PRETTY DAMN MAGNIFICENT
My father came by one afternoon and caught me in the midst of a really down day.
He threw his keys on the counter. “You sad, Ranoona?”
My head was resting over my forearms on the kitchen table when I mumbled, “Yes.”
“I have warm pita bread.”
“Warm pita bread doesn’t solve everything, Papa.”
“No, but we have butter. Warm pita and butter solve a lot.” He winked, and I couldn’t help but smile as I lifted my head up.
My father split a large circle of bread in half before grabbing the butter from the refrigerator. He sat back down and buttered me a slice.
I took a bite. “So, I saw you went to visit Lilith recently.”
He was quiet and simply nodded.
“Yeah. She told me she got another envelope,” I said.
About six months ago, Lilith announced that she believed God had been leaving her money. For a while, I just listened to her stories without thinking anything of it. She said envelopes that had her name written on the front would just show up, either under her front door or sometimes tied to something in the yard. The reason she thought it was God leaving them was because of the religious pictures on each one. I asked her to show me one of them and immediately realized that they were the donation envelopes from my father’s church, St. Cecilia’s.
Papa always knew her whereabouts but had never really talked about her much. Finding out about the envelopes was the first time I realized how much she’d been on his mind over the years. He later confessed that he’d thought of her often. He knew about my arrangement to see her each week and never tried to talk me out of it. The envelopes were proof that I had underestimated his feelings for his granddaughter. He apparently left the envelopes occasionally when he knew her parents were at work and that she was in school. He was careful not to get caught.
Lilith wanted to know why God didn’t know how to spell her name, because he’d always leave out the ‘H’ at the end. The funny thing was, that was exactly how my father pronounced her name—“Lilit.” So, to this day, she believed that God was sending her money and that He needed spelling lessons.
I couldn’t help but laugh one afternoon when she asked me if I thought God would be offended if she spent some of his money on a Brooklyn Beckham poster. I’d told her to go for it, that God made her the way she is, and fancying handsome boys is part of human nature.
“I told Landon about Lilith, Papa.”
He momentarily stopped buttering his bread. “What he say?”
I knew that worried my father, who was old-fashioned and would have never considered taking up with someone who already had a child. Granted, his choosing a young virgin to marry totally bit him in the ass when my sheltered mother went off the rails into perpetual rebellion, never to return.
“He was shocked. You know he’s adopted. So, he has a lot of unresolved issues with that. I didn’t want to tell him, but I had to, because I’ve fallen in love with him.”
My father looked surprised to hear those words coming out of my mouth. I’d never even admitted to him that I liked anyone let alone loved someone.
He seemed to ponder my words then nodded. “I see.”
“What are you thinking?”
“Nothing.” He smiled. “Happy.”
“Yeah, well, I’m just afraid that he won’t be able to get over it.”
Papa always had the same answer for everything. “Pray to Blessed Mother. She fix.”
I normally laughed at him. I mean, this was the same man who swore to have seen the Virgin Mary’s image in a piece of toast. But on this particular day, after my father left, I went over to the statue he’d brought—the one whose primary purpose had been to protect me from Lenny—and prayed.
Later that day, I was checking Landon’s app as I normally did, and something troubling was on the screen.
It was a note that said: Landon’s Lunch Box is temporarily closed. Please check back soon for updates.
Freaking out, I picked up the phone and dialed him immediately.
“Landon, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why is the truck shut down?”
“It’s in transition.”
“Transition?”
“Yes. I sold it. Got a buyer unexpectedly.”
“You sold the truck? Why didn’t you tell me you were selling it?”
“I was going to tell you. I didn’t want to give you false hope until I signed on the dotted line. Today’s literally the first day it’s shut down. I wanted to make sure I had everything else in order before I told you.”
“Everything else in order? What do you mean?”
“I mean…I’m getting out of my apartment, and I have to get rid of the Range Rover.”
“What’s happening?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I’m moving to Michigan. But I didn’t tell you yet because it still might take a while to sell my car and close out all of my business here. But a buyer came about unexpectedly for the truck, so I had to take advantage of that while I could, since that was the biggest hurdle.”
It still hadn’t fully registered. “You’re…moving…here?”
“Did you really think I could stay out here much longer? Clearly you underestimate my need for you.”
Feeling all kinds of happy inside, I didn’t even know what to say. “I mean, of course, I hoped it would happen but—”
“How else are we gonna work on our relationship? I understand now that there’s no way you could ever move here, nor would I ever want you to now that I know about Lilith. There’s no choice. I don’t want to live without you, so I need to get off my ass and move.”
“I had no idea you were moving here so soon. In fact, I was afraid I was losing you. You’ve been a little distant lately.”
“I’m sorry if it seemed that way. I’ve been so busy trying to tie up loose ends here. And I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. My therapist has really helped me to look at things from a different perspective. I can fill you in on the stuff I’ve learned when I get there. It’s too much to get into right now and over the phone.”
“I can’t wait to hear more about it.”
“I’ve told you this before, but I think you’d benefit from therapy, too. You can always talk to me—you know that—but it’s nice to have someone totally unbiased to help you work through shit.”
Going to formal therapy was something I’d always avoided.
“I’ll consider it. I promise.”
“I hope so.”
I changed the subject. “What will you do for work here?”
“Well, the money from the sale of the truck will help. I didn’t just sell the vehicle. It was the name and the business as a whole, the app, everything. That, along with the money from my Range Rover, is enough to keep us on our feet for a couple of years, at least.”
Us.
I’d never been part of an “us” before.
He continued, “I’ll have to figure out a way to start over. Maybe I’ll see if I can operate a truck out there, or maybe I can get a cook position somewhere. I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen in terms of work, but it’s honestly not the most important thing. I need to get out there first before I can even interview. I’ll get something. I don’t really give a fuck what it is as long as we’re together.”
His last line made me tear up.
He could hear my sniffles. “Why are you crying? This is supposed to be good news.”
“I’m just emotional over this and sad at the same time that you had to give up the truck. You worked so hard to grow that business. You’re giving up everything.”
“Don’t you know by now that you are everything?”
Still not feeling worthy of his love, I closed my eyes to cherish those words.
He continued, “I’ve been miserable here the last few weeks, Rana. The things that were important to me before you came into my life are no longer significant. I’d be a fool to let the truck stop me from being there to make love to my woman every night. Fuck the truck. I can open another truck. You’re irreplaceable. You’ve been handling a lot of major shit on your own. And I know now more than ever that you need me there.”
A month later, Landon was set to fly to Detroit in two days.
His bags were packed, and he was staying in a motel by the beach after vacating his apartment.
He called me sounding gutted.
“Landon, what’s wrong?”
“I just came back from the cemetery, visited Beverly for the last time. It was very emotional, knowing that I’m not gonna be nearby anymore. It kind of felt like I was deserting her.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I knew this would be hard.”
“It won’t be the last time. We’ll go back and visit her.”
“I know we will. I’m looking forward to our trips back out here, actually.”
“What can I do to make you feel better?”
“Tell me something funny.”
He was putting me on the spot, and I felt a tremendous responsibility to brighten his spirits, especially after what he just told me. Unfortunately, the story I was about to tell was all too true.
“So, I wanted to surprise you with something when you got here. I figured what better thing to take your mind off leaving California than a freshly bare girlfriend…so I went for a Brazilian bikini wax.”
“Are you shitting me? That’s amazingly hot. You’re bare right now?”
“Not exactly.”
“What happened?”
“The woman got called away for an emergency in the middle of my appointment, so it sort of looks like my hoo-ha has a Mohawk.”
My ear filled with the sound of Landon’s laughter.
Success.
“What the fuck?”
“It’s not pretty.”
“There’s nothing about that pussy that’s not pretty. Leave it. I want to see it. Then, I’ll shave the rest.”
“I’m getting my very own personal groomer, too?”
“Among other things. Sex slave, housekeeper, bodyguard. I’m gonna have the time for a while to be whatever you want, baby.”
“Are you at the beach right now?”
“Yeah.”
“I can hear the water. It makes me sad that you won’t be able to fall asleep anymore to the magnificent sounds of the ocean.”
“I’ll be listening to you breathe and smelling your hair. I think that’s pretty damn magnificent, if you ask me. Anyway, you still have the ocean sounds machine I got you, right? We can listen to that together.”
“I do.” I smiled. “I can’t wait for you to get here, Landon.”
“I’m coming home, Banana.”