STEER CLEAR

My heart slams in my chest when I see Jules standing outside my sixth period classroom, and I nearly lose all composure when her eyes meet mine. She hasn’t looked at me—really looked—since she stopped talking to me last year. Unsure how to react, I end up averting my eyes out of habit before attempting to scurry past her.

“Eric?” she calls out softly, causing me to freeze.

My back straightens and I hesitate, unsure I have the courage to hear what she’ll say. Taking a deep breath, I slowly turn to face her, and my heart jumps in my throat when she meets my gaze with an apologetic smile.

“I, uh…” she begins, her voice low and strained. As her words trail off, she lifts her hand, holding up what appears to be some type of card, her hand visibly shaking. “I wanted to give you this.”

I examine the card with confusion, a million questions streaming through my mind, but I remain silent as I reach out to accept the card from her.

When I look at her again, it steals every ounce of breath left in me. Her expression is warm, yet sorrowful, the light in the hall glistening off the wet glaze over her eyes.

“Okay…” She claps her hands together as she diverts her eyes. “I’ll see you around.”

By the time I finally get my vocal cords to cooperate, the sound of the bell ringing drowns me out. Then, she’s gone, leaving behind the strawberry scent of her hair, and my chest tightens. Clutching the card tighter in my hands, I walk to my seat in class, trying to wrap my head around what just happened.

After Jules decided to stop speaking to me last year, she was a little cruel and completely unwavering.

Not that I didn’t deserve it to some degree. I’ve heard the things she’s said about me—how I used her as a stand in for Rachel when she wasn’t around or I needed a ride. But none of that was even close to true. If anything, Rachel was her stand in, but I understand how she might’ve felt that way.

My crush on Jules had grown and festered for years before I even worked up the courage to talk to her. Then we became friends, and I realized my feelings for her ran so much deeper—that I loved her. Is there anything more terrifying than love? If there is, I hope I never face it. Sure, I wanted to tell Jules how I felt. I wanted to scream it from the damn rooftops. But fear held me back. Jules had become the air in my lungs, the sun in my sky, and the beat of my heart. I wanted to be sure of her feelings for me. I didn’t want to risk losing her. Yet, it was my lack of action that caused me to lose her.

I was such an idiot. Intentional or not, I know I hurt her, and I tried to make it right. For months, I begged, pleaded, and apologized. But my break up with Rachel had come too late. She wouldn’t forgive me no matter what I did or said.

After all this time, I never expected her to speak to me again. It wasn’t easy to accept that fact, but the summer full of girls and partying had certainly aided in finding my peace over the situation. Of course, one might argue my behavior was more of an outcry than acceptance. But either way, it kept my mind off the pain of losing her.

My head swims as I open the card. The students surrounding me fade into nothing, their laughter and conversations muted as I read her words.

December 20th

“It’s my day off, Red. I don’t get many of these, you know? I’d like to enjoy it.” I groan into the phone as I pour myself a cup of coffee.

My line of work doesn’t allow for a lot of days off. Not that I’m complaining. I thrive on staying busy—idle hands and all. Still, I need this day. Seeing Julianna last night stirred up some ugly shit inside me. The last time I’d laid eyes on her, she had been wearing a white dress, looking like a gift from the heavens. It’s an image I haven’t been able to wipe from my mind, no matter how hard I’ve tried.

Julianna is the source of more than one heartbreak for me, yet she remains the only woman I’ve ever truly loved. Cutting her out of my life hadn’t been easy. In fact, it damn near killed me, but it was necessary for my sanity. I figured out a long time ago I’ll always love Julianna; she holds my heart.

But she chose him. She married him. And I had to let her go.

She still doesn’t know I showed up to her wedding. I wanted to see it for myself, but I couldn’t bear to face her. I knew it would cut me so deep, hurt so badly, I’d never want to reopen that wound again. It worked like a charm too. Hearing her pledge to love and cherish another man for the rest of her life felt like a knife to the heart.

I almost wish Levi hadn’t shared the knowledge that her marriage to Christopher is ending. Having her back in my life would be dangerous. Julianna could easily annihilate me. She’s ripped my heart from my chest and left me to bleed out more than once. Though, my head may know to steer clear, my heart and soul are crying out for her.

“Oh yes, I’m very aware. I don’t exactly get a ton of free time myself these days. You know, since I’m responsible for running the whole damn office. Which is why I called. I’m placing an ad in the paper to run for the next couple weeks.” I sigh, my jaw ticking as I struggle to keep my mouth closed. “We need the help, Eric. I need help,” she whines.

When I hired Red, my business was just getting off the ground. At the time, all I needed was someone to help me keep the appointments and billing organized, but we’ve grown over the years and the workload is too much for the two of us. She’s been begging me to hire someone new for months now, but I’ve been dragging my feet because I hate the idea of working with a stranger. My business is my baby. I built it from the ground up, and trusting someone with that isn’t easy.

“Fine. As long as I don’t have to deal with it.”

“Okay, Mr. Crab-ass. Maybe you should go get laid today. It would probably help you loosen up some.”

“Goodbye, Red,” I clip, hanging up the phone as she begins to laugh.

If she weren’t like a sister to me, I wouldn’t tolerate that type of comment, but I know she means well. And I can’t say she’s wrong. I’ve been more of an asshole than usual lately, but it hasn’t had anything to do with getting laid.

My mind drifts back to Julianna and the way it felt having her in my arms last night. In a moment of pure weakness, I’d even inhaled her scent as if it were a drug and I needed a fix. Keeping my distance is the only way I’ll ever survive her return.