FOR NOW
February 5th
Every nerve-ending in my body buzzes with anticipation when she opens the door to her hotel room. Heat filled desire courses through me as the sweet floral aroma that is Jules washes over me. My greedy eyes scan her body, leaving me momentarily speechless. Even in jeans and a t-shirt, she’s stunning.
The sound of a door slamming echoes through the hallway, snapping me out of my daze, and I clear my throat.
“Hey,” I breathe as my gaze settles on her face.
“Hi.” She tucks her hair behind her ear as she shifts on her feet. “I thought we were meeting downstairs.”
She chews on the corner of her bottom lip as her cheeks flush, and I question my decision to show up at her room unannounced. She’s been a little skittish since I confessed how I feel about her, and I’m struggling to find the balance between letting her know what I want and not making her feel pressured. After holding everything back for so many years, that’s easier said than done.
She spent the first part of yesterday pretending nothing had changed, and by the time we were having dinner, she seemed almost afraid of me. It’s obvious she’s nervous and a little unsure about things changing between us. She wants this too, though. It’s written all over her eyes when she looks at me, and the way her body reacts to me. It took everything I had not to kiss her after I walked her back to her room last night, but pushing too much too soon could ruin everything.
“We were, but I wanted to give you this.” I hold the bag in my hand out in front of me, and she eyes it with raised eyebrows.
I had been waiting downstairs, pacing, too anxious to sit still while thinking of the way Jules’ face lit up during the shoot yesterday. I loved seeing her so carefree and wanted her to have something to remember the day, so I took the short walk over to the aquarium and got her a little something from the gift shop.
She remains still and silent as she stares at the bag, and I shake it, urging her to take the gift. “Well…go on. Don’t leave me hanging here.”
Smiling, she looks up at me, then back down to the bag before taking it. Her back stiffens as she peers inside, her eyes wide with surprise when she looks up.
“What, you don’t like it?” I smirk, hoping to hide my nerves.
The corners of her mouth turn up and she giggles, shaking her head. She removes the small, white stuffed animal from the bag, and I let out a breath. Snuggling the animal close to her body, she squeezes it tight, making me insanely jealous of a toy.
“I love it,” she coos. “Thank you.”
The warm smile on her face and softness in her gaze feels like laying in a hammock on a sunny day. I’d buy her a thousand stuffed toys if it meant she’d always look at me this way.
“I’m almost ready. Do you want to come in?” she asks, her eyes falling as the color on her cheeks deepens again.
My intention to do the right thing and offer to wait downstairs dissolves as she moves back, holding the door open wide. Taking a timid step inside, I stand right over the threshold, and she releases the door before retreating farther into the room.
My nerves have me feeling like a virginal boy alone with a girl for the first time as I shut the door. By the time I make my way through the small living space and into the bedroom, my head is reeling.
When I find Jules bent slightly over the bed as she closes her suitcase, I spin and disappear back into the other room to wait for her. Moments later, she comes out, pulling her suitcase behind with one hand and curling her gift up against her body with the other.
My heart feels like it’s doing karate kicks in my chest as she walks toward me. Her eyes lift to meet mine as she comes to a stop in front of me. When she lets go of her suitcase to hug the animal, my body twitches as I suppress my urge to close the small remaining gap between us—to touch her.
“How’d you know?” she asks with a tilt of her head.
My forehead creases as I tug at the hair on my jaw. “Know what?”
“What to get me?”
A blind man could have seen the way she fell in love with the Beluga Whales yesterday. It made my decision a very easy one to make.
I shrug. “You were as happy as a kid on Christmas watching them yesterday. It was like all the weight you carry around on your shoulders had been lifted and you didn’t have a care in the world. I thought having that might help you get that feeling back whenever you needed it.”
Uncertainty fills me when she remains silent, her gaze unblinking and breathing faint. As moisture fills her eyes, she takes a deep breath and places the stuffed whale on top of her suitcase. Before I even realize what’s happening, her arms are wrapped tightly around me, her body pressed into mine and head laying in the crook of my neck.
Her unexpected embrace causes my breathing to still and body to stiffen before I encase her in my arms, reveling in the pure ecstasy of holding her.
“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”
The tone of her voice is low and almost child-like, causing my chest to tighten. I’m not sure whether I should be pleased to receive this honor or furious no one’s beaten me to it. It was such a simple act, one that should have easily been outdone by someone during her twenty-eight years of life. But if I’m going to be angry, I should be mad at myself. I failed her just as much as everyone else, abandoning her when she married Christopher and never being honest about my true feelings for her.
She leans back, lifting her head to meet my gaze, and my breathing becomes ragged as she stretches up on her tiptoes. She places a lingering kiss on my cheek and squeezes me tighter before lowering herself again.
“Thank you.”
Smiling, I sweep her hair back before my hand settles right below her ear. Caressing her cheek with my thumb, I kiss her forehead, then tuck her underneath my chin. I want more, so much more, restraining myself is painful. But I have Jules back, and that’s enough for now.