Chapter Seventeen
Bring Your Daughter to the Cancer Ward Day
Jessica
The closer we get to the hospital, the less confident I am in my suggestion to have Eric meet my mother. He’s a perfectly nice guy. Why would I want to throw him into the lion’s den?
When we come around the corner and the hospital comes into view, I’m ready to just turn around. Apparently sensing my growing unease, Eric puts his hand on mine.
“How do I introduce you?” I ask.
“What do you mean?” Eric responds.
“Well,” I start, “I can’t really call you my employee, and I don’t think the nature of our relationship would make than an accurate explanation anyway. I could call you my friend, which is true, but it doesn’t seem to quite capture things. At the same time, we’ve never really had the boyfriend/girlfriend talk either, so when we walk into the room and I say, ‘Hey Mom, this is Eric,’ what do you think comes after that?”
“I don’t know,” he says. “I guess we’ve never really defined the relationship, have we?”
“No, we have not,” I answer. “Thoughts?”
“Well, I certainly wouldn’t mind being your boyfriend,” he says, “if that’s at or around where you are.”
He grabs my hand and rubs my knuckles with his thumb.
“You and your honeyed words…” I titter as we pull into the parking lot.
“I don’t think it really matters,” he says. “I think it’d be enough if you just said, ‘Hey Mom, this is Eric.’ Why overthink it?”
“Well, maybe I’d like to know for my own reasons,” I slip.
This is about the worst time possible to define the relationship, but I do like to be prepared whenever I know I’m going to have any kind of interaction with my mother.
“I’m assuming something along the lines of ‘the sexy guy that gives you mind-blowing orgasms’ wouldn’t work, huh?” he asks, and if nothing else, at least I’m laughing as I pull into the parking spot and turn off the car.
We just sit here for a minute, though.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I tell him. “Not really. I don’t know. Usually, I’m nervous to be around my mom because of the way she is—you know, as far as her personality. Now, I’m still worried about that, but I haven’t seen her since the surgery, either. Kristin says that she’s recovering pretty well and everything, but she can’t really move that much right now. They removed not only the tumors, but a fair amount of cartilage as well. I guess I’m just hoping that you’ll somehow come up with a reason for us not to go in there right now.”
“If you don’t want to go in there, we don’t have to, or if you’d rather go in there alone, I can walk you to the room or I can wait here. It really comes down to what you want to do,” he says. “I’m not here to force anything.”
My hands are still on the steering wheel, and I’m looking down at the empty ignition, wondering if it actually would be better to just put the key back in and drive off into wherever.
“Let’s go,” I tell him.
The key, at least as far as I’m telling myself right now, is not to think about it, to just keep walking until we’re in the room. Once we’re there, it’s not like we’ll really be able to leave anyway.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and quickly dial my dad’s cell phone.
“Hey sweetheart,” my dad says, “I was just thinking about you.”
“Hey Dad,” I answer, “I’m at the hospital. Are you here?”
“No, sweetheart, I ran back home to get a shower and take a nap, but I’ll be back there in about an hour if you want to stick around,” he says.
“Is Kristin here?” I ask. “Do you know?”
“She was when I left,” he says, “but I don’t know if she’s still there.”
“All right,” I tell him. “We may or may not be here when you get back.”
“Who’s we?” he asks.
“You remember Eric?” I ask, still not quite ready to define the relationship.
“Oh, that young man who brought you to the hospital last week?” he asks. “Yeah, I remember him. He’s there with you?”
“Yeah,” I answer.
“Would you mind if I speak with him for a moment?” my dad asks.
I don’t stop walking, but my pace slows enough that Eric turns to see what’s going on.
“Why?” I ask my father.
“I’d just like to say hello and tell him thank you for being such a comfort to you. I can tell that he cares about you,” my dad says.
“How can you tell that?” I ask.
“It’s just the way he looked at you when he came with you the last time,” my dad answers. “And how nervous he was when he was talking to your sister and me.”
“That’s quite the sixth sense you’ve got there, Dad,” I snort.
“I promise I won’t embarrass you,” he says.
I pull the phone away from my ear and tell Eric, “Hey, um, my dad wants to talk to you.”
“He does?” Eric asks, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Yeah,” I answer. “I wouldn’t worry about it. He’s the nice one.”
“All right,” Eric says cautiously, and reaches his hand out.
I give him the phone and he says, “Hi, Mr. Davis, this is Eric.”
While my dad is the nice one, he’s always been a little protective of me and Kristin. I’m just hoping he’s not giving that clichéd “You break my daughter’s heart and I’ll break your neck” line.
So far, I’m not seeing any signs of terror on Eric’s face, so I’m hoping for the best.
Eric’s talking quietly for most of the brief conversation, but finally he turns back toward me, saying, “Sure thing,” and “Yeah, I will. It’s nice talking to you, too, sir. Here’s Jessica.”
He hands the phone back to me. Before I put it back to my ear, I have to ask: “Sir?”
“It’s the respectful thing to say,” he explains.
I shake my head and put the phone back to my ear. “Hey, Dad what’s up?”
“I’m going to go ahead and stay here,” my dad says. “You’re coming home after you visit with your mother, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “I’m thinking of—”
“Great,” my dad interrupts. “Well, just give me a call when you’re leaving and I’ll make sure I’m decent for when you get here. Talk to you later, sweetheart.”
“All right, Dad,” I smile. Wouldn’t that be the twig and berries on top of the uncomfortable sundae that is this little field trip? “I’ll see you when we get there.”
“I love you,” he says.
“I love you, too,” I answer, and hang up.
“Shall we?” Eric asks and we make our way to the elevator.
When the doors are closed, I ask him, “So, what’d you two talk about?”
“Nothing much,” Eric answers, watching the number above the door switch from one to two.
It’s like he’s hiding something, but I have no idea what it could be.
“Nothing much?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he says. “He just wanted to say thanks for me coming with you. That’s all.”
“Okay,” I answer.
The door opens and I grab Eric’s hand as we turn down the hallway toward my mom’s room. There are no loud expressions of disappointment or sarcastic remarks coming from the room, so either Kristin’s gone or my mom’s asleep.
Right now, I’m hoping for the latter.
We come around the corner into the room and my mom’s lying back in bed, watching television.
“Oh, hi dear,” she says when she sees me.
I walk over and give her a hug, saying, “Hey Mom. How are you feeling?”
“I feel great!” she exclaims. “I can’t move too much, but whatever the doctors gave me for pain—you know, there are people that take this stuff just for fun? I used to think they were crazy and I certainly wouldn’t do it myself, but not everyone’s cut out for that kind of thing.”
Maybe drugged up is almost as good as asleep. At least she’s in a good mood.
“Who’s this, then?” she asks.
“This is Eric,” I answer.
Eric moves forward to shake my mom’s hand, either not knowing or forgetting that she can’t really move to reciprocate. My mom, on the other hand hasn’t taken her eyes off of me.
“No,” she says, “I mean who is he?”
I was really hoping I could get away with the brief introduction and not have to settle on an answer for the question, but here we are.
“He did some work for the store a while back,” I tell her. “He’s the one who headed the crew that did the remodel.”
“So he’s an employee?” my mom asks.
“No,” I tell her. “He’s helped a bit after the remodel and all that, but I wouldn’t say that he’s an employee.”
“So who is he?” she asks, but just as quickly moves on, saying, “You know, there are spiders in this world that flick their hair at you when you invade their space?”
“I didn’t know that,” I answer, smiling.
“Does Eric?” she asks and leans her head forward a bit, whispering, “Who is he again?”
“I did, actually,” Eric tells her. “We used to have a Chilean rose tarantula when I was a kid. That thing would urticate every time we’d go to feed it. It was a pretty foul-tempered thing.”
“Oh, how nice,” my mom says, looking at him ever so briefly. She looks back at me, saying, “You know, I think the nurses are after my sugar-free gum.”
She gives an exaggerated nod of her head, and I’m trying not to laugh.
This is actually about the best case scenario. Not only is she being semi-polite to Eric and me, but she’s got some color back in her face. She’s already looking healthier.
“Eric,” my mom says, “I’m wondering if I could impose upon you for a favor.”
“Sure thing,” he answers. “What can I do for you?”
“I keep asking the nurses to bring me a diet cherry cola, but they always seem to come back with a diet cola, no cherry, or a cherry cola, no diet. Last night, one of them came back with a diet cherry soda that wasn’t even a cola. I was wondering if you might have the sense enough to bring me the right thing for the first time since I’ve been in this hospital,” she requests.
“Not a problem,” he says. “Did you want a can or a bottle?”
“It doesn’t matter, dear,” she answers. “Thank you.”
He walks out of the room and I sit next to my mother’s bed.
“You’re sleeping together, aren’t you?” my mom asks.
I’m a teenager again, coming home in the passenger’s seat of my then-boyfriend’s Camaro, asking him to just keep driving for a little while longer.
“Why would you say that?” I ask.
“Well, for one thing,” my mom says, “he’s g-r-e-g-o-n-s-e-u-s, gorgeous.”
“You do know that’s not how you spell gorgeous, right?” I ask with a chortle.
“What did I spell?” she asks.
“I don’t know,” I answer. “Something like gregonseus.”
“Well, that’s not a word, sweetheart,” my mom says. “You really should have paid more attention in school.”
I’m hoping that we’re past her question and onto something else, but that’s a hope that never seems to see fruition.
“You are, aren’t you?” she asks.
“I’m what?” I ask, just going for that last-ditch possibility that there’s still time for me to avoid this conversation.
“You’re having sex with him,” she says. “I may be your mother, but I was a young woman once. I know the signs.”
“What are the signs?” I ask.
“I know what you’re doing,” she says. “Answer the question.”
“Mom, I think it’s just the drugs talking,” I answer.
“So you’re not having a relationship with him?” she asks.
“I wouldn’t say that,” I answer.
“What would you say?” she asks. “Remember, if you don’t tell me, I’m just as happy watching my nature program.”
She lifts a finger toward the television, which is on some ultra-violent prison show.
“Mom, what are they giving you for the pain?” I ask, smirking.
“You can’t have any, dear,” she answers. “You know, if I was your age, I wouldn’t waste a minute with that man.”
“Really?” I ask. “You don’t like him?”
“What?” my mom asks, “Why would you say that?”
“You just said that you wouldn’t waste a minute with him,” I remind her.
“No,” she says, “I meant that I would be bent over the arm of the couch with my pants around my—”
OMG.
“Is there any way I could get you to not finish that sentence?” I interrupt with a shudder.
“Do you love him?” she asks.
“Can we talk about something else?” I return.
“If you don’t, that’s okay, sweetheart,” she says. “I just want to know that you’re well taken care of.”
“I like him,” I tell her. “I think love is a ways off, though.”
I was lying to myself…to my mom. I hoped the questions would stop by saying that.
“Is there potential for it?” she asks.
I was wrong.
“I don’t know,” I tell her, “maybe.”
“Oh, I hope so,” she says. “The two of you would have the most beautiful grandchildren. Don’t you think?”
“I really haven’t given it that much thought,” I answer.
“No,” she says. “I was talking to him.”
I spin around and sure enough, Eric’s in the doorway with a bottle of diet cherry cola in his hand.
He pretends like he doesn’t hear the question, and opening the bottle and handing it to my mother, he says, “I think this was the last one, but if you like, we can pick you up some from the store so you have them while you’re here.”
“That’s very kind of you,” my mom says, and I know the smile on her face is in reaction to the hot redness of my face. “I was just asking my daughter if she thought the two of you had a future together and she didn’t seem to have a clear answer to the question. I was hoping maybe you might.”
It’s been so long since I’ve dated anyone that I’d forgotten about her little gambits with my significant others.
She did something similar with Will when I was in high school, only that time it took the form of asking him whether he had any useful knowledge about the female anatomy. After he left and I demanded an explanation, she just told me that it was a character question.
When I pressed her on the subject, she said that there was no right answer. If he said yes, he would be admitting that he’s either slept with me or some other floozy (she made sure to include the word “other” before the word “floozy) before he and I got together. If he said no, then he was an idiot. The truth, she said, was in how he answered, not what he answered.
“I don’t know,” he says. “The relationship’s still very new, but I’m hopeful.”
He looks at me and then winks. And that’s all it took to fill my body with warmth.
“And what are you hoping for?” my mom asks.
“How’s your treatment going?” I ask, knowing it to be a futile exercise.
“The doctors are hopeful,” my mom says.
I did kind of open the door for her on that one.
“Thank you for the cola, dear,” my mom says, and for a minute, she stares off at the TV.
A doctor comes in the room, but doesn’t say anything. He just checks her SATs and walks back out again as quickly as he entered.
“When I was Jessica’s age,” my mom tells Eric as she continues to stare at the television screen, “I never thought that I was going to meet the right man. Then,” she says, turning toward me, “your father came along.”
“That’s very—” I start, but my mom isn’t done.
“Then I knew I was never going to meet the right man,” she howls.
Eric and I look at each other uncomfortably for a moment, waiting for my mom to stop laughing.
Finally, she catches her breath and says, “Your sister was here earlier. Did you hear that insect she’s been dating managed to slip one by the armed guards?”
Eric cocks his head, not understanding, but my answer to my mom’s question clarifies things well enough, “Yeah, she told me she’s pregnant.”
“Now, there’s a grandchild I already know is going to need some counseling,” my mom says. “It wouldn’t be so bad if your sister’s boyfriend wasn’t such a twat.”
“Mom!” I exclaim, and Eric quickly turns away, unable to hide the fact that his shoulders are sharply moving up and down.
“He is, dear,” my mom says. “I don’t know if I’ve ever met someone who’s that high-strung, and I raised you, for crying out loud.”
“I think your daughter is wonderful,” Eric says, finally able to contain himself.
“Which one?” my mom asks. “The one that carrying twat seed or the one that’s so caught up with work, she forgot to have a life?”
“I planned on having a life when I was younger, Mom,” I tell her, “but you did a pretty good job convincing me that nothing I ever did was going to be good enough.”
I’d hoped that the conversation wouldn’t devolve into this, but I really should have known better. Even from her hospital bed, my mom’s still the queen of nastiness.
“It made you try harder, though, didn’t it?” my mom asks.
“It made me feel like I couldn’t do anything right,” I tell her. “It made me think that the best I could ever hope for was that a man would take pity on me and save me from my own stupidity!”
“Now dear,” my mom says, “do try to not raise your voice in front of the help.”
“The help?!” I exclaim.
Eric’s eyes are wide, but he doesn’t say anything.
“I will have you know that this man is the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time, and no, I don’t know where our relationship’s going, but he’s a decent person and he actually cares about me enough to try to help me feel better when I’m worried about you and your bullshit!”
“So, you think this is going to be it for you, do you?” she asks.
“That’s way over the line,” I tell her. “He’s my boyfriend, and I’m not going to sit here while you talk about him this way. Come on, Eric, we’re going.”
I stand and march to the door, but a sound from my mother’s bed stops me in my tracks.
Boiling, I spin around to find her with a wide smile on her face and laughter coming out of her throat.
“What is so funny?” I ask.
“You never did understand,” she says, laughing. “I’m not the demon you think me to be, dear. Now sit back down and let’s talk for a minute.”
“I don’t want to sit back down,” I tell her. “I’m glad the surgery went well, and I hope you can get back home soon, but—”
“Jessica?” Eric interrupts.
“What?!” I yell, turning back toward him.
“I think I get it,” he says.
“Get what?” I ask.
“He’s your boyfriend, dear,” my mom says behind me.
“I hardly think that’s a call for you to make,” I start, but then it hits me.
My mom just gives words to the thought, “Well, you said so yourself. Didn’t you?”
I guess I did.
“Sometimes people need a little pressure to realize what they want and what they feel,” my mom says. “You were always a little tougher to crack than your sister. It’s a good thing Eric’s here, otherwise you might have just thought I was being cruel for the sake of being cruel. Say what you want about how you feel, dear, but you just stood up for him in a pretty profound way. You don’t usually do that sort of thing unless you really care for someone.”
“Even if that was your goal the whole time,” I tell her, “that doesn’t mean you have the right to talk about people that way.”
“And you’re still defending him,” my mom says, and starts making kissing motions with her mouth.
“Come on,” I tell Eric, and I storm out of the room.
He follows me down the hall, but I’m to the elevator before he catches up.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I answer. “I’m angry and I’m frustrated and I’m embarrassed—okay, mostly I’m embarrassed.”
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” he says. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know,” I tell him. “Well, I could have thought through introducing you to my mother a little more carefully.”
“Hey,” he says, “if nothing else, I think we just had the talk.”
I look up him and, as the elevator doors open, he smiles and takes my hand.
“I think I’d be okay with being your boyfriend,” he says.
“Romantic as always,” I scoff, and we get on the elevator.