LANDON
TWO YEARS LATER
Heaven to me was a lazy Sunday on Eastern Drive with a warm breeze. Sundays were my only days off, so I basically lived for them.
With the Michigan summer upon us, Sundays became even sweeter. The weather was reminding me a little of California. A feeling of bittersweet nostalgia would always emerge whenever I’d think back to my days out west.
Rana and I sat on the bench that I’d built out in front of our house. I’d constructed it so that we’d have a front and center view of all the happenings, particularly as they pertained to a certain thirteen-year-old. We watched as Lilith scooted up and down the street with one of the neighbor boys named Jayce.
I’d love to be able to say that Lilith had fully come to terms with the fact that Rana was her birth mother, but their relationship was still a work in progress. They still very much had a big sister, little sister dynamic. I wasn’t sure that would ever change. Things were complicated as of late because as a teenager, Lilith had reached a rebellious stage. Rana was especially sensitized to every move Lilith made, determined to make sure she didn’t get into any trouble with boys.
I’d also love to be able to say that Rana’s own mother showed up at our door and that by some miracle, they’d reunited, but that never happened and likely never would.
And I’d especially love to be able to say that Rana and I were holding our first born on this beautiful day, but my wife suffered a miscarriage at twelve weeks—about six months after our wedding. We were devastated but vowed to keep trying without stressing out too much about it. We had faith that God would give us a baby when the time was right in the same way that he’d brought us together.
Basically, I’d love to be able to say that everything turned out perfectly in our world, but such is life. It wasn’t perfect. But it didn’t have to be, either.
Rana never did end up learning to drive. As much as she loved parking lots, she kept chickening out every time I tried to take her on the freeway. She also hadn’t gone back to school yet because she kept changing her mind about what she wanted to study. As of now, she continued to be a career belly dancer, which wasn’t a bad thing because honestly, she was born to shake that ass. Somebody had to do it. And I loved watching it.
Sunday was also the day Lilith spent at our house, and lately she preferred to spend more time gallivanting around with Jayce than hanging out with us. That pissed Rana off until I reminded her that they were basically us at that age, doing the exact same things on the exact same pavement. We didn’t hang out with our parents, either. My understanding of that fact didn’t mean Jayce was safe from me, though. He’d face my wrath if he so much as laid a finger on her. Lilith was basically screwed with two sets of parents and a crazy grandfather constantly up in her business. Hopefully, someday she’d realize how lucky she was for that.
Speaking of the crazy grandfather…remember the sex dungeon idea Rana and I toyed with for the garage? Yeah, that never happened because Eddie was now living in it. He’d gotten kicked out of his apartment, so we took him in. There was good and bad to that scenario. The bad? Rana and I couldn’t have sex as loud as we wanted because the man heard goddamn everything. (Couldn’t say “goddamn” either because he’d crucify me.) But we did have a kickass vegetable and flower garden happening, since he spent all of his time during the day working on the yard. The outside of our house also had more religious statues than the Vatican.
We watched as Lilith sat on the top of the handlebars of Jayce’s bike while he wheeled her around.
Rana didn’t take her eyes off them when she said, “You know what she asked me this morning?”
“What?”
“She wanted to know why she should forgive me for my mistakes when I wasn’t able to forgive my mother for hers. She wasn’t saying that I didn’t deserve her forgiveness. She was more trying to make a point, I think, that I should probably look up Shayla. I think she’s curious about her mysterious, thieving grandmother.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I told her that forgiveness was a two-way street, that you couldn’t forgive someone who doesn’t want to be forgiven.”
“That was a good answer, baby. Not everyone deserves to be forgiven.”
Rana changed the subject quickly like she often did when we brought up her mother. “I think she likes him…Jayce.”
“Don’t say that shit. I don’t want to have to hurt him, and I’m sure he wants his teeth.”
“I’m scared he’s gonna hurt her.”
“She’s not you. I know it’s hard to believe that sometimes, considering how similar she is to you. The same things you went through may not necessarily be her experiences. But regardless, she has to live her own life and learn her own lessons, as hard as that might be for you to accept.”
“I know.” She sighed. “You’re right. But why couldn’t she have stayed ten forever?”
“At least you know you’ll be able to be there for her no matter what happens. And I’ll be there to fuck up whoever messes with her.”
“I’m counting on it.”
Eddie emerged from the garage holding an apple and a knife.
“Sup, old man,” I teased.
He took a look at my face and said, “Why you no-shave?”
“Rana likes me scruffy, and I like annoying you, so win-win.”
He knew I was kidding. Getting him riled up was one of my favorite pastimes. I’d wear the man bun on occasion just to fuck with him, too. All of it was done out of love. Truthfully, Eddie had become like a second father to me, and there was nothing I wouldn’t have done for him. We also played some mean card games together when Rana worked at night.
Lilith came skipping toward us. “Can I have some money? Jayce and I are going to the store.”
“What do you think, I’m your bank, Sassypants?” I said, taking out my wallet.
She stuck out her bottom lip. “Please?”
Before I could even get my money out, Eddie was already handing her a five-dollar bill.
“Thanks, Papa,” she said before running away.
Rana got a kick out of the fact that Lilith had Eddie wrapped around her finger. He’d been so strict with Rana when she was growing up, but all Lilith had to do was look at him, and she’d get whatever she wanted.
I yelled after Lilith, “Spoiled!”
The three of us watched Lilith and Jayce leave on their bikes.
When they were out of sight, Eddie mumbled, “I no-like this boy.”
“You wouldn’t like any kid within three feet of her.” I chuckled.
He nodded. “True.”
Rana stood up and started to head into the house.
I hollered after her, “Where are you going?”
“I have to check something in the house. I’ll be back.”
With Rana inside and Eddie fixated on his apple, I grabbed the Rubik’s Cube I’d been playing around with earlier.
After about ten minutes, I hit a breakthrough where I almost had all of the sides matched. Concentrating, I turned one of the corners forward in slow motion and couldn’t believe my eyes. It finally happened. I’d finally color matched all six sides of the cube.
“Holy shit!”
Eddie reprimanded me. “Watch the mouth.”
“You don’t get it! I just matched all the colors. It took me fifteen years.”
He seemed underwhelmed.
I had to tell Rana. Jumping off the bench, I ran inside of the house and found her in the bathroom with the door open.
“Baby, you’re never gonna believe this, I—”
“I’m pregnant.” She was holding a white stick.
“What?”
“I came inside to check the test. I had peed on it just before we went out front. I had a feeling it was going to be positive because I was late. I’m never late. I wanted to know for sure before I said anything…didn’t want to get your hopes up.”
My body was shaking with excitement. I had no words. This was the last thing I’d expected to hear. “We’re having a baby?”
“Yes!”
I took her in my arms and held her. Rana felt even warmer than usual, our contact never more electric now that I knew she was carrying my flesh and blood inside of her. The miscarriage had unfortunately taken away my ability to envision our baby just yet. I wouldn’t allow myself to go there prematurely, but I couldn’t help my excitement that this had finally happened for us again.
I whispered into her ear, “This is the happiest day of my life.”
“Is it weird that I’m afraid to tell Papa?”
We’d never told him about the previous pregnancy, so he never even knew we’d lost a baby. But we vowed that if it happened again, we would share it with him, because he seemed to have a direct line to the man upstairs, and Eddie’s prayers meant a lot to Rana.
“He’s gonna be ecstatic.” I smiled. “Actually, he’s gonna make a damn good live-in babysitter, too.” There was something I’d wanted to ask her. “Hey, if it’s a boy, I was thinking of the name Brandon. B for Beverly, R for Rana and then Landon…Brandon. Do you like it?”
“I love that. It’s brilliant. I think it has to be Brandon if it’s a boy.”
“Unfortunately, Lana is already taken if it’s a girl.”
She belted out in laughter. “That, it is.”
I rubbed her stomach. “If she’s a girl, we’ll have to come up with a name for our daughter that’s as beautiful and exotic as her mother.”
“What were you rushing in here to tell me anyway?”
“Oh.” I reached for the Rubik’s Cube that I’d left on the sink. “I did it. I matched all the colors. But it seems pretty insignificant now.”
“It’s a sign.” She took it and smiled. “Things are finally going our way.”
Life definitely wasn’t perfect. But there were moments in time that absolutely were. And this was one of them.
In many ways, our story was a lot like the Rubik’s Cube—colorful and complicated. It took years to work it out, but then suddenly like magic, on a random Sunday, everything all came together.