Chapter 15

James

 

Despite her being very excited for school, it sure was hard to get Nell out of bed on Monday morning. She’d had a really great time with her friend over the weekend. I hadn’t even picked her up until dinnertime last night. I was really glad she’d found a friend she liked so much.

When she was finally ready and had finished eating her breakfast, we headed out the door, only to have to come right back in because she’d forgotten her backpack. When we finally got in the car, we were already set to be five minutes late, and that was only if traffic cooperated.

“Daddy?” I heard Nell ask from the back seat.

“Yes, pumpkin?” I responded, concentrating on driving.

“How was your day with Rachel?” Nell asked. She hadn’t mentioned it last night, so I’d thought maybe she’d forgotten all about it. She had obviously been wanting to ask me.

“It was good,” I said. I wasn’t sure what else to say to my five-year-old daughter. I couldn’t necessarily tell her that I really liked Rachel, or that I’d wanted to kiss her. I couldn’t tell her anything like that regarding Rachel. I had no idea how she would react if I said something like that. Would she be upset? There was no way of telling, but she loved Rachel. She adored her in fact. But I wondered if she only thought of Rachel as her babysitter. I didn’t know how she would take if I started dating her.

“I really like Rachel, Daddy. She’s so nice, and really pretty too,” Nell said, out of nowhere, really. I smiled at her in the mirror. I hadn’t been expecting her to say that. “You should invite her out with us next week, Daddy.”

“Yeah, maybe we can do that sometime,” I said. I wasn’t sure what else to say to her. I really wasn’t even sure what to think myself. It was feeling as if my daughter was trying to play matchmaker or something.

“I would really like that, Daddy,” she said. “Let’s do it this week, okay.”

Pulling up to her school, I pulled into a parking spot, shut the car off, and then got out and helped Nell. I walked her into the school because I was going to have to sign her in since school had already started. What I had hoped would be five minutes late, ended up being ten, but there was nothing else I could do. The ladies in the front office were very polite and told me it happens all the time, especially at the beginning of the school year.

I gave Nell a hug, and she ran off to her classroom, very excited to begin her school day. I loved that she still felt that way. But we would see after a few more weeks and months, and even in the years to come, just how much she really liked school. But I was going to savor this for the moment.

On my way to the gallery, I stopped to get some coffee. Just as I was walking into the coffee shop, I thought of Rachel, so I grabbed her cup, too. I brushed it off like it was just something nice that I was doing, but deep down inside, I knew it meant more.

When I got to work, I handed the cup to Rachel. She took it from me and thanked me, seeming a little flustered. I wanted to stop her and tell her that I’d wanted to kiss her the other night. I wanted her to know exactly what I’d been thinking of. I should have done so many things differently that night, but I hadn’t. I’d been too afraid, just like I was now. I was too afraid to tell Rachel how I really felt. I wanted her to know all kinds of things, but it was too hard.

“I’ll be in my office until it’s time to get Nell,” I said to her.

“Okay,” she said and went back to what she was doing on her computer.

I smiled at her and cursed myself as I walked away and headed up to my office. I sat down and tried to concentrate on work, but I found it hard as hell. Because there was a woman downstairs that I couldn’t get my mind off of. She was doing things to me, causing feelings that I didn’t think I would ever experience again. It was crazy though because I still hurt after Whitney’s passing. But something inside of me, something deep inside, wanted to find out where things could go with Rachel. But I was too scared, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to find out. I tried to get Rachel off my mind, but it was proving harder than I thought.

Soon it was time to get Nell. The few hours had gone by so fast, and I felt like being late this morning had added to it. I walked downstairs and paused; I looked at Rachel, and I wanted to tell her. Again, something inside of me was pulling at me, driving me to tell her the truth. Pushing me to grab her face and feel her lips pressed against mine. My body was craving it, and I could feel the desire bubbling up as I stared into her beautiful eyes. But still, I couldn’t do it.

I wanted to ask her out on another date and tell her that I wanted to spend more time with her, but I didn’t know how to do that.

“So, Rachel,” I started, and I cursed myself for not sounding more confident. This had nothing to do with me really, as much as it had to do with Nell. “Nell was wondering if you wanted to come over this weekend?”

Rachel’s eyes lit up “Really? She said that?” Rachel seemed a lot more excited about Nell wanting her to come over than I had expected her to be.

“Yeah. She said it this morning, but I forgot when I got here earlier. So, is that something you’d want to do?” For some reason, I was feeling pretty nervous, and I didn’t know what was going on with me. Before Whitney, I could have been considered a playboy. I had a lot of game. But it seemed like it got away. As I stood before this woman, I didn’t even know how to ask her on a simple date.

“I’d like that a lot.” Rachel said. We stared at each other for a moment, and I felt that deep desire in me and the need to kiss her, but I just couldn’t do it.

I made sure to hide my smile from her, “Nell, uh, Nell will like that a lot.” I opened the door to the gallery. “I’ll be back in a little bit,” I said and walked on out the door before she could even respond. I felt like such an idiot, and she must have thought I was crazy.

Jumping in my car, I drove to the school, and the whole time all I thought about was Rachel. That’s all I thought about all day. I couldn’t get her off of my mind, no matter what I’d done. Something inside me wanted Rachel, and I just hoped that she felt the same way about me. I could see the smile on her lips when I’d invited her over. Even though I’d presented it as Nell’s idea, which actually was true. Nell did want her to come over. But, at the same time, so did I. Spending more time with this woman was what I wanted. To figure her out, and learn more about her. I wanted to see more of her beautiful smile. I felt like we had such a great connection. I still just wished I would’ve kissed her when I’d had the chance.

I pulled up to the school, and even though it was just morning kindergarten getting out, it was still a little crazy. It made me wonder what it was like in the afternoons when the entire school let out at one time. I would find out the following year, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to or not. I honestly had no idea what I would do when she went to school full time.

Spotting Nell, I got out of the car and walked over to where she was standing with her teacher. Her teacher told me that Nell had a really good day. A friend had fallen and gotten hurt, and Nell had helped walk her to the nurse’s office.

“Wow, Nell. That was sweet. I’m so proud of you,” I said as I bent down to hug my little girl. She wrapped her little arms around me.

“I love you, Daddy,” she said.

“I love you too, baby girl,” I said back to her. Then I stood up, thanked the teacher and held her hand as we walked back to the car.

“Guess what?” I said to Nell as I started the car. I couldn’t keep the news of Rachel’s visit to myself because I knew it would really excite Nell if she were to find out. I wanted her to know.

“What?” Nell asked.

“Rachel is going to come over to our house this weekend,” I said. I turned around and looked at my daughter’s face just as it lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Are you serious? Yes, I’m so excited!” Nell practically yelled.

I smiled at my daughter, then turned back around and put the car in drive. I pulled out of the parking lot and drove her back to the gallery. While I drove, Nell told me all the awesome things she wanted to do with Rachel on the weekend.

“I want to paint our nails, ooh, and I want to give her a makeover. I want her to put makeup on me. I just want to spend time with her, Daddy.” She was excitedly chattering away, and I loved the sound of it. She’d been so happy lately. In fact, she’d always been a happy child. She’d been so young when her mother died that she didn’t really remember her much. And while I was sad about that, I was also thankful because she didn’t carry around the deep sadness that weighed down my heart all the time.

I pulled up outside of the gallery, and once again, I was feeling nervous. I didn’t know if I was ever going to get used to that. It was a strange thing to me.

“What’s wrong?” Nell’s voice came from the backseat. She pulled me out of my daydream, and I turned and looked at her.

“Nothing, baby.” I smiled at her and got out of the car, then helped her get up, too.

“I’m really excited that Rachel’s coming over tomorrow, Daddy,” Nell said, as we walked toward the front door of the gallery. “Are you?”

“Yes. I’m excited too, baby.” The thing was, Nell had no idea just how excited I was. I’d enjoyed spending time with Rachel the other day, and Nell had no idea about that either. I didn’t want her to know too much because I didn’t know what the future held for me and Rachel. And she was already so attached to her. I would have hated for something to happen between me and Rachel, only for Nell to lose that person in her life. Because she finally had a mother figure, even if Rachel and I weren’t anything other than boss and employee.

We walked into the building, and I watched Nell run into Rachel’s arms, feeling happier than I had in a long time.