I MADE SMALL TALK with Stephanie’s dad while she went upstairs. I liked him. He really cared about his daughter and struck me as loving, but very protective. I imagined I would be the same as I thought of the little raven-haired baby girl I would officially meet soon. I started to get nervous. Fuck. Was I doing the right thing? Should I even corrupt that precious baby and my angel with the fucking ugly blackness that consumed my body and soul?
Would she even want anything to do with me? She had blithely jumped up into the booth with me earlier today, but what about when she found out I was her daddy? Her daddy. It sounded strange, but I fucking loved it already. Would I be worth a shit as a father? It’s not like I had an example to follow. My dad had never been around while I was growing up, having shit-canned my mom when I was a baby. He never contacted us again.
Just as the silence in the kitchen began to border on uncomfortable, I heard footsteps on the stairs and the small giggles of what I assumed was my daughter. My daughter. Ready or fucking not…
I couldn’t stand. My legs felt like leaden weights as I watched them close in on me. A woman there was no denying was Stephanie’s mother, entered the room behind them and I barely registered the brief look of censor she gave me before standing next to Stephanie’s father. My ink and scruffy appearance probably weren’t winning me any favors. Her father whispered in her mother’s ear and I watched her expression relax.
Stephanie walked right up to me holding Remi in her arms. I took in her raven ringlets, her clear blue eyes, and her solemn expression as she held several fingers in her mouth. Then she pulled her fingers out, covered in drool, as she cracked the biggest grin, revealing two dimples which were the miniature of my own. Fuck if that didn’t melt my heart. I knew mine were in full affect as she leaned over quickly, reaching for me.
I pulled her in a tight hug, but I loosened it quickly for fear of scaring her.
“Remi, baby?” Stephanie knelt in front of me and spoke softly to her. “This is your very own daddy.” I heard her voice waver as she said “daddy.” I damn near started crying as her bright blue eyes turned to me and her hands grasped either side of my face. She still had slobber on her hand, but I just didn’t give a shit. She stared deep in my eyes in such a solemn manner it was nearly unnerving. I swear that little girl saw straight to my soul, and I prayed she wouldn’t find it lacking.
“Wemi daddy!” she suddenly exclaimed. I had no fucking clue if this little girl understood what hearing her say “daddy” did to my galloping heart. I couldn’t keep the smile from my face. It felt like my face might actually crack in fucking two, my smile was so big. My heart swelled with love for a child I had never held before this moment. I was a motherfucking father. I actually helped create this beautiful, precious, little princess. Fucking hell. I was a goner already.
“Thank you, Stephanie. Thank you for this gift. You have no idea… Thank you for taking such good care of my princess when I wasn’t there to do it. She’s beautiful.” Stephanie continued to kneel at my feet with tears silently streaming down her face. I had no idea when her father had soundlessly left the room, but I was thankful for the minimal audience as I felt tears break free from my eyes. I swiped at them quickly. Fuck, I was getting soft.
We spent the next hour sitting in the living room surrounded by the soft glow of a floor lamp while Remi showed me all her toys and treasures. I felt my face fucking flame when she stuck a small silver plastic tiara on my head, looking so proud of herself. Stephanie burst out laughing, quickly covering her humorous outburst with a hand, but she couldn’t hide the laughing twinkle in her eyes. Little shit. I’ll get her for this later, I thought with a smirk.
“Daddy princess!” Holy shit. Who the fuck would have thought Colton Alcott, former sniper, current big bad biker, would be sitting there with a plastic tiara on his head while a gorgeous blonde giggled and a raven-haired princess glowed?
And he was fucking loving it.
Colton had been so sweet and tolerant with Remi. It was amazing to watch him with her. It was bittersweet seeing how well they connected despite the time they had missed. There was little I could think of that was better than knowing they were finally able to be together. I wondered what the future held, and I prayed he didn’t break her heart… or mine. I had yet to tell him, but I had admitted it to my father. I wasn’t just falling for this man, I loved him. Absolutely and irrevocably. We didn’t even really know each other, so maybe it was a little crazy, but looking at him, my heart felt warm and full. When I looked at him with our baby girl, I thought it might burst.
When Remi climbed in his lap and began petting his short beard, I saw him smile. I noticed Remi’s eyes appeared heavy and she snuggled closer to his chest as if listening to his heartbeat. While she was curled into his chest, his shirt fisted in her chubby little hand, she began to drift off to sleep. As he held her close, he slowly ran his fingers through her dark curls and across her little cheek. Closing his eyes, he rested his scarred cheek on top of her head.
“Do you want to help me put her to bed?” I whispered. His gorgeous blue eyes met mine and his dimples flashed, causing my stomach to flutter. He stood slowly, careful not to wake his precious bundle. I turned and led the way to the stairs, climbing the old wooden stairs, listening to the familiar creak of the steps from his weight as he followed me to the top. I turned into my room and motioned to the pack-and-play set up in the corner.
After he laid her, ever so gently, in her bed and covered her with her fuzzy pink striped blanket, he turned to me, gathering me in his arms. I laid my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his waist. He placed one hand on my head, cradling it to him as he rested the other on my hip. The domestic quality of the moment was not lost on me, and I fought the silly tears that struggled to escape my eyes. If only I could stay like this forever. If I died tomorrow, I would die a happy woman.
“Thank you again for tonight, Stephanie. I cannot even begin to tell you what this means to me. I’ve been alone for so fucking long…. To be blessed with this precious gift? You just have no fucking idea. When I think of all the other possibilities you could have chosen after finding out you were pregnant, my heart aches. This is just so much. I want to kneel at your feet and fucking worship you, and yet I’m sure even that wouldn’t be enough.”
I reached up and kissed him softly, letting it linger until our lips merely feathered against each other. I took a deep breath, stepped back, and grabbed his hand to lead him back down the stairs. He walked to the door and I followed him out onto the porch, my hand still held securely in his. He stopped at the top of the porch steps, staring at the stars scattered brightly across the dark night sky.
“God, I want to stay with you tonight, Stephanie. But I won’t disrespect your parents’ home like that. When do you plan to leave? I need to see you both again. Fuck, I don’t want you to leave at all, especially with that asshole out there. We need to talk about where we go from here. God, I feel like you’re both an addiction in my veins already.” He turned to look at me with the moonlight reflecting in his eyes.
I pressed my lips together, biting them in my teeth. I didn’t want to leave either, but I had a job and a life that weren’t… well, they just weren’t… here. I needed to think about my options and decide what would be feasible and best for myself and my baby girl. The apartment management had called, telling me they had changed my locks, but I still had the situation with Michael to deal with. I cursed the day he moved in down the hall.
“I really need to head back tomorrow afternoon. Would you like to have an early lunch? We can talk then, if that’s okay?” I felt my exhaustion sinking in just looking over where, a short while ago, I had been assaulted by Michael and rescued by Colton. Jesus, it had been a long damn day.
“Yes. What time and where? Do you want me to pick you up, or do you want me to meet you somewhere?” He placed soft kisses to the top of my forehead as he spoke.
“Well, considering I don’t think both Remi and I will fit on your bike with you, how about we meet you at 11:00 at the café downtown?” I said with a smirk.
“I do have a truck, you know. But I can meet you since I don’t have a car seat for Remi yet.” He chuckled. Dang, I loved the sound of him having a car seat in his vehicle for Remi. Silly, I know. Like I said, I was tired and it must have shown because he lifted my chin gently with his hand, kissed me softly, and told me to go get some sleep and he would see us tomorrow.
I watched him walk to his bike, climb on and start it up. I loved the rumble of his exhaust, and I knew he intentionally didn’t rev his motor, slowly easing onto the throttle, trying to be as quiet as he could as he pulled out. For the second time tonight, I watched his taillights disappear.
I prayed that someday, God willing, I wouldn’t be watching him drive off at the end of a night together, but rather snuggling up in the same bed.
The next morning, over coffee and breakfast, my mom and dad approached me with an offer that would change the direction of all of our lives.