Chapter 24
Daniel was jittery. He wondered if it had been a mistake asking Lisanne to come with him to the clinic. But there was no backing out now. Where he was reluctant and dragging his weary ass, she was eager and almost fucking skipping along.
Even some very hot wake-up sex hadn’t put him in a better mood, and that shit was just wrong. Wake-up sex put everyone in a good mood, didn’t it?
He tried to ignore Lisanne’s high spirits, but every time he looked away, she tugged his arm to make him look at puppies or balloons, or who knew what crappy happy shit. And he really wanted a smoke.
They walked past a guy who was pulling a cigarette from a new packet, and Daniel seriously thought about mugging him for his Marlboro’s—a brand he hated.
He stopped abruptly outside the entrance to the hospital, and Lisanne almost crashed into him.
“Just … give me a minute, baby doll,” he grit out, trying to calm his breathing.
She reached up and held his face, cupping his cheeks with gentle fingers. “It’s going to be fine,” she said, placing a soft kiss on his lips. “It’s going to be good.”
He gave a staccato nod, took a deep breath, and opened the door.
Lisanne walked through, then turned to look at him. She held out her hand and he took it, grateful for the contact.
He was checked in at reception, and they were pointed toward the waiting room. He hated waiting rooms. He hated waiting, period.
They’d been sitting for less than a minute and his leg was bouncing up and down so hard that he could feel the vibrations in his teeth.
Lisanne rested her hand on his knee, soothing him.
“It’ll be fine,” she said again, chanting out the words as if they were a talisman against every evil.
He didn’t feel fucking fine. He felt sick to his stomach. What if, after all this shit, what if it didn’t work? He’d read the statistics, he’d read every online blog and account that he’d been able to find. He knew the implants didn’t work well for everyone, a minority perhaps, but the way his damn luck was going, he’d be that minority.
He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees, and let his head hang down.
Please let this fucking work.
Lisanne tapped his arm gently and he looked up.
A woman was standing in front of him smiling. Oh yeah, what was her name?
“Samantha. How are you?”
S: Good, thanks. You?
D: Okay.
S: I was hoping you’d get in touch.
D: Been busy.
S: So I see! Is this your girlfriend?
D: Yes. L-I-S-A-N-N-E.
“Lis, this is Samantha. She’s had the CI, too.”
“Oh, hi,” said Lisanne, scanning Samantha quickly, then she remembered to make the correct sign.
S: She’s the musician?
D: Yes.
S: Are you here for your tuning session?
“Yeah, first one.”
S: You look a bit nervous. That’s why I came over. But it’ll be worth it. I promise.
“Yeah, I hope so.”
Daniel’s name flashed up.
“That’s me.”
D: Take care. Bye.
S: Bye.
Lisanne waved awkwardly, smiling nervously at the attractive older woman.
“What did she say?”
Daniel was clearly distracted, but his thoughts weren’t running in Samantha’s direction.
“What? Oh, yeah, she said it would be worth it.”
His mouth tightened into a flat line.
Lisanne held his hand as she walked into the consulting room with him.
Dr. Palmer was there, which reassured them both.
“Hey, doc,” croaked Daniel, his throat inexplicably dry. “Um, Lis, this is Dr. Palmer. Doc, this is my girlfriend, Lisanne Maclaine.”
“Miss Maclaine, a pleasure to meet you again.”
Daniel frowned. Again?
“Hello,” Lisanne said shyly, shaking his hand.
“And this is my colleague Dr. Devallis—she’s your audiologist, and will oversee the tuning today. I just wanted to check that you hadn’t had any problems with the implant.”
“Yeah, it’s okay,” said Daniel. “I can feel it when I swallow which is a bit weird.”
“He got into a fight,” said Lisanne, suddenly.
Daniel gave her an annoyed look, and she looked a little disconcerted.
“A fight?” Dr. Palmer echoed, his eyes flicking between Daniel and Lisanne. “Was there any damage to your head?”
“No,” said Daniel.
“Yes,” said Lisanne.
“For fuck’s sake!” Daniel growled, irritated beyond belief. “The bastard stamped on my ribs—my head is fine!”
“He hit you on the left side of your head and one of the stitches split open,” Lisanne said in a defiant tone, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Well, I’ll just have a quick look,” said Dr. Palmer. “When did this happen?”
“The night before Christmas Eve,” said Lisanne, softly.
Daniel tore off his beanie and stuffed it in his pocket. The doctor probed the wound but Daniel didn’t move a muscle.
“Well, it seems to be fine,” Dr. Palmer said, at last. “But I really can’t recommend getting into fights.”
“Believe me, doc,” said Daniel, dryly, “it’s not my idea of fun.”
“Hmm, well. Do try and protect your head. Are you still riding your motorcycle?”
“Hell, yes!”
The doctor sighed. “And what about football?”
Daniel frowned. “What about it?”
“Ah…?” Dr. Palmer looked at his notes. “I thought you played football—quarterback, wasn’t it?”
“Was, doc, was.”
Dr. Palmer met Daniel’s gaze. “You don’t play anymore?”
Daniel shifted uncomfortably in his chair while everyone stared at him. He felt Lisanne’s small fingers on his hand.
“I played at high school—a special school. I didn’t try out for the college team.”
“Mr. Colton, we have anti discrimination laws these days,” said the doctor, patiently. “Besides, there are some excellent helmets out there that would protect your implant, and…”
Daniel interrupted him, tetchily. “I know all that, doc. Give me a fucking break.”
Lisanne swatted his arm.
“Sorry,” Daniel mumbled.
“Well,” said Dr. Devallis, raising her eyebrows, “I’m going to talk to you about the external pieces of the device that you’ll need. It’s been charged up overnight, so it’s ready to go.”
“I’ll leave you to it,” said Dr. Palmer, shaking hands with Daniel and Lisanne. “Let my office know if you have any problems.”
“Yeah, thanks, doc.”
Dr. Palmer left the room, and the audiologist smiled at them. She pulled open the square box that was lying on the desk in front of her.
Inside was a round piece of plastic the size and shape of a quarter, attached by a five inch wire to something that could be mistaken for a cool, new iPod—maybe.
“Okay, first things first.”
She spoke slowly and clearly, showing Lisanne as well as to Daniel.
“This is where the power cell goes. It’s a rechargeable battery—most people charge it up while they’re sleeping. This part here,” she tapped the plastic body, “this is the processor and just above it is the built-in TeleCoil. The hook part here, that’s called the Microphone Auxiliary Earhook. The main microphone is up here on the top. Now, to the parts you really need to know. This is the LED status light and just below is the volume control.”
“What’s that switch?” said Lisanne.
“That’s the program switch. You use it to change between different environments—for general use, when it’s very noisy and so on. And this piece contains the transmitter and magnet.”
Daniel looked at Lisanne’s face. She seemed completely absorbed in what she was being told.”
“Ready to try it?” said Dr. Devallis.
Daniel swallowed and nodded.
The doctor placed the unit behind Daniel’s left ear and clipped the magnet at the side of his head. Lisanne was fascinated to see it staying in place.
“A second magnet was placed under the skin during surgery,” explained Dr. Devallis.
“Oh, right. Of course,” Lisanne stuttered.
Daniel’s eyes flicked across to her.
“Okay, here we go.”
The doctor turned to her computer screen then looked back to Daniel.
“We’ll stimulate each electrode along the array, one at a time. That way we can find the lowest level of current needed for you to just barely hear a sound—that’s the sound threshold. Then we find the upper level of stimulation by raising the current to find a level that is comfortably loud. Then it’s a case of balancing the level of current across all electrodes. Daniel, you’ll hear a series of beeps now.”
She pressed some keys on her computer.
“Fuck!” said Daniel, his hand automatically flying up to his ear, his hazel eyes open wide.
“You’re doing fine,” said the doctor, soothingly.
Daniel glanced up at Lisanne, and saw her brush away tears. She gave him a thumbs up and a big, hopeful smile.
The doctor pressed another key and Daniel blinked. It was the weirdest feeling. It wasn’t sound as he remembered it—but it was sound.
“This will take a little time to get right,” said the doctor. “Just bear with us. Your aural rehabilitation won’t be instant—as I’m sure you’re tired of people telling you. Okay, I’m mapping the process for you. Imagine an electric organ keyboard: each electrode will play a particular ‘note’. There’ll be a lot of fine-tuning involved.”
Dr. Devallis spent the next 40 minutes trying out different levels of sound. Finally, she deliberately turned away from Daniel.
“Can you hear what I’m saying?”
She waited and Daniel frowned. Then she turned to face him and repeated the words.
“Can you hear what I’m saying?”
Daniel stared at her.
“Um, there’s something. It’s like … fuck, I don’t know … ducks quacking maybe?”
The doctor nodded and smiled. “Good, we’re getting there.” She made some more adjustments. “The sound will seem odd until you get used to it. Most people describe it as ‘mechanical’ or ‘synthetic’. But don’t worry—that perception will change over time. Okay, let’s try and broaden the range.”
Daniel glanced at Lisanne, who looked like she was holding her breath.
“Breathe, baby doll! I don’t want you passing out—even if we are in a hospital.”
She rolled her eyes but he saw her take a deep breath. Having her there was immense. He’d have run the fuck out by now like some pussy, if she hadn’t been there.
Dr. Devallis smiled. “How does this sound?” and she pressed some more keys on her computer.
Daniel concentrated. “It’s sort of … muffled … like I’m underwater or something…”
“Okay, that’s good. You’re doing fine. As your brain adjusts and learns a complete sound picture, it will begin to sound more natural. It’ll be tiring at first, but it’ll get easier.”
For another hour, she tested a range of sounds until Daniel looked exhausted. Lisanne had to stop him from rubbing his head.
“You’ve done really well for a first day,” said Dr. Devallis, at last. “You have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow afternoon—we’ll do some more work then. Okay?”
Daniel nodded tiredly.
“I want you to practice wearing the processor and transmitter for an hour this evening. Don’t try too much—no TV or radio—just talking, okay?”
Daniel nodded again, feeling like he wanted to rip the fucking thing from his head. His scalp felt raw where the transmitter was attached, and his head was aching.
He couldn’t get out of the hospital fast enough. He felt Lisanne pulling on his sleeve.
“Daniel?”
“I just need … let’s get the fuck out, Lis. I just…”
Her fingers wrapped around his hand and they walked back to Sirona without speaking. Daniel passed her the helmet and pulled on his own.
He was trying to process how it all felt and he needed silence. The fucking irony.
The morning had felt unreal. He couldn’t explain the sensation as the implant was stimulated—the sound didn’t fit with any of his memories. He knew it was too early to be disappointed, but the overwhelming feeling was there anyway. He couldn’t get past the idea that he had a chunk of metal in his head. He’d almost been able to ignore it after the operation, but feeling it working, it freaked him out. And the way it felt having the transmitter stuck on his head. A shudder went through him.
Instinctively, he knew he needed something familiar, and he headed for the diner, driving faster than was legally permitted. Lisanne’s hands tightened around his waist and he didn’t know if it was from fear, but he slowed fractionally.
He’d just pulled off his helmet when his stomach sank to his boots. Fuckin’ luck that she was here. What were that chances?
Daniel felt Lisanne lace her fingers through his.
“Are you okay?” she said, anxiously scanning his face.
“I think we should go somewhere else.”
“Why?”
He pulled a face. “Cori’s here. That’s her car.”
“Why don’t you want us to meet?” she said, tightly. “You said you’d introduce us.”
Her expression was challenging and Daniel immediately felt his hackles rising.
“Because I can’t take any more fucking drama right now, Lis, and you look like you want to start yanking her hair.”
Lisanne snorted. She was hardly the violent type, although…
“I promise I’ll be on my best behavior with your ex-girlfriend,” she said, drawing a cross over her heart. Then she felt guilty seeing how stressed he was. “Hey, don’t worry! Honestly, I won’t start anything.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly.
Lisanne stood on tiptoe and kissed him lightly. “Honestly.”
He gave her a tight smile and made sure his beanie was firmly in place. They walked to the diner together and he opened the door for her.
Cori had already seen them and was sitting with her arms folded, and silent, which was never a good combination in Daniel’s experience.
He took a deep breath and walked forward.
C: Hi, stranger!
D: Hi. This is L.I.S.A.N.N.E.
“Lis, this is Cori.”
Lisanne used the only sign language she knew. Hello.
C: Can you sign?
D: No. She just knows ‘hello’.
C: She’s cute. Not your usual type.
D: Don’t start.
C: Who me?
Daniel raised his eyebrows then turned to Lisanne, who was looking lost.
“She thinks you’re cute.”
“Oh!” Lisanne blushed. “That’s nice of her to say that, because she’s gorgeous.”
C: ‘Gorgeous’?! I like her.
“She likes you,” he said, to Lisanne.
The two women smiled cautiously at each other, and Daniel rubbed his head.
“Can you lip read?” Lisanne asked Cori.
Daniel watched the reply. “She can but she says it’s tiring. She prefers to sign.”
“Oh, okay.”
Lisanne saw him rubbing his head again and she caught his hand. “Does it hurt?”
“Headache,” he said, shortly.
C: From the CI?
D: Yes.
C: How does it feel?
D: Weird. I don’t know. Bit sore.
C: Can you hear?
D: Not much. They say it’ll get better.
C: So you’ll be one of them now?
“Fuck off,” Daniel said, without much heat.
Lisanne looked shocked.
“She’s being a pain in the ass,” he said, jerking his head at Cori who simply smiled back beatifically.
“What did she say?”
“Leave it, Lis.”
“No! What did she say? Was it about me?”
“Fuck. She said, ‘Are you one of them now?’ Okay?”
Lisanne frowned. “What does she mean?”
Daniel rubbed his eyes. “She thinks I’ll be part of the hearing world now and I won’t want anything to do with … other deaf people. She doesn’t get that I’ll still be deaf—that this,” he pointed to his head, “is just another tool. But it’s not like being a hearing person.” He looked at Lisanne. “I’m not sure you get that either. This is for life, Lis. I’ll never be like you.”
Lisanne’s eyes filled with tears as his voice began to rise.
“I know,” she whispered.
Cori kicked him under the table.
C: You’re being an asshole. You’ve made her cry.
Daniel stood up abruptly and walked out, leaving Cori and Lisanne staring at each other. Cori reached across the table and touched the back of Lisanne’s hand, smiling sadly.
Lisanne swallowed and felt her lips twitch upwards. It was the best either of them could manage.
Daniel was sitting on the curb, his head in his hands. When he felt someone rub his arm, he didn’t need to look up to know it was Lisanne.
She touched his cheek and he leaned into her. She ran her finger along his lips and he kissed it gently.
“Fuck, sorry,” he said.
“Me, too. I’ve ordered for you—lots of grease. Come on, come back. Please.”
He stood up slowly, feeling drained. A lot of grease sounded good, he just didn’t know if he could handle Cori and Lisanne firing questions at him. It was enough to give a man indigestion before he ate.
They walked back into the diner and Cori smirked at him.
C: She handles you well.
D: What part of ‘fuck off’ didn’t you get the first time?
C: Seriously, I like her. She’ll be good for you.
D: Patronizing much?
C: Suck it up.
Lisanne’s phone beeped and she pulled it out of her pocket.
“Oh, it’s from Kirsty. She’s posted some pictures from Aspen.”
She passed her phone to Daniel and he flipped through various snowy scenes.
C: Can I join in or is this a couples thing?
“Cori wants to know what we’re looking at.”
“Kirsty is my roommate. She’s in Aspen with her boyfriend, Vin.”
D: Lis’s irritating roommate and her boyfriend Vin. They’re skiing in Aspen.
C: Lucky them! And I’m stuck here looking at your ugly face.
D: Even I’m getting bored of saying ‘fuck off’.
Lisanne handed the phone over to Cori.
C: Hey, he’s cute!
Daniel rolled his eyes.
“What?” said Lisanne.
“Please don’t make me fucking say it,” grumbled Daniel.
“Come on, what did she say?”
He groaned. “She thinks Vin is ‘cute’.” He used air quotes to show how deeply uncomfortable he was, talking about another guy like that.
Cori giggled and Lisanne couldn’t help smiling.
“He’s not my type,” said Lisanne.
Cori laughed and pointed at Daniel.
“Yes, he’s my type,” said Lisanne, nodding.
Daniel stared at them both. “Hey! I’m right here!”
He was relieved when Maggie arrived with the food.
“Where’ve you been, handsome? I’ve missed your sweet face,” and she leaned down to pinch his cheek. “I hope you’re keeping him in order, girls,” she said.
“Fuckin’ hell,” sighed Daniel.
“Less of the cussing, Danny Colton!” said Maggie, severely.
Lisanne held back a giggle, still slightly intimidated by the waitress.
They ate their food in silence, Daniel refusing to translate while there was a meal in front of him.
Afterward, they had an awkward three-way conversation where Daniel told Cori about Zef and the house, and that Rodney would be moving in.
C: Is he cute as well?
D: Not your type.
C: What’s that supposed to mean?
D: He’s gay.
C: You swinging both ways now? Don’t bother saying ‘fuck off’ again.
“Oh, tell her we’re going to have a party when Rodney’s moved in.”
“What? No way!”
“Fine, I’ll tell her.” Lisanne spoke slowly and clearly, and watched the furrowed concentration on Cori’s face.
It was clear she found lip reading much more difficult than Daniel. It made Lisanne wonder how tiring it was for him. He’d always made it look so effortless that she realized she’d taken it for granted. But seeing Cori struggle, she was forced to re-evaluate her thoughts.
C: Cool! Party! You weren’t going to invite me, were you, you bastard!
D: Can’t imagine why I wouldn’t.
C: Fuck off!
He grinned at her.
* * *
Over the next three days, Daniel had two more tuning appointments. Each time, Lisanne went with him, and each time there were small improvements, but Daniel’s frustration was clear.
He couldn’t distinguish between men’s or women’s voices, and couldn’t tell who was speaking. He found some of the sounds ‘ugly’, although he couldn’t explain what he meant by that.
Lisanne thought she understood—being a musician, and being so attuned to the quality of sound, some combinations just didn’t seem right. But she kept that thought to herself.
Daniel knew that his hold on his temper was tenuous and tried not to take out his constant anger on Lisanne, but it was hard.
He was almost relieved when Rodney returned, and the intensity of being with his girlfriend 24/7 was diluted.
One good thing had come out of their time together—the sex had been awesome. She had fewer and fewer inhibitions and had surprised him several times by taking the initiative. But they fought, too. Fuck, they fought!
He admitted to himself that he drove her crazy with not talking about how he was feeling, but come on! It just wasn’t a guy thing to talk every other fucking second about how he was feeling all the time. Sometimes he needed to just be. Lisanne didn’t seem to understand that, and accused him of shutting her out.
On the plus side, the make up sex was always fucking fantastic.
Baby doll was feisty. He liked that. He liked that a lot.
Lisanne, on the other hand, found their fights exhausting. She admitted as much to Kirsty when she got back from Aspen.
“I mean, he sent me this heart wrenching letter but he can never actually say the words to my face. He’s so closed off—I never know what he’s thinking and we end up fighting. Again.”
“But he is talking to you,” said Kirsty encouragingly, as she continued unpacking her impressively large suitcase. “It sounds like he’s trying.”
Lisanne sighed. “Yes, I know he is. And then I get mad at myself for getting mad at him. He’s done all this for me and I end up yelling at him. I’m such a bitch.”
Kirsty stopped unpacking and looked at her, a half smile tugging at her lips.
“Oh, believe me, babe, that is so far from the truth. Besides, you said he asked you to go to those clinic appointments with him?”
“Yes, I nearly died when he asked me. He usually keeps all that stuff to himself. You know, about being deaf.”
Kirsty rolled her eyes. “Yes, I do remember an epic shit fit when you told me. So the clinic thing, it’s a really big deal for him?”
Lisanne nodded. “Yes, I think he knows he has to start sharing this stuff if we’re going to really be together.”
“Wow!”
“I know.”
“And, you’re like, practically living with him!”
Lisanne shook her head. “No, I was just staying for a few days until classes started.”
“Your parents must have freaked out about that.”
“Well, not really—maybe a bit. They gave me the whole lecture about ‘needing to spend time apart’ and ‘enjoying my freedom’. I mean, I think they’ve accepted that we’re sleeping together—I think—they just don’t want me moving in with him. I’ll save that bombshell for next year.”
Kirsty gaped at her. “Really? You think?”
Lisanne nodded slowly. “Yeah, I think definitely maybe.”
“Wow!”
“I know!”
They both dissolved into giggles and Lisanne was glad to have some quality girl time.
They ordered pizza and Kirsty told her all about Aspen which, of course, was ‘awesome’ and ‘amazing’. Lisanne was slightly shocked to hear that Vin’s parents had been totally cool with them sharing a room.
Truthfully, she was a little jealous that her parents weren’t as open-minded. But then she felt mean for thinking like that, especially when they’d been so wonderful with helping Daniel fix up his house—they’d treated him like family. It hadn’t been a smooth ride, but they’d done such a lot for him. Daniel had said as much on New Year’s Eve. Lisanne loved her mom and dad and she couldn’t imagine being without her parents, even if they were overprotective sometimes. Daniel had lost his…
“Hey, where’d you go just now? Missing Daniel already?”
Lisanne grinned at her friend. “Yes, but I’m not missing the fighting.”
“Not even make up sex?”
“Definitely missing that!”
Kirsty winked at her.
“So, what’s he going to do now?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, is it still a big secret, you know, that he’s deaf?”
Lisanne frowned. “I don’t think anything has changed. He’s still super private. It’ll be bad enough when people found out that Zef got arrested.”
Kirsty nodded. “God, I can’t imagine what Daniel’s going through. I’m so glad he’s got you, Lis.” She saw her friend’s disbelieving face. “No, I mean it. I know I haven’t been his greatest fan but, well … I admit it. I was wrong.”
“Thanks, Kir. That means a lot to me.”
“But…”
“Uh-oh.”
“No, it’s just, I had to tell Vin.”
Lisanne sighed. “We figured you would. I don’t think Daniel minds that much—he and Vin were getting along.”
“If it’s any consolation, Vin was seriously impressed. Well, shocked as hell at first. He kept on like he couldn’t believe it. Anyway, I finally convinced him and told him about the hospital and everything. He won’t say anything but I think he was going to text Daniel.” She shook her head. “Frankly, I think it’s inevitable that people will find out. I mean, you said he covers it up with a beanie—is he going to wear it all summer?”
“Some guys do,” said Lisanne, defensively.
“To the beach?”
“He can’t wear the processor when he’s swimming anyway.”
“You know what I’m saying.”
Lisanne nodded. “Yeah, I do.”
Suddenly their door was flung open and Shawna marched in.
“Ooooh! You’re back!” she squealed, going from zero to supersonic in less than a second.
She launched herself at Kirsty, chattering away about her Christmas and New Years. Finally, she acknowledged that Lisanne was in the room.
“Oh, hey,” she said, coolly.
Lisanne just smiled and carried on texting Daniel.
“By the way,” said Shawna, “I just passed Daniel Colton.”
Lisanne’s head snapped up as Shawna continued squawking.
“Ohmigod, have you seen him? He cut his hair! I told him ages ago that buzz cuts were the sexiest thing ever—he must have heard me!”
Kirsty shook her head in disbelief.
“Shawna, are you completely deluded? He’s so into Lisanne it’s not even true!”
Shawna laughed. She actually laughed and Lisanne wanted to shove her vacuous face into the nearest trashcan.
“Oh sure!” she said, still smiling. “See you tomorrow!” and she sauntered out.
“Sorry about that,” muttered Kirsty.
Lisanne forced a laugh. “I don’t care.”
“Yeah, that’s why you looked like you were about to snatch her bald-headed.” She paused as Lisanne grinned at her. “So, is Daniel coming over, because I thought we were having some girl time?”
“It’s news to me,” said Lisanne, “but he’s nothing if unpredictable.”
Her phone beeped with a text and she smiled to see that Daniel was waiting downstairs for her.
“Young love,” sighed Kirsty, and Lisanne threw a pillow at her.
Lisanne hurried out of the room and accidentally caught up with Shawna. Lisanne was filled with a sudden urge to tell that bitch that Daniel was off the market—permanently. Or just hit her. But Lisanne didn’t want to make things difficult between Kirsty and Shawna, particularly as they were on the same course.
“Shawna?”
“What do you want, nerd?”
Shawna’s unprovoked bitchiness was a mistake.
“Daniel is my boyfriend.”
“Yeah? Well, it looks like a pity parade to me.”
Lisanne took a step forward, her fury boiling over. “He will never want your saggy ass. He will never touch your fake boobs. He wouldn’t be seen dead with a girl who dresses like a drag queen channeling Joan Rivers.”
Shawna gaped at her.
“Stay away from me. Stay away from Daniel. Or…”
“Or what?” hissed Shawna.
“Or I’ll beat the shit out of you.”
Lisanne was proud that her voice didn’t tremble once. She folded her arms across her chest and stared coldly.
“Are you threatening me?” Shawna said, her voice disbelieving.
“Yes.”
Shawna gasped and was going to say something, but when she saw Lisanne’s small hands curl tightly into fists, she stomped off down the corridor, throwing hateful glances over her shoulder.
Lisanne took a deep breath, and went to look for Daniel.
He was leaning against the wall beside the fire door, his face filled with tension. Lisanne immediately forgot about the verbal bitch-slap with Shawna.
“What’s up? Are you okay?”
He didn’t speak but pulled her into a tight hug, burying his face in her hair. She felt his breath on her neck as he breathed deeply several times. After nearly a minute of standing, holding her, while she stroked his back, he let her go.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I just…”
“It’s okay. You want to come in?”
“Is Kirsty there?”
“Yes, but she won’t mind.”
He shook his head. “No, I won’t stay. I just wanted to see you.”
“Daniel, you saw me less than two hours ago. What’s happened?”
“I got a call from the prison. Zef wants to see me. I have to be there tomorrow at twelve.”
“Oh. Are you going to go?”
His face tightened perceptibly. “Of course I’m going to fucking go—he’s my brother.”
Lisanne kept her face still, trying to hide her irritation.
“Yeah, so, I won’t be able to meet you for lunch.”
She didn’t ask why he hadn’t simply texted her—she knew the reason.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
He smiled briefly then frowned. “No, I’m good. But I could meet you after school. Rodney’s making Thai.”
He rolled his eyes and Lisanne chuckled.
“Hmm, Rodney’s experimental cooking! And you want me to suffer along with you?”
“Yeah, that’s one reason!”
His eyes darkened, and told her what reason number two might be.
“Mmm, I could definitely eat some Thai,” she teased him.
He pulled her toward him, hungrily. “Yeah, I could eat some … Thai, as well.”
He kissed her deeply and when she kissed him back, pushing her hands into the back pockets of his jeans, a moan rumbled up from his throat.
“Fuck, baby doll, I just can’t get enough of you.”
He left, with his kiss seared onto her lips, and her knees weak.
That boy!
* * *
The next day was unseasonably warm, and when Daniel parked Sirona, he gratefully took off his leather jacket. He was still anxious about leaving her in unfamiliar places, but he figured the well protected county jail was probably safer than most places.
There was a low watchtower outside the gates, and thick barbed wire spiraled along the concrete walls. The jail itself squatted behind its protective barrier, flat and unassuming, despite who and what it contained.
Daniel took a deep breath and headed toward the visitor entrance. Right now he really wanted a smoke and was very tempted to open one of the packets of Camel he’d brought for his brother. He decided against it, having been smoke-free for well over a month. Lis would kill him if he blew it now. Besides, he couldn’t afford his 20 a day habit anymore.
He gave his name to the guards on duty at the security checkpoint, and was asked to remove his boots and jacket, and empty his keys and wallet into a plastic bin. A sign informed him that he had two chances to make it past the metal detector or he would be denied entry. He walked through the machine and it immediately started beeping.
A guard told him to check his pockets and stood over him while he did so. Daniel was about to try and make it through again when he remembered the implant. Feeling like an idiot, he explained the problem. The guard looked skeptical until Daniel pulled off his beanie and showed the guy his scar. He also had his tuning appointment letter in his wallet.
The guard read it carefully then returned it to Daniel’s wallet.
“Next time tell us before you try and go through the metal detector, son.”
Daniel was relieved—the guy could have been an asshole, but considering he worked in a jail, he was pretty damn nice about it.
He was told to wait in a room with a number of other visitors. He felt awkward standing with a group of women, most of whom seemed to have small children. One woman was crying, tears running down her cheeks, and snot pooling beneath her nose. Daniel looked away.
After a ten minute wait where the woman continued to sob pathetically, they were escorted through a number of gates to another holding pen. A large poster declared:
Weapons of any kind are not permitted.
Avoid loud, excessively emotional, or disruptive behavior.
Please be considerate of other visitors.
Speaking to other offenders or visitors is not permitted.
Handholding is permitted only if hands remain in plain view.
A brief hug is permitted at the beginning and conclusion of visits.
AN Offender may have contact with his children.
If your visit becomes emotional, staff will assist as needed.
Daniel kept a close watch on the door. He hadn’t worn the processor because of needing his helmet. He’d tried it once and his skull had felt bruised and tender, almost raw where the magnets met.
He saw a guard come in and call, “Next.”
He raised his hand and the guard checked down his list.
“Go through the door to your right. Make sure it closes completely behind you. When the buzzer sounds, go through the next door. Once inside, go directly to Table 12. Any questions?”
“Um, yeah.”
“What is it?”
“I’m, um, I’m deaf.”
“Excuse me?”
Was this guy fucking laughing at him?
“I’m deaf. I can’t hear the buzzer.”
“Do you want this visit, kid, because I’ve had just about enough…”
Daniel tore off his beanie and turned to show the guy his scar. “I’m fucking deaf, okay! I can’t hear any damn buzzer!”
He turned back and pulled the beanie firmly down his head.
The guard looked irritated. “Fine, I’ll have someone escort you.”
A few minutes later, an enormous woman in guard uniform walked toward him. “You the deaf kid?”
Daniel felt his muscles tense but he tried to keep his face neutral.
“Yeah.”
“Huh. You don’t look deaf. This way.”
He followed her through one door and down a short corridor. After a pause, she pushed open a second door.
“Have a nice visit.”
Daniel looked around and found a small table branded with the number 12. There were already several visitors sitting with prisoners. One man was holding a child of about two on his knee and blowing bubbles onto her stomach. Daniel could see that she was laughing.
His stomach clenched and he quickly swallowed the rising nausea.
A door at the far end of the room opened and he saw Zef. Daniel had expected him to be handcuffed and was relieved that he wasn’t. In fact, if it hadn’t been for the prison overalls, they could have been meeting in some cheap diner.
“Hey, little bro. How you doing?”
Daniel stood up and they hugged quickly.
“Thanks for coming, man. Shit, it’s good to see you.”
“Yeah, you, too. You look good.”
The weird thing was, it was true. Zef looked relaxed and clear-eyed, not strung out or high. Daniel realized it had been a long time since he’d seen his brother like that.
Zef laughed lightly. “It’s all the clean living,” and he raised his eyebrows.
“So, how is it? In here?”
Zef’s shoulders slumped, infinitesimally. “Well, it sucks, but nothing I can’t handle. ‘If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime’, right?”
“Yeah, I guess. Hey, I brought you smokes.”
“Fuckin’ lifesaver. Thanks, Dan.”
Daniel nodded.
Zef lit a cigarette and breathed in appreciatively. “You not having one?”
“Nah, man. I quit.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep. Over a month now.”
Zef blew out a slow lungful of smoke and sighed. “That little girlfriend of yours must be a good influence, or something.”
Daniel frowned and Zef spread out his hands in a gesture of capitulation.
“I don’t mean anything. It’s cool. It’s great you’ve got someone.” He paused. “How’s the hearing thing?”
“Okay. Weird but getting better. I can hear some sounds, but it’s still kinda muddy. They say it’ll take up to a year before it’s fully functioning.”
“That long?”
“Could be sooner. No one can say for sure.”
“Have you worn it to school?”
“Once. It was pretty shitty. It sounded loud in the hallways but I couldn’t pick out one sound from the others—it was garbage, so that was a bit crap.”
Zef nodded slowly. “No regrets then?”
Daniel paused. “No, I just wish…”
“What?”
“I thought … I thought I’d be able to hear music. You know, maybe be able to … I tried but it’s just a bunch of fucking noise.”
Zef’s face was sympathetic.
“Shit, I’m sorry, man. I know that was a big thing for you.”
Daniel shrugged. “Yeah. Whatever.” He looked directly at his brother. “So, are you going to tell me why I’m here? Why you were dealing fucking meth.”
Zef gave a wistful smile. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
Daniel rubbed his hand across his jaw. “You’re my brother.”
“I wish I’d been a better one.”
They shared a look.
“I mean it, Dan. I’ve been a shitty brother. I wasn’t there for you. All the shit that went down—you tried to get me to stop and I was too fucking blind to see it. But you know what? I’m not sorry the cops caught up with me because I don’t think I’d have got out alive otherwise. I was into some pretty heavy scenes that I haven’t even told you about. I just kept getting pulled in deeper.” He gestured with his hands. “Here, well, in prison, I get a chance to clean up my act. I might only get five years.”
Daniel took a sharp intake of breath.
“Hey, don’t sweat it, little brother. This place is a picnic compared to where I was headed. Besides, I can study. Might get my degree before you. And the state prison has got a pretty good mechanics shop.” He sighed. “So, um, how’s the house?”
“I was going to torch it.”
Zef’s eyes bugged out. “Sweet baby Jesus! You didn’t, did you?”
“Lis stopped me.”
“Well, thank fuck for that!”
“Yeah, turned out okay. Her folks helped me fix it up. I had some photos on my phone, but I wasn’t allowed to bring it in. Maybe I could print some out for you?”
They both knew that Daniel was really asking if Zef wanted him to visit again.
“Sure, that’d be cool.”
The guard approached, signaling the end of the visit.
They shook hands, and Zef pulled his brother in for a hug. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispered, knowing that Daniel couldn’t hear him.
The guard loomed closer and Zef pulled away.
“Look, one more thing. Just … don’t trust Roy, okay?”
“What the fuck? Zef?”
But Zef was already being led away.
Daniel didn’t go back to school after visiting Zef. He didn’t go home either. Instead, he drove to the coast and found a patch of beach where he could stare out at the ocean, watching the waves curl onto the pale sand.
It had been a kick in the guts seeing Zef in jail. He was glad his brother wanted to use the time he’d have to serve to clean up his act, but fuck—five years. That meant Zef would be nearly 30 by the time he got out. It seemed a lifetime away to Daniel.
He’d lost his parents and now his brother had gone, too. And what was that shit about Roy? Why hadn’t Zef told him outright what was going on?
His phone vibrated and when he pulled it out, there was a text photo that Lisanne had taken of herself, pulling a silly face.
* L: see what you don’t have to keep on missing? Hope it went ok. LA xx *
* D: pick you up 40 mins? *
* L: Got a ride with R. be at your place. R has a date!!! LA xx *
* D: ?!*?!!&! *
* L: I know! Later. LA xx *
Daniel smiled to himself. Baby Doll could always make him smile. And Rodney had a date. The guy moved fast.
He drove back slowly, thinking about all the meanings of the word ‘home’: what his home had been, what it was now, what it could be or would be, even what it should be. Mostly, he thought about Lisanne waiting for him.
It was nearly 7 PM when he arrived back, and Rodney’s car was still parked outside. Daniel was disappointed. He’d been looking forward to having Lisanne to himself. Rodney was okay—living with him was easier than Daniel had thought and although he wasn’t the tidiest person, it was nothing after living with Zef and his asshole customers for two years. At least he didn’t feel the need to lock his bedroom door anymore—not that he had anything worth stealing. He patted Sirona’s saddle —except her.
He locked her securely in the garage and headed inside. His nostrils were immediately assailed by the heady scent of strong aftershave.
Rodney wafted past looking excited, a bright smile on his face.
“Fuck, man! You smell like a whore’s bedroom!”
“I know,” said Rodney, winking at him. “Don’t wait up!”
Shaking his head, Daniel went to look for Lisanne. She was in the kitchen unpacking food from a shopping bag. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.
She twisted around and rested her head against his chest. When she looked up, her eyes were soft and concerned.
“How did it go today?”
He grimaced. “Okay. As okay as it could be, I guess.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“But will you? Maybe later?”
He sighed. “Yeah, later. Maybe.”
She rolled her eyes. “Are you hungry?”
“Starving.”
She laughed lightly. “You’re always starving. Okay, I’ll make something—Rodney’s Thai extravaganza has been put on hold. Oh, hey, did you wear your CI today?” He shook his head and she pursed her lips. “You know Dr. Devallis said you had to practice every day. Go put it on while I get dinner.”
“Baby d…”
“No, I mean it, Daniel. Go put it on. Now.”
Grumbling and muttering to himself about how bossy she was, he headed for his bedroom and fished the device out of its box. He checked the battery and hooked it over his ear, then attached the magnet.
He still felt self-conscious about wearing it, so he pulled his beanie back on, then ran downstairs. He stopped halfway, aware that he could hear himself running. The shock travelled up his body and lodged somewhere in his chest.
He saw Lisanne’s anxious face peering up at him.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, fuck. I … I could hear myself … on the stairs. It just freaked me out a bit. ‘S’okay, I’m good.”
Her face lit up. “It’s getting better, isn’t it? You can hear more with it?”
“I don’t know if it’s hearing more or … like my brain is working out what the different sounds are. It’s hard to explain.”
He walked down the stairs and jumped the last two steps, landing with a thud. A huge smile spread over his face.
“I definitely heard that!”
Lisanne’s face crumpled and Daniel was immediately uneasy. “What’s the matter, baby doll? What’s wrong?”
She shook her head and scrubbed at the tears that were threatening to fall.
“I’m just … happy!” she said. “You heard that. You really heard it!”
He swept her up into a tight hug and his mouth slammed down on hers. She responded immediately, and her tongue dove into his mouth, twisting and twining with his.
He felt himself growing hard as his body pressed against her.
“Bed!” she gasped.
Daniel picked her up and felt her legs wrap around his waist. He turned and carried her up the stairs slowly, refusing to lose contact with her mouth. They crashed into his bedroom and fell sideways onto the bed.
Lisanne grabbed at his t-shirt and tugged it roughly over his head, dragging the beanie with it.
Daniel’s hand moved to the device, ready to yank it off.
“Leave it on,” Lisanne breathed. She pulled back slightly so he could see her face. “Leave it on.”
He looked at her doubtfully, but then she pushed him down and straddled his thighs, running her tongue up the center of his body. He stretched his arms above him and held onto the headboard, his biceps bunching, making his tattoos ripple so that Lisanne wanted to lick those, too.
Daniel felt his cock hot and heavy in his jeans and he breathed deeply, enjoying the feeling of her warm body moving over his. He sat up suddenly and caught her before she fell backward.
He pulled her toward him by her shirt, unfastening one button at a time, before slipping the sleeves down her arms.
“Fuck, I love your tits,” he said, and pushed his face between them, feeling their softness and fullness.
She moaned and he looked up. He wasn’t sure if he’d heard something or maybe it was the damn device and its phantom sounds.
She opened her eyes, and they were filled with dark, sexy humor.
“Maybe you’d rather have dinner?”
“Yeah, I would,” he said. “I’m going to eat you.”
He could see Lisanne’s whole body heat up and his heart started to hammer. His cock punched at the zipper on his jeans, demanding to be freed. He lifted her away from him and dropped her onto the bed before yanking off his boots and getting rid of his socks. He kept his eyes on her face as his jeans joined the rest of his clothes on the floor.
His cock leapt free, hard and proud, and aiming straight at Lisanne.
She licked her lips and his cock waved at her, impatiently.
Daniel crawled slowly up the bed, his whole body dangerous and predatory.
“Are you wet, baby doll? Are you soaking for me?”
She nodded, her eyes wide and full of longing.
He peeled her jeans down her legs and used his teeth to tug her panties to her thighs.
She kicked them free and he knelt between her legs, pushing her knees up and wide apart.
“You look so beautiful, all wet for me, baby doll. Do you know how much I want you?” He glanced down at his cock, showing the truth of his words. Her small hand wrapped around his length and he had to take a deep breath to stop himself from slamming into her and pumping hard.
He grinned as he forced her to let go, blinking as she flicked his tip as she conceded the contest.
“Bad ass!” he murmured against her stomach.
He felt her shiver, as he kissed his way up each thigh, before burying his face deep inside her. Fuck, he loved to do this to her, fucking her with his tongue and his fingers. He knew she still didn’t get why he liked doing it, but she enjoyed it too much to stop him.
Her orgasm came quickly, the stress and tension of the first day back at school relieved, as her body pulsed around him.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she leaned up on her elbows as he pumped himself three or four times. It was such a fucking turn on to know that she liked to watch as he pleasured himself.
“You still want me, Lis?”
“I’ll always want you,” she said, echoing the words he said to her so often.
Her face was so serious, so full of love, that Daniel felt that same sharp pain in his chest. His breath caught in his throat.
“Make love to me, Daniel,” she said, watching his face carefully.
She lifted her feet and wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer. Unable to resist any longer, Daniel pushed inside her, a low groan swelling out of him as her warm, wet body enclosed him completely.
She tightened her legs until her heels were digging into his ass, gripping him tightly.
Daniel shuddered, feeling another notch of control slip away. He took their combined weight on his forearms as her body lifted off the bed with each vigorous thrust.
He felt the flutter of another orgasm begin to build inside her, the movement sending him into a frenzy as he lost the battle to control his body.
Sounds vibrated through her so strongly, he could feel them in his own chest. He was confused, could he feel them or could he hear them? His brain was too deluged with sensation to analyze what he felt.
Her hands scrabbled at his shoulders, her short nails digging into his skin. Sweat broke out on his forehead and on his back, and he felt the tensing in his balls and stomach that told him he had about five seconds before he came.
“I’m close,” he gasped in a strangled voice. “Lis? Lis?”
Lisanne gripped tighter, her face contorted and she screamed. “Daniel!”
His orgasm erupted from him, jets of heat passing from his body into hers, his heart hammering, breath squeezed from his lungs.
He collapsed onto the bed, momentarily crushing her.
He felt Lisanne push his shoulder gently and he pulled out of her, his brain a chaos of confusion. He lay on this back, his arm thrown over his face.
He couldn’t catch his breath, he couldn’t think. He was gasping, drowning.
Lisanne’s soft hands pulled at his arm. He resisted, afraid to look at her. She pulled again and this time he let her.
Her warm hands were on his face and her fingers were sweeping gently across his cheeks.
He opened his eyes and saw her, so full of love, concerned now.
“Daniel! Why are you crying? Daniel! Talk to me!”
He struggled to sit up, his beautiful face torn with emotion.
“I heard you.”
“What do you mean?”
He rubbed his eyes, surprised to find them wet with tears.
“I heard you. You … you called my name.”
Lisanne stared at him, then understanding warmed her eyes.
“Of course. I always call your name. I love you, Daniel.”
He choked back the fear as he looked into her soul, and for the first time he believed her.
“I heard you,” he said again, those three small words expressing a world of wonder.
“I know,” she said with a soft smile.
“Baby doll … I … I love you.”