Chapter Eleven
Nate
I lay back on the couch, listening to the dial tone for the front desk to answer. I had a bone to pick with Abby. The girl had told me all day, every day; those were the hours I was allowed to come looking for her. Just come by the front desk and ask for Abby, she had said. Just holler if you need anything.
She'd come inside my suite without permission. She'd gone out of her way more than once to come look for me. The one fucking time I walk my ass all the way to the front desk because I actually want to talk to her, and she's not working?
Flakiness. I wasn't paying an arm and a leg at this fucking place so I could be ignored by the people who were there to help me. Besides, what if it had been an emergency? I don't know, like, I really needed someone with knowledge of the hotel and island to tell me where to go, somewhere real, not a tourist trap.
The point was she had said she'd be there, and she hadn't been.
Yesterday had almost been a good day. I had gotten up while it was still morning and had felt for the first time that I was ready to do something. I had gone to the front desk and guess who I didn’t see? When I’d asked for her, the girl who was there instead told me that it was Abby’s day off, and that she would be able to take care of whatever I wanted since Abby wasn’t there. I’d spent the day alone in my suite, and it was her fault.
“Good afternoon. Thank you for calling Four Seasons Lanai; you're speaking to Abby. How may I help you?" she finally said, picking the phone up.
"Where the fuck were you yesterday?" I asked. She was quiet for a second.
"Mr. Stone?"
"I told you not to call me that. Why weren't you at your desk yesterday?"
"I had a day off yesterday," she said.
"Didn't you say I could ask for you whenever I wanted? What the hell?"
"The front desk was still staffed. I'm sure you didn't come down here and find an empty desk."
"That's not the point; I was looking for you," I said.
"I can't imagine what I could have helped you with that another member of staff wouldn't have been able to," she said. "There isn't a question you could have asked that Stephanie wouldn't have been able to answer for you."
Stephanie. That girl I'd met at the desk the day before who had told me that she wouldn't contact Abby for me because it was her day off. All day every day. She had said all day every day.
"You told me I'd always be able to find you."
"Was it really that serious, Mr. Stone? Because I know I remember you telling me to mind my own business and leave you alone." I shut my eyes, sighing. She was still mad at what I had said to her.
"And because of that, you're gonna stop doing your job? Aren't you supposed to give me things when I ask for them? I'm the guest here. I want to do something today." I heard her huff angrily.
"The island adventure center is located on the third floor. Whether you want to explore by air, land, or sea, we have something for everyone," she said, like she was reading it off a prompter.
"No. I know all that shit, you gave me the pamphlets. I want you to take me somewhere."
"Tell me what time you will be ready to leave, sir. One of our hotel drivers will take you anywhere on Lanai."
"You, Abby. I want you to take me."
"This hotel is nearly at capacity; you are not the only guest. I can't leave work to take you into the city — especially when there are drivers whose job it is to do exactly that."
"Whoa. Guess all those five-star ratings raving about the service in this place were bullshit. The staff is cold, and the girl at the front desk doesn't give a fuck," I said.
I heard her sigh. She was getting frustrated. All she had to do was cut the crap and just take me where I wanted to go. If she wanted to fight, then we could do it there.
"Mr. Stone, I really- Please hold for a moment,” she said.
The sound became muffled, and I heard her talking to someone else. It was a man’s voice. I couldn’t really make out a lot of the words, but I heard the important ones. Something about it was her job to make sure I was happy — exactly what I had told her. She came back on the line.
“Since you’ve made a special request, we can accommodate you today,” she said stiffly.
“What? Are you going to get in trouble if you don’t take me?” I asked, smirking.
“Please come to the front desk when you are ready. All the arrangements will have been made. Thank you,” she said, ignoring me. She hung up.
I smiled. Ha. Got her.
I grabbed my wallet and phone and left my suite for the lobby. When I got there, she was standing, talking to her friend. Her back was to me. Her friend saw me first and seemed to tell her because she turned to look at me. They waited till I was right at the desk.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Stone," her friend said, smiling. "You and Abby can leave as soon as you're ready," she said. I could feel Abby shooting daggers at me from beside her. She was so mad.
"I'm ready now; let's go." Abby said goodbye to her friend and came around the desk. I wondered how much her friend knew. They always seemed to be together; what had Abby told her, if anything?
"Come this way," Abby said, walking towards the exit. Her voice was strained, like being polite to me was the last thing she wanted to do.
I'd never had someone so upset about spending time with me. She wasn't even going to suck it up and pretend. She was letting me have it. A lot of people tended to kiss my ass because they were scared of me. I liked that she wasn't. I'd have been upset about it if it wasn't so cute.
"Was there something important behind that desk you had to do today?" I asked.
"You mean my job?"
"I don’t know why you're so upset. This is what you wanted, wasn't it?" I teased.
"To spend the day babysitting you? What fun," she said sarcastically.
I chuckled. This was great. I hated when people would just roll over on me. I never pulled punches; I didn't expect people to do it for me. She was giving me hell, and it was great. We got to the parked car, and she went around to the driver's seat.
"You like taking days off, so here's another for you."
She looked at me from across the car, shocked. "Your inability to have a good time in a place like this is only a limit of your own imagination, Nate," she said. "The ocean stays salty with or without me."
"And you still have to cater to me, whether you want to or not," I said back.
She huffed and got in the car. I got in after her. I watched her adjust her seat and the mirrors and put her belt on, obviously doing her best not to look over at me. I didn't want to push her buttons so hard that she snapped.
She had been worried about what she'd seen when she'd come into my room — me passed out and stuff — but she'd been upset, too. She had almost been offended by the fact that I used. Like she couldn't believe I did that shit. Not only that, she had tried to get me to let her help me.
She cared. She was a stranger, and I wasn't her problem. I could die tomorrow, and it wouldn't make her coffee any sweeter, but she still tried to help.
I learned pretty fast after Remus had been signed that unless people could get something out of you, they didn't give a fuck. You were only as good as what you could offer them, and if you stopped being useful, they had a replacement waiting in the wings. I’d been living in LA too long. How sad was it that I was surprised by human decency? I thought.
We had been driving for about five minutes. The resort was already behind us. I didn't know anything about this place, so I had no idea where she was taking me. She had not said a word since the trip had begun.
I looked at the side of her face. She was pretty from that angle, too. Her hair was down again, falling in waves over her chest. It looked like it would be really soft if you touched it.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Are you worried? Do you have any illegal substances in here that I should worry about being found with?" she asked. That was funny. She wasn't going to give me a break, was she?
"No," I laughed. "If I did, I'd take the fall myself. I wouldn't let you get into trouble."
"Why do you-" she cut herself off. "How?" she asked simply, taking her eyes off the road for a second to look at me. What a good question. I asked myself how the fuck I ended up like this sometimes, too.
"You don't have to talk to me, you just have to take me somewhere," I said, halfheartedly trying to discourage her.
"I just don't understand," she said. "You were right about it being none of my business, and I don't want to act like I know anything about who you are and your life, but... What happened?"
"I used to be in a band, one that you've probably never heard of," I added so she didn't ask and find out which one. "While on tour, I got pulled into using, and as badly as I want to stop, it's an addiction."
"You're trying to beat it?"
"It's a lot easier said than done. I mean, you saw."
She was quiet after that, but a better quiet than before. It wasn't the calm before the storm anymore, she was just, I don't know, processing what I had told her. I'm able to tell her a lot more easily than I had thought I would have been able to, I thought. She’d already seen me with the needle in my arm anyway, so lying to her now would have just insulted her.
"I can't imagine how difficult that is for you," she said.
"Well, it's not fun," I said. I had been passed out when she'd seen me, so I didn't know how much she had seen. She had seen my arm, though, if she had seen the needle.
I'd been good about keeping my shit clean, which isn't something to be proud of, but I was a fucking junkie — the standards were low. I'd never gotten infected, or accidentally hit an artery. I'd missed a few times and shot into the muscle, but as far as junkies went, I'd say I was doing okay. My arm looked like I'd taken the butt end of a cigar to it, but I didn't think she'd seen anything she'd have nightmares about later.
Despite that, I kind of wanted to apologize to her for what she had had to see. I hadn't really thought she had come to my room for any reason other than the one she had given me. I had no reason to. I was just being an ass. I heard her take a deep breath next to me.
"We have about a twenty minutes’ drive to go," she said.
"What?"
"Twenty minutes," she repeated, looking over at me. "We're going to Keahiakawelo. The Garden of the Gods."
Right, I had asked her where she was taking me. She wanted to tell me that? She didn't feel like talking about it more, what she saw and my addiction...that stuff. She wasn't going to tell me about an uncle she had who could be my sponsor in NA or whatever. I never brought my drug use up, but I sort of wanted to talk about it now, with her. I’d probably made her uncomfortable. It wasn’t really polite conversation.
"What's that?" I asked her, instead of getting back into it.
"You’ll see," she said, smirking. "The road near the place isn't paved at all, so it's going to get bumpy," she warned.
“You’re not telling me?” I asked.
“If you took the time to look at those pamphlets I left you with, you’d already know,” she said. I laughed. I wasn’t going to hear the end of that.
The road became bumpy, just like she’d warned. We passed miles and miles of nothing. No developments or properties. A section of the road was surrounded by trees, but they started thinning until there was hardly any plants at all. Just rocks.
She started slowing down as the road basically disappeared. I looked outside the window.
"What the fuck," I whispered. It looked like the surface of Mars or something. She parked the car, and we got out. There were rocks everywhere, in stacks and towers, spread out like someone had put them there.
"Come on," she said, walking past me. I followed her.
"What is this place?"
"Keahiakawelo. The Garden of the Gods. It's a natural rock garden," she explained.
"Natural? So it just looks like that by itself?" I asked. She smiled.
"That depends on who you ask,” she said. She started walking down a slope between these large, stacked boulders. I followed her. “Today, we know that it was natural forces that made it look like this. Wind. Water. Centuries of erosion without human activity. It’s red like that because of the volcanic rock and clay soil.”
“Why is it called the Garden of the Gods? Was it a spiritual site or something?”
“It’s named after Kawelo, an ancient priest who presided over the island. The legend says he and the priest over on Molokai got into a little contest. They challenged each other to build a fire and keep it burning the longest. It’s bare like this because Kawelo used all the vegetation up for his fire. You should see it at sundown,” she said.
“What happens at sundown?”
“If I tell you, you’ll use it as an excuse not to come out again,” she said. Was that an invitation? I didn’t care; I was calling it one.
Whether the rocks were like that because of Ancient Hawai’ian gods, or just natural causes didn’t really make a difference to me. It was surprisingly really cool. Not just because I was on the island and needed to see it before I left. It was just cool. It was weirdly, really beautiful.
I was no history buff, but from what I’d seen, this place was practically virgin land, just like my driver had said when I’d got here. So much of it was just allowed to be instead of being made into something else. I liked it. It was different from LA in a good way. Even old Los Angeles was still pretty new. The oldest buildings in LA were what, a couple hundred years old, if that? This place had been this way for centuries.
We walked around some more, climbing up to some of the higher points so she could point out the bay and Molokai Island in the distance. I took some pictures. I wanted to remember it. Not just how it looked, but how I felt here. It was harsh, and empty and desolate, but it made me feel calm, like it existed independently of the island around it, and if I was here, I was somewhere else. Detached.
We got back into the car, driving a little farther before we started heading back to the resort.
“Thanks for taking me out today,” I told Abby once we’d gotten past the rocky stretch of road.
“You have my manager to thank for getting me out today, not me,” she said glancing over. “I’m glad you liked it.”
“I’m sorry about what I said to you. I know you were just trying to help.”
“Have you been okay today?” she asked.
“I’ve been good, actually.”
“Maybe you should get out more often,” she said. Maybe I would. I was thinking about what she said when I felt a chill. My palms started sweating, and felt clammy. Shit. Not now, I thought. Not when I was so far away from my kit. Why did my body always choose the worst times to get dope sick?
I rolled down one of the windows to see whether it would calm me down. I couldn’t get comfortable. My body was going to feel worse and worse till I shot up again.
“Nate?” Abby asked. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. It’s just warm in here,” I said lamely.
“Should I turn on the air?” she offered.
“No. Just drive,” I said, getting irritated. None of this was her fault, but she was behind the wheel and needed to get me back to my suite right the fuck now.
She was quiet after that. We were back at the hotel in about half an hour. It got worse when I could see the building. I was practically crawling out of my own skin.
She started parking the car, and I undid my seatbelt, ready to jump out as soon as she stopped.
“Nate?” she said. Fuck, what now?
“Yeah?” I asked, distracted.
“I’d really like to take you to see the island again,” she said.
“Right now?”
“No. Sunday? If you’re up for it?” she asked hopefully. Was a yes what would get her to leave me alone so I could go shoot up?
“Yeah. Sunday sounds great,” I said, opening the door. She might have said something else, but I didn’t hear her. I didn’t look up again ’til I got to the door of my suite. Everything was harder when I needed a fix. I opened the door and made a beeline for the bed where I had left my kit.
I unzipped it, pouring everything out onto the bed. Fuck. What was I doing? Everything was fine before we left. I’d felt great when we were at the Garden of the Gods. I’d felt calm and happy; why couldn’t I just feel that now? Without the drugs.
Maybe I would one day, but today was not that day.