Miles and Darcy were laid to rest five days after the fiery crash that took their lives. According to witnesses at the scene, the young woman who hit their car head on had been texting when she ran a red light. Three lives gone, just like that. Most of the last few days, I’d wandered around aimlessly, offering support where needed and just being there for Casey as she and her family grieved. I was unaccustomed to being the supporter, as my whole life had always been about people rallying around me. I’d never really considered the toll my tragedy had taken on those around me until the tables were turned and it was I who stood by helplessly, struggling to ease another’s pain.

My family had turned out in force for the funeral. In the over two and a half years Casey and I had been together, a bond had formed, especially between our mothers. Last year had been my mother’s time of need, while I lay near death in the hospital, and it had been Linda who’d been there to offer her support; and now my mother was sadly returning the favor. Whatever bond they’d formed over the years was serving its purpose today, as Linda seemed to draw strength from my mother, who certainly knew a thing or two about grief.

My eyes settled on Casey. She was showing the enormous strain of the past few days, and I struggled to comfort her in her time of need. At this point, I was taking my cues from my wife and allowing her the time she needed to cope with the overwhelming situation. Her main concern now was her niece and nephew, and Casey had channeled her grief into supporting them.

As I watched her now, Riley was curled up in her arms. Only seven years old, his hourly cries for his mother tore at all our hearts. In contrast, his sister, Sydney, remained silent and stoic beside Luke. Although she’d shed a few tears during the service, Sydney was clearly holding back. Her body stood rigid, a slow simmering fury bubbling just below the surface. I wondered when we could expect the explosion I was sure would come. I recognized that look of utter devastation on her face. I could feel it in my bones. Her heaviness weighed me down in a way I hadn’t experienced in years. I’d gladly have borne the pain she was now carrying, as my shoulders were used to the burden, but Sydney… she was so small and fragile, a girl mere weeks away from celebrating her tenth birthday, forced to confront death and all its unsatisfying consequences.

Luke, focused on a conversation with his cousin, didn’t see Sydney slip away and exit through the back door of the church. Through the window, I followed her path to the large fishpond on the edge of the grounds. She appeared so tiny as she sat on her knees by the water’s edge. Not wanting her to be alone, I walked down the trail toward her. Sydney blocked the sun with her hand as she turned to acknowledge me.

“What are you up to?” I asked, kneeling down to her level.

“Finding rocks.”

There was a pile of them sitting beside her. I nodded, picking up one of my own and turning it in my hand. “Do you collect them?”

She didn’t answer right away, and I stayed silent. Finally Sydney tilted her head to the side and said, “No, I’m going to throw them at the fish. See if I can knock them out.”

I was a bit startled by her nonchalant admission. What was it with the Caldwells and their fish hate? “Why are you going to do that?”

Sydney looked back down at her rocks. “I just want to.”

Okay. That was disturbing. “What’d the fish ever do to you?”

She thought about that for a minute. “Nothing.”

“So is it nice to take your anger out on them?”

“Probably not,” she said, shrugging. “But nobody’s nice to me, so I’m not going to be nice to anyone else, and I’m going to start with the fish.”

“Ah, I see. You plan on starting with something small and defenseless and then working your way up.”

“Exactly.” Sydney peered up at me, the tiniest of smiles transforming her strained face. “I guess I could hit you with the rocks instead if you want?”

Her precocious comment caught me off guard, and I couldn’t help but laugh. With her humor and quick wit, I’d always thought of Sydney as a mini Casey. It was almost like watching her grow up gave me insight into what my wife had been like at the same age.

“How about this? We spare the fish… and my head… and use that shed back there.”

Sydney gave what I said some thought before asking, “Can I break the window on the side?”

“No.” I laughed. “Not the window. Geez, kid, work with me here.”

“Fine, but if we get busted, I’m making you take the fall.”

Sydney and I gathered as many rocks as we could carry and went around the side of the church to the old shed. All the guests were heading into the large reception room across the parking lot, and Casey caught my eye as we passed by, glancing apprehensively between the two of us, clearly seeking reassurance that her niece was all right. I nodded in reply. Yes, she was okay… a little malicious at the moment, but okay.

So as the others gathered for refreshments, Sydney and I spent the next ten minutes unloading on the shed. The hollow thwack of the rusting metal was strangely satisfying. Neither one of us held back, and we pelted the wall with ferocity. She seemed to gather strength with each punishing blow, and when our ration of rocks was depleted, Sydney improvised. With tears streaming down her cheeks, she continued the assault by kicking and beating the shed with every last bit of strength she had left. Whatever turmoil she was suffering in her head and heart needed this noisy release. I wasn’t concerned by the damage she was causing because it would only be temporary. I’d already decided the corroded hazard had to go. By the end of the week a nice, shiny new shed would take its place.

Sydney’s exhaustion stamped out her fury, and she slid to the ground, her back against the siding. She rested her head on her bended knees, the energy it took to cry zapping her of all earlier bravado. I skimmed down the shed myself and settled in beside her. Together we sat silently for a long while. I understood the benefit of quiet reflection. Not every situation required words. Eventually, she stood up and solemnly walked back to the reception room. I followed a few steps behind.

* * *

Re-entering the room, I sought out Casey, and when I found her in a tearful embrace with her mother, I decided to let them be. Filling a small plate with food, I took a seat next to Luke, who was staring out the window.

“Hey, you okay?” I asked. It was a stupid question, as his swollen, puffy eyes and crimson face indicated he was anything but.

“Yeah, I don’t…I don’t know how I am. I saw you out there with Syd. Thanks for watching her. I didn’t even realize she’d left.”

“She’s angry.”

“I know. She’s been taking it out on Riley.”

“Yeah, well, she just beat the snot out of the shed out back, so I think Riley will be safe for the next few hours. In the future, though, a punching bag might be a smart buy.”

“This is going to be really hard, Jake. I mean, how are we going to get these kids through this? I don’t know how I can do it myself. It’s just unbelievable, you know. One minute he’s here, and the next…”

Luke struggled for control, but it was a losing battle. “How do you go on when your world has crumbled around you?”

His brows furrowed as he tipped his head in my direction. It was as if Luke had just realized he’d inadvertently personalized the question towards my own formerly crushed past.

“I didn’t mean, like, I was trying to get advice from you because you know what it’s like to….” He stopped himself, looking miserable. “Anyway, it was a rhetorical question.”

“Yeah, I got that.”

“You know the thing I keep thinking about over and over? It’s not Sydney and Riley being orphans or my parents having to bear the loss of their son. All I can think about is that I don’t have anyone to call a brother anymore. Brothers are like… well, you know… it’s just different. You’re connected in ways that are hard to explain. I always took for granted Miles would be there for me… that I could call him up if I was having a bad day or needed advice, but now he’s gone and I… I just don’t have a brother anymore.”

Luke’s body shook from the force of the realization and I felt the pain right alongside him. There was a time in my life where I thought I’d lost everyone I loved. The despair was raw, and I was filled with so much regret for what could have been. As luck would have it, I was given a second chance, but sadly Luke never would. I reached out and gripped his shoulder.

“I know I’m not Miles, but I’ll be your brother whenever you need one.”