CHAPTER THIRTY
Beau
I always wanted to be just like Beau. ~ Love, Kenny
“How do I look?” Kenny asked as we stood in front of the full-length mirror in his bedroom, me straightening his collar. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit my stomach was in knots. Yes, Kenny was twenty years old, but I was about to take him on his first date. I was scared to death I’d fuck it up, or she would hurt him. There wasn’t anything in the world more important to me than protecting Kenny.
But he was a grown man. Of course he would want to start dating.
“You look great,” I finally replied just as Ash said, “It’s stiff for a first date.”
I tossed him a glance and threw my hands up in frustration. Ash ignored me, pushing off Kenny’s bed and heading to the closet. “I’m not saying you don’t look good. You’re handsome as hell. Better-looking than this guy.” He pointed at me, making Kenny laugh. “I just… We’re going bowling. I’ve never seen you in a collared shirt like that. This girl, she likes you for who you are. She’d have to be crazy not to, so I think you should go more relaxed.”
I watched Ash as he poked around in Kenny’s closet. A moment later he pulled out a blue Henley. “This’ll go well with your eyes.” He walked over and handed it to Kenny, and my damn heart had crawled up into my throat. “I can’t tell you how many times girls have told me how much they like my eyes when I wear colors that make them pop. You wear this, and she’ll be putty in your hands.”
“Huh?” Kenny asked.
“She’ll think you look real nice,” I cut Ash off, but really it just gave me something to focus on. I’d known I’d fallen for Ash already, but in that moment, it was like watching him hold my heart in his hand. He was caring for my brother, and there were no words for what that did to me.
“What he said.” Ash winked at me.
Kenny tugged off the shirt I’d chosen and pulled Ash’s choice on. Ash ran his hands down Kenny’s chest, straightening his shirt out, then pushed his fingers through Kenny’s hair, mussing it up. “Girls dig messy hair.”
“Have you had lots of girlfriends, Ash?” Kenny asked, and it felt like the question sucked the air straight out of my lungs. It was a silly response. There was nothing wrong with Ash having been with women before me. Again, he very well could have been bi…but it was the fact that he didn’t identify that way. That he knew himself to be a gay man who had only been with women because he’d felt like he had no choice. He’d been lying to himself.
It made me ache for him. It made me hurt for the women too.
“Umm.” Ash scratched his head, looking away from Kenny. It was obvious he hadn’t expected the question. “I wouldn’t say a lot…”
“Do you have a girlfriend now? Does she care that you’re always with Beau?”
My throat burned with the taste of bile as I turned, walked over to the window, and looked out.
“Um…no. I don’t have a girlfriend, and I would never let anyone tell me how much time I could spend with Beau. He’s my best friend.”
It was unbelievable how sometimes words could both build you up and tear you down. This was Ashton fucking Carmichael, saying I meant something to him, that he would put me first, but at the same time, he was denying an intimate part of us. It wasn’t something new to me. I’d known the score, and I hadn’t been lying when I said I wouldn’t rush him. Everyone had the right to come out in their own way and time, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. This was my family. We were safe here.
“Your brother is stuck with me,” Ash added, and I could tell by his voice that he’d turned to face me, spoken to my back.
So I took a couple of deep breaths and turned back around. “There’s no exchange policy?” I teased.
“Oh, come on, Campbell. You know I’m priceless.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.” But truthfully I would. Ash had the power to entrance people, to make them feel special, for them to sit back in awe of him.
“I’m crushed.”
“Ugh. Fine. You’re priceless. Whatever.” I rolled my eyes playfully and earned a laugh from Kenny.
“You make Beau smile more than he used to,” Kenny told him. I shoved my hands in my pockets. So much for the bro-code.
“Do I now? That’s very interesting.”
“Asshole.” I shook my head.
“Eh. I guess he makes me smile more too,” Ash replied, and damn it all to hell if I didn’t smile again.
The night got more interesting from there. Lori’s parents damn near shot through the roof when they realized Ashton Carmichael was accompanying their daughter on her date with Kenny. Being a firefighter was a cool job, but it didn’t hold a candle to ex-pro football player.
It took us nearly an hour to get out of their house. Thankfully, they hadn’t asked why Ash had come along, so we didn’t have to lie.
The four of us went to dinner first. Kenny and Lori were sweet as hell. It amazed me seeing my brother and all he’d accomplished. He’d never let his disability hold him down, whether it was school, college, sports—life.
He was a whole lot braver than me…than anyone else I knew.
After dinner I drove us over to the bowling alley. Billiards was our first stop. We decided to play teams—Ash and Kenny against Lori and me. She was a fucking pool shark and could have beaten anyone there without my help.
“Good game!” Kenny wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. I stood back as Ash caught my eye and winked. The fucker had my baseball cap on, but so far it had helped with no one recognizing him. Or hell, maybe they just didn’t give a shit.
He walked over, put his cue up, then brushed his fingers with mine before jerking back. “Nice game, Campbell.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t do much.”
“I’m sorry,” he added softly before looking over his shoulder.
I didn’t need him to tell me what he was sorry for, which of course made guilt thicken my blood. “You don’t have to be sorry. We’re good.”
But there was a part of me that wanted more, that wanted everything with him, and when Ash’s eyes darted away, when he shoved his hands in his pockets, I knew it was eating him alive more than it was me. “Ash…we’re good. You’re good.”
We went from billiards to bowling. The heaviness of some parts of the evening lifted, and we laughed. There was nothing in the world like laughing with Ash.
For a little while, I pretended that things were different, that I could claim him as mine, and I thought maybe Ash was doing the same.