Harlan

 

How in the bloody hell did this man get me to trust him so easily? After years fearing that Dillon’s father would find out about him, I didn’t trust many people. But there wasn’t a question with Cade. I hesitated for a fraction of a second, but realized he had never done anything but help. The fact that Dillon liked him and took to Cade so quickly was enough for me to let my guard down and trust him.

I watched as the two walked out the door, toward the rental. My heart swelled, and I felt my eyes well up. I knew Dillon was missing something by not having a father in his life, but the man who had gotten me pregnant had no business knowing my son. He would never know about my little boy.

“Cade’s a damn good man,” Darrel said, pulling me from my thoughts. “He helped me at what was probably the lowest point of my life.”

I furrowed my brows in confusion, tilting my head quizzically. I wanted to ask, but didn’t want to impose.

Darrel smiled. “Like he said, he was my physical therapist after surgery. But back then, I was about three hundred fifty pounds. After I got to know him and learned he owned a gym, I talked to him about joinin’ and signin’ up for some trainin’. Cade brought me in, and helped me. He worked with me every day, even if I didn’t have one on one trainin’ that day. He helped me lose about a hundred pounds and get my health under control.”

“He does seem to be a nice man. He helped me when I got to Turner racing by helping with my pit stops, and he’s nice to my son.”

Darrel walked me toward a Grand Cherokee in silence. He opened the door and started describing the car and all the extras included. But all the while, he periodically opened then immediately closed his mouth as though he had something else to say. Leading me over to a smaller SUV, he explained the differences and similarities, but then he paused and looked at me. He sucked in a deep breath, his hulking shoulders rising and falling with resolve.

“I’ve known Cade over a year now, and I’ve never seen him with a woman. Hell, I’ve never seen him around any women other than Toni, his brother’s wife, and Monique.”

“Who is Monique?” The words flew from my mouth before I could stop myself. I had no right to the pang of jealousy that stabbed my gut.

“She’s a local real estate agent. She helped them buy his brother’s restaurant. They’re all good friends from what I understand.” He looked at me before continuing. “It’s not like that between Cade and Monique. I think there was something between her and his brother a while ago, but not Cade.”

“It’s not my business anyway,” I said, quick to deny my interest. “He’s just helping me since I’m new to town. And Dil seems to have taken to him.”

“Okay.” Darrel looked skeptical, but he didn’t say any more. He just went on to talk about the cars. We discussed what I wanted and then started the paperwork when I made the decision.

“Well, did you find anything you liked?” Cade’s deep baritone asked from behind me. I had been sitting there while Darrel went to confirm the loan paperwork and complete the sale of the SUV.

I turned to see Cade’s handsome face grinning down at me. Dillon’s car seat in one hand and Dillon sleeping soundly on his shoulder.

“He fell asleep on our way back from dropping off the loaner.”

My heart swelled to almost bursting. Here was this big strong man, caring for my son. Dillon looked natural in Cade’s arms, like he belonged there. For the first time since Dillon was born, I felt bad for denying my son a father. Right now, he didn’t understand what he was missing by not having a man in his life, but soon enough he would notice that he was different and start to question. I didn’t want his biological father in his life, but I would have to let Dillon have a relationship with a man at some point.

Standing abruptly, I moved around the chair and stood in front of them. “Would you like me to take him?” I asked. I didn’t want him to think he needed to stand there holding my son, he’d already done so much for me today.

“If you wouldn’t mind taking the car seat, I can just sit with him. If we move him too much, he’ll probably wake up.”

“Oh, yes. Of course,” I rushed out, annoyed with myself. I just didn’t think very well when I was with Cade. My heart raced, and my thoughts were a jumble when he was around. And seeing him so tenderly lower himself into a seat while holding tight to my little boy made my heart swell even more.

I plopped down in the seat, and let out a huge sigh. I’d been waiting for Darrel for about twenty minutes while he cleared everything with my loan and got the car ready. Now that Cade was here the time seemed to extend longer.

“Were there any problems with returning the car and having them bring you back?” I asked. It had occurred to me after he left that the rental place would frown upon an unauthorized driver returning the car, or that they may need to speak with me for some reason.

“No. No problems. They were race fans, so they recognized me as Julius’s new crew member, and knew who you were as well. They were very accommodating. I may have even sold a couple more gym memberships in the process.” He chuckled slightly.

The silence stretched as we sat and waited. Whenever I was around Cade, I didn’t seem to know what to say or how to start a conversation. It shouldn’t have been that difficult, I’d been around garages and mechanics my whole life. Every time I was near him, though, I became tongue-tied and flustered. I wanted him to see all of me, everything that made me who I was, and that was a tricky thing for me to admit myself. What if he hurt me?

It was a new feeling, this longing I felt for Cade. I barely knew him, but I felt like I’d known him for much longer. It was like my mind and bod recognized him on a deeper level.

Cade glanced at me, his blonde brows furrowed, eyes the color of perfect sapphires were soft but questioning.

I turned my head toward the sound of someone walking toward us. Darrel was there, keys in hand and a smile on his face. This was an easy sell for him, but I understood why Cade brought me here. This was his friend, someone he’d helped and would continue to help if he could. That seemed to be who Cade was, the supporter and protector.

“Congratulations, Harlan. You’re the owner of a brand-new car.” He shook my hand and smiled. Darrel ran through the maintenance and warranty information along with some other basic information. “Y’all are on your way.” Darrel looked to Cade and stuck out his hand. “Thanks for bringin’ her by, buddy. See ya at the gym.”

“Yeah, see ya around.”

We walked out to the polished silver SUV sitting in front of the main doors. I smiled widely as I pressed the door unlock, listening to the sound of the locks disengaging. This was my car, my first car bought with my money and put in my name. It was a big deal.

I climbed into the middle of the back seat and secured Dillon’s car seat inside. Cade reached in and gently placed the sleeping boy into the seat. Shock ran through me as Dillon barely stirred when Cade set him down. I wondered if my more relaxed demeanor was what made Dillon more peaceful. I secured him in his seat and closed the door. We climbed into my new car and started the engine.

“I can’t believe he didn’t wake up at all,” Cade said. “He’s a deep sleeper.”

“He’s never slept this soundly before. He usually at least stirs when I move him.” I wasn’t sure what more to say. Part of me thought it had something to do with Cade, but maybe it was just that Dillon was tired. Perhaps he would have slept like this for anyone. Cade didn’t have special powers, other than the ability to make my heart palpitate with just a glance or a flash of a crooked grin.

“It’s all the muscle,” he laughed out quietly, “makes for a comfy pillow.”

Yeah, that was a pillow I would love to try out for myself. His grin grew as he looked at me.

“You okay there, darlin’?”

I realized I was sitting there, staring at him, not moving. How embarrassing. Placing the shifter in gear, I eased my new car out of the lot and onto the highway.

“I’ll take you back to the garage. Thanks for your help today, Cade.”

“I thought you needed groceries.”

“Oh, yes. I almost forgot.” He had my mind in such a jumble, I was ready to go home without any food.

He didn’t say anything for a while. The sound of the satellite radio filled the car as the monotony of the quiet music made my mind wander. I wasn’t entirely sure what song played. I only heard the beat of drums that were like a steady heartbeat in the car’s sound system. I wondered why he didn’t talk. Was it because I wasn’t speaking? Why couldn’t I find something interesting or witty to talk about? It seemed after all the years of being alone, I still lacked conversational skills. I took in a deep breath, letting out a long sigh. The truth was, I had no idea what I was doing around someone like Cade. He was nothing like any man I’d ever known. This sweet, sexy, talented man intimidated the hell out of me.

“Tell me about yourself,” Cade said, breaking the silence.

Tightening my grip on the steering wheel, I stared out the windshield and tried to think about how I can tell him about myself without telling him anything. “Not much to tell.”

“How about startin’ with how you became a race car driver.”

That was an easy subject. “My father was a Formula One driver. As soon as I was big enough, I drove everything I could. There was a small go-cart track in the town we lived in Ireland, I would sneak down there at seven years old and race around the track for hours until someone found me. Eventually I graduated to full-size cars.”

“Are your parents still in Ireland?”

Usually talking about my parents was hard. The wound was still fresh, although almost five years had passed. The weird thing was, Cade’s presence brought me a sense of calm that I hadn’t experienced since my parents were alive. He made the idea of talking about them much easier. My heart didn’t ache quite as much. The usual panic didn’t overtake me.

It had been hard constantly being questioned after their death. Media outlets wanted to know every detail of their lives and death, especially since my father was such a great driver. They speculated about how a professional driver could be killed in such a horrific accident. It didn’t seem to matter that the accident wasn’t his fault.

“My parents died in a car accident when I was seventeen years old.”

“I’m sorry, Harlan. That had to have been hard. Do you have siblings or anything?”

“No, I’m an only child. I had some cousins, but I haven’t seen any of them since just after the funeral.”

“Is that when you came to America?”

“No, I got here a little over a month before I came to interview at Turner Racing. Once my parents’ affairs were in order, I thought I’d take my shot driving, but then I found out about my pregnancy. I worked around a track in my town until Dil was born and I could drive again. I drove at that amateur track for a couple of years, but after a while, I realized that was going to be it if I stayed. I had little support and no real family, so I decided I wanted to come home and have Dil around my grandfather. Family in Ireland wasn’t very—nice. They were more worried about what they could get from my parents’ estate than they were about helping me get through the loss.”

A new life was what I wanted, and that’s precisely what I found. A life away from the extended family who only cared about themselves. Away from the man who wouldn’t even let me speak to him when I went there to tell him about Dillon. He made it clear he was done with me. He didn’t need to know about my son, and now he never would.

I was careful about getting close to anyone, especially men. I thought long and hard about the type of people I would allow into our lives. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to throw that all away on one incredibly sexy and sweet man who seemed able to melt my heart with one crooked grin.

Cade was quiet for a few moments. I wished I knew what he was thinking.

“How old are you now?”

I sighed, I knew how this was going to sound. I was going to look like the irresponsible unwed teen mother most people avoided. “I’m going to be twenty-two next month. And before you do the math, I was seventeen. I got pregnant with Dillon after my parents were killed.” I didn’t have to look at him to feel the judgement rolling from him. “It doesn’t make me negligent or foolish either.” Although that is exactly what I thought of myself.

I stopped at a red light and couldn’t stop myself from looking over at him. He’d remained silent, not commenting since my little outburst. He wasn’t looking at me with judgement in his eyes, just compassion and something I couldn’t explain. “What?” I asked, pushing him to say something.

“Nothin’. I was just thinkin’ that you’ve come a pretty long way on your own. It’s impressive.”

Impressive? How could he think that having a baby and running away from my problems was impressive? I did what I had to do, and as soon as I was able, I left my old life behind.

“Penny for your thoughts.” I liked his voice, it wasn’t harsh, just smooth and rich. It washed over me and warmed me. Although I’d heard his booming voice bellow through the garage and during pit practices, I didn’t think he could ever raise his voice outside of work. He seemed to be a gentle giant, kind and caring, but ardently protective of his friends and those he loved. And even though I didn’t know what I wanted from the people I’d met in the past few days, part of me wanted to be safeguarded by his care.

“I just zoned out for a moment, sorry. My life has been such a whirlwind of change lately. I’m just getting used to the time change and everything at the garage, I think it all just caught up with me.” I grinned when I met his warm eyes. He was one of the sincerest people I’d ever met, and I found that it wasn’t hard for me to be genuine in return. All the people I’d met at Turner Racing were authentic. The people I knew in Ireland were so disingenuous, only looking for what you could give them.

“Where’s Dillon’s father?”

And there was the million-dollar question. I stared out the windshield, trying to organize my thoughts, in desperate need of a distraction. Once he threw me out of his office and told me not to return, I tried my best to forget about Conall and his connection to my son. Hell, I didn’t even tell my grandfather about him when he asked.

 “He’s somewhere in Ireland.”

“Does he know Dil? Does he have contact with him?”

My eyes widened, and jaw fell slack. My silence must have been enough because he immediately backtracked. “Harlan, I’m so sorry. I was outta line.” He looked at Dillon and me, silent for a few moments. “So, how about the race on Sunday?”

I felt my heart crack just a bit at how awkward he now appeared as he tried to backpedal and change the subject. Perhaps I could let him into my world just a little, how bad could it be to have a real friend? I hadn’t ever really had one that I could rely on entirely. It could be kind of nice.

“No. He doesn’t even know about Dillon. I tried to tell him once, at the very beginning of my pregnancy, but he refused to speak to me. I haven’t seen him since.”

“What an asshole,” he growled. Shocked, my eyes flashed his way for a moment. I didn’t understand his outburst. The look of anger that crossed his face surprised me. He asked, “Have you dated since Dil was born?”

Again, I was stunned at his forward questions. No one had ever been so bold as to ask me about my life. Even the people I considered friends in Ireland hadn’t made such probing inquiries. Shockingly, I found that it felt good talking to Cade. I enjoyed his company and he was sweet to my son. He was also sincere, kind, and incredibly handsome. His warm cobalt blue eyes brought me a sense of calm, like he was a real friend.

“Not really, my life is about Dillon. I must be careful about who I allow into his world.” And if I wasn’t careful, we could both be crushed.