CHAPTER ELEVEN
Ashton
Ashton Carmichael needs to up his game. Play more like the MVP Ashton who led his team to a championship. He’s not worth anything to them if he can’t play ball.
“I’m sorry. I know I’m staring, but I can’t believe I’m sitting here with Ashton Carmichael, right now.”
On reflex, I lowered the cap I wore, as if that would make a difference. My eyes immediately darted around, but it didn’t look like anyone in the loud, bustling restaurant heard him.
Wyatt elbowed his friend…Pete, I thought his name was. Wyatt had called to ask me if I wanted to go out to lunch with him. It had been a week since I’d seen Beau, and I was bored out of my fucking mind, so I’d said yes. I hadn’t expected to show up and find him there with someone else. Why in the hell would he do that? Why invite someone else along without telling me?
“Nah, it’s just Ash. He’s just like everyone else.” Wyatt grinned at me, yet I couldn’t help but wonder why he’d invited someone else without telling me if I was just like anyone else.
“You have to admit, I’m kind of a big deal.” I winked, hoped I didn’t come off as an asshole, but both Pete and Wyatt laughed, so I relaxed. It was hard to skate the line sometimes—being on, being light and carefree, confident, but also not coming off as a total prick.
“There’s the Ashton I know,” Wyatt replied, and we all laughed harder, but I felt a slight sting in my chest, like a bee got me, and then the pain somehow radiated out.
“I can’t imagine the life you’ve been able to live for the past ten years,” Pete said.
“One of my closest friends and high school football buddy playing professional football. You know I used that to my advantage over the years too,” Wyatt replied.
“Forget the football, what about all the women,” Pete added.
When I laughed, it sounded hollow, empty, but I didn’t think either of them noticed. And really, why should they? Or at least, why should I sit there feeling sorry for myself? They were right. I’d been a fucking king. I’d played a game I’d loved, made a whole hell of a lot of money, and Christ, the women. There had been a lot of them—every size, shape, and ethnicity. I didn’t discriminate. I just loved women.
Do you? Do you really? a quiet voice asked inside my head. That fucking voice. It was bothering me more than it had in years.
But I did. I’d always loved women, losing myself inside someone else’s body… “I’d tell you about it, but a gentleman never kisses and tells.” My gut twisted, and my throat burned.
“Like you’ve ever been a gentleman!” Wyatt replied. “Even in high school, this fucker got more pussy than any of us combined. He was always with someone.”
The bile—oh, that explained the burn—rose in my throat. It was as if I was seventeen again, sitting around talking about who we’d hooked up with or who we wanted to hook up with. I got it. They were fascinated with the bachelor lifestyle of a professional football player, but it didn’t sit well with me, made my gut roll over.
“Do you guys remember that Christmas Eve game when we played the—”
“Wolves!” Pete finished for me, and like I hoped, the subject was effectively changed. We talked games and players and championships, but the longer the conversation went on, the more I fidgeted in my seat. Talking football with Beau last week didn’t feel the same as it did with Wyatt and Pete now. Tonight it felt…fake, manufactured, as though I was on display.
I was thankful when we finished eating and both Wyatt and Pete had to head out. I waited until they left, jumped in my car, and found myself parking at Campbell’s Confections…because it was some kind of rule that I needed a chocolate éclair after lunch. Who didn’t?
I walked in, and Beau’s mom was speaking with a customer while Kenny sat in one of the chairs, writing in what looked like a journal. His eyebrows rose and a smile curled his lips when he saw me. “Hi, Ashton.”
“Hey, Kenny.” I walked over to the table. “Do you mind if I sit down?”
“Of course not.”
I sat, twisted my cap around so it was backward, and sighed.
“You don’t sound like you had the best day.”
I looked at him. “Not the worst.” I’d definitely had days I wished I could erase from existence, but I didn’t think I should tell him about wild parties and orgies.
“But you’ve had better?” he asked.
“I’ve definitely had better. I’m getting an éclair and talking to you, so it’s not so bad now.”
“I guess that’s my cue?” Mrs. Campbell set the sugary deliciousness in front of me.
“My hero,” I teased.
“Beau’s a hero too,” Kenny said again.
“He is,” I answered, and I believed that. I truly did. There had always been something special about Beau Campbell.
I took a bite of my treat and moaned. Fuck, I was going to gain fifty pounds if I stayed around Beau. I wouldn’t be able to turn down the food.
“That good, huh?” My eyes darted up to see Beau had walked through the door. Apparently, I’d been enjoying my food more loudly than I thought if he heard it all the way over there.
I smiled, thankful he’d come in not looking like he wanted to kill me for something…or wondering why I continued to find myself in his presence. It was something I was trying not to think about. “I’m considering having all my meals here from now on.” Kenny and Beau’s mom laughed. “I’m serious, Mrs. Campbell. You’re probably going to get tired of seeing me soon.”
“Not possible.” She patted my hand. “And it’s Beth, remember?”
I didn’t know why, but that made me smile. When I looked up, Beau was watching me, his brows pulled together as if he was confused; then he turned away. “You ready, Kenny?” he asked.
“Yep!” Kenny replied. A stab of disappointment landed in my chest that they were leaving. “Do you want to go to my game with us?” Kenny asked.
I liked where this was going. “Game?”
“I play football like you and Beau. Beau’s our coach.” Kenny beamed with pride, and damned if it didn’t do something to my chest. I saw the love of life in him, the love of his brother, hell, even of football.
“It’s a mostly indoor league sponsored through a group called We Can Play, for those with special needs to play sports. Kenny kicks ass.” Beau grinned at his brother. “But I’m sure you have—”
“I don’t,” I interrupted. “Have, I mean…anything to do. I’d love to go. That’s where I’m going with this.” A local football league that I was assuming was similar to Special Olympics? I didn’t even know there was such a thing. It didn’t surprise me that Beau did.
Beth said, “Beau fought like crazy to get us a team, but as we know, when Beau sets his mind to something…”
“It’s nothing, Ma.”
“It’s absolutely not nothing,” she replied.
“It’s the best,” Kenny added, and that made Beau nod. He would do anything for his brother.
“Yeah, it is.” I thought maybe it was one of the most incredible things I’d ever heard.
“We should go.” Beau nodded toward the door, obviously not liking the attention on him. He’d always been like that, and I thought that had always been part of the discord between us. Beau shied away from praise, whereas I’d always sought it out, even if it was in a playful way.
Kenny and I stood. Beth hugged him, telling him goodbye and apologizing for not being able to make it. I couldn’t help it—my eyes were drawn to Beau. To the way he watched them, the slight pink to his cheeks, the stubble across his jaw, the sculpted shape of the muscles in his arms.
His eyes caught mine, and I realized I was staring. Holy fuck, I was staring, and I shouldn’t have been, so I did the first thing that came to mind. I stuck my tongue out at him.
To my surprise, he did the same. There was a lightness in my chest with it, and when Kenny asked, “Why are you guys sticking your tongues out at each other?” Beau and I both barked out a loud laugh.
“Ash did it first,” Beau replied.
So that’s how it was going to be. Throwing me under the bus, huh? Forget that I actually had done it first, because apparently I was now five. “Yeah, but we all know I’m a big kid. You’re supposed to be more mature than I am.”
“Am not.” From the glimmer in his eyes, I could tell he was playing along on purpose, and I had to admit I liked it. I enjoyed this light, silly Beau. I had no doubt it was more for his brother’s benefit than mine, though.
“Are too.”
“Am not.”
“Children,” Beth said, and we both looked up at her and answered simultaneously.
“Yes?”
Then we were all laughing, and I found myself wondering when I’d last had that much fun. We weren’t even doing anything other than standing there, but I enjoyed it.
“Let’s go, Kenny.” Beau wrapped an arm around Kenny’s shoulders, and the three of us walked out. When I glanced back, I saw Beth watching us with a small grin on her lips.
I followed Kenny and Beau to Beau’s truck. For most of the twenty-minute drive, the two of them spoke about plays and the team they were going up against. I listened, took it all in, did my damnedest to bite my tongue and not give suggestions. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. This was football, and it was football with Beau, and I hadn’t realized how much that meant to me until I didn’t have it anymore. But this was Beau’s team and it wasn’t my place, so I fidgeted in my seat and pretended I wasn’t bursting at the seams. Beau knew what he was doing anyway. He didn’t need my help.
“What do you think, Ash?” Beau asked, and it took me a minute to notice he wanted my opinion about something, though I couldn’t say exactly what. I’d been too busy thinking about this thing he was doing and what it had been like to play with him.
When I didn’t answer, he added, “It’s flag football. Remember blue bird?”
Memories swam through my brain. I damn near felt the air change, taking me back to when we played in high school, to a time when things were simpler. When I could just be me…well, sort of. More so than I’d been me most of my life, at least.
“You know that was my play, don’t you?” I teased.
“Ours,” he countered, and he was right. We’d come up with the play together.
“What’s blue bird?” Kenny patted Beau over and over on the shoulder, like a young child wanting attention.
“Your brother and I worked hard on that. It was our specialty. Beau always got free to make the catch. It always worked.” Nostalgia burned through me, fired me up in a strange way.
“Nah, that’s just because you could always find me no matter what. No one had an eye like you.”
It was him. It had always been easy for me to find Beau. We’d worked well together. It was another reminder of how much I missed playing with him. “Nah, just got lucky. Couldn’t have done it with anyone else. No one was as good as you at getting free.”
I was pretty sure Beau’s cheeks pinked, and my pulse shot up. There was something different about him today. He was more open, friendly, like he wasn’t keeping a wall between us…and yeah, like he didn’t hate me with a passion, but I didn’t think Beau ever really hated me…maybe… Okay, he might have sometimes, and I’d probably deserved it, but it wasn’t real hate. I thought he wanted to hate me more than he did. Mostly I just annoyed him.
None of that was evident now, though.
He pulled into a parking spot, and I watched his arms move as he did, as he reached and turned off the key. I noticed the happy face on his biceps and smiled myself. Don’t ask me what was so damn exciting about Beau turning off his truck that I had to watch him, but I sure as hell was doing it.
He glanced my way, turned, then looked again. His jaw tightened, but I didn’t think it was in anger.
This time when his eyes found mine, Beau didn’t glance away. He cocked a brow, stared, and asked, “What?”
“What what?” I replied when obviously, I knew he wanted to know why my eyes were glued to him. I still hadn’t figured out exactly why, though. He wasn’t doing anything interesting.
Beau chuckled this rich, earthy sound, and yes, I was aware that calling a voice earthy didn’t make sense, but that was the only way I could think to explain it. “What?” I asked.
“What what?” he replied with a grin, the bastard.
“Beau, hurry, can we go? We’re gonna be late,” Kenny rushed out before his words tangled together toward the end, making it so I couldn’t quite figure out exactly what else he’d said.
“Slow down, buddy. We’re good. We’re going in now.” Beau smiled at his brother, and it did something to me, twisted me up and sort of made me dizzy in this strange way. He was so damn good with Kenny. The love he had for his brother shone in every word he said to him.
We all climbed out of the truck, and I helped them with some of the equipment bags. Kenny jogged ahead of us, toward the building, and Beau said, “He gets a little excited sometimes and his words jumble together more. He loves playing.”
“Like someone else I know?” I cocked a brow at Beau.
“Yeah, you always did love ball.”
“I wasn’t talking about myself,” I replied.
“I know.” Beau shrugged. There was a story there, but then, I had my own too. He was right; I’d always lived and breathed football, but I hadn’t in years. A wave of melancholy rode down my spine.
When we got to the building’s double door, Beau unlocked it. “Fancy,” I teased, and he rolled his eyes but smiled too.
“Wow…this is a great,” I said when we stepped inside. The inside looked as though it was either new or had recently been remodeled with state-of-the-art flooring, which was painted as though it was a football field.
“Yeah, we raised a lot of money to make this happen. It belongs to We Can Play, and they host all sorts of sporting events. I’m hoping to get the land on the other side as well. Then we can have an outdoor field for football, plus track-and-field events. We just didn’t have the money for it all.”
There was so much want in Beau’s voice, it twisted up my insides. He was doing something important there, something he was passionate about, that despite my time in the pros, I thought was more important than anything I’d ever done. I opened my mouth to tell him so when Kenny cut me off from where he stood in the doorway, “Some of the team is here, Beau!”
On reflex, I grabbed my cap and twisted it around frontward, low on my eyes.
“Go watch from over there.” Beau pointed to a corner, back on the side of the bleachers, that afforded a little privacy. “I’ll bring you a chair.”
He started to walk away when I said, “Thanks.”
“It’s just a chair.”
“Not for the chair, Cranky Campbell.” He shook his head as though he didn’t know what to do with me. “For letting me be here. It means a lot to me.”
Beau’s brows knitted together as he took me in. There was something different in the way he looked at me, in the intensity of his whiskey-colored eyes.
“Beau!” Kenny called again, snapping Beau out of whatever trance he’d been in.
“It’s fine, Cocky Carmichael. It’s not a big deal.”
But it was, and I thought we both knew it.