Cade

 

I stared down, willing her to say what I wanted to hear, but she just stood stoic. Her body trembled with the sob that escaped her lips. I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms and wipe away her tears. It killed me to see those beautiful brown eyes filled with so much sorrow and sadness.

“No, Conall, you need to leave. Now.” She turned and looked up to me, her red and puffy eyes imploring me to follow her, to listen. “Cade, come inside with me, please. We’ll talk. I’ll tell you everything and we’ll figure this out. Together.”

It was the last word that got my attention. Maybe this man was Dillon’s biological father, but she told him to leave. She showed no affection or care for the other man standing there. Without a word, I nodded my agreement.

“This isn’t over, Harlan. I want to see my son.” Conall’s voice was firm and almost threatening, but there was also a hint of desperation. I had a feeling there was more to his story than just wanting to meet his son, and if he stuck around, I would figure out why he was here.

I balled my fists, ready to lunge at this asshole and rip his head off. I was angry when I pulled in front of Harlan’s house to find another man holding her hands. I was livid when he acted as though he belonged there with her. And I was furious when he hit me. It took every ounce of my willpower not to kill the prick. Only Harlan sliding herself in front of me, pressing her back into my chest, calmed me. I never wanted to be that guy in front of her. I would do everything I could to hold my temper, so she wouldn’t see that kind of violence from me.

“Conall, you are not replacing what you lost with your wife and son with me and my son. You made your choice a long time ago, and so did I. Maybe someday you can see him, but it will be on my terms, when I think it’s appropriate. There will be stipulations to your meeting him, if I decide you can meet him. You will never tell him you are his father. You will never refer to yourself as his dad or daddy. You will not confuse or hurt my son in any way. And most of all, Dillon will never visit you in Ireland. If you can agree to these terms, and any other’s I come up with, at some point I may allow you to meet my son.”

Conall stood there, staring at her, a stunned look on his face. Perhaps he thought he was going to come to America and find the same naïve seventeen-year-old he knew before, but this woman was far from naïve. She was strong and determined. She was like a momma bear, protecting her cub.

Conall looked between Harlan and me, then his head slumped and nodded. “Fine.”

He stepped forward and stared up at me, fear and something else in his eyes. “Don’t feck this up,” he said. He slid around us and walked to the black sports car sitting in the parking lot.

As soon as he was gone, Harlan took my hand, her eyes imploring me to come inside with her. “Are you… coming inside?”

I was still angry, but I knew his arrival wasn’t her fault. She didn’t invite him, and she was caught off guard herself. I nodded my agreement, took her hand in mine, and followed her into the house.

***

Once inside, Harlan instantly broke down, sobbing hysterically. Her hiccupped breathing was challenging to hear. I just wanted to take away whatever pain she felt, but I couldn’t. She had to find a way to let it out or let it go. I led her over to the couch and guided her to sit.

I kissed the top of her head. “I’m gonna check on Dil,” I told her. She barely acknowledged that I had spoken.

In his bed, surrounded by his favorite toys and blankets, Dil slept soundly. He knew nothing of the drama that unfolded, and he didn’t need to know. His life was perfect, and he was happy, and I was hell-bent to keep it that way, no matter what.

In the living room, I sat on the couch next to Harlan, gathered her into my arms and lifted her, placing her on my lap. “Talk to me. Who is Conall and how did he find you?”

She didn’t seem to want to get into this conversation, but I wasn’t going to give her a choice. I needed to know what she thought and how best to help her figure it all out.

She breathed deeply, steeling herself for her story. When she started, her voice was no louder than a whisper. “My parents were killed the day after my seventeenth birthday. They were on their way home from a race when a drunk driver ran a traffic signal and slammed into the side of my father’s car going about a hundred fifty kilometers an hour.” Her eyes seemed to glaze over as her mind drifted back to that time. “When I got the call, I was devastated. I didn’t have anyone. My father wasn’t close to his sisters, so I wasn’t either. My grandparents in Ireland were long gone, so it was just me. That is until Conall MacArthur entered my life. He was my parents’ lawyer, in charge of their estate. He helped me through all the legal jargon and he took care of me. He paid off all their bills, took care of the house and cars, and made sure I had something left over for me. I thought he was amazing.

“He came by the house regularly to check on me and to make sure my aunts were leaving me alone. After my parents’ death, the first thing they did was come and sniff around to find out how much my parents left. They wanted the cars and the trophies, my mother’s jewels, and anything else they could sell off for a profit. All I wanted was my parents back.

“One night, I was feeling particularly alone and sullen when Conall came to visit. That was the first night we were together.” She didn’t look at me, not even for a moment. She shook her head as if in disbelief. “I thought it was love. It wasn’t. I was young, stupid, and felt all alone in the world. He made me feel like he cared. Over the next two months, we started an affair. He promised to leave his wife and son, and I believed him. I thought he was going to leave his family and run away with me. I was so stupid,” she sighed.

“You weren’t stupid,” I said, my voice much more forceful than I intended. I was furious, for her. “You were young, and he took advantage of you in your weakest moment.”

“I still knew better, Cade. Anyway, after yet another argument over the fact that he still hadn’t left his family, we called it off. I don’t know why I thought he would leave his family for a seventeen-year-old girl after two months, but I did. A month later, I found out I was seven weeks pregnant, and I knew it was his child. I’d never been with anyone else. So, after weeks of gathering my courage, I walked into his office to tell him. I thought he would gather me into his arms and tell me everything would be okay, but he didn’t. He didn’t even give me the chance to tell him. He went on about how our business was now concluded. He’d transferred the rest of the money that I was supposed to get upon my eighteenth birthday into my account. He threw me out of his office without allowing me to tell him anything.

“Once the tears were dried up and I was back home, alone, I decided I would do this on my own. I gave most of my dad’s cars and my mother’s jewelry to my aunts, so they would leave me alone. I gave my dad’s trophies to a racing museum in England, I sold the house, and moved. I tried to get back into racing, but as soon as I started showing, they wouldn’t let me behind the wheel of a car. I was devastated. I didn’t have anything but this baby growing inside me.

“I kept to the amateur tracks, making sure people knew I was still around. The owner of one of the tracks and her husband took pity on me and let me help. I worked around the pits, helping other drivers and trying to show my knowledge and worth. Ina helped me get ready for the baby and acted like I imagine a grandmother would when he finally arrived. She did everything she could for me. When I was finally able to get behind the wheel again, she babysat so I could start driving. Grand Touring owners came around often for their amateur circuits. They started to talk to me about making the switch to GT racing, but Dillon made that difficult. Ina couldn’t leave her life to help me, and there wasn't anyone else, so I stayed with amateur racing.

“During that time, I also got in touch with my mother’s father, here in America. He was devastated to hear of his daughter’s death, and he desperately wanted to know me. We talked regularly, but coming to America didn’t seem like a reality. I finally made the move after Ina suddenly passed away. She had become like a mother to me, and I was devastated at the loss. Dillon and I made the move to America about two months after her death.

“I worked in my grandfather’s garage and had started racing on the amateur tracks in Virginia. When my grandfather told me about a rumor he heard that Turner Racing needing a new driver, I decided to give it a shot.”

We were both quiet for a long time. I sat there and held her, listening to her story. It was no wonder she had run when I showed too much affection to her and her son. It was no wonder she found it difficult to accept people’s help. The only goodness she was shown over the years was that of the woman who helped her when she needed. Everyone else treated this angelic woman as a means to get what they wanted.

I was angry for her, I hurt for her, I wanted to kiss away her pain and make sure she never felt unloved or unwanted again. Most of all, I wanted to protect her from this man. The jealousy I felt was shocking.

When she finally spoke, I was surprised. “Maybe I should let him see Dil,” she whispered.

“What?” I asked. “Why would you let that man back into your lives?”

“Dillon needs a father.” Her voice remained quiet, but those words killed me. “Seeing him with you makes me realize what he’s missing by not having a father in his life.”

I understood where she was coming from, but I was pissed. “I’m here for Dillon. I’m a man he can look up to and who cares about him.” I gently placed her on the couch and stood. I needed to move, needed to work through the fury that was quickly moving through my gut. “That asshole didn’t even want to know anything about you or your son. He used an innocent and trusting seventeen-year-old girl who had just lost her parents for his pleasure. And now he wants back in your lives when you’ve finally made somethin’ outta yourself? You don’t see anything wrong with that?” I paused for a moment, pacing back and forth but trying desperately to control my volume so I didn’t wake Dillon. “I’ve been here for you and Dil since the day I met you.”

“What if you change your mind?” Again, her voice was barely audible.

“Change my mind?” I growled. Kneeling in front of her, I placed my finger under her chin and tilted it, so she looked at me. “Why the hell would I change my mind? I’m in love with you, don’t you understand that? I haven’t told anyone I loved them in years and compared to what I feel for you, that wasn’t real. I love you, Harlan, and I love Dillon. You’re it for me. There’s no changin’ my mind or suddenly decidin’ I don’t want you. You and Dil are mine; you’re my heart. I want to be your husband and his daddy.”

She stared into my eyes, conflicting emotions written all over her face, but she didn’t pull away or argue. She just stared.

Dillon came running into the room and ran right at me, barreling into me as I crouched in front of his mother. I turned just in time to catch him and topple onto my ass with a chuckle. “Hey there, little man, what’s up?”

“Are you my daddy?” Dil asked, looking at me with his big brown eyes. “You said you’re my daddy.”

I stared at Harlan for a moment.

“Baby,” Harlan started. “Cade’s not really…”

But I cut her off, he asked me, and I was going to answer him. “I would love to be your daddy someday, if you want me to.”

Dillon hugged me. “I’m hungry. Can you make me dinner?”

The conversation was over, and he seemed happy with my answer. I didn’t even look toward his mother, I kept my attention on Dillon. She needed to see, this is what a dad does. He takes care of his kid, whether blood connected them or not.

“I sure can, buddy. What do you want?”

“I want a hotdog,” he said. “Can we cook it on the fire?”

“You know what, buddy. I think that’s a great idea. Let’s go outside and I’ll start the grill.”

Dillon followed me out the back door. Dillon watched intently as I unlocked the shed and gathered the charcoal and other items for him to roast his own hotdog.

“Now listen, Dil, you aren’t allowed to touch this stuff without me or your momma, do you understand?”

He watched intently, his eyes wide with wonder as he observed every step I made to light the fire. I took his hand and walked him back to the shed with me to replace the coal and lighter, securing the combination lock.

“Let’s go get the hotdogs,” I said, picking him up and taking him back in the house with me.

He wiggled free and ran to his mother, who still hadn’t moved from where I left her on the couch.

“Momma, I watched Cade make a fire and we’re gonna make hotdogs. Do you wanna come?”

Harlan stared at him. She looked confused, almost sad. I wished I knew what was going on in her head.

“I don’t think so, sweetheart. I’m not feeling well right now.” She looked to me, pleadingly. “Cade, would you mind keeping an eye on him, so I can lie down for a few minutes?”

“Sure,” I said. She gave me a thankful look and retreated into her room.

Dillon and I made enough hotdogs to feed three people. We then ate and played. I taught him how to throw a ball and started to teach him how to catch. I made a mental note to go out and buy him a baseball glove and some soft baseballs for him to learn. Then when he got tired again, we went inside. I read him stories and we watched cartoons until he fell asleep on my lap. I sat and held him, not wanting to let him go, part of me was afraid that I was going to lose him.