Chapter Four
Anna
Sunday drug on endlessly. It had been a rather productive day. I cleaned my house and then went into the studio to make sure everything was organized. I was a good masseuse and needed to stay fit for my clients, so I never spent a lot of extra time just laying around. I stayed busy, but my mind never drifted far from thoughts of Justin. When Monday finally arrived, I couldn’t help the way I felt.
There were still a couple hours before Justin’s appointment, but I was already nervous. I didn’t understand why I was so nervous. I was always more excited for Justin’s appointments than my other clients. That part wasn’t new, but I had never been so nervous before one of his appointments.
I busied myself with paperwork so I wouldn’t hype myself up too much before he got there. When I heard the front door open, I whirled around quickly with a smile already on my face. I turned to see Ally walking in. My face fell immediately. I hated to admit it, but I was disappointed it wasn’t Justin. I thought he had decided to show up a little early.
“There’s my favorite sister,” Ally said in her “I just graduated college and don’t have much to worry about right now” voice.
Her lack of responsibility made me a little jealous. She lived with roommates, so her rent was fairly cheap. She had a paid internship for the summer, and I couldn’t help but wonder what it was like to be her, so relaxed and care free.
“I’m your only sister,” I said. I didn’t want to deal with her right then. I was too nervous, and I didn’t want her to sense it. I knew she would pull my leg again like she did at Justin’s fight. As hard as I tried though, I just could not seem to calm down. My face, like always, gave me away.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
Great, I thought to myself. Here we go. “Yeah, I’m fine. What are you doing here?” I started tapping my pen on the counter.
“Just wanted to come by and see my sister. Is that a crime?”
The funny thing is, she never really took the time out of her day to just stop by and see me unless she needed something. Whether it was money, or there was something she just had to tell me in person. I really did love my sister, and I tried to keep my irritation in check, but it was hard. I was sure it was just a big-sister-little-sister thing.
“No, but I am pretty busy today,” I said, trying my best to keep my voice calm and even. If she thought I was annoyed it would just prompt her to find out what was wrong. She wouldn’t leave until she got to the bottom of it.
She started telling me about something with her internship, but I was too focused on other things to really pay attention to what she was saying.
“Are you listening to me?” she asked. I hadn’t responded to anything she was saying. She had been talking for a full two minutes, but for some reason, everything she had said had gone in one ear and out the other.
“Yeah, totally,” I lied.
Ally eyed me for a minute before she finally asked, “Why are you so nervous?”
“I’m not,” I said. I shook my head at her like she was crazy.
“Then stop tapping your pen on the counter,” she said, pointing at the pen in my hand. Without realizing it, I had been erratically beating it against my desk since Ally walked in. I stopped.
“Fine. If you must know, Justin has an appointment today, and I’m a little antsy. Alright?”
Ally laughed. “I should have guessed it was about him. Man, you have it bad for him, and you guys aren’t even seeing each other. You might as well just admit it.”
“I do not ‘have it bad’ for him,” I said, making air quotes around what she said.
“Yes. You do. If you just be honest with yourself, it’ll make things easier for you in the long run.”
I let out an exasperated breath that would hopefully let her know I was not in the mood to play her games right then. “Fine. He’s hot. Are you happy?”
“No, it’s more than just that.”
It took everything in me to keep from shoving her out the front door and locking it behind her. I stared at her, clearly frustrated, but she just stared back with a silent challenge on her face.
“Okay, yes. He’s hot and funny and a fucking great fighter. Which is a huge turn on for me, by the way, which I had no idea it would be. I like him a lot.” I paused when a horrifying realization dawned on me. “Oh no. You could see it all over my face, couldn’t you?”
“I could the other night, too,” she said, reading my mind. She plopped down in a waiting chair. She picked up one of the magazines laying on the table in front of her and began mindlessly thumbing through it. “You’re really transparent,” she said, almost as if she were really bored with the subject at hand. As if it was something that should be obvious to everyone in the world.
“Fuck. I wish I wasn’t. I don’t want him to find out so easily. I really hope I can keep my shit together,” I said.
“I’m sure he can tell.”
My mouth almost fell open. I didn’t know why she had to be so blunt.
“It’s fine. He totally wants you too,” she said, still thumbing through the magazine.
I wanted her to leave. Every word out of her mouth made me feel even worse. I was already nervous enough about seeing Justin. I did not need anything else weighing on my mind during his session.
“You really should go,” I said. “I have to finish getting ready for my next appointment.” It was a lie. My next appointment was Justin, and that was still about an hour away. Ally was driving me crazy, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
“You mean for Justin?” she said with a small laugh. She stood up and added, “Call me later and give me the deets. Okay? Bye. Love you!” She waved behind her and let the front door slam as she disappeared into the parking lot. Ally showing up unannounced had always been a huge pet peeve of mine. It was trumped only by her tendency to make me admit things I never wanted to admit. Like my feelings for Justin.
With Ally gone, I felt a little less nervous, but my heart was still pounding uncomfortably inside my chest. I went back to my paperwork and reorganized a few things to pass the time. Staying busy helped keep my nerves in check.
An hour later, right on time, Justin walked in. He seemed a little different today. His eyes looked darker, more thoughtful, and his face was downcast. It almost seemed like something was bothering him. All of his excitement from Saturday was gone.
“Hey,” I said. I couldn’t quite pinpoint what I was feeling in the air between us. There was tension, but I didn’t know if I was imagining it. “You ready?”
“Hey,” he said back. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
I led him to a massage room in the back, and he stripped down to his boxers before lying face down on the cot. I usually left the room before a client changed. So, I hadn’t been expecting him to just change before I had a chance to leave the room.
I started to massage him slowly. I worked on his shoulder blades first and slowly worked my way down his back. His muscles were a little more tense than usual, and the room was scorching. I tried to keep my mind from getting worked up, but for some reason, it was a lot harder today than it had been before. Looking at Justin’s bare skin was enough to make me sweat.
“How was your Sunday?” I asked casually, trying to make small talk. I needed something to do to keep my mind off my wayward thoughts. If I didn’t get myself under control, I might have ended up trying to seduce him right then and there. I surely would have humiliated myself and lost a great client in the process.
“It was good. How was yours?” he asked. His voice was muffled slightly by the table.
“It was alright. I cleaned mostly,” I said. I paused and debated whether to keep the conversation going or not. I decided it couldn’t hurt. “Did you do anything fun?”
“Not really.” His short answer told me I should probably stop asking questions. I didn’t know how to handle his surly mood. Justin was always a lot more talkative during our sessions. In fact, most of the time he was the one asking me the questions and not the other way around.
But I continued to massage him slowly as I tried to get him to relax a little more. I admired his body as I worked. I admired the way all his muscles looked and felt. It was a major turn on, and sometimes, at home, I would find myself thinking about his half-naked body. All my protestations seemed ridiculous at that moment. Of course, I found Justin attractive. I always had.
I continued to work on his backside, and when the thirty minutes were up, I asked if he wanted me to work on his front for the last thirty minutes.
“Yeah, that would be good,” he said.
He rolled over so I could massage his arms and chest and shins. Almost instantly, I felt a spark between us that I’d never felt before. His chest and abs were my favorite part of his body, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away as my hands glided over them. I was glad his eyes were closed. At least he wouldn’t see me staring at him like Ally had after his fight.
The thirty minutes were up sooner than I hoped, and when he sat up, I was still standing next to the massage table. He was inches from my face. Our eyes met, and he looked at me with such intensity that I let myself think he might kiss me. Unconsciously, I leaned in half an inch. Then, he spoke and snapped me back to reality.
“I’m so sorry, Anna. But I can’t come get massages anymore,” he said. I took a small step backward in surprise.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said because I didn’t know what else to say. I was trying to remain professional, but I was incredibly confused.
“I just can’t afford it. I have too many bills, and I need to spend more time at the gym and with my daughter. It’s just a luxury I can’t afford right now,” he explained.
“I understand,” I said, trying to muster up my most professional smile. I stepped outside of the room and let him get dressed in private. While he got dressed, I tried to wrap my head around what just happened. I thought for sure he was going to kiss me, and instead he told me he couldn’t see me anymore. He was only talking about getting massages from me, but besides his fight the other night, we had never talked outside of work. The idea of not seeing him anymore made my stomach feel heavy.
I stood at the counter and waited for him. When he walked up to the counter, he didn’t say anything. As he paid for the session, the air between us felt thick with unspoken tension.
“Well…goodbye, Anna,” he said.
“Goodbye, Justin,” I said back.
I couldn’t help the overwhelming sadness I was starting to feel. I didn’t know him that well yet, but I thought things were starting to turn a corner for us and now he was saying goodbye. It didn’t seem like a simple, “I’ll see ya around” kind of goodbye. It felt final. At that moment, I felt like I would never see him again.
I tried to get through the rest of the day without thinking about him, but it was hard not to. My mind kept replaying everything in my head.
Had I done something wrong? Maybe when he saw me outside of this place, at his fight, he realized that I’m not who he thought I was. Maybe it was because I had admitted to being scared at the fight. Whatever it was, I could not help but feel like it was my fault. Like I had made some mistake along the way that made him not want to be around me.
I was glad I had cleared my schedule for the day because I knew I wouldn’t be able to give any more massages that day. I wouldn’t be able to make it through without thinking about Justin.
The worst part of it all was how heartbroken I felt. It made no sense. We hadn’t even kissed. I mean, we were about to right before he ran out, but it didn’t happen. And for some reason, I was feeling absolutely crushed. Ally had been wrong. She’d read Justin’s feelings for me all wrong, and it bothered me. How could she have gotten my hopes up like that?
Even though Ally bothered me so much lately about the whole Justin thing, at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to talk to my sister. For all her faults, Ally was still my best friend. I wasn’t sure what kept me from calling her, but I decided it was better to hide the whole thing. She might be judgmental, and it would tear me apart if she told me I’d done something wrong, something to screw things up. Besides, I still needed time to wrap my own head around what happened before I involved anyone else.