LUNCH OR LECTURE

My heart slams against my chest as the doors to the bus slide open in front of me, my nearly empty backpack suddenly feeling heavy. Looks like I was right. Day one of my sophomore year feels as scary as day one of my freshman year. It’s exactly like starting over again. I’d totally chickened out on calling Eric. Big shocker. Since I wasn’t smart enough to give him my number, I’ve gone all summer without seeing or talking to him. You’d think in a small town like this, I’d manage to run into him at least once, but no such luck.

After dialing his number at least a thousand times, I know it by heart, yet I’d been too terrified to let it ring through. Hours were spent trying to think of the perfect thing to say, but I could never come up with a good enough reason to call him.

Boarding the bus, I say a silent prayer he’ll be here too. When my eyes roam to the back and I spot him in his normal seat, I almost jump for joy. As I make my way to him, the goofy grin that spreads across my face is unmistakable. My crush must be painstakingly obvious to everyone, Eric included, but I missed him so much, I can’t contain my excitement.

Butterflies set flight in my stomach when he returns my smile, looking almost as happy to see me. Crap, I have it so bad for this boy.

“Hey, Eric! I’m so glad to see you!” As the embarrassment from my word vomit heats my face, I take my seat next to him. “I mean…I was so worried you wouldn’t be riding the bus this year.”

He shrugs. “Well, I don’t turn sixteen until Christmas Break.” Chuckling, he shoots me a knowing smile. “So, I am afraid you’re stuck with me for now, Jules.” Leaning in close, he rests his arm on mine and my breath stills. “I missed you too, by the way.” By the time he pulls away, I’ve completely forgotten how to talk. My mouth opens and closes as I try to think of something to say—anything—but an uncomfortable silence is all that’s managed until he speaks again. “Did you have a good summer?”

Nodding, I sigh as my lips twist. “Yeah…I guess. I didn’t really do much. How about you?”

“My summer was pretty busy, but good. We took a trip to the beach before band practice started, and…” his words trail off and he pauses, an odd expression crossing his features before he continues. “I’ve…uh, started dating someone. Her name is Rachel. We’ve been seeing each other for a couple weeks now. She’s in band with me, so most of our time together has been at practice.” When he lets out a nervous chuckle, I try to force a smile, but I can’t feel my face.

It’s like I’ve had the wind knocked out of me, which is absurd. Eric dating someone shouldn’t come as a surprise. He’s cute, smart, and funny. Just because I was sitting at home pining away for him doesn’t mean he was doing the same for me.

I’d even passed up an opportunity to date a guy recently because of Eric. My friend Jessica introduced me to her boyfriend’s best friend, Jason, at the end of the school year, and we hung out a couple times over the summer. He’s an all right guy, but when he asked me out, I said no because he didn’t make me feel the way Eric does. Maybe I should reconsider that option now.

Struggling to pull myself together, I allow my hair to fall in my face, not wanting him to see the disappointment on it.

“Wow…sounds like a great summer,” I grumble, my strained voice and choppy tone threatening to give my emotions away. An awkward silence follows as I continue my attempt to shake the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, making me desperate to change the subject. “So, what classes do you have this year?”

We both pull out our schedules to review them and discover we have nearly every period together, including lunch.

“You’re taking the photography class as your elective too?” I question, my mood lifting instantly. He never mentioned having an interest in photography when we’d talked about it before, but he knew for sure I was planning to take that course.

“Yeah.” He rubs the back of his neck. “You made it seem so interesting when you talked about it last year, I decided to check it out. I didn’t make the cut for the yearbook staff, though.”

Pressing my lips into a hard line, I try to suppress my smile. Girlfriend or not, it seemed he’d purposely chosen his classes in hopes to line them up with mine.

“It might be kind of hard to take pictures of school functions when you’re busy with band,” I mock, my grin breaking free and spreading across my face as he smirks at me.

“Good point. You’re still going to be stuck with me a lot this year. Think you’ll get tired of me?”

“Not possible,” I answer, with way too much certainty and honesty.

“Good, because I was thinking we could hang out outside of school some too. I mean…if you want to.”

Words fail me for the second time this morning, my mouth hanging open as I dumbly blink at him. He has a girlfriend, I remind my stuttering heart, but it ignores me, deciding to focus on the positive instead. Despite the fact that we’d be spending almost the entire day together at school, he still wanted to hang out with me afterwards.

Maybe he isn’t crazy about me like I am him, which sucks, but I still love being around him. He makes me laugh and gives me someone to talk to. His friendship makes high school seem bearable, and having him in my life as my friend is a lot better than not having him in my life at all.

“Jules?” Eric hedges, reminding me I still haven’t answered him.

“Yeah.” I nod. “I’d really like that.”

December 26th

My phone rings as I rush to get out of the car and into the restaurant. Pulling it from my purse, I see it’s Chris calling again and groan. He’s been calling me repeatedly over the past week, leaving voicemails and text messages, begging for me to take him back when I don’t answer.

“What the hell do you want, Christopher?” Slamming my car door, my feet pound the pavement as I make my way through the parking lot.

“God…Julia,” he exhales. “It’s so good to hear your voice, baby. I only want to talk to you, please. I miss you so much.”

“Well, I don’t miss you, and I don’t have time to talk.”

“How long are you going to punish me?”

I bark out a laugh and roll my eyes at how quickly his sweet tone sharpened when he didn’t get the response he wanted.

“Punish you? Seriously, Chris?” My face heats when my harsh tone grabs the attention of a couple passing by.

“I love you. You know I do. I already had to spend Christmas without you, I don’t want to miss your birthday too. Please come home. I swear that will never happen again.”

“Tell me something,” I grit out, “did you love me when you had your dick inside that other woman?” Christopher moans as if I’m being irrational and difficult—like he truly believes I should get over the fact that I found him balls deep inside another woman in our bed. “I’m not coming home. Not now. Not ever. It’s over. You did this, not me. Leave me alone.”

My hands shake as I hang up the phone, and tears pool in my eyes. I wish I hadn’t answered his call. I was already stressed out, and now this. Stopping outside the restaurant door, I take a couple deep breaths to calm my nerves before heading in.

Having lunch with Lori isn’t exactly on the top of my list of things I’d like to do today. It was hard enough dealing with family during the Christmas festivities these last couple days. There’s nothing like having your entire family grill you about your failed marriage. I got a lovely array of responses, from “let’s kill him” to questions about what I had done to cause his cheating.

Lori was the hardest one to deal with, as suspected. I love my sister, but she can be overly opinionated when it comes to my affairs—she’s that way with anyone she cares about.

“Sorry I’m late,” I huff, nearly breathless by the time I reach her inside.

Offering an apologetic smile, I eye my almost unrecognizable sister. We’ve never looked all that much alike. Her skin tone has always been much more olive than mine and her eyes more of a crystal-clear blue, but her newly highlighted hair makes her appear more blonde than brunette, removing the only real similarity we had.

Her mouth twists as she cuts her eyes to me, clearly unpleased she had to wait. The girl becomes a beast when she’s hungry. I swear those Snickers commercials are based off her.

“I wasn’t sure you were going to show up. Did you get lost in this big town?” Her lips press into a hard line as she crosses her arms.

Lori’s still hurt I didn’t come to her first after I left Christopher. My intentions were never to upset her, but she took it personally. She expects me to turn to her with all my problems, to let her handle or resolve them for me, but that isn’t the way I work. I’m the suffer in silence type.

“No, I had to deal with a phone call from Christopher,” I gripe, sitting in the tiny metal chair at the small wooden table.

My gaze darts around the room, looking anywhere but at her. The vintage, eclectic décor giving off a Midwest hipster vibe seems completely out of place for this small southern town. The new restaurant is packed, though. Every table is full and people are waiting.

“Please tell me you are not still talking to that fucker.” Her agitated tone causes the people at the table next to us to turn their heads.

“No…” My face heats with embarrassment, my eyes narrowing as they land back on her. “I only answered to tell him to stop calling me. He’s been calling me nonstop since I left. He thinks he can win me back, and I’m starting to worry he’ll try to contest the divorce.”

“I’ll be damned,” she declares. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll handle him.”

My pulse quickens as she smirks to herself and flips open her menu. She’s been waiting for this opportunity since the moment she laid eyes on Christopher and claimed he was an entitled prick. The day I told her I was moving to Pennsylvania with him, I thought she was going to attack him, and know she at least considered it. She hated the idea of me being so far away with only Christopher to turn to, but getting as far away from Tennessee as possible was exactly what I wanted. It was what I needed…or so I thought.

Now, after biding her time, I’m sure ripping into him would bring her great joy, but it would only make things harder on me. I want this to be over as quickly and painlessly as possible.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get involved. I can handle it on my own. It’s fine.”

“Please tell me you aren’t considering going back to him.” She closes her menu, giving me her complete attention.

I’ve considered going back to Christopher at least a hundred times since I left him, telling myself I could handle living a façade a lot easier than being back in Tennessee. If I’m being honest with myself, I loved the life being with him promised—or, rather, the escape it offered from the one I’d been living. But I’ve learned you can’t avoid the devil by selling your soul.

“No,” I murmur, shaking my head. Tears begin to fill my eyes and I avert them, not wanting her to see my pain.

“Okay, good. Have you had any luck on the job front yet?”

The sudden change in subject and her light tone has my head snapping up and brows drawing in as I study Lori’s soft features. It isn’t like her not to push.

Can she see how on edge I am already?

“I don’t know. Maybe.” I tilt my head as I continue to study her with caution. “I sent my resume to a couple places this morning and I’m planning to go out first thing Monday morning.”

“Everything is going to work out. You’ll see. I know it’s not going to be easy, but we’re all here for you. Your life will be even better than before.”

I bite the inside of my lip, attempting to ward off my emotions as they threaten to spill out. A lump grows in my throat as I nod, my gaze moving to my menu as I open it. “Thank you,” I choke out.