I had my hands around his back. His back was slightly arched as he thrust at me, a man so fucking sexy and powerful. His thrusts going so deep, reaching parts of me that I didn’t know were there. My chin rested on his shoulder as his face was buried in my neck. He was suddenly a wild man, as though my orgasm had set something off in him.

The harder he thrust, the better it felt. I turned my head and bit at his neck. Jake unleashed something inside me where I all of a sudden wanted to bite him. I kissed, nibbled, bit, whatever he wanted from me. Whatever my body wanted to do. I was open and free to him, for him, maybe wanting him to do the same for me.

His right hand slid down my back and cupped under my ass. Taking a handful of flesh, he gripped tight, pulling, grunting, thrusting, making me cry out with intense pleasure. The sweet and sensual moments between us were now a thing of the past. This was almost feral, the way he attacked my body, the way my body reacted to him.

So I held him tight, trying to keep up with the ride. And believe me, it was the ride of a lifetime.

I bucked my hips as fast as he fucked me. Our bodies colliding made the soundtrack to what was happening in my bedroom. For as long as I lived in the new house… this was the first time I was with someone.

And it was perfect. Beyond perfect.

“Fuck, Jake,” I groaned as I kissed at his neck.

My tongue flicked against his inked skin, my mouth tingling as though I’d be able to taste the ink. I didn’t taste the ink but I tasted man. All man. A wild man. A beautifully perfect broken confused man. And all of that made me a feel a sense of love that was almost scary.

Jake put his hands to the bed and pushed up. So many muscles flexed at once it was hard to concentrate on just one part of his body. Not to mention the stories made up of tattoos that cascaded everywhere.

He thrust with the same speed. His eyes met with mine. I had never felt what I felt when I was with someone the way I did right then. I grabbed for the sheets for a few seconds, my hands quivering. Jake inched down and he kissed my chest again. The swirl of his tongue against my nipple sent a tingling pulse down through my core, between my legs. My body was left in an endless state of climax, the tingling and rush going all the way down to my toes. They were curled painfully tight as my body thrust back at Jake, trying to keep up with him.

He kissed as hard as he thrust.

I felt him swelling, filling, ready to let go.

Jake kissed from my chest to my neck. There he rested, his lips against my skin, mouth open, grunting louder and harder with each thrust.

I felt my own body reaching another powerful climax.

I slapped one hand to his back as hard as my body required me to do. My other hand couldn’t let go of the covers. I pulled at the covers, bucked my hips, my body losing complete control of itself.

“Oh… fuck…” the only two remaining words in my vocabulary.

Jake had officially made me lose my mind.

“Fuck, Em,” he growled.

I felt his teeth touch my neck and then he was in front of me. His mouth colliding to my mouth. His tongue commanding another wild kiss.

And that’s when he thrust and held, all his powerful muscles flexing as he began to come. Holding there, thrusting with the pulse of his body, inside me, bringing me to my final climax along with his.

We kissed randomly, sloppy.

When Jake’s body eased a little, the kiss ended. He buried his face back into the crook of my neck.

He slowed by the second until he wasn’t moving anymore.

But he was still hiding his face in my neck.

I slowly put both of my hands to his back. Feeling him breathing. Feeling his strong muscles. But feeling more.

Something else was happening.

Jake finally did pull away from my neck.

He looked at me.

The look in his eyes…

“It’s okay,” I whispered. I started to run my fingers up and down his back. “Jake, I swear to you, it’s okay. Whatever you’re thinking or feeling…”

Jake lowered his mouth to mine.

He kissed me as he eased away from my body. He broke the kiss from my lips but kept going. Down my neck. To my chest. His nose against my left nipple. His hands touched just below my breasts, at my sides, his lips still kissing down my body. I shivered as the heat between my legs was far from being gone. At my belly button, the tip of his tongue flickered, making me jump. Jake went all the way down to my very lower belly before breaking away.

I propped myself up on my elbows, staring down at the man who was doing things to my heart.

I couldn’t believe how comfortable I felt with him. Naked with him.

But that’s when reality seemed to step back in.

He touched my legs. “Em… I hope you know how fucking beautiful you are. How fucking amazing you are. You deserve more. It’s not me that does. It’s you.”

Jake leaned forward again. I watched as his lips kissed the soft, smooth spot above my slit. My body pulsed and I lifted a little off the bed, wanting him to keep going.

Instead, Jake grabbed for his clothes and left the bedroom.

* * *

I wore a robe. Nothing else.

I watched as he wrestled his shirt over his head as he walked down the stairs.

There were a hundred things to say, all of them on the tip of my tongue. But my heart was still racing. I was still trying to find normal breathing. My legs were jittery one second, rubbery the next. I almost felt like I was drunk or stoned.

Jake… wait… where are you going…

“Jake,” I managed to whisper.

He stopped in the living room and turned.

I hurried down the stairs after him.

I would be a liar to say that I hadn’t thought about him and I together. And what it would be like. What would happen afterward. My body felt cold because I had wanted him and I together. To be wrapped up in each other’s day, the covers, me falling asleep against his strong chest. Touching the scruff on his face. His hands holding me.

But that wasn’t possible.

And I knew why.

The reason why was asleep on my couch.

I stopped in front of him. “Jake…”

I touched his face. He grabbed my hand and interlocked his fingers to mine. “Em…”

“You don’t have to run.”

“Yes, I do,” he whispered. “We both know that.”

He kissed my hand and let me go.

I watched as he scooped Sadie off the couch. He lifted her with ease and put her head on his shoulder. He held her with one hand and walked to the front door and opened it.

“Jake, wait,” I pleaded.

He turned sideways, Sadie facing toward the porch.

“I promise, Emily, we’ll finish painting,” he said.

“I don’t care about that. I care about…”

He nodded. “I need to breathe. Please. Let me breathe.”

I moved to my toes and kissed his cheek. I held his arm and stayed there. I saw the look on his face. I kissed his cheek again.

“Jake, please…”

He turned his head more and kissed me. I kissed him back. I needed him so badly. Our mouths opened and the kiss turned fucking hot. His free hand grabbed at my robe. He ripped at it. I let out a gasp. His hand moved into the robe and touched my lower stomach.

That’s when Sadie made a little purring noise.

Jake lowered his head and growled.

The moment was gone. For now.

I shut the robe and couldn’t breathe.

“I’m sorry, Em. I’m so fucking sorry.”

He took a step and I reached one last time. “Jake. Just answer one thing.”

“What?”

“Was that first time? Since…?”

Jake curled his lip. “That was the first time that fucking mattered to me… you have no idea what you’re doing to me, Emily.”

* * *

I curled up with the sheets to my nose, desperate to smell him. I slept in nothing but a t-shirt, my legs straddling what I wanted to be my neighbor. The single father who was doing everything right yet felt like he was doing everything wrong.

I knew what he was doing when he had his head cradled into my neck while he came and kept fucking me.

He was crying.

He was layered with guilt, thinking he did something wrong to someone who was no longer here. And there wasn’t much I could do or say about it.

Just show up the next day and prove that it was okay. And that it could be normal.

I hugged those sheets all night, my dreams taunting me in a way that made me feel like I was a teenager. I woke up the next morning with a tingling in my lower belly as though it had been my first time. I even rolled to my back and reached across the bed, just in case something had changed and Jake had come back.

It wouldn’t have been fair to ask him to stay. Not with Sadie. She had her own room, her own bed.

So did Jake.

I stumbled to the kitchen, hungover from sex and fantasy, poured myself coffee, and wondered about staying at Jake’s house. Being in his arms. In his bed. In their bed. The bed where they…

“Fuck,” I whispered to myself.

I took a sip of coffee.

“Fuck.”

That was the hard part. How to navigate in his world. His world where her memory was real and where her memory needed to be real. For Sadie’s sake. There would never be forgetting or letting go.

Which meant if I really let my heart fall for Jake, I would have to accept that he would forever be in love with two women. I would be the other woman, only winning because, well, I had a pulse.

“Fuck,” I said for a third time.

I carried my coffee to the door.

I opened it to get the paper and jumped back with a scream, spilling coffee all over myself.

“Shit!” Jake yelled, down on one knee.

I felt the burn of the coffee through my shirt, across my chest.

“What the fuck…”

Why’s he on one knee?

Jake picked up a plate of breakfast food and stood. “Fuck, Em. I figured you’d be sleeping still. I didn’t want to ring the doorbell.”

“What did… you brought me breakfast?”

“Sadie insisted,” he said. “Me too, I guess. I couldn’t stand the thought of you waking up alone and having to make breakfast after what happened. Like you…”

“Like I was a whore?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Jake said. “No. I mean, like I used you or something, Em. I wouldn’t do that to you. Or if I did…”

I took the plate from Jake. Scrambled eggs, bacon, two pancakes with strawberries on top.

“This is perfect,” I said. “Thank you.”

“I should have called or something. Invited you over. I’m thinking about all this shit as I stand here like a fucking fool.”

“You’re not a fool, Jake. You’re perfect. And this is really nice of you. Like… really nice…”

I wish I had a free hand so I could pull him into my house. Kiss him. Jump him. Force him to the floor right there in the living room…

Jake leaned in and kissed my cheek. “I need to see you again, Em. There’s a lot we have to talk about still.”

“I agree,” I whispered.

“Plus, I owe you some paint on those walls.”

“Agreed. Hey, maybe next time I can come over to your place. So Sadie is more comfortable. I could… stay…”

Jake pulled away.

Shit. I had overstepped again.

“You should take care of that,” Jake said.

“What? The food? I’ll return the plate, Jake. No worries.”

Jake laughed. “Not the plate, princess.”

“Then what?”

“Your nipple is showing.”

He winked.

I looked down and gasped. Right where the coffee had spilled, it made my damn t-shirt see through. Thankfully it was just Jake there and not neighbors walking by on their morning walk with the dog.

I felt my face turn red.

Jake laughed.

“Funny, huh?” I said.

“I don’t mind at all. I kind of like the combination. The perfect way to start my day.”

I shook my head. “Asshole.”

He winked again and walked away.

I tried to conceal my chest the best I could.

Watching him walk away seemed to give me butterflies. But this time I leaned against my open door and put my head against it. I bit my lip and really started to think things over.

Coffee on my shirt, my nipple exposed, holding a plate of food, I was a mess.

But I felt like I was Jake’s mess. And he was mine.

And that…

Well that just felt perfect.