WHEN I CALLED MY mom to tell her we were coming, she was surprised but excited and said she would wait up for us. I told her she could just leave a light on and she didn’t need to wait up, but this was my mom we’re talking about. It was dark and the highways were mostly deserted this time of night. Remi was asleep in her car seat, and I snuck glimpses of her in the rearview mirror as I drove. I only had about forty miles before I hit Grantsville, then another three miles past town to the turnoff for my parents’ farm.
I was getting kind of sleepy and felt my eyes becoming heavy. I passed a bike going the opposite direction and I was alert again. The bike’s passing made my thoughts drift to the ride on Colton’s bike. Dammit! There he was, sneaking into my head again. Shit. Maybe I needed to see a counselor. Surely this was an unhealthy obsession. On the other hand, I did share a child with the man, whether he knew it or not. I gripped the steering wheel tighter as I remembered holding him close as we rode back to my place that night. I still remembered the cut of his six-pack as my fingers wandered along each indentation of muscle. The man was made for sex, and his body had been a sculpted masterpiece. I could lick his pecs, abs, and arms every day….
Ugh! Stop it, Steph! What the heck is wrong with you?
I saw the lights of G’ville come in to view. The restaurants and stores were all closed this time of night, but the feeling of home and the memories came flooding back. I remembered stopping at the Dairy Queen when my dad would pick me up after school on Fridays; it was the one day he wouldn’t make me ride the bus. There was the library and the downtown square where the Corn Festival was held every fall. The Catholic Church at one end of town and the Lutheran Church at the other—as if they had to maintain a separation of the two for fear of contamination. It always made me laugh a little. I hated to admit it, but I missed this small town, despite how I always swore I was going to get as far away from it as I could growing up.
Going through town went quicker than I realized, as I was lost in thought. Before I knew it, I was slowing down at the large oak set back a bit from the road right at the top of a small rise in the road. I turned into the packed gravel driveway and parked under the carport my dad had built years ago off the side of the old square two-story farmhouse. I shut my SUV off and sat listening to Remi’s soft breathing and the utter quiet out here. The stars seemed so bright and so much more abundant than in the bright lights of downtown Des Moines.
The floodlights came on at the corner of the house, and I saw my mom come out onto the front porch in her bathrobe. She rushed down the stairs and over to my SUV as I opened my door and got out. She hugged me and then leaned back, holding my shoulders.
“Let me look at you! My baby girl! Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you? And where is that beautiful granddaughter of mine?” She looked in the windows for Remi who must have sensed there was a major source of spoiling nearby and woke with her eyes popping wide and her mouth open in surprise. “There she is!” My mother squealed like a teenager and quickly opened the back door, unbuckling Remi and scooping her out of her seat in one smooth motion. Remi’s squeals mirrored my mother’s as she returned my mom’s hugs and clapped her hands in excitement for whatever unknown joys she was thinking of. So much for her going back to sleep.
Thanks, Mom.
“Come on inside. I’ll have your brother come out and get your bag. He stayed here waiting for you to arrive, but I think he dozed off watching TV.” She bustled up the steps, chattering away to Remi and Remi to her. I saw my younger brother, Sean, standing in the doorway with a big smile on his face.
“No, I’m not sleeping, Mother, but I figured I’d give you your moment with Steph and Remi.” He kissed Remi as my mother reached the doorway and snatched her from Mom. “Come see your Uncle Sean. You probably don’t even remember me since your momma is so stingy with you.” He winked at me, causing me to grin, and then Remi started babbling a hundred miles a minute to him like she knew exactly what she was saying and they had just seen each other yesterday. He patiently listened to her while nodding and responded with “oh really” before explaining he was going to give her back to her grandma so he could go get her things. He jumped down the stairs two at a time to go grab the suitcase from the back of my SUV.
“I’ll go put it in your old room. Mom has it waiting for you. Dad is sleeping since he needs to get up early in the morning, but he said he loves you and he’ll see you tomorrow.” My “little brother,” who was a good head taller than me, looked the spitting image of our father with his dark brown, close-cropped hair, hazel eyes, and ready smile. He gave me a big hug and then headed up the stairs with my suitcase. I glanced into the living room and saw it looked exactly as it did when I left—cozy and inviting but spotless like a room out of a Better Homes & Gardens ad. My mom was always a meticulous housekeeper, even when we were kids and sabotaging her efforts at every turn. I followed my mom’s voice down the hall from the entryway into the kitchen where she had Remi sitting at the table helping her eat some homemade banana bread and drinking some milk.
“Mother! You are spoiling her already! She needs to get back to bed.” I rolled my eyes as my mother had the nerve to look contrite. I laughed before kissing my mom’s cheek and telling her I was going to run up and get ready for bed while she spoiled her granddaughter. She chuckled and told me she would bring her up shortly.
My feet dragged as I tiredly trudged up the stairs and into the third room on the left closest to the bathroom. As a teen, I had raised a fuss arguing that as a girl it was important for me to have the bedroom closest to the bathroom. Looking back, it wasn’t much of an argument, so I could only assume my brothers really didn’t care which rooms they had. I laughed to myself, shaking my head at the memory.
My room was much as I had left it when I went to college, with the exception of the posters all having been taken down and replaced with some of my mom’s amazing cross stitch, which my dad had framed for her. My double canopy bed still had the quilt on it that I made with my grandma the summer after 8th grade. The squares were a little crooked, but every single one was made up of her old clothes and sewed with love by me, with my grandmother’s guidance. The walls were now a soft yellow instead of the pale pink of my youth.
I went to my suitcase resting in the corner of the room and pulled out some sweats and a tee to sleep in. After getting changed, I looked around once more.
I shouldn’t have stayed away so long. It was good to be home, but I couldn’t escape the irony that I ran to the one place I had run from.