Chapter Thirty-Three
Ava
Channing looked terrible, wearing a plain gray T-shirt, covered in sweat, and his face was so swollen it looked like he’d been through a bee attack. It was obvious that he was in pain, and he deserved to be. He used me for a bet to look good in front of the team.
He wasn’t the guy I thought he was. It was making more and more sense with every passing minute. The further I delved into my studies, the more I realized just how easy it could be for a man to put up a façade like that.
When I was a kid, dozens of men came into our house. They’d pick me up off the ground and swing me around, talking about how sweet I was. Then they took my mom straight to the bedroom. Some would even stick around and act like they were my father. To my mom, it was seamless. She liked the attention, and she wanted things to work, so she went with it until the guy got bored.
With Channing, it was worse. He was so convincing that he had everyone fooled. The man was a genius. I knew his reputation. He was a seamless game player. There were dozens of girls, all over the school that thought he was the one. Now that I knew what he was like, I knew that they weren’t swooning over a pseudo-celebrity. He just led them on like he did with me.
That led to an entirely different series of thoughts: the way he looked, the way he talked to me, how he stared into my eyes when we were in the bedroom. That wasn’t affection. It was sadism. He probably knew that I was going to find out eventually. He was silently gloating over the fact that he’d pulled one over on me.
Now I didn’t know what he was doing—saving face? I saw the way he looked at Jason, like he wanted to kill him. He didn’t like the fact that I humiliated him. Well, good. He could rot. I had studying to do, and I was done with the petty distractions. My mind was on my books, and I was in the library where I belonged.
The door was locked. It was a special favor from one of the librarians. I could leave, but nobody could get in. It was perfect. There were no more distractions, no more petty drama or misguided dreams. That’s why I burnt the painting.
That night, when I got home, it was the first thing I saw. I’d never hated myself more. He must’ve thought I was the biggest fool in the world, hanging it over my TV so I could see it. I snatched it off the wall and threw it out the window, but that wasn’t enough. I didn’t hear it break, and somebody could see.
So, I brought it back behind the dumpster and held a flame to the canvas. When it went up in flames, I dropped it. I didn’t care about the sparks or the grass. I fell to my knees and I sobbed it out. I told myself that that was the last time I would cry, and it was.
I wasn’t going to mourn him. He didn’t deserve that. He deserved to burn for taking my heart and twisting it around his finger. I couldn’t believe it. More than once, I thought of trying to get him back, but what was the point? He’d just make me look like some jealous stalker.
That wasn’t me. I was walking away, clean and simple, and I was not going to let him hold me back. I had to study. I was behind in my classes, so that’s exactly what I did until the sun fell and I could see the people streaming out of the building.
I didn’t care how late it was. I’d been slacking, and it was starting to show. I stayed up until my eyes were drooping, and I could barely keep my head up, but I didn’t stop.
I was finally doing the right thing. I didn’t even mind when my head hit the book. That was where it was supposed to be. Something cracked, and I sat upright. It was Nicole, wearing a pair of pink pajama pants, carrying a cup of coffee. She was knocking on the window.
There was a reason I kept that door locked. I should’ve known she’d try this crap. I gave her the finger and went back to my book.
“You were sleeping.” I heard her say through the window.
I lifted my book so I couldn’t see her.
“Ava…”
No, I couldn’t hear her. I couldn’t see her. This was not happening, no way. I kept pretending to read, then went back to the page I was on and started moving forward again. I knew she was out there, but she’d leave eventually.
She started knocking, not once, not banging, just tiny, infuriating knocks. It was one after the other, after the other. I slammed my book down, shot up out of my chair, and opened the door so fast she stepped back. “I’m studying. Go away.”
She started to say something, so I turned around and walked back into my room. I heard the door stop behind me. When I looked back, she was holding it open and staring straight into my eyes. “Ava, please listen to me.”
“You and I are no longer friends.”
“We’ve known each other since we were kids.”
“You weren’t there when it mattered.” I stepped closer. “Now get out, or I’ll tell the staff you’re bothering me.”
“I’ll tell them you’re sleeping.”
“I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I was trying to stop those pricks from humiliating you.”
“Bull.” I sat back down and picked my book up.
“No, Ava, once I saw what they were doing, I went to find Sam. I think he started this. I begged him to apologize and take the sign down, but he wouldn’t listen, so I went to go find you, but you were gone and everyone was trying to help Channing. He was bawling, screaming—Ava, you didn’t see him.”
“Why should I care?”
“You need to talk to him.”
“It doesn’t matter how many times you say that, Nicole. I know what happened. Nothing will take that back.”
“You’re hurting him, and I know you care. It doesn’t matter what you say. You care.”
“I’m not doing this.” I got my things and started to walk out, but she blocked my way.
“No, this isn’t okay. You need to get away from me.” I went into the elevator, and she followed me. The second we got inside, and the doors closed, she slammed down on the stop button.
“You’re gonna get me kicked out of here with that crap.”
“It’ll start up again soon.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because I know you. You’re stubborn and stupid, and you will never see past your own prejudice, even if the truth is slapping you in the face. But you can’t do this.”
“You just take the opposite view as I do. One moment, you hate him because I like him. Now you like him because I want to kill him. What about me? What about what he did?”
“He didn’t do anything.”
“Bull, we both know he took part in that bet.”
She met my eyes and took a step forward to get in my face. “You need to listen to me before you make the biggest mistake of your life.”
“I can’t take this.” I leaned against the wall.
“No, this is not okay. He looks terrible. He’s been moping around. He’s not going to any of his classes, and you’re treating him like crap because you don’t even know what happened.”
“I don’t care. He bet on my virginity. Do you understand how important that is? He looked into my eyes and he told me that he wanted it to be special, while he was going behind my back.”
“I think it was special.”
I slapped her in the face—hard.
“You’re not rooting for me, and you never have been.” The tears were coming now, flowing down my cheek, and we were both crying. She leaned back against the wall with her head down.
“Ava, you know I love you. You’re my best friend, but sometimes, you don’t know what’s best for yourself, and before you explode—”
“I am not okay with this. You have me trapped in here so you can induce a crying fit and manipulate me, and you wanna act like you’re a saint. You’re not. You’re too wishy-washy to be a saint. You don’t know what I should do. You just want to control me.”
“He fought like hell to get them to stop. Sam told me that they made a throne for you out of beer cans and that they had to drag him away to keep him from killing them over it.”
“He still bet on my virginity.”
“Oh, give him a chance, will you? Do you really have to hate everyone?”
“I don’t hate you.”
“You sure like to hit me a lot,” she raged, “and you won’t listen to reason. Half the time you know when I’m right, you’re just too stubborn to admit it.”
“You’re really informed about all this. You want to talk, start talking.”
Something caught her, a dark thought, guilt maybe. I didn’t know what it was, but suddenly she was shaking with silent sobs.
“What did you do?”
“I didn’t know.”
I took a step closer. “You told them about me and Channing. You knew about the bet.”
“No, of course not. You have to believe me. You must know I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“Then what did you do to me?”
“He was keeping you a secret because he didn’t want the team to start talking about the bet. He was so worried that you’d find out. Mike, his best friend, he told Sam that he beat up Jason to get him to stay quiet, all because he wanted to save what you two had.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it.” The elevator dinged, and the doors opened, so I closed them and pressed the stop button again.
“It’s not like I went around planning to reveal your relationship to everyone. Sam just commented that Channing was acting different, and I said it was because of you. It wasn’t my fault, Ava. I didn’t know they were going to do this, and when I did find out, I chewed Sam out until he was ready to cry.”
“You’re still gonna see him.”
“The fuck I am,” she shuddered. “And you need to stop this crap. He attacked his own teammates over you. Sam said that they had to go the emergency room and everything. Ava, if that isn’t sincere, then I don’t know what is.”
“He placed a bet.”
“When he heard about the bet, he went on a tirade in the locker room and stormed out. He told them they were sick.”
“Then why’d he do it?”
“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask him.”
“That’s not enough.”
“Doesn’t he at least deserve a chance to defend himself?”
I laid my head back and let the sobs pass through me. I kept thinking about the way he looked when he came to confront me in the tutoring center. “Y-ou’re right,” I sniffed. “I feel terrible.”
“I have tickets to the game.”
My head shot up, and I looked at her. “A game?”
“Not just a game, Ava: the game.”
“Okay, I’ll go.” Nicole rushed forward to give me a hug. “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.” She pulled back and wiped the tears off her cheek. “Come on. You gotta get some sleep.”
“You’re right.”
We took the elevator down to the ground floor, still sobbing, then laughing. Nothing could change what I did, or what happened, but I couldn’t deny him any longer. It was starting to hurt him.