Chapter Twenty-Six

Lucky She’s A Girl

Garrett

“What the fuck did you say to her?” I snap.

“Garrett, it’s fine,” Juliana say, trying to grab my hand.

“There’s that word again.” I shake my head and look back at Kat. “What did you—”

“Man, no disrespect, but watch the way you talk to her,” Ricco warns.

“I’ve met you three times, man—never saw a dick side to you—but her”—I point to Kat— “different story. I wanna know what she said.”

“Garrett, it’s okay. It’s over—”

“Asked her the obvious question. Pretty impressed she pulled it off.” Kat shrugs. “No big deal.”

Phoenix stands up. “Garrett, she handled it just fine. Jesus, give her some credit.”

“She handled it the only way she could. She’s dealt with enough for the six-plus years I was gone. Now you got me, Kat. Questions?” I pound my chest. “Shoot, I got them.”

“Garrett.” Juliana grabs my hand. “She was just asking what they all wonder.”

“If anyone has a reason to be pissed off here, it’s me,” Gage interrupts. “And not saying I’m not still chewing on shit once in a while, but we got this. We’re handling it. Brand’s happy as hell; happier than he has been in years. We’re one big, fucked-up, dysfunctional family, always have been, always will be, but we have each other’s backs. We give a fuck about each other. We see the roles we played in a twisted, little tale that started a night we were all fucked up. We own ‘em.” He looks at Juliana. “I own my role; you, yours; him, his; and well, Mom’s a different story.”

“She had no choice,” Juliana says. “She didn’t, Gage. She kept my secret because she...because she loves you all.”

“I didn’t know you could actually voice an opinion, Juliana,” he says in a way that rubs me wrong.

“I didn’t, either,” she says, tears pooling in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Gage, I truly am.”

“You don’t have to keep fucking defending yourself,” I tell her.

“You’re right,” Gage says then takes a drink. “Over and done with.”

“Well then.” Kat claps her hands together then picks her glass up. “Cheers to that. Bygones and shit.”

“Mom?”

I look behind me to see Brand.

“Hey, you wanna go grab some marshmallows to make s’mores?” I ask, catching Brand before he gets to Juliana while she’s upset.

“Yes!” He pumps his little fist in the air.

“Cool. Show me where they are.”

I scoot him away and look back. She’s not looking at them. She’s looking at me, and she’s looking at Brand, smiling.

***

Brand is smiling off in the distance, and I’m smiling because he is.

“You like it here, Dad?” he asks

“Always have,” I tell him. “Makes you think about nothing but the fields, the trees, the fresh air, and family. Everything that’s important. I missed so damn much, Brand. I promise, never again”

He shakes his head. “I know.”

“Your mom, she’s my angel,” I tell him “You, you’re my blessing.”

He smiles. “And you’re our cowboy. Now I’m gonna get to be one, too.”

“You’ll be the best cowboy alive.”

“Got a minute?”

I look left and see Gage.

I look back at Brandon. “Go take these down to Mom?”

“Yep,” he says then runs down the rest of the driveway.

“Take a walk?” he asks me.

I nod then look down toward Juliana.

“She’s fine. Kat’s claws are back in,” he tells me.

“She was out of line.”

He chuckles. “She usually is, but she’s just sayin’ what everyone else is thinking.”

“She needs a fucking leash,” I snarl.

He stops and shakes his head. “Everyone I talk to asks me how I’m doing. Like I have some fucking terminal illness or some shit. It sucks. Not saying it’s right, either, but some actually give a shit how you’re doing.”

“Well, how are you doing?” I ask.

He raises an eyebrow at me.

“I’m serious. This whole fucking thing is a mess, Gage, every part of it. One big, twisted ball of fucking twine.” I throw my hands in the air.

“Jesus, this cowboy shit? It’s no fucking joke, is it?”

I shake my head. “When I wasn’t fucked up, I was busy working like a dog, and it felt good to be so exhausted I passed the fuck out after work, dinner, and a shower. Too busy to worry about who knew what, ‘cause no one did. And—”

“Phoenix overheard some shit last night?”

I look up at him. “She didn’t knock.”

“She was trying to cover—”

“I know. See? Fucking big ball of twine.” I kick at a stone.

“Look, shit happens for a reason. Lots of shit. And as much of a pisspot as my woman is, she’s all fucking heart. She and I chatted, and she thought I should share with you some shit, so I am.

“Juliana was a fucking ice queen.” I start to interrupt when he holds his hand up. “Let me finish. This shit’s not easy for me, okay? Fucking hurts knowing he’s not mine. Hurts bad, too, but this talk with Phoenix opened my fucking eyes. Mags’ little talks opened my fucking eyes. You fucking opened my eyes. Every father who gives a fuck wants what’s best for their kid. In some way, I made you feel like you wouldn’t be a good father.”

“I know now that was all in my—”

He raises his hand. “Garrett, my point here is, I get how fucked up this all was. I get why she was the way she was. Hell, Phoenix was on a head-trip from hell last night because Juliana tried to open the doors of communication with her, and she shut her down. Do I wish she’d have told the fucking truth? Fuck yes, I do. Do I understand some people just don’t have the skills to communicate shit? Hell, look at us; I fucking get it. But it ends now. One hundred percent up fucking front with shit now. And yeah, I’m asking because that boy, he’s mine, too, man.”

I nod. “Wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“And that...” He pauses and shakes his head. “Had she not fucked up, had she not forced me to step the fuck up, he and I wouldn’t have the bond we do. And when Phoenix and I have kids, I would have been the same fucking man our father is. Jesus, he’s fucking retired and he’s not even around. I don’t want to be that man. No fucking way. Family is family, fucked up or not. So, I may someday be man enough to tell her that, or not, but you can.”

“I’m gonna marry her, Gage. I’m gonna. And she’s gonna be here with me forever.”

“No shit,” he huffs.

“Gage, I get you’re pissed at Mom—”

“Listen, brother, one fucking day at a time,” he warns.

“She was here. Drove the SUV back,” I tell him because one hundred percent means one hundred percent.

He looks up at the sky and shakes his head. “Why the fuck didn’t she just take off with Dad?”

“She was here to make sure everything went okay,” I tell him.

“She was here for you.” He points to me.

“She was here for her fuck-up of a son,” I put it out straight. “And she was here for Brand.”

He looks down and kicks up some dirt. “She put a lot of fucking weight on my shoulders.”

“She knew you could handle it.”

“Done fucking handling it. Gonna live now.” He claps my shoulder. “We’re all gonna live now.”

***

We are sitting on a blanket in front of a small campfire because there is no way in hell we can roast marshmallows in the fucking bonfire. Juliana is wrapped in my black and red flannel, sitting between my legs. My boy, he’s smiling and playing with all the kids, the Steel kids. He’s having a great time, just like we did as kids.

One fucking shitbag ruined my childhood and, in turn, it ruined all of theirs. It won’t happen to him. Won’t because he has me, he has her, and he has Gage, and his little shit, too. We would all move mountains for him, all of us.

Juliana looks back at me. “What are you thinking?”

I nod to Brandon. “I wanna be him when I grow up.”

She smiles and leans back into me, wrapping my arms around her tighter.

“God, look at him. I’m all for looking forward, being present, always will be, swear it. But I can’t help wondering what the fuck I did to deserve this.”

She looks up again. “You loved a girl. You saved her. You never stopped.” Her lips are close, and I can’t help myself. I kiss her, not giving a fuck who’s around.

“I love you.” I pull back and press my forehead to hers. “So fucking much.”

“Your dad just kissed your mom,” the little girl with long, dark hair in pigtails, who’s been following Brand around, announces.

Brand looks at us, smiling, and then he laughs.

Juliana and I laugh, too.

We sit and listen to music, the crackling of the fire, the kids laughing and playing until they finally seem like some of their giddy up has gotten up and left, leaving them moving just a little bit slower.

Watching Brand run around and laugh is going to be a new favorite thing of mine.

After a few moments, Brand comes over and plops down beside me and Juliana. “I want one s’mores, and then I think I should go to bed.”

Kid is one of a kind. Who asks to go to bed? Nature verses nurture? That’s part of his personality, the responsible part. Has to be the nurture part that he got from Gage.

“Let’s make some s’mores, then. How do you like them?” I ask, moving back before standing up.

“I like them brown, not burnt,” he tells me, standing up slowly.

I reach out and pull him the rest of the way.

“How about yours?” I ask Juliana.

She shrugs. “Never had one.”

Brand and I both look at each other, shocked.

“Well, we’re gonna have to fix that problem right quick. Let’s go.”

***

Tonight, I’m in a two-man tent with my son...and my brother. I can’t sleep. Fucking crickets are loud, but the damn frogs are deafening. Reality is, Juliana is sleeping at Gage’s. Mags’ idea. She thought Juliana would like a nice, hot bath, and she was right. When Mags mentioned it, Juliana’s face lit up as she sucked her sticky marshmallow fingers. She likes them burnt, which worked out perfect for me. I make a perfect one, Brand will be happy. I catch it on fire, Juliana will be happy. Can’t fucking lose.

“You asleep?” Gage whispers.

“Nope,” I answer.

“What are you thinking?”

“I need to get some work done. Need a bathtub, run some electrical lines down to the cabin, that kind of thing. You?”

“Thinking that one of us should be sneaking out for at least an hour. Hell, maybe we can take turns. Remember, I’m older; I go first.”

I smirk, even though he can’t see me. “Go ahead. Seriously no big deal.”

“Don’t want him to wake up and not have both of us in the same place we were when he fell asleep. I think this is a big deal to him.”

“Why?”

“First time camping in a tent.” He grunts when he sits up. “Shit happens again, we need air mattresses.”