CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Beau
I wonder if Beau has ever been in love. ~ Love, Kenny
“Beau?” Kenny said the moment I picked up the phone. I was on my way out the door to head to Ash’s, but instead sat down to talk to my brother.
“Hey, you. What are you up to?”
“I want to cook dinner for you tonight. Can you come?”
Ash and I were going to do some work in his yard and then planned to grill. A stab of disappointment cut through me, which I immediately felt guilty for. This was Kenny. I never felt disappointment in spending time with him. That wasn’t going to change just because I liked hanging out and fucking around with Ash. “You know I can’t pass up dinner with you and Mom.”
But then another thought stumbled through my brain…of me leaving Ash at home, alone, while I went to spend time with my family, and I asked, “Do you mind if Ashton comes? I don’t know if he’ll be able to, but—”
“Yes! He’s the best.”
“Hey now. I wouldn’t go that far,” I teased, and Kenny laughed.
“You’re always the best-best, Beau.”
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far either, Kenny, but thanks.”
We spoke for a little while longer before getting off the phone. When I arrived at Ash’s, I knocked, which was quickly followed by, “Getcha’ ass in here, Campbell.”
Chuckling, I walked inside. It was midmorning, and Ash stood by the coffeepot in a pair of jeans and nothing else. They hugged his ass just right, while still riding low enough on his hips that when he turned to me and grinned, I saw his hip bones, and that sexy-ass V-shape I liked to trail my tongue over.
I walked to him, paused, then traced a finger down the valley I’d just been admiring. It was still fucking crazy to me that I could touch Ash that way, but I damn sure planned to enjoy it. “Your cum gutters are sexy.”
“Excuse me, my what?”
I chuckled. “Cum gutters. I’ll have to jerk off in them next time we fuck around.”
“Jesus, Campbell. Everything you say gets me fired up…get it? Fired up…you’re a firefighter…”
I shook my head and smiled. “I don’t get it. Can you explain it to me?”
“Asshole.” He looked away, toward the coffeepot.
“Wanna go to dinner at Mom’s tonight?”
Ash’s eyes darted to mine. “No shit?”
His response landed in my chest. Was it really that surprising that I’d ask him to eat dinner at my mom’s house? I wondered how often people had ever done things like that for Ash, and if they did, if there was always some ulterior motive. He was always too shocked that I just wanted to spend time with him. “Yeah, of course. Kenny’s cooking. He’s pretty good. It won’t be anything fancy.”
“I don’t want anything fancy.”
“I guess it works, then.” I went to step away, but Ash reached out. This time it was his hands on my hips, holding me in place. He rubbed his thumbs against my skin, beneath my shirt.
“I like it when you’re nice to me.”
My lips pulled into a frown. “Was I really not nice to you? I know I was…irritable, but did I ever hurt you?” I would hate myself for it if I did. I knew I hadn’t always been fair to Ash, and yeah, I gave him shit, but…
“No, you didn’t hurt me. You always made me feel confused, which means I tried harder, which means you pulled away more…and it was a mess. I would have run if you’d been anything different than you were. I did run after graduation, but…you’re extra nice to me now. You suck my dick and eat my come. You let me coach with you and invite me to your mom’s house for a non-fancy dinner.”
Leaning in, I chuckled against his lips, pressing a quick kiss there. “I like being nice to you, Ash.”
“Ooh! I love chocolate cake. Can I help you make it?” Ash asked Kenny, basically bouncing on the balls of his feet like a child. He held the same excitement about the smallest things, similar to how Kenny did. I envied people like them, people who looked for the joy in every life situation. Ash had been blessed in his life. Not everyone got to do what they loved. But he’d suffered too—losing football, his parents, and denying who he was. He didn’t let those things get him down, though. Was there ever a time in my life that I just looked forward to baking a cake? I couldn’t say there was.
Kenny’s glee at Ash’s question took over, and he began rambling too quickly for anyone to understand him.
“Slow down, Kenny. Take a couple deep breaths, and then reply again,” Mom told him.
He did as she asked, then said, “Yes, please. I’d love for you to help.”
“Let’s do it,” Ash replied.
The two of them then forgot Mom and I were around as they got busy.
“You’re the captain, and I’m your wingman. Lemme know what you want me to do,” Ash told Kenny, and I swear to Christ, my damn heart swelled.
Kenny directed as they got busy on their cake. I leaned against the opposite counter, watching them, with Mom beside me. Every so often Ash would look over his shoulder at me and wink or grin. I returned each gesture with a playful smile, when really my throat was too fucking tight to breathe.
Ashton Carmichael was in my mom’s kitchen, making a cake with my brother…my brother who clearly loved the hell out of him. Afterward, I’d go home with him, spend the night in his bed. And it was…it was everything.
“You look happy,” Mom whispered in my ear as they mixed the cake.
There wasn’t a question in my mind that Mom would know, that she’d see something was going on. I’d had to prepare myself for that before bringing Ash over today. Still, I knew what this was. I knew Ash was experimenting, being honest with who he was, and that it likely wouldn’t go anywhere other than that.
“I can’t really talk to you about it,” I replied. Sharing that I was happy with Ash would be outing him, and regardless of what she knew, or thought she knew, it wasn’t my place to do that.
“I understand. Moms know all. And I approve.”
As much as I appreciated what she said, I had to be honest with her. “Don’t get your hopes up, okay? Things aren’t always what they seem.” Yes, Ash and I had fun together, and we were…something, but I didn’t want her to think there would be more. Ash being in the closet complicated things. Our lives being so different complicated things. He was happy in Fever Falls at the moment, but I wasn’t foolish enough to think he’d want to stay there. After he licked his wounds, he would realize the world was open for him. He could have or do anything he wanted. In some ways, nothing had changed. I would always be second in everything related to Ash.
“Wanna lick my spoon?” Ash turned to me, wagging his eyebrows…and his face paled. It was as if he’d just noticed what he’d said in front of my family. Fear burned in his eyes as they darted to Kenny and then my mom. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit the sting of disappointment I felt, even though I knew the score.
Kenny didn’t notice a thing as he picked up the pan and went for the oven.
“Here, let me open it for you, Kenny,” Mom told him, and I knew she was pretending not to notice Ash’s obvious insecurity.
I walked over, plucked the spoon from his hand, and licked some chocolate off. “I’d love to lick your spoon.” After a quick glance to see Kenny and Mom had their backs to us, I leaned in and whispered, “It’s okay. You can be yourself here. And if you’re not ready, that’s fine too. Not everyone knows you’re full of sexual innuendo.”
“Well, shit. I must not be very good at it, then,” Ash replied, his voice holding a slight waver.
“Can you repeat that after I take my phone out? I’d love to have on camera your admission to not being good at something. Even if it is a lie.”
“Good save, Campbell.”
“Eh, gotta keep your head big, Carmichael. I like it that way.”
His eyes darted down, and I could have sworn there was a tinge of pink to his cheeks. I still wasn’t used to vulnerable Ash.
“Can we play catch, Beau? I wanna practice,” Kenny asked once the cake was in the oven.
“What about the half-cooked dinner and cake?” Mom crossed her arms.
Three pairs of eyes turned her way, and I had no doubt Ash and Kenny were silently pleading with her the same way I was.
“Please, Mrs. Campbell?” Ash asked, and Mom laughed, shaking her head.
“Just a bunch of kids, you are. Go on. I’ll finish the food.”
We made a beeline for the backyard, as though we were twelve and being set free to play until the streetlights came on.
Ash and I spent an hour playing ball with Kenny. There were times I just sat back and watched Ash with Kenny, in wonder. Saw Ash in his element, with a football in his hand, but saw a different side of him too. The teacher, the coach, the pure love he had of the game itself. Saw Kenny soak it up in ways he didn’t even do with me. Ash was a natural, and Kenny seemed to want to soak up every bit of knowledge he had.
It again reminded me of that day in the park when we were in high school—of teaching Kenny to catch. Until Ash came back, I hadn’t thought about that in years, hadn’t let myself because I’d wanted to ignore anything about Ash that made me feel emotions other than annoyance. But it had been there even then.
“You bird-watching over there or what, Campbell?” Ash asked, pulling me from my musings.
“I thought you were supposed to be funny?” I teased.
Ash clutched at his chest. “Why you always breaking my heart? My humor is my armor, ya know?”
Yeah, yeah, I did.
Before I realized what was happening, Ash tossed me the ball. My instincts made me catch it, and then he was going for me, tackling me to the ground. We wrestled around, me trying to hold the ball and Ash trying to get it from me. Then the ball was gone and it was just us, rolling around, trying to one-up each other because that’s who Ash and I were. It was always a competition.
I managed to roll over on top of him, Ash on his back, my groin between his legs. We were breathing heavily, and there was grass in his hair. “I win,” I whispered as I held him down.
“You sure about that, Campbell?” he replied.
Heat rolled through me, head to toe. “Oh, I see what you’re trying to do here. I can work with this.” My dick began to fill as I savored the feel of him beneath me.
Just as I went to lean down and take his mouth, Kenny said, “Don’t give up now, Ash!”
It snapped me out of the trance Ash always put me under. He said I had some kind of voodoo magic, but I didn’t. It was all him, the fucker.
I rolled off him and onto my stomach because, yeah, the boner was still there. He cocked a brow and laughed. Then I was laughing and Kenny was asking what was so funny.
“Your brother’s face,” Ash teased, shoving off the ground.
“Ha-ha. Very funny.”
“Come on, K-man. Let’s go into the house so Beau can come to terms with the fact that I won.”
“But Beau was winning,” Kenny replied.
“He gave in because he’s scared of me.” Ash laughed, put his arm around Kenny’s shoulders, and the two of them went inside. Little did Ash know he was right—I was scared of him and what he made me feel.