Harlan

 

From my bedroom window, I watched Cade with my son. My heart was filled with so much love, I thought it would explode. This man was perfect in every way. Almost too good to be true. Was he too good to be true?

Cade and Dillon made hotdogs, played catch, and ran around the yard for hours. Dillon picked flowers, put them in a vase, and placed them on my bedside table. When they were done, I heard them come inside. They sat on the couch together, father and son, and watched cartoons.

I watched as stealthily as I could from inside my bedroom. I couldn’t believe I even considered allowing Conall to step in and take the place of Dillon’s father. Dillon should know who his biological father was, but he deserved to have someone who loved him unconditionally also, and that was Cade. I just didn’t know how to make both happen without hurting Cade, or myself.

Cade was right. He had been here for us from the moment we met, not because he had to, but because he wanted. It was that want, that desire to be everything Dillon and I needed that made me start to fall in love with Cade. When I was a kid, I thought I was in love with Conall. He took care of me and helped me, but I know now that that wasn’t love. What I felt for Cade was real love; not born out of necessity or need, but born out of mutual respect and caring. It was that nervous, fluttering butterfly feeling I got every time I saw him or simply heard his voice. That feeling I got every single time he touched me in any way, or was near. He made me feel like I was the only woman in the world.

I hid in my room, just thinking, for hours. I knew it was cowardly to hide, but I had to figure out how to make this work. At some point Dillon should meet Conall, but I needed Cade to be on board. I needed him to understand that even though Conall was Dillon’s biological father, Cade was the daddy Dillon needed. But how could I make him understand?

When I walked out into the living room, I stopped in my tracks. Cade and Dil were both passed out on the couch together. Cade had his feet up on the coffee table, Dil snuggled securely in his lap.

I let out a quiet snicker. I was worried about Dillon needing a man in his life, he chose the man he wanted to look up to, and he knew it even before I did. I just stood there and stared, and fell in love all over again. They were beautiful together.

My snicker must have been a little louder than I anticipated because Cade roused from his sleep.

“What’re you doin’? Are you feelin’ okay?” he asked groggily. I could see the worry in his eyes. Did he think I was going to throw him out? Was he worried that I’d chosen Conall over him?

“Just looking at the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.” I tried to be happy, but sadness was just under the surface.

Cade bent his knees and placed his feet back on the floor. He stood gently and easily and walked past me toward Dillon’s bedroom. I followed behind him, wordlessly, as he placed my sleeping boy in his bed and covered him, reverently. Cade turned back to me and waited. His eyes searched mine.

I grabbed his hand and led him across the hall to my room, and closed the door. Letting go, I walked to the side of my bed and sat there, hands folded in my lap. I stared down at my tangled fingers. We were quiet for several moments, Cade stayed by the door and waited.

“I’m so sorry if I hurt you,” I started. “I never expected to see Conall again, so when he showed up, I didn’t know what to do. I mean, he traveled halfway around the world to see Dil and me. I wanted him to go away, I was angry that he came here, but I had to hear him out.” I was quiet for several moments, I didn’t expect him to speak, but I kind of hoped he would tell me it was all okay. I knew better. “When you showed up, he had just grabbed my hands and gotten me to sit with him, so he could talk. I promise, there was nothing else going on.”

Cade stood there and waited without a word. I couldn’t look up at him, I feared what might be in his eyes. Maybe he’d already given up on me and just stayed with Dillon because he loved him so much.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I think Dil should get to know his biological father, at some point,” I explained.

Cade let out a long, exasperated breath. He turned and grabbed the doorknob, ready to walk away. I was screwing this up. I couldn’t let him walk away, not without finishing what I had to say. I pushed on before he could get too far. “He should know Conall, but Dillon deserves to have you in his life. He loves you, Cade. You’re the man he’s chosen to be his father.”

Cade stopped, halfway through the door as I continued. “Dil looks up to you. He adores you. And even if things don’t work out between you and me, you are still the man I want my son to have in his life. He should get to know Conall, but Dil needs to have you. Can you find a way to be okay with Dillon meeting Conall? You don’t have to like it, and you don’t even have to be around when Conall meets him, but Dil needs you, Cade. He’s going to need you to show him that it’s okay to meet Conall and that you won’t leave him.”

“On one condition,” Cade rumbled, his back still facing me. “For now, Dil only visits with… Conall when I’m here.” He said Conall’s name like he was naming a disease. He turned slightly and glanced at me. There was pain in his eyes. Pain that I put there, and I hated myself for it. “I don’t trust that prick. If I had it my way, you wouldn’t be near him either.” The stern tone of his voice let me know that he was doing his best not to get angry.

“He will be given specific days and times that he can visit, and I promise,” I said, standing and walking toward him. His blue eyes were cautious as he tracked my every step toward him. “I promise I won’t be anywhere near him either.” I took a deep breath and tried to tamp down the butterflies that fluttered in my gut. “There is only one man I want, and that’s you.”

Cade closed the door quietly as possible, and reached me in two strides. His mouth was instantly on mine, claiming and owning every part of me. He wrapped me up in his arms and pulled me so tight it felt like he was fusing us together just by sheer will. All the emotion and pain of the past few hours, boiled over and enveloped the two of us.

“You and Dillon are my family,” he whispered between kisses. “You’re my love and my passion. You understand?”

This sweet man has stood by me, and convinced me repeatedly that he cares about me, and all I’ve done is make it hard on him. I forced him to prove his feelings repeatedly, never totally believing those feelings were real. But every single time I’ve tried to push him away or have forced him to deal with yet another issue, he’s proven that his love was real.

“I’m yours,” I whispered as he kissed across my jaw to my ear. “We’re both yours.” I laced my fingers into his short blonde hair, loving the feel of his mouth on me. “I am totally and completely yours.”

His lips blazed a trail down my neck and across my collarbone, one hand laced in my long hair, the other toying with the hem of my tee shirt. When his hot, calloused fingers touched the sensitive skin on my stomach, I groaned with pleasure. Our hands were everywhere, pulling and pushing at clothes as we struggled to get closer. I knew our problems weren’t completely solved, but I also knew that with Cade, I could withstand anything life threw at us.

***

“Momma?” Dil said, trying to climb into bed. This was his usual routine, wake up before sunrise and end up cuddling in bed with me for a couple more hours. But this time, it wasn’t just Dillon and me. After Cade and I talked everything out, we had made love until the wee-hours of the morning. I had been so sated, resting in his arms, that sleep had overcome my last wakefulness. It appeared the same had happened to Cade.

Cade was sleeping next to me, his chest bare, with only shorts covering his bottom half. I had fallen asleep in his huge tee shirt and a pair of shorts. Thankfully we had enough sense to get dressed.

“Momma? How come Cade’s here?” Dillon’s sweet, innocent voice pulled me from the first restful night sleep I’d had since our weekend together.

“He fell asleep, baby.” I didn’t know what else to say. How much does a four-year-old understand?

“Can Cade have a sleepover every night?” he asked, and I snapped my eyes to him.

“I don’t know, Dil. Cade has his own house, remember?”

“Yeah. I like when Cade is with us.”

“So, do I, baby.” I didn’t know what else to say. I was silent for what seemed like forever as Dillon considered me with his wide brown eyes.

“I do have my own house, Dil. But I like being with you too.” Cade said finally. He stretched over me and pulled Dillon into bed between us. Dillon nestled into us both, and waited as Cade continued. “Remember what I told you yesterday, I’m always here for you, whether we’re in the same house or not.”

“Okay.” Dillon didn’t say more. He snuggled down in the warm space between Cade and me, his head on Cade’s outstretched arm, facing toward me while he twirled my hair. Soon he fell back to sleep. The perfect little angel, who seemed to just make everything make sense.

I laid there and just stared at Dillon and Cade. These two fit together perfectly, like they belonged together. Dillon was so small in Cade’s arms, and Cade was incredibly gentle with him. He was always loving with me. I had seen this man lift more weight in the garage than was normal for any man. His shoulders were broad, his back and chest looked like someone chiseled him out of granite, and his legs were like tree trunks, powerful and sturdy, yet he was the most tender man I’d ever known.

I just had to figure out what I was going to do about Conall.

“What’re you thinkin’ about?” Cade asked, his sapphire eyes considering me. He grinned tiredly in the dim light of pre-dawn.

“Just thinking about what to do about Conall. I don’t trust him. The more I think about it, the more what you said makes sense. It’s rather convenient that he shows up now, when I’m doing well for myself. Does he know about my racing contract? Is he trying to use Dillon to somehow get to me? There has to be an angle, I just don’t know what it is.”

Cade seemed to think about this for a few long moments. “Maybe you need to bring him around, and see if we can’t weed out what he’s doin’ here. Have him come to Bristol this weekend. Margie will have Dil with her while you’re racin’, but he can be in the garage around all of us. We’ll figure out what the hell he’s doin’ here, then you can decide if he sees Dil or not.”

That was a great idea. Between the fifty-five and sixty-five teams, perhaps someone would be able to get him to talk. Maybe his true intentions would be revealed.