Chapter Thirty-One
Noah
On Friday, I tried to be better tempered toward Gina as she came to work with me again. Allison had been apologetic about being sick the day before, but I knew her dedication to the company. When she arrived at work, she retained a stuffed nose and had barely concealed the bags under her eyes, so I knew she hadn’t faked the illness.
Though when she asked if she could care for Gina while I worked, I politely refused. Mostly because I wanted her to catch up on the work she missed, and partly because I didn’t want Gina to be exposed to whatever had ailed Allison. The last thing I needed was a sick kid and no nanny. Or, even worse, Gina getting me sick and having to take another day off. I knew I wouldn’t have one of those in a long time. I saw the consequences of that and didn’t want to risk it again.
Instead, I instructed Allison to contact the former nannies who were up for the job before Jess strode into our lives. To make the process quicker, I had Allison put out an ad on a reputable caregiver website as well. I didn’t like the idea of that and wished that we could find someone through a personal referral, as this person would care for the love of my life. But we had no other options at this point. I needed someone as soon as possible. It wasn’t as if I could ask Jess if she knew anyone. I’d burned that bridge due to my overreaction to her talking about Gina’s feelings.
Brandon mirrored Jess’s thoughts, and I knew from the moment I’d spoken with him that I’d fucked up. I thought about going to Jess and apologizing, but I’d said some pretty nasty things to her. Though I knew she loved Gina, after pushing our relationship to one of a more sexual nature, I knew it would be awkward if she came back and for us to be strictly at a professional working level.
Thinking of Jess made my stomach queasy, so I knew we had to proceed with finding a new nanny for Gina while at the same time forgetting about Jess altogether.
Gina was much better behaved on Friday. After my attitude had softened on Thursday, we both went home that night, had a nice dinner, and went to bed early. We both woke refreshed on Friday, and while at work, Gina quietly played and watched her shows on my tablet for most of the day. It was a good feeling that without so many words, Gina knew what I needed sometimes.
I was glad for the end of the week, and on Friday night, I turned off my alarm and my phone so I could sleep uninterrupted.
Surprisingly enough, Gina was the one to wake me on Saturday morning. I didn’t remember moving at all throughout the night, and I woke up in the same spot I’d fallen asleep in.
“Good morning, Daddy,” Gina said from the edge of my bed. Her little head peeked up from the side.
I reached my arm over and pulled her up.
She tucked her chubby legs close to her body and giggled as I hefted her onto the bed. “You’re still sleeping.”
“Yes, I was,” I said, nuzzling her nose.
She sighed. “I’m hungry.”
“Met too,” I said, sitting up. “What do you want to eat this morning?”
“Umm,” she said, lifting her eyes to the ceiling. “French toast.”
“French toast?” I asked. I hadn’t made that in a long time.
“Yeah,” she said. “With syrup.”
“French toast and syrup, it is,” I said, scooping her into my arms.
I carried Gina downstairs, all the while she giggled and squirmed.
“Can I help?” she asked when I put her down in her chair at the kitchen table.
“Sure,” I said. I retrieved a shallow bowl and the carton of eggs from the refrigerator. A half of loaf of bread was left from when Jess went to the bakery several days ago. I placed the bread on a cutting board and cut thick slices.
“Jess lets me crack the eggs,” Gina said.
“She does?” I asked.
Gina sighed. “No. But I want to know how.”
I smirked. “How about I teach you how to do it?”
“Really?”
I kissed the top of her head. “Of course.”
I went over to the pantry and grabbed a stool.
“I want my apron too!” she trilled.
“Your apron?” I asked. I never knew we had aprons. It was one of those things that never crossed my mind.
Gina showed me where two white aprons were hanging in the pantry. I lifted the smaller one off the hook. On the front were two small handprints in green and blue paint with Gina’s name painted in Jess’s handwriting.
Gina put hers on, and I glanced at the bigger apron. Jess’s hand prints were on the front of that one along with several other small hand prints from Gina.
“When did you make these?” I asked, trying not to think of Jess at that moment. The handmade aprons were the sweetest thing I’d ever seen Gina make.
Gina shrugged. “A while ago. Jess said it helped keep my clothes clean.”
“She was right,” I said absently.
I placed the stool next to the counter while my mind filled with thoughts of Jess. There were little reminders of her throughout my house. My chest tightened, thinking of the impact Jess not only had on Gina and me but our lives.
“I’m ready, Daddy,” Gina said, bringing me back to the present. Her apron almost reached her toes. I tied the back of it so it wouldn’t trip her.
I lifted her up onto the stool and made sure she was firmly in place before bringing the eggs closer to her.
“All you have to do it crack the egg on the side of the bowl, like this,” I showed her.
She grinned from ear to ear. “My turn!”
I allowed her to crack three more eggs for practice, though we didn’t need that much for the egg wash, but she was having fun and learning at the same time. And it gave me some time to finish cutting the bread into thick slices.
After picking out several egg shells from the wash, we were ready to dip the bread. That task was easier for Gina, albeit a bit messy.
By the time I placed the toast down on the frying pan, the countertop appeared as if someone had doused it with eggs. Though, the smile on Gina’s face was worth the wreckage.
“We have powdered sugar,” Gina said, pointing at the corner cabinet.
I opened it and retrieved the can of sugar.
“Jess always sprinkles my French toast with sugar. It’s mmm-mmm-mmm!” Gina rubbed her belly for emphasis.
I flipped the toast, and the cooked side was a delicious shade of dark brown. Though, my stomach was still tied in knots. Gina and I hadn’t thoroughly discussed the issue of Jess as of yet. And I knew it was a matter of time before she asked. Especially since I was hunting for a new nanny for her.
There was no better time than the present. “I want to talk to you about Jess,” I said.
Gina sighed. “When is she coming back?”
“She’s not,” I said, ripping the band-aid off. There was no other way to sugar coat it for her. And I wasn’t going to hire Jess back. I couldn’t. And I doubted Jess would accept the offer if I did.
“She doesn’t love us anymore?”
“No, honey, Jess does love us. It wasn’t working out, though.”
“Why?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? Days after firing her, my motivation for the termination of her employment eluded me. I had been in a fog between work and not sleeping well.
“It wasn’t working out with her,” I said weakly.
Gina wrinkled her nose. “Am I ever going to see her again?”
I wanted to say no, but I also didn’t want to ruin the weekend for her. “Maybe.”
“That’s good,” she said. “I miss her a lot.”
And I had to admit to myself that I missed Jess a lot as well. More than as someone to watch Gina. Jess had burrowed her way into our lives and hearts, and there was no way I could ever forget her. But Gina was my priority. I had to get her nanny situation figured out before too long. Maybe at that point, I could work on healing my heart.
Later that afternoon, I decided to work from home for a little while. I’d set a timer for myself for one hour to get some emails answered. Allison already booked several interviews for Monday, and that simultaneously relieved and frightened me. Moving on so quickly from Jess didn’t seem right, but it was necessary.
I sat in the family room on my laptop while Gina worked on the quilt on the floor. Every now and then I glanced over to make sure she didn’t poke herself with the needle. But Jess had been a good teacher.
I shoved Jess out of my mind and got back to work.
When my hour was almost up, Gina jumped up from the floor and opened up the quilt. “It’s finished, Daddy!”
I glanced up and saw she was struggling to hold it up in front of her. I moved my laptop aside and leaned over, grabbing the top of the quilt. I held it up to almost my height.
“Wow, honey, this is gorgeous,” I said.
Gina beamed at me and then her face fell.
“What’s wrong, honey?” I asked, checking the stitching on the last square. It was the one she invited me to choose the fabric for.
“This was Jess’s idea. And now she can’t see I finished it.” Her lower lip trembled.
“Gina,” I said. “It’s okay.”
Tears filled her brown eyes. “I miss her a lot, Daddy. I wish she didn’t have to leave.”
Little did Gina know was that I was the one to force Jess to leave. I couldn’t tell Gina that; it would break her heart. There was only one thing to do.
“Let’s get ready,” I said to Gina.
“Ready for what?”
I smirked. “We’re going to get Jess back.” I was going to have to swallow my pride and prepare for some groveling. But the past two days had been miserable for both Gina and me. And that meant something. We needed Jess in our lives, and I had to fix this.
After taking the quickest shower of my life, I helped Gina change. With the motivation of seeing Jess again, she’d dressed faster than I’d ever seen.
In the time we were together, we spent all of our time at my place. I used the GPS in my car to get to Jess’s apartment. As I pulled up to the apartment building, Gina started rapidly kicking her feet.
“We’re going to see Jess!” she exclaimed.
“Yes, we are,” I said.
She reached next to her for the folded quilt we brought with us. Gina insisted on showing Jess the final product as soon as we could. I agreed, thinking that it might help Jess warm up to me. It was a sneaky move, but I had to pull out all the stops if I wanted her to come back to us. I was willing to do anything to prove how sorry I was for our fight and for firing her.
Gina bounced like a jumping bean all the way to the building and up the stairs. The elevator was out of order, but thankfully Jess wasn’t on one of the higher floors. Though with the amount of energy bursting out of Gina, I doubted she would notice if we had to go up more flights.
At Jess’s door, I hesitated before knocking. I mentally prepared my speech, one that I had made up on the way over.
“Daddy, knock!” Gina demanded.
“Okay, honey.” I took a deep breath and knocked.
After the echo of the sound had faded, we waited.
Gina pressed her ear against the door then backed up and looked at me. “Daddy, try again.”
I knocked again, harder and two extra times. Jess was an early riser. Maybe she had gone out for breakfast? It was my fault she didn’t have a job to get to.
I pulled out my phone and found her number. I pressed it and leaned closer to the door.
The call went straight to voicemail, and I hadn’t heard it ring inside. She had to be out and ignoring my call. Not that I blamed her, but it annoyed me a little.
“I don’t think she’s here,” I said.
“Maybe she went to see Sierra?” Gina asked.
“Where is Sierra?” I asked. Jess previously mentioned her best friend working at a record shop, but I never bothered to ask where.
“Baker’s Brothers Records,” Gina said.
I leaned down and kissed her head. Gina might have just saved my relationship with Jess.
As I searched for street parking next to Baker’s Brothers, I didn’t see Jess’s car. My heart sank, but I held onto a little bit of hope that I could convince Sierra to contact Jess if she wasn’t at the store.
Gina and I briskly walked to the store. I glanced through the window and saw a few people inside. None of them were Jess.
“She might not be here,” I said to Gina, wanting to give her clear expectations of what might happen.
I held the door for Gina, and she burst inside.
I followed her and scanned the room for Jess. My stomach sank when I didn’t see her.
“Hey, Gina,” a young woman said. My attention went to her unnaturally bright red hair, then to the chain of earrings in her ears. She looked as if she belonged in a metal band with her tightly cropped shirt, ripped jeans, and big black boots.
“Sierra!” Gina clung onto Sierra’s leg. It surprised me that Gina was so close to this girl I barely knew. Jess had been right. By working as much as I did, I missed out on a lot. My daughter had made connections with these women and I had broken them by firing Jess. If I needed to feel more like an ass, I did at that moment.
“This is my Daddy,” Gina said. “Where’s Jess?”
“She’s not here.” Sierra looked at me, and her eyes hardened.
“Gina, why don’t you take a look at some of the records while I and Sierra talk?” I said to Gina.
Gina skipped away toward the back of the room.
“I hate you, you know,” Sierra said.
Jess definitely told her about what happened. “I know,” I said.
“Too bad Jess doesn’t hate you as much as she should,” she said, curling her fingers toward her and checking out her nails. They were covered in chipped blue nail polish.
“I went to her place this morning. I want to apologize to her,” I said. “I made a mistake.”
“You’re too late,” she said.
“But you told me she doesn’t hate me,” I said. “Just tell me where she is so I can talk to her in person. I know you’re trying to protect your friend—”
“She’s not here anymore,” she interrupted me. “She’s not in the States. She left.”
“What? What do you mean?” I asked.
“She went back to Australia yesterday.”
“Are you serious?” I’d fired her two days ago, and she’d already moved? She was more pissed off than I realized. What the hell was I going to tell Gina?
“You see this face?” Sierra said, pointing her finger at the grimace on her lips. “I’m dead serious. My best friend fled the country because of you.”
This girl was harsh. But honest.
“Does she have her phone?” I asked. “It went to voicemail before.” Her leaving the country might have been the reason for that.
“She does, but she said she’d be out of contact for a few days.”
“I can’t believe this,” I said.
“Can’t you?” she asked. “You were the one to fire her for no reason.”
“I know,” I said. “I didn’t expect her to leave so soon.”
“Neither did she. Somehow her mom convinced her. I suppose they made up on the trip, or whatever.”
My hope that Jess and Chloe’s relationship would heal backfired on me.
Someone came into the store and walked up to the counter. Sierra looked over her shoulder at the customer. “I have to take this.”
I nodded and turned away from her. I pressed my palm over my mouth and let out several shaky breaths. What had I done?
“Daddy?” Gina asked from behind me.
I dropped down to her level and took her hands in mine. This had all been my fault, but I couldn’t keep it from her any longer. I glanced over at Sierra, who made a point of not staring in my direction, but I knew she was listening. She’d probably report back to Jess when she spoke with her next.
“Jess isn’t here anymore,” I said.
“Why?” Gina asked. “Doesn’t she love us?”
“She does,” I said. Looking into Gina’s glossy eyes made my heart hurt. “But she had to go back to Australia.”
“And she didn’t want to take us again?” Gina asked.
“No, honey. We need to stay here.”
“She didn’t even say goodbye,” Gina said and fell into my arms.
I lifted her off the ground and started for the door. I waved goodbye to Sierra and left the store.
“It’s not her fault, honey,” I said to Gina once we were outside. “It’s mine.”