Chapter Twenty-Nine

Mags’ Girl

Juliana

It’s raining outside, and all the kids and adults are in the downstairs family room. Well, all but Garrett and Grayson. They are at the cabin, doing some work.

When he and Brandon came home from getting haircuts, I was shocked at the way Brandon looked. Gone are the wavy locks of my baby boy, and in was a Mohawk. Garrett swears it’s not, but I disagree. Regardless, Brandon loves it, and because it’s long on top, he still has some of those waves.

When Bell Steel told him he looked adorable, his little face fell, and with it, my heart nearly broke. Jase’s wife Carly looked at me and mouthed “Aw.” I know she felt it, too, the little breaking of my son’s heart.

Garrett, sweet Jesus, it was hard to look at him. His hair is just like it was when we met. And his beard, well, it is now trimmed up, making him look younger, lighter, happier.

Brandon is sitting next to me, watching a John Wayne movie. Yes, John Wayne. He and Garrett came home with a whole bag of DVDs from their trip to the store, which I slept through.

Brand asks frequently if I need anything, which of course, gets all sorts of sweet looks.

He is so loved, so incredibly loved, by a family of people just like his dad Garrett, a man I know down deep is everything I want and more.

I look around the living room at all the people I once hid from. My eyes land on Mags who is sitting next to me.

“View’s much better from the same side of the window, isn’t it, my girl?” Mags asks.

My girl. She called me my girl, and it warms my heart.

When I don’t say anything, she pats my hand. “Never once didn’t think of you that way. You just made it hard to say. Kept people at arm’s length.” Then she laughs. “Good thing, too. Can you imagine if Gage fell ass over tea kettle? I’d have two battered and beaten boys to deal with.”

I give a weak smile, knowing she means well, but I hate that I caused this problem to begin with.

Brandon looks up at Mags, and she looks at her watch, gives him a nod, and he stands up.

“Wanna come with me?”

“Where?” I ask, taking his hand and standing.

I see him reach out and take a key from Mags.

“For a walk.” He holds it up.

I look out the window. “It’s raining still, Brand. Can we wait?”

He looks at Mags.

“I’ll take you down in the buggy,” Mags says, grabbing her cane.

“Thanks, Mags.” He nods and shoves his hand in his pocket.

“Mags.” Gage stops her and points to the doors. “Not raining anymore.”

She looks at him differently than I have ever seen. She looks annoyed, which makes him laugh.

She points at him. “It’s not funny, my boy.”

“Sure is. How about you come back over and have a seat?” He shakes his head. “Brand, you good?”

He nods. “Yep.”

“Go.” He nods to the door.

Getting on Mags’ scooter, I look at Brandon. “I have no idea how to drive this thing.”

“I know how. I’ll show you.” He smiles big as I move so he can sit next to me.

He does well, but needs a little assistance.

When we get to the cabin, I see that there have been some changes. I look at him with a shocked expression, and he giggles.

“I did good keeping a secret, huh, Mom?” he asks as he hops off the scooter.

“I would certainly say so.”

The area where the outdoor shower was, is now a room. It’s the same length as the whole cabin.

I turn my body and look down. Brandon is on one knee with a little black velvet jewelry box in his hand.

“What—”

The sound of a guitar stops me, and I look up to see Grayson sitting on the picnic table where I saw Garrett for the first time in over six years.

“Mommy.” Brandon’s voice brings me back to look at him. He opens the box, and I see a necklace with the number twenty-five in tiny, little diamonds.

“My dad said he loves you, Mommy. He said he fell in love this many seconds from the first time he met you.” He points at the number.

“Twenty-five,” I tell him, my voice cracking.

“Yep, twenty-five. He said it’s a special number because this number means twenty-five seconds, room 25, and he’s twenty-five. He said he’ll love you for that many”—he pauses and scratches his little Mohawk hair—”lifetimes? Yeah, that. And Mommy, that’s a lot of lifetimes.”

“It is.” I nod.

“He wants to marry you, Mommy. He said he wants to now.” He smiles. “But he wants a wedding in a church because he said he knows God brought him an angel, and she gave him another one.” He points to himself. “Me.”

I nod as I wipe a fallen tear. “And what do you think, Brandon?”

He nods and looks at me. “Mommy, I never saw you so happy, so I think maybe he’s your angel. And I’m thinking that you should say yes.”

I start to answer him when he stands up.

“You gotta wait till he asks you, though, little lady.” He reaches up. “And I gotta put this on you so he knows you are gonna say yes.”

“Yeah?” I ask as I bend down.

“Yep.”

He tries really hard to clasp the necklace with the twenty-five on it, but gets frustrated.

“Can you help me, Mom?”

“Of course,” I say and quickly get it clasped.

Brand looks at Grayson and gives him a thumbs-up. Then Grayson begins playing louder now as Brandon takes my hand.

“Wanna dance?”

I nod. “I sure would like to try.”

“Just do the best you can, Mommy,” he says then blows out a slow, nervous breath. “That’s what I’m gonna do.”

“That’s all any of us can do.”

He holds his hands up, and I take them. We don’t move. We just kind of sway, but it works.

“Mind if I cut in?”

I look behind me to see Garrett standing there.

“That’s the plan,” Brandon says and steps back.

Garrett picks me up so I’m eye level with him. “Love you, Juliana. Always have.”

I put my arms around his neck and bury my face into it. “I love you, Garrett.”

“I’ve been a rolling stone all my life. Flying all alone, flying blind. I’ve seen it all. I’ve been around. I’ve been lost, and I’ve been found. But who I am with you is who I really wanna be. You’re so good for me.” Grayson’s voice fills the evening air as Garrett hold me tight against him and moves our bodies in a slow circle. I’m lost in his voice that carries words of a song I know Garrett picked for me.

When the song ends, I don’t lift my head. I keep it buried, knowing what’s coming. I have dreamed about it for years now, and now...now that dream, prayer, wish, it’s all coming, and I don’t know how to stop these emotions, the ones carried out through tears.

When my butt lands softly on a hard surface and Garrett steps back, I wipe them away.

“Juliana,” he says as he swallows back emotions I see in his beautiful brown eyes as he kneels in front of me. “I was destroyed years ago. I was broken beyond my own comprehension. I knew nothing in my life could or would ever be good...until I saw the same in a girl who didn’t fucking deserve it any more than I did. It took twenty-five seconds to want to make you smile. When I did, when I saw you smile, everything I thought I could or would never be as a man or do as a human became possible. Hell, it became a new addiction.”

He pulls a black velvet box out of his pocket, just like the one Brandon had. “There never was, never has been, and never will be anyone in my life that I need like I need you. There never was, never has been, and never will be anyone in my life that I want to protect. There never was, never has been, and never will be anyone in my life that I could possibly love as much as I do you. Marry me, love me forever, love me for twenty-five lifetimes, Juliana. You are my first love. My only love. Always mine. Forever mine. Marry me, Juliana.”

I nod, and he stands, dropping the box beside me, before he cups my face in his hands and kisses me.

***

I watch as Garrett and Brandon sit on the floor of the cabin, looking through the boxes of pictures I intended on bring back here to show him everything he missed. I am sitting on a small album, one I kept hidden for the day I dreamt of, the day Garrett would finally come back and be part of Brandon’s life. As the years went by, I gave up on the forever he and I dreamed, but I knew, I knew down deep, he would be in Brandon’s life in some capacity.

Tucked in the pages is the red flash drive, the one I made videos on, videos of me talking to him. The most recent years were filled with something simple, like Brandon got a fish, or he learned to tie his shoes. The beginning, while my heart was still slowly breaking, those were different.

I want him to see them all, and not to hurt him, but so he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have loved him the same as he repeatedly tells me. He was my first love. My only love. Always mine. Forever mine, too.