FERRIS WHEEL
Lilith turned eleven this week.
I’d only been around for a couple of birthdays with her, but they were always bittersweet.
This year was going to be different because Landon was here to help me celebrate. That would hopefully distract me from the inevitable moments when my mind wandered to the day she was born or to thinking about the years that I missed.
Even though her birthday had technically passed, we’d be marking the occasion tonight. It happened to work out that the carnival was in town, so we planned to take her there in the early evening after the truck closed.
Around 4PM, Landon was taking a quick shower after a long day of work. I had already gotten dressed and was waiting for him, feeling really anxious for some reason.
Landon emerged from the bathroom with a small towel wrapped around his waist. A few droplets of water were dripping down the veins of his ripped torso. He looked good enough to lick.
He approached me in the middle of the living room, and his towel dropped to the floor. His fully erect cock was on full display.
“Be careful,” I said. “The curtain’s open and God forbid, my father walk in.”
“That would serve him right because he promised not to barge in anymore. It’s bad enough he leaves religious statues around that judge me when I’m getting you from behind in the kitchen.”
“She’s not judging you. She brought us together.”
“Say what?”
“I prayed to her right before you called me to tell me you were moving here.”
“Oh, good.” He tugged on my tank top. “Then she won’t mind if I stick my dick between those beautiful tits right now, either? The whole time I was in the shower I kept thinking about how good they look in this shirt. I was getting really horny but intentionally didn’t jerk off in the hopes we could have a quickie.”
As much as it pained me, I said, “We can’t. We’re already late.”
I leaned in, taking his cock into my mouth and giving it one quick suck before abruptly stopping and getting up. “You need to get dressed.”
He held his arms out, his erection sticking straight up in the air. “Okay, that was just cruel. You’re so going to hell for that.”
We really lucked out with the weather. It was dry and comfortable with only a slight chill in the air.
The sun was just starting to set as we made our way over to the ticket booth for the second time. We’d already played a lot of games and needed more tickets for the rides.
Slowly inching forward in the long line, we waited patiently. My eyes landed on a little girl who looked to be about three. Her scoop of ice cream had fallen off of the cone. When she started to cry, her mother bent down to comfort her.
I looked over at Lilith. It made me sad that I’d missed those years with her, all of those little moments when she might have been sad and I wasn’t there to make it better. I willed those thoughts away, reminding myself that this was supposed to be a happy occasion.
Landon handed Lilith a long strip of tickets.
“Are these all for me?”
“Well, they’re for me, too, birthday girl. You think I’m gonna let you go on all these rides alone? That’s no fun. Do you know what you want to go on first?”
She beamed at him. “The bumper cars.”
“Okay, let’s do it.”
I wasn’t a fan of rides, so I opted to hold the huge, stuffed animal he’d won for her instead. With a giant cow in one hand and pink cotton candy in the other, I stayed on the sidelines while they ventured off together.
I imagined that Landon was sort of like the big brother Lilith never had. It melted me to see how well they got along. Lilith’s father, Jack, worked a lot and wasn’t the type to get his hands dirty or let loose at a carnival. I couldn’t picture my own dad running around a carnival with me, either. We’d never done things like this together. He’d call it “foolish” or a “waste of money.”
When they returned after going on several rides, Lilith reached for her cotton candy.
She put a big, fluffy piece in her mouth before she said, “Rana, you have to go on The Sizzler.”
“Oh, no. The one time I went on that as a kid, I got really nauseous and threw up. I can’t do spinning.”
“You have to go on something. The carnival only comes once a year.”
I couldn’t disappoint her. “Okay, maybe the bumper cars? I can handle anything on the ground or that doesn’t move too fast.”
Landon flashed her a mischievous look. “I think we should find someone to hold that stuffed animal so we can both team up on Rana and crash into her. What do you think?”
“I like that idea.”
“Well, thanks a lot, guys.”
Waving his hand toward the booth, he said, “Let’s go get some more tickets.”
Back in the long line, Landon opened his wallet just as a brisk wind hit us, blowing some of his receipts and loose bills onto the ground. One of the other items that fell: the old picture of us that his mother had given him.
My heart nearly stopped as Lilith bent down to pick it up. She flipped it around to look at it. Since it landed with the back facing up, I knew she likely saw our names written on it.
She’d never seen a picture of me as a child before. That was very intentional due to our resemblance.
My body stilled.
When Landon realized she was holding the photo, he looked at me in a panic. Then, both of our eyes were glued to her, waiting for some kind of response.
She handed the photo back to Landon but didn’t say anything.
“Thanks,” he said. He glanced over at me then at her. “Ready to go?”
She nodded.
Had I dodged a bullet?
I honestly didn’t know. It wasn’t like Lilith not to inquire about something, especially a picture of two kids around her age. Had she not noticed the names on the back? Had she not picked up on my resemblance to her?
My breathing slowed a bit as I tried to convince myself that everything was fine while we headed to the bumper cars. A sweet grandmother agreed to hold the stuffed animal so that the three of us could go together.
Landon and Lilith made due on their promise to target me. Being the horrible driver that I was, I kept bumping into the wall when the two of them weren’t crashing into me.
After we exited the bumper cars, Lilith handed me the last of her tickets. “I want to go on the Ferris wheel one more time before we leave. Will you go with me, Rana?”
As much as I hated heights, I just couldn’t say no to her.
As we waited our turn to get on, I glanced back at Landon and smiled at my tatted bad boy holding the giant, stuffed cow. He blew me a kiss.
See? Everything is fine, Rana. It’s a beautiful night. You can calm down.
Lilith was quiet as we got into our car and locked the bar in front of us. With a jolt, the Ferris wheel started to ascend.
I turned to her, expecting to maybe see an excited smile. My own smile faded upon realizing that her expression wasn’t like any I’d ever seen from her before. She was looking at me as if it was the first time she’d ever seen me, as if she was examining my face. Her eyeballs were moving back and forth. I knew before the words even exited her mouth.
“It’s you.”
Her words had sent what felt like a bullet through me.
I swallowed. “Who?”
“You’re the one who gave me away.”
My heart was hammering against my chest. Tears started to fill my eyes as the ride reached its highest peak. I would’ve thought I’d be panicking for my own benefit in this moment but no part of me was really scared for myself anymore—only for her.
Nodding, I finally forced the words out. “Yes.”
She closed her eyes tightly but wasn’t crying. When she opened them, she looked away from me.
“Look at me, Lilith.”
Refusing to look me in the eyes, she continued to just stare out at the crowds below. The Ferris wheel went up and down for three full cycles before she suddenly whipped her head toward me. “I thought you were my friend. You lied to me.”
It hurt so much to hear her say that.
“I didn’t mean to lie to you. I just couldn’t tell you yet. We weren’t sure if you were ready to know.”
Finally, a tear fell from her eye. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of this.”
My voice grew louder. “I know you don’t. I have to explain it to you, Lilith. You need to let me.”
It was an inopportune time for the ride to stop. I needed more time alone up there with her. It felt like I needed forever.
Lilith couldn’t get out of the seat fast enough. The next thing I knew, she was running toward Landon.
I ran after her.
Landon took one look at my face and knew.
“Take me home,” she said to him. “I need my mom.”
Fear filled his eyes.
I mouthed, “She knows.”
Landon knelt down on the grass, placing his hand on her shoulders. “Lilith, can we talk about this?”
He could see me shaking my head behind her. I just knew that it wasn’t the right time, that she wasn’t ready to hear it. This was too much for her.
“Please, no. Not now. Please. Don’t talk to me. I just need my mother. Just take me to my mother.”
“Okay, sweetie. We’ll take you home,” he said.
The ride back was extremely tense. From the front seat, I frantically texted Beth to let her know what had happened. She messaged me back right away and told me she would be waiting at the door. She thought it best that I didn’t come in and that I didn’t try to push the issue with Lilith tonight. We both knew Lilith enough to know that was the right move. The last thing I wanted was to upset her even further.
The second that Landon pulled up to the curb, Lilith ran out of the car, slamming the door. She couldn’t get out fast enough. Beth was waiting on the porch and took her inside.
As soon as she was out of sight, I burst into tears, letting free all of the pain I’d been forced to hold back in front of her.
Landon’s arms were around me so fast that I knew he’d been waiting for the very second he could comfort me. He held me so tightly. “I promise it’s gonna be okay.” He breathed into my hair. “I can’t believe I dropped that picture. I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t drop it. It blew away, and honestly, this whole thing was inevitable. I was starting to think I couldn’t go much longer hiding it from her anyway.”
“Do you think it was the photo alone that did it, or do you think she suspected something before that?”
“She was acting kind of strange toward me tonight even before she saw the photo. Don’t you think so?” I sobbed. “Just quieter than usual—only toward me, not with you. Something has been off for a while. Ever since the day she brought up her adoption to me, I’ve noticed a change in her. So, I honestly don’t know. Maybe the photo just confirmed a suspicion that was already there. But I won’t know until she lets me ask her.”
“How did she bring it up?”
“Some time after the Ferris wheel started rising, she just hit me with it. She said, ‘It’s you.’”
Landon closed his eyes as if it wrecked him to hear that. “I always told you I’d be there when you told her. It kills me that I wasn’t. But clearly she wanted to get you alone.”
“The thing is…I wanted the ride to go on forever. I wish that she’d really let me talk to her. This feeling now of desperately needing to explain and not being able to do that is far worse.”
“She’s not ready. I get it. It’s too much. And she probably needs to hear things from Beth first. Once I found out her identity, I wasn’t ready to even think about Beverly for a long time. Of course, this is different because Lilith already knows you.”
“I can’t even imagine what’s going through her head about me right now. There is so much that even Beth can’t explain to her. I don’t know what I’ll do if she thinks I set out to trick her in some way. If she never wants to see me again, I will die, Landon.”
He held me tighter. “We’re gonna get through this. It’s gonna be a long few days, but I have a feeling she’s gonna hear you out.”
“I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.”
“Well, that picture wouldn’t have flown out of my wallet, for one. I feel partly responsible for this.”
“If it wasn’t the picture, I’m certain it would’ve been something else that gave me away. Keeping the truth from her was starting to break me.”
“Well, I’m personally glad it came out, Rana. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my own experiences in life, it’s that nothing good comes from hiding the truth. It will always come out—whether you’re ready for it or not.”