Chapter Ten
Abby
"So if you're in school online, do you sit in on classes over Skype or something?"
"No, I get the material, sources, and outline, and I can just study at my own pace," I said.
Makani was laying on her stomach on a towel beside me on the beach outside my house. The sun was warm, and the beach hadn't kicked up to full activity yet. Her bikini was white, which looked fantastic against her dark skin. Lying out in the sun was super touristy, but it was fun. The beach was amazing; why should they get to have all the fun?
There were beaches in Texas, but I’d seen a lot more desert than beach when I'd lived there. Makani had gotten here a couple hours ago, and we still hadn't gone on that run we had said we'd go on. It was about ten, and we'd accepted that it wasn't going to happen anymore.
We had a day off. We didn't have many, but the ones we did have, we tended to spend together even though we worked together.
"So does it take longer for you to graduate than someone who goes to class every day?" she asked. I adjusted my sunglasses on my face, turning my head to look at her.
"It can, but it depends on the way I spend my time. I could draw it out if I wanted, but I don't need to."
I was getting my business administration degree online. My university didn't have a Lanai campus, and I wasn't prepared to move to be able to attend in person. Online classes were a cheaper, better option for me that still let me work and support myself while getting an education.
"When are you graduating?"
"Next year or the one after that; it depends. You thinking about starting?"
"No," she sighed. "You can do the college thing. I'm good right here," she said smiling.
She had been making her own money for a long time. The option to go back to school was always there if she wanted it, but she didn't right now. It was something we didn't have in common, but it wasn't a big deal. She was working, had her own place, and a life she enjoyed, so school wouldn't give her anything she didn't have already.
Well, unless you were talking about her physically attending somewhere, putting her around a lot of other people her age, which she hadn't really had for a while since she had been working so long already.
A lot of men around her age, specifically. She was gorgeous, and there was no lack of male attention wherever we went together, but she turned down every last one of them, as much as she teased me for having never been with anyone.
After Keno, she sort of closed shop, which was a tragedy for the men of the island. And for her, even though she didn't want to admit it. Keno was a nice guy. I liked them together. I never really felt like a third wheel with them.
It had taken her a while to finally tell me what had happened between them, but it was just one of those things where they hadn't wanted the same thing so instead of staying, she'd left. I hoped she'd open herself up to a relationship again soon. She was good at hiding it, but she had been lonely. I would have been, too, if I had been with someone for over a year.
"Are we going to lose you after you get your fancy degree?" she asked.
"No," I scoffed. "I'm not going anywhere." They could try to get rid of me, but it wouldn't work. I'd dug in roots here. This was home.
Leaving after I had earned my degree had crossed my mind a couple times. I had thought about leaving a lot since I had landed here, but the thoughts had come to me less and less as the years had passed.
When I'd arrived here, I had been a traumatized kid, freshly eighteen. Even though I had had nothing to go back to in Texas, I had still wanted to go back. The move, especially after the trial and the circus that had followed, had been too much for me. I had been upset. Even though it had been for my own good at the time, I had still had trouble adjusting.
Now, I couldn't imagine not living on Lanai. My life here was all mine. I'd built it for myself, by myself. I'd found myself a family, a home, and it was here that I saw in my future and not anywhere else.
"Uh-oh, incoming," Makani said.
"Where?"
"Your right." I glanced over my shoulder and saw who she was talking about. Two guys. I didn't recognize them as guests at the Four Seasons, but they were clearly tourists. They were in swim trunks and sunglasses and were walking right up to us. I rolled my eyes.
"Should I do it, or will you?" she asked.
One of the guys had bleached hair, and the other had a crew cut. They looked close to our age, which was better than the guys we got hitting on us a lot of the time. They were actually pretty cute, I realized as they stopped in front of us.
"Morning, ladies," the blond one said brightly. Australians, I thought.
"Hi," Makani said, rolling onto her back, "You guys looking for something?"
"We're on the island for a few days, and we were wondering whether you knew any good places we could hang out. You're locals, right?" crew cut asked.
"If you want to know where you can score some weed, you're on the wrong beach," I told them. Makani giggled. The guys laughed, too.
"Oh no, that's the first thing we looked for when we got here," the blond said. I'd let him think he was funny. I smiled sarcastically.
"Looks like you’re set for a good time, then,” I said.
“Almost. You guys live around here?”
“We do. If you guys are looking for dates, you’re on the wrong beach for that, too,” I said. They laughed a little, looking uncomfortable.
“That’s too bad. We thought we’d have a little fun, since this is supposed to be Hawai’i’s most enticing island,” the blond said. “Where can we find you later?”
“Not here. We’re not interested,” I said with a sweet smile.
“What about you?” he asked Makani.
“Oh, she just told you. We’re not interested. By the way, about your problem, your hotel concierge should be able to tell you where to visit.”
“Let me take your number, so I can call you later if you change your minds,” he said.
“Nope, we’re good,” I said lightly. The guy looked stunned. This had probably worked for him before. It was probably worse on the bigger islands, but we got our creeps, too.
“Why, are you married or something?” he blurted out.
“Because even if I gave you my number, you wouldn’t know what to call me,” I said. Makani laughed. The one with the crew cut whispered something to his friend, and they awkwardly said they were going to check out more of the beach. We watched them leaving.
"Poor guys. That blond one really liked you," Makani said.
"He'll survive," I said, resting my head back down on my towel.
"Would you? You know, with a tourist?" she asked.
"Tourists leave. I don't want to be anyone's two-week summer fling before they go back home."
"I don't know. That guy looked about ready to emigrate for you," she joked. I pulled a face, making her laugh.
"Hard pass," I said.
"My God, Abby. You'll never have a relationship with standards that high," she said. I shrugged, laughing.
"I'll always have you," I said.
"You know what I mean. By the way, whatever happened to that singer guy you like?"
I froze. Nate. I had been trying not to think about the last conversation we had and what I had seen in his suite. Him passed out with a needle in his arm. I'd never be able to forget that. It gave me chills just thinking about it. I hadn't told Makani anything. In fact, I hadn't brought him up at all.
It was none of my business after all, right? That's what he had said. He didn't want any help. I hadn't seen him since in the lobby or anywhere else for that matter. He hadn't called the front desk. I was going to take that to mean he was fine.
Either that, or he had been in a coma for four days and nobody had discovered his unconscious body yet. I shrugged.
"Haven't really seen him. Are you hungry?" I asked, changing the subject.
She wasn't. The sun was getting higher, and the beach was getting a little crowded, though, so we ended up going inside after a little while. We stayed in until lunch, deciding to go eat somewhere in the city. We had the whole day in front of us.
We ended up shopping in the city before stopping at a bar for drinks. Because of all the tourists we got, we had an interesting mix of higher and lower end spots, some obviously meant for tourists with predictably inflated prices and others obviously meant for locals. It was like two different worlds. Sort of like the island: the old plantation buildings and historical sites sharing space with places like the Four Seasons, ultra-modern and new.
The sun had gone down by the time we were done, and Makani dropped me off before driving herself home. I had a quick shower and got into a long t-shirt to go to sleep. I wasn’t that tired, but there was nothing I really wanted to do that night that was going to keep me awake.
Since we’d been busy the whole day, I had managed pretty well not to think about what she had said earlier when the guys on the beach had tried to pick us up. It came up so often that it didn’t usually bother me, but sometimes I wondered how long it would take. I knew I was the only thing holding myself back, and I knew that I wasn’t going to be like this forever. I didn’t know when I could stop feeling guarded.
These days, months, years weren’t being wasted. I needed time to feel comfortable taking that sort of risk again, but I couldn’t help thinking that the days months and years that I was using now were years that I was losing in the future with someone who I would have a relationship with.
I was in no shape for a relationship. I had accepted that. That didn’t mean I didn’t think about what it might be like. That I didn’t want it. I wasn’t ready now. I just hoped that one day, sooner rather than later, I would be.