Chapter Nine

On My Knees

Juliana

It’s been nice not having Phoenix in the house. Although she’s always around, at night, when Brand is tired, I get that time with him. There is nothing more precious.

Tonight, we played chess. Gail and Mags are at odds, but they act normal around Brandon. Tonight, they were partners against Brandon and me.

Gail stepped out for a bit, not sure where she went, but I have a feeling.

I learned as we went, and yes, I tried my best to make the right moves so that maybe I could do something right, or good, or admirable in my little boy’s eyes. Maybe, just maybe, I can make up for three years of hell that came from a past that I will never tell him about, because he is sweet, and good, and deserves everything that all children deserve. To be protected, to be loved, to be cherished, and to have someone selflessly walk away when they know they are not good enough.

“Juliana,” Mags whispers, breaking me from my thoughts.

I look up as she reaches over and wipes away my tear.

“Sorry.” I smile, trying to recover from my obvious failing to keep it together. I look away from her gray eyes, ones that hold, captivate, demand to be seen and heard. “Where’s Gail?”

“She’ll be back.” She sits back in her chair. “Tell me, Juliana Falcon, tell me why.”

Her demand catches me off guard. I don’t think anyone has ever really asked me that question. I thought it obvious.

“Well, apparently, I’m a gold-digging wh—”

“Hush, child. I don’t want to know how you think others feel about you. I want to know the reason you did it. Don’t answer too quickly. Think about it. Think about what made you seduce and weave a tale so believable that my boy, a very smart man, bought it hook, line, and sinker.”

I do as she asks. I hold my tongue and think of the best way to explain it.

“Because Brandon deserves the best.”

“Lookin’ around here, you think this is the best? Because of money? Because of the things that money can buy?”

“Because he...” I pause as tears threaten. “He deserves to know them. To be raised...knowing them.”

“And how did you know Gage would step up and not throw you back to that old motel you were living in?”

“Because Garrett...” I stop when tears start to fall at the thought of him, his name, the reality of what is going to happen and the fear, the almost paralyzing fear, that someday I will have to look him in the eye and see his disgust in me. See him look at me and wish I burned in that old house, too. “Because Garrett told me how he was. How nearly perfect he was.”

“And Garrett?”

I feel my lip quiver and shake my head, whispering. “He...He did a lot for me. A lot that no one will ever know.”

She doesn’t say anything, and when I look up, there is emotion building in her eyes. A look of admiration behind it.

“My boys are good boys. Each in their own, unique way.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You see the sky out there?”

I nod.

“Don’t let it fool you. There’s a storm a-coming,” she cautions. “You gotta let them work it out for that boy, or everything you’ve done will be in vain.”

I see clear skies and wonder if she’s overtired or confused.

“The Fujiwara Effect. Those boys are all that’s good to everyone in their lives. Giving, some even selflessly, but demanding and stubborn as hell. They come at you like a storm, and you, Juliana, you got two storms surrounding you. Gage and Garrett. They’ll come together and form one hell of a squall, something stronger than each one of them alone, or they’ll fight until everything around them is torn to shreds. By everything, I mean this family that, in your heart of hearts, knew would give that little boy all the love, protection, and caring a child needs.”

“I won’t leave, I won’t. I love him. I love him so much that I...” I can’t say it. Can’t put it into words.

“Lied? Left him?” Her eyes bore into me. I can’t stand what she’s asking of me.

I situate a sleeping Brand so that he is cradled in my arms, needing to carry him up to his bed.

“You give me just another moment, Juliana,” she says sternly.

Out of respect for what she is to Brand, I stay.

“It’s best if you sit back and watch what happens when Garrett and Gage go toe-to-toe. It’s best you separate yourself from the situation and sit back and learn from how they work together and separately, and have some faith in me when I tell you that, when they come together, there will be no stronger storm. Fight it, you’ll lose. Watch, learn, understand, and most importantly, cause no more friction in it, and you’ll make it out okay.”

“I’ll fight for my son, Mags, I will,” I tell her, rubbing my nose across my sleeve.

“You fight for him, you do that, but not against him.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying. To leave him because he’s better off? Is that—”

Her laugh causes me to stop. “No child is best without their mother, silly girl. Fight for him. Fight for him to survive, and become part of that storm. Or, like you, it’ll tear him apart.”

I look up as Gail starts to walk into the room.

Mags leans forward. “She pisses me off, but she’s got her reasons. Stay out of the storm.” She winks at me. “Let it toss you around. Hell, enjoy the ride. But don’t fight it.”

I look up at Gail, and as she gets closer, I see her face, her mask, is completely gone.

“Gage is back. He’s staying in the old cabin.”

“What?” I ask and hear Mags chuckle.

“He says that, tomorrow, you and I are to leave,” she tells me.

Panic causes me to hold Brand a little tighter, making him stir.

“Mommy, too tight,” he says, his eyes fluttering open.

“Let’s get you to bed, Brandon.” I stand up.

“I’m not a baby, Mom. And I told you, I’m Brand,” he grumbles.

“Okay, Brand.” I smile down at him. “You win that fight, just let me have this one.”

I take the stairs, almost running, bouncing him around a little more than necessary.

He laughs. “Fine, Mom, fine.”

After we brush our teeth, wash our faces and hands, get into bed, and say our prayers, he is out like a light. Meanwhile, I lie in bed, tossing and turning, trying to figure out what I am going to do, Mag’s words still taunting me.

Don’t fight the storm? Don’t fight the storm?

I know she means well, I do, but I am going to fight the storm if the storm is Gage thinking he’s going to take my son away. I have a couple more weeks with him. It’s in our custody agreement.

I sit up and let Brand slide out of my arms, making sure he’s still asleep. Then I tiptoe out to see if I can hear if Mags and Gail are still awake. They are.

“He said he’d file kidnapping charges. My son threatened me,” Gail huffs.

“He’s a better man than me. I would have thrown your ass out tonight,” Mags says.

“You don’t know what I have done for my sons, for Brand,” Gail snaps at her. “What I have done to keep this family together with some semblance of unity.”

“I know what you’ve done. Now I suggest you listen to that boy of yours.”

“That bitch has something to do with this. That little—”

“You don’t even know the girl. You tried to pay her off like you did Juliana,” Mags snaps at her.

“Juliana needed something more. She needed to become stronger for Brand,” Gail defends me. “Look at what she has become.”

“I’m telling you, that had you told her to fess up way back when you found out, your boys would have fought it out and every one of those involved would be better off. Now, if Gage needs you and Juliana to go, I suggest you do it.”

“No, I promised to help her. For Brand, I’ll make damn sure I do,” Gail again defends me.

“The storm’s a-coming,” Mags mumbles.

“I am a storm, Mags. I’m the damn storm. This is my call. Now let’s get you to bed before you piss me off and I push you in the damn lake.”

“I’ll come back swinging. You know I will.” Mags laughs at her. She laughs at Gail Falcon.

I take the opportunity to go back in the room and grab a sweater, a pair of flip flops, and then head out to the deck.

In the distance, I see the old cabin. I walk quickly down the stairs and curse my fears of the woods, the dark, and the damn critters that I know are lurking. The city girl in me wants to run back to the safety of the house. The mom in me, she pushes me to continue.

Once I get close, I see a vehicle. I also see what I think is...

I stop dead in my tracks. Is Gage smoking?

Jesus, I hope so. I hope so because then he would not be so damn perfect and I could call him out on his secret, and...

“Idiot,” I scold myself. Do it right. Don’t fight.

I take a deep breath and start to walk toward a smoking Gage. It’s almost comical, almost.

Confident, straight to the point, and reel in the bitch.

Confident, straight to the point, and reel in the bitch.

Confident, straight to the point, and reel in the bitch.

I repeat that mantra over and over in my head until I am right behind him as he sits with his back to me on the picnic table.

“We need to talk,” I say then wait for him to turn around.

He blows out a slow, steady stream of smoke, flicks his cigarette butt, and then slides off the table. I can barely see him, just a little bit of a dark silhouette as he walks to the end of the table, leans against it, and crosses his arms.

“How the hell did you know I was here?”

Frozen. Totally frozen and unable to move, to speak, to breathe.

Garrett.

Oh, my God.

Feet, move, dammit, I scold myself.

He turns and faces me. I am grateful for the dark, and almost wish one of the creatures lurking would come swallow me up.

Dammit.

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

He pushes himself up and turns, his body now facing the table. I hear the flick of a lighter then see a flame. He lights something. I smell citronella.

I keep my eyes on the candle. I can’t look at him. I can’t.

“Well, spit it out. What the hell do we need to discuss?”

His voice has a grittier tone, the way he speaks is harsher, but the effect it has on me, the sudden need for him to tell me it’s going to be okay...To take care of me. To...

“You become mute in the past six years?” he huffs.

I look at him out of the corner of my eyes while he reaches in his pocket and pulls something out.

The lighter flicks again, and I look up as he inhales another cigarette.

He blows out the smoke slowly, walks in front of me, sits on the tables top near the candle, and now I can’t look away.

I lift my eyes from my feet and up at him. I clear my throat.

“I thought you were Gage,” I tell him.

His eyes narrow, and he leans back. One hand on his knee, holding the cigarette; his other hand on the table. He doesn’t say a fucking thing, just looks at me.

His square jaw that was always clean shaven is now lightly covered with dark hair. His waves are cut a little shorter. His eyes, they’re a little darker than I remember. Harder, not darker.

“He’s with that girl.” He holds up the cigarette and takes another drag. The glow from it lights up his face a bit more.

I look down, unable to continue looking at him. My eyes land on his chest.

Jesus, he’s changed. His body is much bulkier than it was six years ago. I look down more, seeing his thighs are thick, so thick. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

“Well, I need to talk to him.”

“About?”

I swallow hard. “Brandon.”

I look up to see how he reacts to the mention of our son’s name.

“I’ll give him the message. Don’t think you should go up there. Probably...” He pauses again and takes a drag, blows it out. and says, “Fucking.”

I look away, because it’s become very, very uncomfortable.

“Make you jealous?”

I look at him and scowl.

“Tell me; do you miss his cock?”

I reach out to slap his face, and he grips my hand and pulls me toward him.

“My brother fuck better than me?”

I lift my other hand, intent on slapping him with it, and he flicks his cigarette and catches it.

“Gotta be quicker than that,” he sneers.

“Let go,” I snap.

“Did once, and here we are. Now answer the question. Was he better?”

I snap my mouth shut.

“Oh shit, it’s been three years, right? How much dick have you had in that pussy I wrecked first since him?”

“Don’t. You. Talk. To me. Like that.”

“Come on, Juliana.” The way he says my name is venomous. “I’ve fucked so many since you that I don’t even remember. But you, you’d remember fucking my brother.”

I feel tears. Tears of anger, not sadness.

“I’m kind of pissed that I saved you from being a little whore, thinking you were something better, only to be shown differently.”

“I’m nobody’s whore,” I snap. “I’m a survivor.”

He takes my hand and rubs it up and down his erection. “My cock thinks differently.”

I pull my hands away, and he lets me.

“What the fuck do you want?” he asks.

I think of how to answer that honestly.

“Gage is going to make Gail and I leave.”

He shrugs. “So?”

“I don’t want to cause problems. I want to make this easy for him. He didn’t choose this. So, I guess I need your help.”

He laughs maliciously. I stare at him.

“Oh fuck, you’re serious?”

I nod.

“I seriously am in need of a fucking blowjob, too,” he says with an almost evil grin when my body stiffens. “Come on, Juliana; you’ve sucked for a hell of a lot less.”

Fuck him. Fuck him and his taunting. Fuck him and...He’s serious. Oh God, he is serious.

I can do this.

“I want a promise that I don’t get thrown out tomorrow.”

“You seriously gonna suck dick to stay here?” he asks with amusement in his voice.

“I’ve sucked for less,” I throw his mocking words back at him as I reach forward and squeeze his cock through the denim.

“Then, get on it,” he grits out.