Chapter Thirty-Three

Harper

I didn’t want to have sex with Travis again. I’d already told myself that I wasn’t going to do it again. I’d already played the scenario out in my head. If he asked me or tried anything with me, then I was simply going to turn him down. Now that it had happened, I knew there was no way I could say no. How could I turn down being with him one more time? I just couldn’t. I needed to be with him. I needed to feel him inside me. I needed to memorize every touch and every kiss so that I could take those memories back home with me.  I felt a tear falling down my face but he wiped it away and soon his lips were on mine.

Kissing Travis felt like coming home. It was warm and familiar. When we kissed, I felt as if all my problems melted and that the outside world disappeared. It was just him and I. As if we were the last people on earth. There was something different about the way he was kissing me this time. As we took off our clothes, I could feel him looking at me differently too. We knew it was officially our last time of being together, and there was a sense of passion intermingled with urgency and sadness that seemed to intensify it. Was he also trying to memorize my body in the same way I was trying to remember his?

It was going to take me a long time to meet someone again after this. I wasn’t sure I ever even wanted to be with another guy again. How could anyone match up to the way Travis made me feel? He hadn’t even known me for long and yet I felt as if he knew every single part of me. He knew my body better than I knew my own. He knew exactly what to do with me. His fingers worked their way inside me, opening me up and getting me ready. He watched me as he touched me, and I didn’t shy away from his gaze. Every part of me wanted him and responded to him. I moved down on the bed and put him inside my mouth. I wanted him to want me as much as I wanted him and I was glad when I heard him groan at my touch. He had his hands on my head, caressing me as I moved up and down. When I pulled away, I climbed on top of him and we both sighed as he entered inside me. I moved slowly on top of him, not wanting the moment to end. He held onto my waist, as then I moved down and kissed him. We kissed the rest of the time, pausing only when the sheer force of the orgasm hit us both. The sex, while explosive, had been laced with a lot of sadness.

We lay there for a while, just holding each other. The little clock on the bedside table showed that we still had fifteen minutes to go until it was time to meet for dinner. I watched the time move and wished it wasn’t going so fast. We didn’t say a word to one another. He just held me and I just watched the clock. Then, with five minutes to go, we stood up and changed. As we headed out, I looked at him sadly.

“If only we’d met in another lifetime.”

 

We made our way to the dining hall and I was sure that Allison and Mike knew what had just happened. They’d seen us arrive together and they could probably tell that there was something going on. Travis and I were usually so talkative with one another but this time the silence seemed to grow louder as the night progressed. We didn’t sit next to each other either. Instead I positioned myself between Jackson and Barry.

“Hi, Harper. I’m sad Jillian isn’t here to experience this last dinner with us,” Barry said.

I smiled. “Yeah, me too.”

“Have you spoken to her?”

“Oh yeah, a few times. She’s doing great. Her and Thomas are back together.”

“They are?” Priscilla exclaimed. She clapped her hands like it was the best news she had ever heard. I reminded myself to tell Jillian how much this couple had loved her. In the short amount of time she had been here she had managed to make some proper friendships.

“Yeah, they are. I’m so glad for her. He missed her so much and realized what a big mistake she had made.”

“Oh good. She couldn’t stop talking about that boy. Well, you tell her that as soon as we are back home and settled, we will give her a call. I want to meet this boy.”

“But don’t you live kind of far away?” I asked.

Barry grinned. “Yeah, but we’re moving to NYC.”

“Really?”

“Yep. I got a call this morning, actually. One of the job interviews I went for has asked if I wouldn’t mind being positioned there. So that’s where we’re going. I’m so excited for a new adventure in life. You know, if we hadn’t come here, I’m not sure if I would’ve taken the job. I was so stuck in my ways. Stuck in a rut even. Being out here has changed all of that for me. It’s made me realize that there is this big open world out there waiting for me to explore it. And I’ve always wanted to go to NYC. I thought we were too old for changes, but now I’m not so sure. It’s all very exciting. And hey, now we get to see you and Jillian again.”

I smiled. Why was it so easy for him and not for me? Why couldn’t I move here? Why couldn’t Travis move to me? But moving from one city to another city was easy. If Travis or myself had to move, the sacrifice would be too big, the change too much. “I’m so happy for you. You’re going to love it. It’s only the greatest city in the world. And Jillian is going to be so happy. Want me to tell her or should we make it a surprise?”

“Let’s surprise her.”

I smiled. “Great. We’ll exchange numbers before we leave and we can arrange something when we’re back. It’s going to be so strange being back in the city.”

“So strange,” Barry agreed.

The meal was absolutely delicious, just as I knew it would be and we all gave our thanks to Allison. Allison, Mike, and Travis all took turns to stand up and tell us how much having everyone meant to them. Allison was especially tearful—but I had a feeling that this was the way she acted after each group of people. I was sure that we weren’t anything special to her. But she called me aside and gave me a big hug.

“Thank you for taking me shopping,” she said.

I chuckled. “You don’t have to thank me for that. The pleasure was completely mine. I had so much fun that day. Anyway, I’m the one that should be thanking you for everything you did for me. Especially the clothes. Without them, I would’ve felt uncomfortable during my whole stay. I’ll make sure to leave them all in the room with you.”

“Why don’t you take them with you? I mean, I know you don’t dress that way in city, but I know you’re planning on doing some riding. If you want, of course. I know they’re second hand now.”

I smiled. I was going to miss hanging around people that were so down to earth like this. I couldn’t imagine any of my other friends, other than Jillian, being this way with me. They’d all be horrified to know that these clothes once belonged to someone else. I was glad that I didn’t care. I was starting to see the value in people over possessions in a way I had never really seen before.

“I’m going to miss you, Allison. And I’m not just saying that because your food is so amazing. I’m saying that because I think you’re an incredible person. I’d love to keep the clothes. But only if you promise to visit me in NYC so I can take you shopping again.”

She laughed. “You have yourself a deal.”

I was just about to say something when I heard the sound of a spoon hitting against a glass. We turned around and saw that Jackson had walked up to the front of the group and was about to make a speech. I looked at Allison and rolled my eyes.

“Oh dear. Here we go,” I whispered and we tried not to laugh. I quickly went to take my seat to see what it was all about.

“Hi everyone,” Jackson said. I noticed that his accent had changed since the first shuttle bus ride. He now no longer put on a fancy cowboy accent, but spoke in normal docile tones. It was a lot better and much more relatable, but of course not nearly as amusing. “As you all know, I’m just a middle-aged accountant with no family. I lost my wife a few years ago, and she was never able to have kids. For a long time it’s just been me at home. Just me with my books and my movies. A simple life, but a bit of a sad one. Now, I’m not saying that so you’ll feel sorry for me. I’m just telling you the truth.”

He took a deep breath before continuing. For a bit of a nerdy guy, Jackson was very good at talking to people and very dramatic. He should quit his job and look for a public speaking job. He went to get a glass of water and I wondered if he was really thirsty or if he was just trying to create more drama. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the latter.

“So,” he continued. “I was on the computer one day, just scrolling through various websites, when I somehow came across the website for this dude ranch. I’m still not even sure how I came across it. Perhaps it was divine intervention or maybe the algorithms had just deduced that I would enjoy it based on my search history. I’d always been fascinated with this sort of lifestyle. And, as I’m sure you realized, I’ve been dreaming about it becoming a fully integrated member. Let’s face it: I want to be a cowboy despite the way I look,” he said and gestured to his belly. Everyone laughed. “So I came, and I have to say… I really threw myself into the experience. Maybe a little too much at times,” he said and glanced at myself and Travis. “But I had the time of my life. I could never have asked for a better place, or a better group. So, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you all for having me. I will never forget it.”

No matter how annoying Jackson was during the stay, it was hard to stay upset with him. How could you fault the guy for coming out and living his dream despite his circumstances? I wondered if he had been different when his wife was alive. I realized that I hadn’t made much of an effort to get to know him. He wasn’t a bad guy. He’d done some silly things, but he definitely wasn’t a bad person. In fact, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride for him. He had come out to live his dream, and in so doing he had learned a lot about himself. I hoped the experience had changed him as much as it had changed me. Everyone clapped and whistled as he gave a bow. Then Mike stood up and gave him a hug.

“It’s certainly been interesting,” he said to Jackson as a big grin broke out across his face. “So, how about we end things off with you giving us a little demonstration on one of the horses? You know, to show us how a real cowboy does things.”

Jackson’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?” As it turned out, his arm wasn’t nearly as bad as he was making it out to be. He’d told everyone it was broken, but the moment he got on the horse he seemed to forget about it. Jackson loved attention, that was for sure.

“Absolutely. You’re great on the horses.”

“Oh yes please. Thank you,” Jackson gushed.

We all took our drinks and went out to the field where we watched Jackson riding his horse in the moonlight. It was the perfect way to end things and it put everyone in a great mood. When it was over I walked over to Travis, and gave him a big hug. I didn’t know what else to do and I hoped that the hug would tell him everything that I couldn’t say out loud. He squeezed me back.

“Goodnight, Travis,” I said and kissed him on the mouth. I didn’t care if anyone was watching us anymore. I figured they all knew anyway.

“Goodnight, Harper. Thanks for everything.”

I walked away sadly, wishing he would come back to the room with me. He didn’t, and I knew it was probably a good thing. I got changed and climbed into bed. Then, as I switched off the light, I allowed myself to cry a little. The experience was officially over.