection pressing firmly against me. I wiggled a little against him, watching for his reaction. His eyes blazed at he stared down at me with an insatiable longing. Unable to keep my hands off him, I ran my nails up his abdomen, causing the band of muscles in his stomach to swell and contract with a seductive shiver.

I thrust my hips into his hardness, frenzied with desire for him. Our clothes still in place, Jake pushed repeatedly against my dampening mound, sending darts of pleasure rushing through me and drawing a loud moan from my lips. Our eyes widened instantaneously as we remembered our houseguests on the other side of the wall. Jake dropped down over me and covered my mouth with his hand, and we both stared at each other in amusement.

“Shhh,” he said, breathing roughly, as his free hand found its way between my legs and he began applying liberal pressure to the area. I bit down into his hand to suppress the moans that rattled in my throat as my thrusting hips made contact with his increasingly quick movements. And then suddenly he removed his enchanted hand, causing an intense throbbing right down to my core.

“Easy,” he whispered, placing two fingers on my lips. “I want this to go on forever. I’ve missed you so much, Casey.”

Before I could reply, his soft lips were over mine and our mouths moved in the most sensual dance. Jake’s tongue pushed forward, teasing my lips apart. Grabbing his strong jawline, I held him steady as my own tongue pressed and stroked against his. When he drew back, we were both panting and our eyes were glazed over in lust.

Jake slowly trailed his fingers downward, past my jaw, gliding smoothly along my throat and into the crevice of my breasts. His mouth then pressed into the cloth, dampening it, as his tongue circled my pebbled nipples. I heaved my bosom, welcoming his tender lapping. Jake sat back up and, grasping my waist, pulled me into him once more. His hands were now on my stomach, riding my shirt up as he glided across my sensitive skin. After pulling my top up and over my head, Jake took both breasts in his appreciative hands. I was wearing a fairly standard issue bra, but he seemed unbelievably riveted by the sight of my full, up-thrust breasts, although I suspect his excitement had more to do with the fact that I was heaving them upward due to all the heavy breathing I’d been doing.

Jake gently began massaging my hardened nipples through the silk, running his thumbs in little circles over them as he dipped his head down to my arched neck, slicking his tongue along its length and sending delicious heat radiating outward. My nails rode up his back, forcing a soft groan that reverberated through the hollows of his throat. Acutely aware of the amount of clothing we were still wearing, I pulled Jake’s shirt over his back before sucking his lower lip into my mouth and continuing on with a duel of feverish kisses.

Our bodies writhed with a labored impatience. It had been a long time since either of us had felt such intense cravings. Jake placed his arms on either side of my head and he hovered over my body, staring at me with a hunger that raged through his cloudy eyes.

“You’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” Jake said, sounding gravelly with desire. He gripped the waistband of my jeans and unbuttoned me, and I lifted my rump to aid in the removal. His fingers tickled over my bare flesh, sending goosebumps across my skin. I couldn’t get him close enough.

“I need you,” I breathed out slowly, reached for his throbbing length. Jake lowered his jeans just enough to free himself from the fabric, and his hardness pressed forward. In one fluid motion, I opened to him, wrapping my legs around his waist as he sank into me.

The bed moved to the rhythm of his slow and methodical thrusts, my hands grasping his buttocks as I brought him down harder. Jake’s fingers circled my nipples, tightening them to his touch. I curved my back upward, stretching my shoulders back, and thrust my chest against his constantly moving body.

Reaching behind me, under the flow of my hair, Jake deftly released the clasp of my bra and dipped his head to swirl his tongue in a tantalizing tease over my taut, prickled skin. I clutched his head with both hands, running my fingers through his damp brown hair. A warm, delicious feeling of pleasure began coiling deep inside me. We moved with more intensity now, both letting go of the tension that had gripped our lives for too long. Why had I deprived myself of his love? No more. Tightening my legs around him, I rode his storm all the way to the euphoric end.

* * *

There was a renewed closeness between Jake and me after that night. We were like newlyweds again, sneaking in butt pats, neck nibbles, and near consecutive late night romps after the kids fell asleep. There was no more talk about babies and ovulation. Having the kids with us changed my mindset. Of course I still wanted a baby, but I was no longer going to force it. I had plenty of time to be a mom; but right now, what I wanted to be was a committed aunt, a loving wife, and a ravenous lover.

Jake was fully on board with the change in my demeanor. There was a playfulness to him that I hadn’t seen in a long while. For the first time, I really understood how much my sadness had been dragging him down. When the angst had been on the other foot and it was I who watched him suffer, I’d felt that heaviness too. But as we’d moved past the struggles, the sun began to shine again.

That’s what I had to do now. This past week had convinced me that I needed to lift the layer of fog that was clouding my heart and begin the arduous task of living life without my brother and his wife. It wouldn’t be easy. I missed Miles and Darcy every day, but just as I’d said to Sydney the first night she arrived, they wouldn’t want us to waste our lives away crying for them. The only way to truly honor Miles and Darcy’s memories was to keep moving forward, to keep living the life they’d want for us.

Contentedly watching Sydney and Riley laughing and splashing around in the hotel pool, I looked up to the sky. “Do you see?” I whispered. “They’re okay.”

I hoped Miles was looking down on his babies with a smile on his face, knowing that they were loved and cared for, that Mom and Dad were doing right by them, and that Jake, Luke, and I would make sure his kids were afforded every opportunity life had to offer. Sydney and Riley were the bright, beautiful legacies my brother and his wife had left behind, and as a collective group, we’d see to it that they shone just as brightly without them as they had with. It might take time and patience, but it would happen. These kids would live their lives to the fullest. That would be how we honored their memories. Not by crying or wasting our lives away, pining for what was no longer here. We would live big, laugh loud, and love hard.

* * *

As we rolled down another interstate, I longed for the comfort of the hotel. These extended stretches of driving were tough on the kids. They got bored easily, and without a play structure to swing on or a pool to swim in, their excess energy was directed at us. Even off the bus, I was constantly trying to come up with fun new experiences. Sometimes I scored, and other times I crashed and burned. It really was a learning curve, and only through trial and error had I figured out what was and was not fun for them. For instance, informational stops where there was no climbing involved – not fun. Parks – fun; but only if they didn’t have ‘baby’ playground equipment. Nature reserves – not fun; at least not without a functioning bathroom nearby. I only needed to clean poop out of one pair of pants to figure that out.

The only surefire way of keeping the kids happy and entertained, I discovered, was if Jake or Kyle were around… or better yet, if they were both present at the same time. For whatever reason, the guys were always way more fun than I was. They were like the fun dads who swooped in after the work was done and sucked up all the glory.

It was with those awesome fellas that I’d left the kids while I was in the bedroom working out some numbers for a client. An hour later, I reemerged to find the ‘fun dads’ sprawled out on the brown leather sofas looking as if they’d just run a marathon instead of spending an hour in the confines of a bus with two little kids. The TV was on and a princess movie was playing. Clearly Sydney had won whatever battle had happened in my absence. And I was sure there had been one since Jake would never willingly submit himself to such torture. The one time I’d convinced him to watch a ‘princess movie,’ a live-action version of Cinderella, he’d grabbed a bottle of whiskey and took a pull every time someone said ‘true love.’ Needless to say, he was drunk by the end of the movie.

Since Riley appeared to have the anti-princess gene as well, he was entertaining himself by climbing all over the lethargic guys. He was currently straddling the top of Jake’s head.

“Do you know what personal space means, Ri?” he asked, trying to dislodge my nephew.

“No.” Riley giggled as he shifted positions, a Twizzler stick protruding from his mouth.

“I didn’t think so. Let me explain the meaning to you. It’s when you allow the person you are annoying a small buffer of space. In this case, I’d settle for six inches.”

“I don’t know what you said.”

“Which part?”

“None of it,” Riley said, poking his finger in Jake’s ear. “How come your ear is so big?”

Jake swatted his hand away. “I don’t know. I wasn’t aware that it was. Hey, I have a good idea. Why don’t you play with Kyle? He doesn’t care about giving people personal space either. Do you, Kyle?”

“Nope,” he said, grinning, as he chomped on his own Twizzler.

Jake extracted Riley and dumped him onto his brother. And like a flea clomping on to a new host, Riley immediately latched onto Kyle, refusing to let him go.

“Hey, you have big ears too,” he said, poking his finger into Kyle’s ear canal.

“Get your finger out of my earhole.”

Now Riley was examining his face up close and personal.

“And don’t even think about sticking that finger of yours in my nose hole.”

Sydney broke from the movie to comment on Kyle’s word choices. “Does everything have a hole with you?”

“Anything that’s important does, yeah.”

Grinning like a fool, Sydney observed Kyle with starry eyes. I was pretty sure her crush on Jake had jumped over to him. She absolutely loved having Kyle around, so he began accompanying us on any outings that required security. That arrangement not only made the kids happy, but Kyle as well.

Turning Kyle’s face toward him once more, Riley said, “Your nose is big, too.”

“Only because you’re seven. If you were normal-sized, it would look smaller.”

“Really, Kyle?” Jake questioned, his brows raised in amusement. “Is that how it works?”

“Do you see Riley questioning my explanation? No. Not like your whole personal space speech. You’ve got to get down on their level, bro.”

Riley was now busy prying Kyle’s mouth open when I noticed him holding something.

“What’s that in your hand?” I asked.

“My tooth,” Riley said, totally unconcerned.

Jake and Kyle both bolted upright as I hurried over to check his mouth. Sure enough, there was a big gaping hole where his tooth used to be, and droplets of blood on Kyle’s shirt.

“You didn’t even tell me one was loose,” I said.

“It just got loose when I was eating the Twizzler, so I yanked it out.”

Jake and I both startled at the information.

“Didn’t it hurt?” I asked.

“Nope. They’re just baby teeth. And I get money when the tooth fairy comes.”

“I love this kid,” Kyle said, nodding his approval. “He’s a trippy little dude.”

I stretched my hand out for the tooth and set it in a plastic bag. I wasn’t sure what the protocol was for baby teeth, but I figured it was best to keep it until further notice.

Once I’d cleaned Riley up, I plopped down next to Jake, who had taken to watching the movie.

“Look at you all into the movie,” I teased, patting his thigh.

Jake’s eyes rolled up as his tongue lolled out. “You cannot tell me that there isn’t another woman in the entire kingdom who has her same shoe size.”

“That’s what you have a problem with?” I laughed, poking him in the side like Riley had been doing earlier. “Not the mice who turn into horses or the pumpkin that turns into a carriage?”

“I’m just saying, Casey, if you were a slovenly maiden – which, let’s be honest, you sometimes are” – he smiled mischievously, flinching away in anticipation of the smack he both expected and deserved – “and then suddenly you put on a ball gown and did your hair up all fancy and shit, I’d still be able to tell it was you.”

“It’s a fantasy, Jake. It isn’t meant to be psychoanalyzed. And watch your language around the kids.”

“Sorry, guys. I meant shucks.”

I could already hear Riley mimicking Jake’s fancy and shit in a faint whisper and knew it would be resurfacing sometime in the near future. Sydney was no longer focused on the movie but on Jake’s lively retelling of it.

“My point is, that prince is totally shallow. If he loved her that much after one dance, he would’ve been able to pick her out of a crowd without a damn shoe.”

“Jake,” I reprimanded again.

“Dammit. I mean darn it. Not swearing is really hard.” He sighed. “Anyway, listen up, Sydney. A guy like that is not worth your time.”

“A cartoon prince?” she asked, confused.

“Well, no, not him specifically. I’m talking the living, breathing kind. Those kinds should like you even in a pair of Chucks.”

“Wow, Jake,” Kyle said sarcastically. “Such a beautiful sentiment.”

“Can you do better?”

“Yeah, actually, I can. Sydney, don’t ever date a douche. Six words. Bam!” He made his fist explode to complement his advice.

“Kyle!” I scolded. “Language.”

“Sorry, I meant boom.”

“That’s not…” I began, before stopping myself. These guys were hopeless, and I refused to be their mom. “Oh, whatever.”

“You’re looking at swearing all wrong. Think of dirty words more like sentence enhancers,” Kyle said.

“You two are twenty-four and twenty-five respectively. I feel like there are less offensive ways of getting your points across.”

“Well, you’d think,” Jake said, sounding every bit like the troublemaker he was, before grabbing me around the waist and knocking me sideways on the couch. He was on me in a second, blowing raspberries into my collarbone. I squealed, wriggling my way out of his hold, but just as I was about to right myself, the kids, having watched our display in anticipation, took the opportunity to dog pile on top of us. We were already screaming when Kyle dropped into our love circle. The noise level only escalated from that point on as we screeched with laughter.

From the front of the bus, Lassen opened the partition and hollered, “Shut the hell up!”

And without skipping a beat, we all yelled in unison, “Language!”