Chapter Eighteen
Serena
The days before Christmas pass in a blur as I buy the last few presents I need and everything I need for Christmas dinner bought from the grocery store.
I haven’t seen Cade since he joined Alan and I at the mall, but we’ve talked and texted every day. Everything has been great between us since we reconnected. Our relationship has been easy and has had no pressure to take it to another level. Cade has been sweet, and I’ve enjoyed getting to know him so much better. I can admit that I was wrong in my assumptions when he showed up in my lecture, and while I am still cautious, I know that I am falling fast.
Alan puts out cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas Eve, and after he falls asleep, I stay up wrapping the last of his presents and putting them under the tree. I fill his stocking and my own, and one for Ashley, too, who is joining us in the morning. In another room, I’ve hidden one last present, the one from Cade, with a tag reading “From Santa.”
I feel like I have barely fallen asleep when Alan is in my room, tugging my hand.
“Wake up, Mommy, wake up. Santa came!” His eyes are wide and bright, and I find myself smiling at his wondrous joy. I get up and let him lead me to the living room where he simply gawks at the pile of presents, oohing and aahing over all the brightly-wrapped gifts. Somehow, I manage to corral him to the kitchen for some breakfast while we wait for Ashley to arrive.
When she rings the doorbell before letting herself inside twenty minutes later, Alan runs from the room to tackle his aunt around the knees in a hug. “Aunt Ashley, Santa was here!”
She gasps in surprise. “Really? Do you think he left me anything?”
“You don’t live here, Aunt Ashley!” Alan laughs.
“I wrote him though and told him I’d be here with you. Should we go open them?”
“Yes, yes, yes! Open presents!”
“Go have a seat on the floor, and we’ll open presents,” I tell him. ““But let’s see what’s in our stockings first.”
Alan runs to the living room and sits near the tree, and Ashley stretches out across the couch. I grab and hand out the three stockings. Alan immediately dumps it out on the floor and rummages through all the little goodies I’ve stuffed in there. I’ve put girly things like lotion in Ashley’s, as well a stash of her favorite paint brushes, and she thanks me. I sit down in a chair beside the tree and start to pass out the presents to Alan.
It’s so much fun now that he can open his own presents and get excited over them. The clothes I’ve given him are quickly discarded over his shoulder after opening them which makes Ashley and I laugh. She gathers them up and puts them into a pile. There are books, which I’m so happy he loves, and toys. So many toys. After everything is unwrapped, I stand up. “Alan, Santa brought you one more present, but I need you to close your eyes while I go get it, okay?”
He nods expectantly before I leave the room, coming back with the huge stuffed panda. Ashley looks up at me with a questioning look as I set it down. I shake my head and give her a look that promises to explain when there are not little ears present. The panda is bigger than I am, and I know it is going to engulf Alan, but I also know he is going to love it. I toss Ashley my phone to record the moment and tell Alan to open his eyes.
There is a loud, piercing scream and then Alan is throwing himself at the panda bear. “He got him! Santa got me my panda!”
I feel tears prick my eyes at my son’s excitement. I can’t believe how happy a giant stuffed toy makes him, and I can’t wait to share the video with Cade. The thought sobers me, especially since I haven’t told Cade the truth about Alan. I don’t know how to even go about telling him. It just isn’t as simple as “hey, meet your kid.”
“Mommy, Santa remembered.”
“Yes, he did, baby.”
“Mommy?”
“Yes, sweetie?”
“Do you remember when we saw Santa?”
“Yes.”
“I liked your friend that came. I like that he gonna play football with me. When can we play football with Mr. Cade?”
I see Ashley’s eyebrow shoot up. I haven’t told my sister that I let Cade meet Alan yet. “I don’t know, Alan, but I’ll talk to him and see if he can play sometime.”
“Okay, Mommy,” he says happily before dragging the panda bear to the other side of the room to play with.
“Cade met Alan?” Ashley asks quietly as we gather the presents we got for each other. We sit down on the couch facing each other so we can open them.
I nod. “Last week. He asked if he could meet him, and he met us at the mall when I took Alan to see Santa. He heard Alan ask for the panda bear and asked if he could buy it for him. I told him he could, but that I was going to tell Alan it was from Santa.”
“He was okay with that? I mean, he is his father.”
I look over at Alan, who has curled up on the stuffed animal and has fallen asleep. “I haven’t told him,” I sigh.
“What?!”
“Shhh!” I quiet her, but Alan doesn’t stir. “I don’t know how to tell him. It’s been me and Alan for so long...and now this thing with Cade. It’s complicated, Ashley. I just can’t drop it on him.”
“You’ve been talking and going out for almost a month now, Serena. You’re hiding it in plain sight now that he’s met Alan. Wouldn’t you rather tell him the truth than have him figure it out on his own?”
“How do I tell him, though? I do feel terrible for not telling him. I mean, you should have seen him with Alan, Ash. He was so good, talking to him and keeping him entertained while we were waiting. I couldn’t believe how good he was, to be honest.”
“Now imagine that if he knew Alan was his.”
“I know, I know. And, Alan hasn’t stopped talking about Cade, either. It’s just... How do we go from just the two of us to us plus Cade? It’s so weird. I never thought I’d ever see him again, that he’d be any part of my life after that one night. I know I should tell him, that it isn’t fair to him and it especially isn’t fair to Alan. He deserves a dad, but I can’t just assume that Cade wants to be a dad.”
“Be honest. After Cade met Alan, how was he? Was he different, has he been distant with you?”
“No. Actually, he wants our next date to be the three of us at a family restaurant.”
“Serena, what are you worried about? He likes you and Alan. Just go for it and tell him the truth. You’ll feel better. I can tell it’s eating at you.”
“I need a plan.”
“Then let’s make one. We’ve got all day. But first let’s open these presents.”
***
I get a text from Cade midafternoon wishing me a Merry Christmas. I’m so caught up cooking with Ashley and Alan, though, that I don’t answer until several hours later after Ashley heads home with leftovers and I get Alan to bed. I send Cade the video of Alan with the present he got for him along with my message.
“Merry Christmas. Sorry it took so long; we were cooking. I just got Alan down for the night.”
His reply comes back almost immediately. “It’s okay. I’m sure it was a hectic day for you. I just got home myself.”
“You were with Tyler, right?” I text back.
“Yeah. And his wife and their kids. We should double date with them sometime. I think you’d really like Tamara.”
“That sounds nice. I’d like to meet your friends,” I reply
“Ty is pretty much my only friend. I was kind of a hotshot in my playing days,” he sends.
“You’re still kind of a hotshot,” I tease, adding an emoticon with its tongue sticking out.
“I see how it is,” he teases back, then changes the tone of our conversation. “The video is great, by the way. I’m glad Alan liked his gift.”
“He loves it, Cade. Thank you for thinking of him. You didn’t have to do that,” I reply.
“Well, I wanted to.”
“He fell asleep on it earlier. It was so cute.”
“And, you didn’t send me a picture?” he asks.
“I have one. I’ll send it in a minute.”
“What did you think of your present?”
I blush as I trace a finger over the delicate bangle on my wrist. The man affects me even when he’s not by my side. A little after noon, my doorbell had rung, and I was surprised to find a delivery man on the other side with the wrapped gift and card. The card had been sweet, and I had gasped at the iconic blue Tiffany’s box when I unwrapped the gift. The white gold bracelet with round diamonds dotting their way around was a simple but elegant piece. It wasn’t showy, a gesture that let me know without words that Cade gets me.
“It’s beautiful, thank you, but you didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I know, but I wanted to.”
“I feel bad because I didn’t get you a gift.”
“Don’t. When I was out buying Alan’s panda, I saw it the in the store window and it just reminded me of you. It was an impulse buy. I am glad you like it, though.”
“I love it, Cade. I’m wearing it now. I might not ever take it off. I’ve never owned something so beautiful.”
“Hearing you say that is present enough. You deserve to be spoiled, and I enjoy spoiling you. I suggest you just let me. It’ll be easier for you and for me,” he messages and ends with a winky face.
“I’m not used to that,” I inform him.
“You’ll have to get used to it. You deserve it, and I intend to, in case you hadn’t figured that out.”
“You’re too much, Cade Thomas.”
“It’s possible I’ve been told that once or twice,” he texts, adding a smile. “I hate to cut this short, but I have to be up early to film the show in the morning, so I better get some sleep. I missed you today, by the way.”
“I missed you, too,” I reply.
“We’re still on for next week, right?” he asks.
“Yep. Ashley is going to watch Alan.”
“Cool. I’ll call you tomorrow. Maybe we can grab lunch or something.”
“I’d like that. Goodnight, Cade.”
“Sweet dreams, Serena.”
I smile as I put the phone on the table by my bed and can’t help but think about him as I get ready to turn in.