Thirty-Four
Zoe
I woke up dreading my day. There were dishes to be done and muffins to bake. The apartment was a mess, but I couldn’t even bring myself to look at the remnants of Mr. Beetle’s attack. Maybe if I ignored it, it would just go away. I walked into the living room, naked and still bloody.
My eyes snapped shut. I saw Archer choking Mr. Beetle while the man struggled to get free. His head was going limp, and his eyes were rolling up into the back of his head. The worst part was the unnatural purple color of his skin.
It was impossible to forget what Archer had done. I was going to have to clean this up if I wanted a second’s peace, but I could face it. I couldn’t face the woman looking back at me in the mirror when I walked up to my vanity either. It reminded me of a movie I once saw where a high school girl got pig blood thrown over her head.
I had scratches all over my wrists and ankles. They were raw, and when I stepped into the shower, the water tore at the skin. I hissed and pulled my hand back. How could I stop thinking about what happened when everything kept reminding me of it? The mess in the living room and kitchen. The screaming pain of my ankles and wrists. The throbbing ache in my head. I just wished it would all go away.
I felt my feet slip under me, and I found myself kneeling in the shower, sobbing. The real world came rushing back, too fast, and I couldn’t handle it. I reached up and turned the water on as hot as I could. I screamed at the feeling of it. My whole body shook from the outcry of pain pouring out of me. Something had been boiling up inside me, and it erupted from me now.
But it didn’t help. The heat just kept coming, scorching my skin and burning my cuts. I wouldn’t turn the heat down. Not yet. I needed the shock to bring myself out of this. I should’ve stayed away.
I laid there on the shower floor until the water heater gave out, and the cold came rushing down. I grunted, braced myself to get up, and turned the water off. The silence was unbearable. My skin was bright red, and my wrists were peeling. This was never going to end. How could I possibly go back to my normal life after everything I’d seen?
I threw on an old pair of jeans and a shirt, still stained with blueberry syrup, and walked into the living room. There was a hole above the TV where Archer’s bullet had made impact. There was no way that the office manager would allow that. I was probably going to get a twenty-four-hour eviction notice by the end of the day.
Nothing was good or simple. Every task, from pulling on my shoes to opening the car door, was an obligation and another reminder of what had happened. My only hope was to get to work. Maybe baking would get my mind off things.
Downtown was congested. They were having their monthly farmer’s market. It was set up in the square where Archer and I had come to dance during the music festival. I could still see the tattered white remains of the paper lanterns. I wanted to blow the place up. I’d have to pass it every time I drove into work.
Chloe was outside, openly smoking in back when I pulled up. She didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to tell her about Archer, but I could tell by the way she looked at me when she came inside that she wanted to say something. I stormed out into the lobby and started making a pot of coffee while I clocked in on the register.
She stayed in the kitchen until the morning rush was over and only came out when my back was turned so she could sneak a scone. I pretended that I didn’t see her, but I did. I didn’t need a reminder. There was nothing I could do about this. Archer simply wasn’t the right man for me.
I drank cup after cup of coffee until my hands were shaking and I had to sit down in the office. The clutter was too busy. The stained pavement and the stacks of paper made me feel like I had entered another dimension, where everything was just a little bit worse than it normally was.
I closed my eyes. Business would slow down, the bakery would close, and I’d lose my apartment. Everything that could go wrong would go wrong until I was living in a ditch like Mr. Beetle.
Chloe came in. “Hey.”
I sighed and my head fell forward. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of her, but it wasn’t something that I could control.
She rested her hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not!” I shot up out of the chair. “I—Chloe…”
“What?”
I sat back down. “He’s gone,” I wailed.
“Oh, no.”
“I thought you hated him?”
“I mean, yeah, I did.”
“Shouldn’t you be happy?” I asked.
“No, I was wrong about him.”
“No, you weren’t,” I cried. “You didn’t see what he did. He’s not like you and me. There’s something wrong with him.”
“Why? Because he was ready to kill a man who tied you up and tried to torture you with a red-hot knife? Are you crazy? I was ready to kill him.”
“You say that, but you don’t really mean it. That’s the difference. Archer was going to do it. I had to beg him to stop.”
“Put yourself in his shoes. The woman he loves was about to die. You can’t tell me you don’t care about him enough to kill for him. I’ve seen the way you were when you two were together.”
I felt like she’d just slapped me in the face. I’d been trying to push my feelings down the entire morning. I told myself that he didn’t matter, but he did, and Chloe wasn’t going to let me forget it. I needed to get out of there. I stood up to walk past her, but she blocked my path. “Sit down.” She pointed at the chair.
I looked past her into the lobby. I didn’t even have the energy to walk out there, so I relented. “I can’t hear this.”
“How many bullshit reasons are you going to come up with to fuck this up?”
“Stop!”
“No, that man risked everything to save you. If it weren’t for him, you’d be dead or disfigured or who knows what, and you’re treating him like he’s a mass murderer.” She laughed bitterly. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.”
“Please.” I was sobbing.
“This has nothing to do with what happened, his children, or even Archer. This is you sabotaging your relationship. You’re so worried about every little thing, just like you were when you started the bakery. I had to literally push you into the bank. You’ll never take a risk. You’re a coward, and if you can’t see him for what he is, then you don’t deserve him.”
“I…” She was gone, and I was left thinking of Archer and the way he seemed to change into a completely different person when he rushed into the apartment. I actually had to stop him from killing a man.
I gasped and looked around. I could almost see him with those eyes burning through me with his hand around my neck.
“Are you going to do it, Zoe?”
“If you talk to me again the rest of the day, you’re fired.” I slammed the door in her face and leaned back against it. My tears had drained a long time ago, and my face still stung. Every part of me was raw and battered. I couldn’t go out there like this.
That was the worst part of this entire episode. I wasn’t working like I should’ve been. Instead, I was holing myself up in the back office, too afraid to even walk out the door. When we were together, I’d space out like a sixteen-year-old girl swooning like he was in a boy band. The distraction was dangerous. It could destroy my life.
I sat down on the chair and held my head in my hands. I had to deal with my apartment. It wasn’t much, and it still didn’t feel like home, especially now that it was wrecked, but it was all I had. I didn’t think I’d be able to find a place in a day.
I pulled out my phone. There were forty messages from Archer. I snapped my eyes shut before I could read the one hovering at the top of the screen and swiped it away. I missed him, but that wasn’t the problem. It was the fact that I’d been stupid enough to fall for a man like him.
I called the apartment office. “Homestead, this is Lilly.”
“Hi, Lilly, this is Zoe from number 453.”
There was a long pause. I thought she hung up. “Are you okay? I saw the cops outside there, and Lolene told me she heard a gunshot.”
I sighed. “I…”
“Just tell me you’re all right.”
“Yeah.” The tears came.
“What happened?”
“I don—I…it wasn’t my fault.”
“Well, of course it wasn’t. We’ve been worried sick about you all day. Lolene wanted to call the fire department to break down the door, but she saw you drive off this morning. What happened?”
This might’ve been a trap. I didn’t know what to say.
“Are you hurt?”
“A little cut up, but nothing major.”
“Thank God.” She sounded relieved.
“Please don’t kick me out.”
“Are you calling because you think I’m going to evict you? Oh, sweetie, no. I’m so, so sorry. Listen, you get things cleaned up, take some time to rest, and don’t worry. We love having you here. Okay?”
“Really?”
“Yeah, and if there’s anything you need, please let me know.”
“There’s a bullet hole in the wall. It’s pretty big.”
“That’s fine. Do you want us to go in and fix it today?”
“No, wait till I come home.”
“You sure you’re all right?”
“I’ll be fine.” I hung up.
There was a knock at the door. “Zoe?”
“What?”
“I’m sorry. You do what you think is best, okay? And spend as long as you want in there. I’ve got everything.”
“Thank you, Chloe.”
“I know that it feels like nothing good will ever happen to you again, but that’s not true. You’re an amazing person. You’ll get through this.”
I was relieved when I heard her walk away. I couldn’t stay there, and I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t go anywhere else either. I’d just look like a cat lady roaming the streets. No matter what I did, this feeling wasn’t going away.