June 2016
MICHAEL AND I BEGAN spending more time together. Over the past couple of months, we had dinner a few times here and there, but mostly watched movies at my place so Remi could go to bed and not disturb her schedule. He frequently texted me to tell me he was thinking about me and hoped all was well or asked if I was having a good day. I thought it was sweet that he checked on me like that. We had developed a comfortable relationship that had as yet to truly be defined.
The first night we took our relationship to the next level, we were watching a suspense film and I had jumped after the main character was caught going through her maniacal boyfriend’s briefcase just when we thought she was safe. Of course, that caused me to laugh nervously after it made me feel silly. Michael chuckled and drew me closer with the arm he had around my shoulder. I turned to him, and we both stopped laughing as we looked deep into each other’s eyes, and my heart raced for a minute in anticipation. He leaned forward, and his lips touched mine hesitantly. When I parted my lips slightly, he ran his tongue along the opening of my mouth, sliding it in past my teeth and touching mine in smooth strokes. As his hand caressed my shoulder, I placed a hand on his chest and leaned in a bit.
His other hand slid up from my hip to the side of my chest. He gently rubbed my breast along the side and then slid it over and squeezed. For a second, I was taken back to a night that seemed like ages ago and remembered calloused hands running over my entire body in worship and ownership. It didn’t take long for reality to return and realization to sink in that this wasn’t him.
I didn’t know what I had expected or hoped for, but other than the anticipatory increase in my heart rate at the actual touch of a real living, breathing man and not my imagination, I really didn’t feel much. Of course, we were still new in our relationship, I told myself. Being nervous about being with a guy for the first time in three years was bound to make a girl tense. Right?
I also felt a crazy sense of betrayal to a man I truly owed no allegiance. I pulled back, pressing my lips together and looking down at my hand resting on his chest. I gave him a pat, trying to make light of what suddenly felt like an uncomfortable situation.
“Steph, I’m sorry. I hope you don’t think I was being too forward. I’ve tried my very best to be patient with you. You are a special woman. I want you to know that.” He tipped my chin up, raising my gaze to his. I thought I saw a flash of irritation in his eyes, but it was gone so quickly I must have imagined it.
“No, it’s just… well, I’m not sure I’m ready for… well… you know.” I felt my face heat, and I was at a loss for words. “I mean, there hasn’t been anyone at all since Remi’s….” I didn’t know what else to say. How did I describe Colton? He wasn’t ever her dad, nor my boyfriend, but he held a spot in my heart just the same. I didn’t want Michael to get the wrong idea and think I was a cheap tramp. Thankfully, he remained ever the gentleman as he stood and held my hand. I knew he was a little frustrated, and I could see a slight bulge in his jeans, which caused my face to flame again as I quickly tried to look away.
“It’s okay, Steph. I understand. And when you’re ready to talk about him, I’m here. You think I haven’t noticed her father never comes by, nor has any visitation? But that’s your business and I won’t pry. I think it’s time for me to head home. I have an early morning anyway.” He dropped a quick kiss on my head and turned to leave.
He walked out my front door, and I heard him close the door to his apartment down the hall.
Why couldn’t I just let go of Colton? He and I only had one single night together three years ago. He could be a total ass, have a girlfriend, or be married for all I knew, and I needed to stop carrying around this stupid romanticized image of him. Hell, he could be dead by now! God, that thought almost brought me to my knees. Jesus. My heart ached, and I fought to calm my breathing.
I needed to forget about him. I was never going to see him again, and holding every man up to this fabricated image I carried around was pathetic.
I got up to tidy the kitchen and get ready for bed. I had a busy day tomorrow too. We had a huge executive dinner lined up, and I knew everyone wanted to make sure everything was perfect. I heard my phone ping and picked it up after I dried my hands on the kitchen towel and hung it on the stove handle.
Michael: I hope I haven’t offended you. I’d like to stop by after you get home tomorrow.
Me: It’s okay, really. And sure, no problem. :)
Michael: Great. See you then. Sleep well.
I smiled and then climbed on the couch, pulling my fuzzy blanket tight over my shoulder and snuggling my head into my pillow. I didn’t even remember falling asleep before the alarm on my phone was going off.