Chapter 12
Daniel was wound up badly after leaving Lisanne in her dorm room.
Having met her parents—twice—and having told them how much he cared about her, and really putting it all on the line, he’d wanted nothing more than to reassure himself that she was really his, in the only way he understood. But the bitchy cockblocker had been in the way. Again.
He badly wanted to get laid right there and then, just to be free and stop all the fucking feelings that were choking him, but he couldn’t do that to Lisanne. It was her body that he craved, her hands on his cock, her mouth against his, and no one else would do. He’d had wilder sex, he’d done it in ways and places that Lisanne couldn’t begin to imagine, innocent as she was, but none of those times, none of those women had come close to making him feel what he felt when he was inside her.
He’d almost wavered in his decision not to take Lisanne back to his place, but he knew it wouldn’t be right.
He didn’t know why—and Zef never told him anything, muttering about ‘need to know’—but things had really amped up at home. It seemed that every night was party night lately. He didn’t want to risk Lisanne having anything to do with it. The least he could do was shelter her from that shit.
Since Daniel had had his run-in with Detective Dickwad, he’d kept a casual eye open for any sign of Zef dealing meth. He didn’t think his brother would get involved like that, but he also knew that some his brother’s suppliers weren’t the kind of people anyone said no to. Not twice. But so far, all he’d seen was normal stuff—the unholy trinity of booze, weed, and speed.
With sex off the menu, Daniel wanted to get shitfaced or stoned. Either way, he intended to spend the evening numb and trashed.
Despite the fact it was still only mid afternoon, it was party o’clock when Daniel pulled up outside his house. He didn’t recognize the three guys sitting on the porch drinking from bottles containing a colorless liquid—gin, vodka, or moonshine, for all he knew. But the way they eyed up Sirona made him wheel her around to the side of the house, and lock her away in the garage.
He had a few possessions that were important to him including some books and photographs that had belonged to his parents, but the only items that were of any value were his $2,700 Martin guitar, and Sirona. When Lisanne had asked him about the Martin, he’d slung it in his closet, unable to speak. He’d retrieved it only after she’d left, and had since packed it away carefully in a hard carry case. The beautiful rosewood instrument now resided in the attic space above his bedroom. He didn’t want to look at it, but he didn’t want to have it too far away either. How dumb was that? He knew he should sell it and take the money. But it had been a gift from his parents. He just couldn’t cut that tie. Not yet.
The living room was a scene straight out of a disaster movie. Bodies lay comatose across the sofa and floor, and the place stank of tobacco and spilt liquor.
One guy was smoking a joint, letting the ash fall onto the destroyed carpet. Daniel lifted it straight out of the man’s limp fingers.
“Hey!” the guy protested weakly.
Daniel ignored him and headed to his room, swiping a bottle of bourbon along the way. It wasn’t Jack but it would work just as well.
He took one toke of the joint and found that the guy had made it wet. Too fucking gross. He wiped his mouth, stubbed it out, then reached into the drawer of his bedside table for his blunt wrappers.
After it was remade, he sucked in the smoke appreciatively. One thing he could say for his brother: he always got the good shit.
Daniel was just taking a slug of bourbon when he felt his phone buzz in his hip pocket. He expected it to be a text from Lisanne, but it wasn’t.
* C: Hey D! Am in Sav for weekend. Meet tomorrow? Your diner, lunch? Don’t say you busy or will come to find you. lol. Cori x *
Fuck. Just what he didn’t need.
He hadn’t seen Cori in a while, but he knew how single-minded she was. She knew where he lived, too, and he was damn certain she’d come to find him like she threatened if he didn’t show. At least the diner wasn’t somewhere other students went. It should be fairly safe to meet her there. Besides, he hadn’t seen her for a while—it would be good to catch up.
Then he swore softly. It would mean cancelling Lisanne. His body craved her, and the cockblocking roommate definitely hadn’t helped. He sighed. He needed Lisanne, but he owed Cori. And no way he wanted the two women to meet. He texted Corinna first.
* D: Ok. 12. *
And then Lisanne.
* D: Sorry. Have to do stuff tomorrow. Lunch on Monday? *
* L: Ok. Miss you. Thanks for today. You were amazing! LA xx *
Now he felt like a jerk as well. He picked up the bottle again and poured raw bourbon straight into his throat, welcoming the bite.
It was late morning when Daniel woke up. Daylight poured through the window as he squinted upwards. When he moved, his stomach pitched and rolled as if he were onboard a storm blown ship.
The bottle of bourbon glinted at him innocently, sunlight catching what was left of the amber liquid and throwing golden rainbows across the walls.
Daniel groaned as he sat up and held onto his head, feeling as if his brains would leak out at any moment. Moving hurt and his head throbbed. But the bourbon had been effective: he couldn’t remember a single thing since Lisanne’s text the previous afternoon.
He glanced at his cell phone. Goddamnit! It was already 11:30. He’d been asleep or passed out for 16 hours.
He dragged his sorry ass into the shower. The water was still cold, which made his teeth ache. He really needed to get hold of Zef and find out what the fuck was up with the hot water.
As he wheeled Sirona out of the garage, he hoped like hell he wouldn’t get stopped by the cops again—there was every chance his blood—alcohol limit wasn’t strictly legal.
He was only a few minutes late when he got to the diner—but Cori was already looking irritated, restlessly tapping a spoon against the table. She completely ignored the irked looks thrown at her by other customers.
When she saw him, she glanced impatiently at her watch. Daniel groaned internally.
She looked the same: beautiful—well, stunning—and frowning at him with exasperation. That look was familiar, as well. Her ash blonde hair was long and straight, framing a delicate face, with enormous blue eyes. Eyes that were snapping with annoyance.
C: Where the fuck have you been?
“Yeah, good to see you, too, Cori.”
C: Sign me, asshole! You know I hate lip reading.
D: Fine. How are you? You look good.
C: Better than you. You look like shit.
D: Give me a break. Heavy night.
C: No kidding. I ordered food.
D: No thanks.
C: That bad? Sucker.
Maggie strolled over with a jug of coffee. Daniel could have kissed her.
“Thanks, Maggie. Damn that smells good.”
He wrapped his hands around the steaming cup and breathed in the rich aroma.
“You going to introduce me, Danny, or did y’all forget your manners along with your razor this morning?” she said, swiping a finger across his stubbly cheek.
“Gimme a break, Maggie. This is Cori—you’ve met before.” He glanced over at Cori, who was smiling at Maggie. “She says ‘hi’.”
“Don’t give me that, Danny. She said a lot more than ‘hi’. Spill.”
Daniel groaned. Goddamn women.
“She said, ‘Hi, I met you two years ago when he was nursing a different hangover.’ Happy now?”
Maggie looked at Cori and winked. Both women laughed, and Daniel felt like laying his head on the cool surface of the table.
“I’ll get you guys your breakfasts now,” said Maggie, ignoring his mutterings of not being hungry. “By the way—what happened to the other one? I liked her.”
Daniel glanced over at Cori, who was watching him intently.
“She’s good,” said Daniel, shortly.
Amazingly, Maggie took the hint and strolled away.
C: Who was she talking about? What girl?
D: No one you know.
C: Duh! Obviously. She must be special if you brought her to your diner. Tell me.
D: A girl I met at school.
C: And?
D: That’s it.
C: What’s her name?
D: L-I-S-A-N-N-E.
C: Tell me about her.
D: No.
C: Why not?
D: Why do you want to know?
C: Why are you being so defensive?
D: I’m not.
C: Yes, you are. What’s the big mystery?
D: Fuck off.
C: Don’t be a dick, although I know that’s hard for you.
D: Give me a break.
C: Touchy much! How’s Zef?
D: Haven’t seen him for a couple of days.
C: Tell him I said hi.
D: If I see him.
“Here you go, guys. Extra grease for you, Danny,” said Maggie, lowering two breakfasts to the table.
Daniel’s stomach growled and Maggie hid a smile.
“Enjoy!”
Unsure whether the overwhelming sensation was nausea or hunger, Daniel tackled a small piece of bacon and, finding it delicious, proceeded to scarf his food.
Cori ate more slowly, throwing him puzzled looks every now and again. She tapped him on the arm.
C: What’s up with you? And don’t say ‘nothing’.
D: Just tired. Bit hungover.
C: It’s more than that.
Daniel dropped his fork to answer more fully.
D: Just … school and … things are pretty intense at home. Always people hanging around.
C: More than usual?
He nodded, and picked up his fork to carry on eating.
C: Are you worried about Zef?
D: I don’t know what he’s getting into.
C: What do you mean?
D: I got arrested and…
C: WHAT?!
D: Speeding.
C: Idiot.
D: I know.
C: The cops?
D: Made it sound like Zef was dealing M-E-T-H.
C: Is he?
D: Don’t know. He says it’s better for me not to know.
C: Crap.
Cori sighed, then gave her own breakfast some attention. After a moment she thought of another question.
C: You know why Zef deals…?
D: Don’t remind me.
C: Looks like I have to.
D: Fuck. He knows he doesn’t have to anymore. I think he likes it. Easy money.
C: Not if the cops are onto him.
D: I told him what the dickhead cop said.
C: And?
D: He told me it was none of my business and what I didn’t hear wouldn’t hurt me.
C: Funny guy.
D: Laughed my ass off.
C: Your ass looks fine to me.
D: Keep your hands to yourself.
Cori winked at him and Daniel managed to smile back.
C: Apart from Zef, how’s life? How’s school?
D: Good. Tiring. Lip reading all day.
C: Ass.
D: Yeah? At least I don’t have to wave my hands around 24/7.
Cori slapped his arm and Daniel laughed.
C: I still think you look miserable for someone who says school is ‘good’. Is it this girl—the one you won’t tell me about?
Daniel ignored her and stared pointedly at Cori’s full plate.
D: You talk too much.
It wasn’t surprising that Daniel had finished eating before her.
C: Only because you won’t say anything.
D: Fine. How are things at Cave Spring?
C: Same old, same old. The football team sucks without you. Did you get on the college team?
D: Haven’t tried.
C: Are you kidding? Why the hell not?
D: Didn’t try out.
C: But you love football! I don’t get it.
He shrugged.
C: Seriously. What gives?
D: Too busy.
C: Bullshit!
D: Drop it.
C: No! Not until you tell me what’s really going on!
Daniel slumped back in his seat. He didn’t want to get into this with Cori, but she was as stubborn as all hell. He should know: they’d dated on and off—mostly off—for five months. Somehow they’d managed to remain friends afterward, but she acted like she still owned his ass.
C: I know you. Talk to me.
D: I’m flying under the radar here.
C: What the hell does that mean?
D: I haven’t told anyone I’m deaf.
There was a stunned pause while Cori stared at him.
C: What? Why?
He shrugged again.
C: Are you ashamed or something?
D: No! I’m just tired of the way hearing people behave when they find out—start acting like I’m dumb or something. You know what that can be like.
C: So you’re hiding it? Hiding yourself? Do your professors know?
D: Yes, but that’s all.
C: Is that why you didn’t try out for the football team?
D: I just wanted to start fresh—no preconceptions, no stereotypes.
C: You’re still denying it, aren’t you?
D: No!
C: Yes, you are. You pretend like you’ve accepted it, but you haven’t. You’re such a hypocrite!
D: No, I’m not!
C: What about this girl? Does she know?
D: Yes. Not that it’s any of your business.
He stared at Cori angrily.
C: That’s something. Tell me about her.
D: She’s … nice.
C: Oh, please! You can do better than that. What’s she studying?
Daniel didn’t reply.
C: Come on—what’s the big mystery?
D: Music.
C: What?
D: She’s a music major. A singer.
C: Jesus. You are one sick bastard.
D: Why?
C: Because you’re a masochist. You’re such a fool—always wanting what you can’t have. Look at you, hiding away, pretending you’re like them. You’re not and you never will be. We’ve been over and over this shit. Quit hiding away what you are!
“What am I, Cori? What the fuck am I then?” he asked angrily.
She sat and glared at him.
C: A coward.
He stood up suddenly and shook her arm off when she tried to stop him.
“No. Fuck you! You don’t get to tell me how to live.”
He threw some bills down on the table, then strode out of the diner.
* * *
Lisanne was deep into her book on the history of sonatas when she heard a knock at the door. Kirsty looked up from her laptop where she’d been Googling Clifford Coffin.
“You expecting someone, Lis?”
“Not really,” she replied, swinging herself off of the bed. “But it’s probably MJ from my History of Composition class—she mentioned wanting to borrow my notes.”
Lisanne pulled open the door and found Daniel standing there, looking upset and agitated.
He didn’t speak, just pulled her into a tight hug, and rested his head against her neck.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” she said, stroking his hair.
Of course, he didn’t reply.
She waited until he seemed calmer, then pushed him away gently and repeated her question when he could see her face.
“I’m sorry, baby. I know you’re studying and shit, but…” he ground to a halt when he saw Kirsty frowning at him from above her laptop.
Lisanne looked over her shoulder and Kirsty’s eyes dropped to her computer, although the way she sucked her teeth was audible to Lisanne.
“I’ll get my jacket,” said Lisanne, quietly.
She followed Daniel down the stairs, and was surprised and pleased when he took her hand.
“Where do you want to go?”
He looked down for a second.
“Do you mind if we just go to the cafeteria and grab a coffee?”
“No, that’s fine. Are you okay?”
He shrugged, but his expression told her that he wasn’t.
When they’d got their coffee and were sitting opposite each other, Lisanne reached out and touched his wrist.
“What’s the matter?”
Daniel leaned back in his chair and scrubbed his hands over his face.
“I met a friend for lunch—an old girlfriend.”
Lisanne felt a shiver run down her spine. That was the ‘stuff’ he mentioned in his text? What was coming next?
“Okaaay,” Lisanne said, carefully.
Daniel gave her a lopsided smile.
“We haven’t dated for like two years, Lis. She went to my old school.” He looked around to see if there was anyone near enough to overhear them. “The deaf school.”
Lisanne nodded, still unsure why meeting an old girlfriend had upset him so much.
He took a deep breath.
“She … she said I was being a coward—by not telling anyone about myself.”
Lisanne’s intake of breath was sharp.
“She called you a coward?”
He nodded unhappily.
“That’s ridiculous!”
Daniel gazed at her warily, and Lisanne took both of his hands in hers.
“You are the bravest person I know.”
He looked doubtful.
“You are! You’re sweet and funny and kind and so strong. The way you stood up to my dad—that was … that was … you’re amazing and wonderful and so brave.”
Daniel ducked his head down, embarrassed by her effusiveness.
“Fuck!” he managed to say, made incoherent by her words. “You left out ‘awesome in bed’.”
Lisanne raised an eyebrow.
“That goes without saying!”
Daniel smirked at her.
“Still like hearing it.”
“Fine. You’re awesome in bed. Happy now?”
He smiled wistfully.
“I guess. It was just such a fucking kick in the guts. She said I haven’t come to terms with being … what I am. I don’t know—maybe I haven’t. It really sucks.”
“Your friend, when did she lose her hearing?”
Daniel shook his head. “She was born deaf.”
Lisanne couldn’t help thinking, So she doesn’t know what she’s missing. But it was too cruel to say out loud. And she was aware that some of her angry feelings toward this girl were because she’d been Daniel’s girlfriend. Not just one of his random women, but someone he’d dated in high school. More than that—someone who’d been there as his deafness became more pronounced, and when his parents had been killed. How could she compete with the closeness that came from all of those important shared experiences?
“Well, she’s wrong. About you. And if I ever meet her…”
Lisanne left the threat of potential mayhem hanging in the air.
Daniel tried to smile, but a sigh left his lips instead.
“I don’t know. Maybe she’s right. I haven’t really stayed in touch with anyone from my old school. Just her. I don’t have any deaf friends. I mean, who am I kidding, right?”
Lisanne bit her lip.
“Daniel, I don’t really know anything about this—it’s all new to me. But maybe you should talk to someone about it?”
“You mean a shrink?” he snarled, his temper sparking instantly.
“No,” said Lisanne, patiently. “I was thinking of Dr. Pappas, actually. But counselors help lots of people. It doesn’t mean you’re crazy.” She rolled her eyes. “Seriously, it could help just to talk it through.”
“I am talking it through,” he said, testily.
Lisanne frowned. “I meant with someone who understands what you’re going through.”
Daniel scowled. “Whatever.”
Lisanne crossed her arms.
“For goodness sake! I can’t say anything right, can I? I just don’t feel like I’m enough to talk to you about this.”
His expression softened at once. “Sorry, baby doll. It’s been a bad day and a really shitty weekend.”
Lisanne reached out and stroked the back of his hand.
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, gently. “Seeing you stand up to my folks was pretty great. Definitely the highlight of my weekend.”
Daniel didn’t return her smile. “I meant what I said,” he replied, his face serious.
“I know. I spoke to my mom this morning. She was pretty impressed.”
“Yeah?” he said, his face lightening immediately.
“And she agrees with me—she thinks you’re cute.”
Daniel laughed. “Okay, weird enough.” Then he changed the subject. “You want me to drive you to your rehearsal tomorrow night?”
“Um, no, that’s okay. But could you pick me up after? We should be finished by ten.”
“Sure, baby.”
They chatted for a while longer, then reluctantly agreed that they had a ton of homework to get on with.
Daniel walked Lisanne back to her room, then kissed her until she was giddy before waving her goodbye.
Kirsty was still glued to her laptop, but glanced up when Lisanne walked in.
“Everything okay in Wonderland?”
Lisanne was taken aback by Kirsty’s sarcasm, and immediately her desire to defend Daniel bubbled up, molten and hot.
“It is now,” Lisanne snapped. “Why are you so down on Daniel?”
“I’ve told you,” Kirsty shot back.
“Look, he stays away from whatever his brother does. He doesn’t have anything to do with it.”
“So you admit that the brother is … involved.”
“I don’t admit anything! I met him once for about five seconds—that’s all. But I do know Daniel.”
“You’re taking an awful lot on trust, Lis,” said Kirsty, more quietly.
“Yes, I am.”
Kirsty sighed.
“Look, my dad’s a lawyer so I know how this works. If his brother is dealing, the fact that Daniel is living with him and there are drugs there, that could make him criminally liable. And if he’s seen his brother selling drugs, Daniel could be charged based on probable cause. At the very least, he’s an accessory after the fact, and if he doesn’t tell the police, they could say he’s obstructing a police investigation. I’m assuming he’s smart enough to deny any knowledge…”
She stopped when she saw how pale Lisanne looked. She stood up immediately, and walked over to give her a big hug.
“I’m sorry, sweetie, really I am. Just … just promise me that you won’t go to Daniel’s house.”
Lisanne sat down heavily.
“I don’t think that will be an issue. I went there once weeks ago, but he hasn’t taken me there since. He hasn’t said anything except that it’s not a good idea.”
Kirsty let out a deep sigh.
“Well, that’s something. Look, you know I don’t totally buy Daniel’s good guy act, but I’d have to be blind not to see how much he cares about you. You’ve really done a number on that boy, Lis. I’m just saying be careful. Okay?”
Lisanne nodded slowly.
“I know. Thanks, Kirsty.”
Kirsty’s words revolved around in Lisanne’s head for most of Sunday night, leaving her tired and grumpy when she woke up the next day.
She dragged her way through her classes and didn’t even have the relief of catching up with Daniel at lunch. He’d texted her to say he was involved in some tutorial thing and he’d see her at the Blue Note that evening.
Lisanne sighed. At least she had the rehearsal to look forward to, and what with the next gig coming up at the weekend, they needed as much practice as they could get.
She struggled through her American Folk Music class, and nearly fell asleep in her pasta when she ate her dinner alone in the cafeteria. Then she stood at the bus stop, dozing, until her ride rumbled up and carried her downtown to West River Street.
The Blue Note still looked like a dive, but at least it was familiar.
Mike opened the door for her, his laconic face almost cracking a smile. He was a different person when he was playing his drums—wilder, less restrained. Lisanne understood that—she felt the same when she sang; or rather, singing affected her in the same way.
By 10 PM, she was exhausted but feeling happier.
Thank goodness the rehearsal had gone so well—she’d definitely been in need of some good news after the intensity of the weekend.
Roy picked her up and swung her around.
“You’re our lucky charm, baby girl! Things sure been goin’ our way since we met you.”
Lisanne was laughing and trying to wriggle free when they both heard a snarling voice behind them.
“Put her the fuck down!”
Roy let Lisanne slide free and then turned to frown at Daniel, who was standing with his hands fisted, an expression of fury on his face.
“You talkin’ to me, Dan?” said Roy, his voice dangerously quiet.
Daniel ignored him and spoke to Lisanne. “You coming or not?”
“Um, okay,” she said, quickly. “I’ll see you on Wednesday.”
The guys nodded, all except Roy, who was still standing in a defensive position.
Lisanne hurried after Daniel, who was stomping through the club, anger rippling from him. She grabbed hold of his arm, forcing him to stop.
“What’s wrong? Why did you yell at Roy like that?”
“Isn’t it fucking obvious?”
“Not to me.”
He took a deep breath.
“I didn’t like how he was touching you. And you let him!” he said, accusingly.
Lisanne was stunned. He was jealous?
“Daniel, you know Roy’s like that with everyone. He practically breaks my ribs every time we get good news.”
He met her eyes, his face relaxing slightly.
“Good news?”
“Yes, we’ve got the gig at the Down Under in three weeks.”
He dragged his hands through his hair and looked apologetic.
“It’s this place,” he said, at last. “Being here makes me a little crazy.”
Lisanne felt horrible and selfish for making him come to the club, just for the piercing reminder of what he’d lost.
Tentatively, she walked toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Sorry,” she whispered. “Sorry.”
He rested his forehead against hers. “Me, too.” After a moment, he looked up. “Come on, I’ll take you back.”
It was a short ride to the dorms but even so, Lisanne was chilled to the bone. Daniel had been right about needing a warmer jacket.
She shivered and he looked at her anxiously.
“You okay?”
“Just a bit cold. I’ll be fine. Do you want to come in? I could make you a coffee…”
“Will Kirsty be there?”
Lisanne smiled and shook her head. She knew exactly what he meant.
“No, she’s at Vin’s. Working on their business studies assignment.”
She raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled.
“Yeah, that thing’s a bitch.”
“So, you want to come in and … study?”
He grinned. “It’s kind of late for … studying.”
“But I promised you a coffee first—that should keep you awake for… studying.”
“Do you actually have any coffee this time?”
“I have no idea.”
Daniel shook his head, smiling. “You make a man an offer he can’t refuse, baby doll.”
Lisanne was pleased: that had been the general idea.
She walked in the front entrance, then met Daniel at her door as he snuck in through the fire exit. It felt wonderfully naughty and liberating, sneaking a boy into her room at night.
He caught her as soon as the door was closed and proceeded to kiss her thoroughly. Then she turned the tables and pushed him suddenly so he fell back onto her bed.
He laughed delightedly as Lisanne threw herself at him.
After that, there were no words.