I sat on the deck and looked over to my house. To my deck. A small light in the kitchen, the one above the sink, the one I always left on. That was her favorite light. Of all the features, she loved that little light.

My thumb flicked over the opening of the bottle.

A citronella candle tingled my nose and the flame danced left to right with even the softest of breezes.

What a fucking day.

“What a fucking day,” I said as I turned and looked at Emily.

“Oh yeah?”

“Just a long day.”

“You were alone?”

“I had one guy there. Good guy. Loyal but not very smart. Just leaves me understanding how Mickey and I depend on each other. But he’s getting up there in age.”

Emily nodded. She was listening to my bullshit. Staring at me as I spoke.

When was the last time I had a conversation with a woman?

“He offered to sell me the place so many times,” I said.

“Oh yeah? Do you want it?”

“That garage means a lot to me. But it comes with a lot of shit.”

“That’s any job, right?”

“True. Right now, what we have is good. I just need Mickey to not hit his damn head again.”

“Maybe you should buy him a helmet,” Emily said.

I laughed. “That’s a good idea.”

“Get him one of those kids ones,” she said. “With like spikes and stuff.”

I snapped my fingers. “Better yet. I have Sadie’s old helmet from when she was two. Little pink thing with a big unicorn sticker on it. I’ll bring that in tomorrow. We’ll all break his balls a little.”

Emily giggled.

Fuck, she was sexy. The way the candlelight touched her face, so soft and delicate. Making me jealous of the candlelight. Making my fingers twitch a little.

I looked away. I sighed.

“You know, the people that used to live here… they weren’t social. I really never talked to them. From what I heard they had two kids that were grown with kids of their own. But not many visits. So they sold. Then again, what the hell do I know? You see what my life is.”

“Your life is okay, Jake.”

“Don’t tell someone that. Ever. You don’t know what someone is going through.”

I looked at her.

Calm, Jake. Calm.

There was silence for a few minutes.

The situation should have been awkward but I felt comfortable. Emily made me feel comfortable.

“It’s been a long day,” I finally said. “A long night so far too. I have to be at the garage early tomorrow.”

“Do you need help with Sadie?” she asked.

“No. No, I’m not going to…”

“Jake…”

I sighed. “Okay. Fine. You could help by taking her to the center. I’ll be there to get her though. She’ll go to the babysitter’s and then I’ll get her like I normally do.”

“If anything changes, let me know,” she said. “I’m here.”

I rubbed my chin. “Emily. You have your house here. You didn’t get your painting done yet. You still have boxes everywhere. So why… what are you doing?”

She raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?

“It’s like you’re avoiding facing where you are,” I said. “You should take time for yourself and your new house.”

“Wait. You’re giving me advice? I’m just trying to help you out, Jake.”

“I did fine before you moved in next door, Emily. I didn’t ask you…”

“You came to my door and asked for help. You walked over here to help me when you saw me with my table. You fixed my table.”

I stood up. “Okay. Fine. And you see what happens? I do something and next thing I know it turns into this.”

“Into what?”

“My daughter on your couch. We’re drinking a beer. I should be home, Emily. Not here. I should be…”

I stepped back from the table.

Emily stood up and hurried around the table. “You don’t need to question anything you’re doing, Jake. What you’re doing is amazing. You’re a… a single father. Raising that girl on your own. And you’re doing a great job, Jake. She’s so smart. She’s so kind.”

“That’s not me, Emily. That’s genetics.”

“Really?”

“I’m a miserable prick. That’s part of the charm. But the thing is… that charm has worn off. There’s not a day that I don’t…”

I bit my tongue and turned around.

Fuck. How did this end up here?

“My grandmother had Alzheimer’s and dementia. She had it for a while but was able to hide it. Then when things turned bad I moved in with her. I gave up my entire life for her. Because she raised me. I had no mother. I had no father. Just her. That’s been my life for the last few years, Jake. And then she was just suddenly gone. The friends I made were nurses and they were gone too. Any friends I did have were already gone. I missed out on Friday nights out. Saturday nights out. Random nights out. I missed everything. My life was eating off a table in the living room, watching the news, game shows, reality shows. And now I suddenly have freedom, Jake.”

I heard her talking but kept my back to her.

… she was just suddenly gone…

I felt a boulder climb up the back of my throat.

“Okay,” I finally said. “I get it. I’m sorry for what you went through. I’m sorry for criticizing the house, okay?”

“Jake, turn around and look at me.”

Stubborn and defiant, demanding I keep some kind of power in whatever this thing was between us. Neighbors? Friends? Something more on the horizon?

“Right,” Emily said. “I don’t know what we’re doing here, Jake. I’ve been really alone, for years. I watched my grandmother slip away. Day by day. I was alone with her. So when I had the chance to get this house, I took it. And I wanted to do something different. So that’s why I took the job at the center. I have credentials. I went to school for it. I just wanted to see all that innocence. And having Sadie next door just helps me realize that through the thick of bullshit, there’s something good.”

That’s when I turned around. That’s when I stared her down. That’s when I stepped forward, hands at her hips, lifted her up, and put her on the table. The table jumped, the beer bottles toppled over. They rolled to the deck but they didn’t break.

Emily reached up and touched my face. Her hands at my cheeks. Her nails digging in just enough to remind me that I was still very much alive and still very much in need…

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “Whatever happened to you, Jake. I’m not trying to change anything. I’m not trying to take anything. I’m just… here.”

I put my head down to hers, forehead to forehead. The tips of our noses touching for a few seconds.

I turned my head slightly and the kiss felt inevitable.

At that exact second I had a feeling that someone was watching us. I swore that if I spun around I would see Everly sitting in her chair on the deck, watching. She would be crying, knowing that my heart was…

“Jake,” Emily said. “We’re busted…”

* * *

Sadie yawned and rubbed her eyes as she stood at the sliding door.

I jumped back and flexed my jaw.

Emily hurried to the door, taking charge. She opened the door and dropped to her knees.

“Hey, Sadie,” she said so softly.

My heart ached so bad. So fucking bad. I used to think about this shit. What it would be like if me and Everly ever got caught in bed by Sadie. How it would play out. How we’d get her back to bed. If we’d keep going for it. If we’d laugh.

Instead, I watched Emily coax Sadie.

“Daddy,” Sadie said in a weak voice.

“Sweetheart,” I said. “I’m here. I came to pick you up. You were sleeping.”

“I want to sleep in my bed, Daddy.”

I looked at Emily.

She threw a weak smile.

“Come here,” I said to Sadie.

She walked to me and I scooped her up. Her head went down on my shoulder. Her arms around me. Bo hanging from her right hand.

“I guess I better get going,” I whispered.

“Don’t forget your painting, Jake,” Emily said.

“I never would.”

“Jake.” She touched my arm. She slid her hand down to mine. “Are you really going to hang that up?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of me. I only give a shit about what Sadie thinks. And how she feels. And how I’m supposed to guide her through life and a world that I don’t understand.”

I watched Emily hesitate for a second. Then she popped up to her toes and kissed my cheek.

“Thank you for trusting me today.”

“Thank you for bailing my ass out.”

“If you need me to bail your ass out again, I will.”

She was flirting. I was flirting. I was also holding my sleeping daughter.

Fuck.

I walked to the front door, Emily following.

My head raced with more thoughts than I was able to control.

I got to the front porch and paused.

Emily touched Sadie’s cheek.

“You know, there was this moment,” she whispered. “When Sadie fell asleep. I tucked her in on the couch and I wanted to kiss her cheek but wasn’t sure if it was appropriate.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that.

My hand spread wider across Sadie’s back. Protection mode.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Emily whispered.

“It’s okay, Ev. The situation…”

I stopped. I shut my eyes.

I just called her Ev. Short for Everly.

I saw the look on Emily’s face.

“Shit,” I whispered.

“Let me know if you need anything else,” she said.

Emily quickly went into her house and shut the door.

I stood there for a few raw seconds.

Alone again. Carrying my daughter through the darkness of night.

How fitting for the life I lived…