Chapter Thirty-Two
Jess
I woke Saturday morning, thankful that I could do it without an alarm. It only took me a week to get used to waking up later, and another week to sleep up until the few minutes before I had to leave for my new job. Mom had contacted a friend of hers who worked at an antique shop in town as they were looking for a new assistant. They were gracious since I didn’t know the first thing about antiques. They were doing Mom a favor by hiring me. I didn’t like the idea of sitting home all day doing nothing except for thinking about Gina and Noah, so I accepted the job without question.
Besides, this was temporary. I intended to take another nanny position as soon as I found one. There was nothing in the immediate area except for babysitting jobs for date nights for parents. While I wasn’t above babysitting, I was holding out for something more permanent. So the antique store it was!
Since it was my day off, I rolled over, fully intending to sleep for another hour or so before heading to the beach. But the moment I closed my eyes, I heard Mom slamming around in the kitchen.
One of the things I loved about living alone was not worrying about someone waking me up. I supposed Mom had tried to be quiet when Noah and Gina were here, but since I’d arrived, she didn’t bother with the niceties. I slowly recalled that this was what she was like when I grew up in the house. It had nothing to do with her drinking. She was a loud person in general.
I gritted my teeth and shoved the blankets off my body. I sat up and touched my feet to the cool hardwood floor. I rubbed my palms over my eyes and stood up, stretching my arms above my head. In the two weeks of living down there, my body still hadn’t adjusted to the stiffness of the bed. When I had Noah in bed with me during my trip, I hadn’t noticed. The warmth of his body against my back eased me to sleep.
I glanced around the room at my personal belongings still packed into several moving boxes. I reached into my suitcase on the floor and lifted my robe, throwing it around my body. For some reason, a chill ran through me that morning. Probably because I thought of Noah. That same shiver trickled down my spine each time I thought of him. Though it was better than bursting into tears.
The move to Mona Vale was drastic but necessary. For once, Mom was right about something. If Noah didn’t want me with him, then me sticking around the area would only hurt me. In my job search, what if I came across the ad for a nanny for Gina again? Or what if I saw her at the aquarium with another woman? I wouldn’t be able to bear it. I didn’t think much about running into Noah. He made it perfectly clear his job was his priority, so unless I went to his building looking for him, I knew I’d never have to run into him.
I went out into the hallway and saw Mom was at the counter, her back facing mine.
“Morning,” I said.
“Morning,” she returned, not turning around to see me.
“Did you make coffee?” I asked.
“Working on it,” she said.
I plopped my head down on my arms resting on the table.
“You tired, love? You slept in.”
“I could have slept longer.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because someone let an elephant into the kitchen,” I grumbled.
“Well, that’s not fair.”
I laughed. “Mom, you’re so loud in the morning.”
“I haven’t got my bearings yet.”
“Then sit quietly until your bearings are settled. The slamming cabinets and drawers is really annoying.”
“You could always get your own place,” she said.
I could have gotten one right away when I’d moved. But for some reason, taking that step would make the move more permanent. Even though I had no intentions of going back, something was holding me off.
“I’m looking,” I lied.
“You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you wish,” Mom said. “I’ll try to keep it down.”
I regretted saying anything now. “Sorry, I have a lot on my mind. There’s no reason for me to be snippy. It’s fine. It’s your house. ”
Mom finished pouring water into the coffee maker before pressing the button to brew. She turned around and crossed her arms. “You know it’s our house, right? It always has been.”
“Yeah,” I said. It was too early to get into this conversation. I was still in a transitional period and wasn’t ready to commit to anything other than the sales job at the antique store. The move was a significant enough change for me, and I needed a little time to catch up before making another one.
“Have you found any nanny positions?” Mom asked.
I sighed. “Not yet. I guess people in St. Paul were different than here.”
“Most people around the world care for their own kids. It’s in the bigger cities that those jobs are more frequent.”
“Are you saying I should move to a bigger city here?” I asked.
“Sydney isn’t too far away,” Mom said.
“You want me to leave already?” I asked, bewildered.
“No, love. It’s something to think about in the long run. I know how much you love the little ones.”
“I do love them.” Gina in particular. Her little face lingered on my mind all day, every day. I wondered how long it would be before she faded away just like my life in St. Paul did. “And I do miss it, but I have to find the right kid.”
“I understand,” she said, pulling out the filled carafe of coffee. She brought it to the table and filled two empty mugs with coffee.
I added a dab of milk to mine and swirled the liquid around with a spoon.
“Let’s sit out on the patio,” Mom said. “It’s a lovely morning.”
We went outside, and she was right. Outside was a little cooler, but the scent of the ocean tickled my nose.
“Bobby’s treating ya okay?” she asked, sitting down. Bobby was her friend who owned the antique store. He was given the store after his grandfather passed away and never looked back. He was a grandfather himself, so I wondered which of his seven grandkids would inherit it as only two of them worked there.
“Yes, he’s very kind,” I said.
“Use this as a learning experience,” Mom said. “Maybe you could teach your next kid about antiques.”
“I’m sure he or she would be very interested,” I said, keeping my tone light.
“If you get a young ‘un then I’m sure they would be. Though it seems every kid now has a cell phone attached to their palm.”
If I had my choice, I would choose an older kid, any age after five. I wasn’t sure I could do another three-year-old. I would be reminded too much of Gina.
“I know you miss them,” Mom said, sitting down next to me. She placed her hand down on my arm, squeezing it lightly.
“I do miss them,” I said, finally opening up. Since coming down, we’d avoided talking about Noah and Gina at all. It hurt too much. But now I felt as if I needed to talk about them. To get over them. To heal. “And I’m worried. I hope Noah can find someone who will take care of Gina. Someone who really cares for her. Like I do.” Then quickly amended, “Did.”
“You can still care for her,” Mom said. “She had an impact on you, just like you did for her.”
“Not enough of an impact for Noah to keep me.”
“Yeah, well, that’s how life works sometimes. You’re going to have to get over it.”
I nodded and sipped my coffee. I would get over it. Someday. But for now, I had to heal. And for me to heal, I had to think about them. Enough that maybe I’d wake up one morning and it wouldn’t hurt so much.
The phone rang from inside, and Mom got up to get it.
I sat back and peered out through the slats of our fence toward the beach in the distance. This was my life now.
I was out there for a few minutes before Mom returned.
She stood in the doorway, staring at me with the strangest expression on her face.
“Who was on the phone? Does Bobby need me to work today?” We didn’t have any other relatives so there was no emergency situation that would warrant that sort of look from her.
“No,” she said. “I suspect you’ll already have another job shortly.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
She waved me over. “You have some visitors.”
Mom wasn’t making any sense.
“Just come ‘round front,” she said then closed the door.
Out of pure curiosity, I set down my mug and crossed the patio to the gate. As I came around the house, the first thing I noticed was a black sedan driving away from the house.
“Jess!” someone called, the voice flooded my body and my head whipped toward the source.
Gina came bounding across the front yard. I dropped to my knees and my vision blurred.
Her little arms wrapped around my neck and she squeezed. “We’re here!”
“You are,” I said, closing my eyes. I rocked her for a few minutes and inhaled her scent. God, I’d missed her. Tears welled behind my eyelids.
“Are you happy?” Gina asked.
I opened my eyes and wiped at them. I glanced over a Noah, who stood with Mom at the edge of the lot. His hands were in his pockets, and his shoulders were tense. His expression gave nothing away. Had he wanted me to come back to Minnesota and watch Gina? I knew him and the way he threw away his money. And as much as I was happy to see Gina, I wasn’t going to be someone he could buy.
“Gina, love,” Mom said. “Let’s go inside and get you sorted.”
Gina kissed my cheek then ran off with Mom. Mom winked at me and then took Gina’s hand before leading her away from Noah and me.
Once they were inside, I stood up. Then, I realized I was in my bathrobe. I tightened the robe around me and stood there, waiting for Noah to make the first move. The feelings and thoughts I had of him since we broke up swirled around inside of me like a hurricane. Flashes of anger moved through me like lightening while the core of the storm wanted to hear what he had to say.
He took a step toward me, and I matched it. We came together in the middle of the yard, neither of us saying anything.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hey,” I said back.
“So, I bet you’re wondering why we’re here,” he said with a small smile.
“Among other things.”
“First of all,” he said, taking another step toward me. This time I stood, rooted to the ground.
We were close enough that I felt the heat coming off his body, but I didn’t dare get any closer. Noah had a way of clouding my judgment. This was the opportunity I wanted to hash out everything, and I needed to keep a clear head.
“I’m so sorry for everything I said,” he continued. “I was out of line and a total ass.”
I snorted. “At least we agree on that.”
He grinned.
“Did you come all the way down here to tell me that?” I asked. “You could have called.”
“I did call,” he said.
Did he? I didn’t get any missed calls from him.
“I didn’t leave a voicemail,” he said. “I wanted to surprise you. To make my grand gesture.”
“Well, I’m surprised. But I’m not coming back.” I had to stay firm to my decision even though my heart wanted to remain with Gina and Noah forever.
“I don’t want you to come back,” he said.
“Oh,” I said, a little surprised and a little hurt at his frankness. Why the hell was he here then?
“After Sierra told me that you moved away, I realized that I didn’t want to be in a place that you weren’t.”
I crossed my arms, still confused about what he was doing here.
“So, I followed your advice and sold my company,” he said. His eyes locked on mine and his expression softened.
“You, what?” I asked.
“I sold my company,” he repeated. “You’re right. I have enough money saved up to give Gina everything she’s ever wanted while living comfortably myself.”
“You’re officially retired?” I asked.
He shrugged. “For now. One thing I did before selling the company was open a branch here in Australia, closer to Sydney. So, if I ever want to work again, I can work sales. Which is my real passion. No amount of paperwork or supervisory work is worth missing out on Gina growing up.
I shook my head. “I can’t believe this.”
Noah took my hands in his, and I let him. “Well, believe it. I’m here to stay. That is if you want me.”
“Of course I want you!” I said and embraced him.
His arms were warm around my body. All of my feelings of resentment and anger were gone. He had made the biggest gesture, the one thing I’d wanted for their family.
He leaned his head back and reached up to move my hair away from my face. “I want you, Jess. I want you to be a part of my family. Will you have us?”
“Yes, I will,” I said and then kissed him.