Chapter Thirty-Six

Travis

It took me a while to settle. Thankfully I had my work to keep my mind off things, and I had a book that wasn’t going to write itself. I sat at my office now, researching and writing down notes. I was pleased that things were finally coming together for me. I’d done a little while I was at the ranch, but not enough. Definitely not enough. Perhaps it was because I was back to familiar surroundings again, but I found myself finally able to come up with some ideas. I still wasn’t as focused as I had been before the holiday, but I was getting there.

Every now and again I would feel myself drifting off, and instead of working an image of Harper would float in front of me. Or sometimes little things would set me off. Words, smells, sounds. Anything could trigger an emotion or a memory of her. This had never happened to me before. I’d had plenty girlfriends in the past, but once the relationship was over, I simply stopped thinking about them. But Harper never strayed far from my mind. It was like she had set up camp inside my mind and I knew it was going to take a long time to stop thinking about her.

There was a knock on my door and I realized that I had once again drifted to my Harper thoughts. I shook my head to rid myself of her image.

“Come in.”

The woman that walked into my office was beautiful. Francis was another professor in my department. She was smart, and stunning, and every guy had their eyes on her. I’d considered asking her out when she had first joined, but she’d had a boyfriend then. Rumor was that they had broken up a few weeks ago, and I wondered who would be the first to ask her out. She had long brown hair, all the way down to her slender waist, and big brown eyes. She looked like a model, and I always laughed when I pictured the poor students trying to concentrate in class when she was giving a lecture.

“Oh, hi, Francis. Come on in.”

She walked in carrying two takeout cups of coffee and handed one to me. “I was walking by and thought you might want a cup.”

“Oh that’s nice of you. Thank you. I’ve had my head in the books all morning so this is well needed. How are you? Happy to be back after the break?”

She shrugged. “I guess so. I… well, I’m not sure if you heard but Gary and I broke up.”

I nodded. “I did. You know what it’s like here. People talk. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t sure if I should say anything. I didn’t want you think everyone was talking about you.”

“Even though they clearly were,” she said and laughed.

I laughed too, glad she saw the funny side of it. “Yeah. It’s amazing how much people like to talk. Anyway, are you okay?”

“I’m okay. So, what are they saying? Tell me the stories. This should be good.”

“Well, apparently he dumped you via Skype. That’s the one I heard. The other story involves you leaving him for someone at the school but nobody knows who it is so everyone is on the lookout.”

She laughed. “Seriously? Wow, two very different and two very wrong stories. Neither of us really broke up with each other. I mean, it was a mutual decision. A very nice breakup, and very civil. We’re still friends. In fact, the breakup was so boring that it’s kind of refreshing to hear all these stories. I wonder who made up the Skype one; it’s so random. As for the other one, it makes sense to me now. I get funny looks whenever I talk to a man. I just thought people were feeling sorry for me because of the breakup. I didn’t know they were all trying to figure out who the next guy is.”

“I heard for a while that it was Mack.”

She laughed. Mack was a much older professor, with gray hair and grey blazers. Everything about him was gray, right down to his bland demeanor. “Mack? Oh, I’m going to have to keep that rumor going. That’s hilarious. I’m going to make sure I have an audience next time I’m talking to him. I’ll be a little flirty.”

“You have to do that! The funny thing is that Mack won’t even know that you’re flirting with him. I’m not sure if that guy has ever flirted in his life.”

Francis chuckled. “Poor Mack. Although, I hope nobody saw me coming in here because that’s going to start a whole new rumor then.”

I shrugged. “Oh, let them talk. I’m so used to having rumors spread about me that I don’t even think about it anymore. It doesn’t last very long before they move onto the next person.”

“That’s true. So, what sort of rumors have been spread about you?”

“I also had an affair with Mack once,” I said and she almost spat out her coffee from surprise. I laughed. “I don’t mean I really had one. But that was the story that was going around for a while.”

She shook her head in amazement. “Oh, poor Mack. That guy really gets around, doesn’t he? What made them think that?”

“Oh who knows? Sometimes I think it’s just one guy who starts it off as a joke and tries to see how far he can spread it. I’ve also been married. I’ve been dumped. I’ve been gay. All sorts.”

“And now you’ll probably be with me.”

“It’s all part of working at a college. Although it would be even worse at a high school. The younger kids are all a lot more graphic in their rumors.”

“Well, we could give them something to talk about,” she said and grinned at me.

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, you’re hopeless. What I’m trying to say, and completely without any articulation at all apparently, is that we could go out on a date tonight. That will get them talking and hopefully throw them off the Mack angle.”

“Date?” I said in surprise.

She sighed. “Travis, you really make it hard for a girl to flirt with you, you know. Yeah, a date. I don’t see why not. We’re both good-looking and single.”

I laughed. “You’re certainly good-looking. I’m not sure about the other way around.” I knew I wasn’t a bad looking guy. I’d been told on many occasions that I was good-looking. But I didn’t think I had anything on Francis.

“Oh come on. If you’re fishing for compliments you’ve come to the right place. I happen to think you’re gorgeous. I’m not the only one too. Do you have any idea how much your students like you? They’re always giggling every time you walk past.”

I laughed. “I’m sure they’re not giggling because of that. They probably think I’m ridiculously old or something.”

“No, trust me. I’ve heard the                                                                                                                                                               talk. They think you’re very good-looking. Even more so after this holiday you’ve been on. I don’t know what you did but a month away has been very good to you. You’ve come back toned and tanned. You must tell me your secret. Anyway, I’ve always thought you were good-looking. And you’re a nice guy. It’s not often that those two traits come together. But up until now I haven’t been looking to date anyone. Now that I’m single again, I figured I’d come and ask you.”

I was completely taken aback. I was sure that I would’ve said yes to her had she asked me out a few months ago, but something had changed since the holiday. I knew she was good-looking, but the attraction I’d had before had suddenly disappeared. I now looked at her as a friend and I knew that there was nothing else. It was strange how quickly it had changed. I could recognize that she was beautiful but there was not even a single part of me that wanted to get up and kiss her. I knew, without a doubt, that my heart wouldn’t be in it. My heart was with someone else now and it would take a while to stop feeling that way.

I smiled. “Thank you so much. I’m pretty shocked and definitely very flattered.”

“Uh-oh… I sense a rebuttal coming up.”

“I’m sorry, Francis. You’re gorgeous and I’ve most definitely thought about you that way before. It’s just… well… I’ve been through a bit of stuff lately. Some emotional stuff I don’t want to get into right now, and I’m just not ready to date yet. It might take me a while until I’m ready. I hate doing this but I’d rather just be upfront and honest about it.”

“Are you okay?” she asked. “I have noticed that you’ve been a bit quiet since you back. A little more solemn than usual.”

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine at least. I’m just… I’m not really going to date for a while.”

“You know, maybe now is the perfect time to date. Maybe you need someone to take your mind off everything, and I am more than happy to be that person.”

“I don’t think that would be wise. I’m not ready for a relationship right now,” I said.

She laughed. “Who said anything about a relationship? I also don’t want one of those. Hell, I’ve just come out of one. Right now I’m just looking for a bit of fun. Come on, let’s go on a date. We can drink too much wine and do things that we might regret the next day. Maybe we need this.”

I almost said yes. It was certainly very tempting. Perhaps a quick fling was exactly what I needed to get my mind off everything. But I couldn’t do that to Francis, nor could I do it to myself. I’d feel too guilty. I needed a bit more time to get over Harper, and it wasn’t going to happen this easily. Also, no matter how much we tried to pretend like it could all just be a bit of fun without getting hurt, I knew it wouldn’t be. We worked together and I saw her often. The last thing I wanted was for things to get awkward between us.

“You have no idea how tempting that sounds. But I think I need a bit of time alone to figure things out. I’m so sorry. I cannot believe I’m turning you down. I will probably regret this one day but right now I think it’s the right thing to do for me.”

She smiled. “You’re a good guy, Travis. That was probably one of the best refusals I’ve ever had.”

“I do not believe that a guy has refused you before. Surely I’m the only idiot out there.”

“Ah, you’d be surprised, Travis. You’d be surprised. Anyway, let’s not make this weird now between us. I’m still glad I came to talk to you. I really hope that you start to feel better soon. I don’t know what’s happened but you’re a good guy and you deserve to be happy.”

Good guy? I wasn’t so sure about that anymore. “Thank you. And thanks for asking me out. If anything, it at least help boost my ego a bit. For what it’s worth, I would’ve said yes to you if this had been a few months ago.”

“Oh, well, it looks like I’ll have to go after my plan B, then.”

“Plan B? Who is that?”

“Mack, of course!” she said and we both laughed.

When she left the office, I dropped my head to my desk in frustration. I could not believe that I had just turned down one of the most beautiful women at work. And why? All because of a woman I would probably never see again. I really was an idiot.