Chapter 12
The ride home is a lot more comfortable. Eli and Jonny talk about fishing and other things they have in common. He’s impressed to learn the boy shares the same preferences with food and hobbies, and as much as he wants to deny the bond, he knows it’s forming.
This is exactly what Siobhan wanted to happen. Eli wishes life were simpler. Now that he’s met the boy, he knows it will be difficult to shut him out of his life again. There’s a lot of trepidation that comes along with getting to know Jonny. All the kid wants is to form a bond with his big brother, especially after losing their father. Eli finds the child fascinating and smart for his young age. If only the circumstances were different, because he knows he could be the positive role model the kid is going to need with a mother like his. Eli tries to be nice when the boy speaks of his mother. He knows it’s not fair to make him think his mom is an awful person. For all Eli knows, Siobhan could do a good job raising the kid. He won’t jeopardize his relationship with the only parent the kid has left.
After complaining of a stomach ache, Eli gets Jonny changed into his pajamas and tucks him into bed. Right before he’s about to turn off the light and close the door the little boy calls out to him. “Eli?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you stay with me until I fall asleep? I’m scared.”
It’s silly, but Eli remembers the same thing happening when he was a kid. His dad used to tell him stories, some true and some fabricated to hold his attention. It was a special time they shared each night before Eli would go to sleep.
Taking the open spot at the foot of his bed, Eli sits down and pats the legs of the boy. “How about a story?”
“Pop used to tell me stories. My favorite is the bear one. Do you know it?”
Chuckling, Eli begins to recall the way his father told it. “Let’s see. If I can remember right, there was this cabin at the top of a mountain. An old retired sailor lived in it with his son. Together they made a life living off the land. They’d hunt and fish and grow their own produce. For years they made it work, even in the coldest winters. Then one night while they were fast asleep they heard a loud knocking coming from outside. When the father went to the window he saw a huge grizzly bear standing on it’s hind legs. The old man had never seen such a huge animal up close. He ran for his rifle, packing it full of bullets just in case the animal decided to try to get in. When his young son saw what his father was doing, he hopped down from the loft to see what was happening. While they both stood in fear staring out the window everything got quiet again. They kept looking, but the bear appeared to be gone. Just as they went to turn and go back to bed something jumped in front of the window. It’s huge brown eyes were focused. Being so afraid, the two men were frozen in place. And then, just as fast as he came, the bear left. A year later they were fishing over a frozen patch of ice. They spotted that bear across the water and knew if he charged them they would die. They decided to take the fish they’d caught and toss them across to the bear in hopes that it would distract them until they could run away. The fish landed at the animal’s feet. The bear sniffed them and looked back at the two men. Then he picked up the fish in his mouth and proceeded to walk out toward them. When he was close enough he dropped the fish and made a groaning sound, then turned and walked away.”
“Pop always said the bear knew they were good people. He didn’t want to take their food. He wanted to be friends.”
“Yeah, that’s what he told me too.”
“It’s probably make believe.”
A guffaw comes from Eli. “Yeah, knowing Dad, it probably was. It’s still a cool story.”
“I bet if you met a bear he’d be nice to you, Eli. When you go away will you still be my brother?”
Something inside of the man softens. He glances over into the child’s eyes and offers a smile. “We’ll always be family, kid. No matter what.”
Having enjoyed the reminiscent bedtime story, Eli heads downstairs grinning from ear to ear. He no sooner takes a cold beer out of the refrigerator when he hears a knock at the door. Since he didn’t hear a vehicle, Eli assumes it’s probably Siobhan worried her son isn’t being cared for. He sort of takes it personal, and prepares to tell her they had a fun time together.
When the door comes ajar it’s not Siobhan he’s looking at. It’s Clarke.
“I shouldn’t be here,” she begins with a sort of panicked tone. “There’s things that need to be said.”
“Can’t it wait? It’s late.”
“No. It can’t.” She barges through the door and turns when she reaches the kitchen counter. “God knows I’ve waited to say this since you left the first time. I’m not waiting until you leave again, Eli.”
“Okay, we’ll talk,” he accepts with both hands raised. “Just calm down. Take a seat. I’ll get you a beer.”
Clarke remains standing. Her hands are shaking so badly she shoves them in her pockets. The hair stands up on her arms, and whenever Eli glances in her direction her cheeks warm and turn a darker shade of pink. She’s acting like a high school girl with a crush, when she needs to be a strong mother fighting to defend her child. At twenty four, she’s worried she doesn’t know how to be aggressive. She’s spent her life as a lover, not a fighter.
Eli obviously knows what she’s experiencing. He sits down with ease and sips at his beer. Across from him another bottle awaits, yet she can’t bring her body to move. “I know you have questions. I owe you answers.”
“You’re damn right you do. You owe me a lot more than answers. Where they hell have you been? Why have you never contacted me? What did I ever do to you? What happened? You don’t promise someone forever and then disappear.”
“It was never about you, Clarke. Look, I know you want reasons. I have to consider the other people involved. At the time, my leaving was the only choice.”
“You made me believe you loved me. Was it easy for you to leave without saying goodbye? You made Siobhan tell me. Do you know how terrible it was?”
“I never told Siobhan to say anything to you.” Right away Clarke call tell Eli is getting angry. “I didn’t want that bitch anywhere near you.”
“She told me you didn’t love me, and that my choices forced your hand. She told me I was the reason.”
Eli sits his beer down and stares at his connected hands. When he looks up at her there’s a crease in his forehead, as if he’s suffering pain. She’s fidgeting with her diamond ring, spinning it around as a distraction. Eli hates knowing she’s happy with someone else, even though he’d expected as much for years. “I never should have trusted that woman. It makes sense. She’d want to make sure you hated me in case I tried to come back.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I caught Siobhan in a lie; a lie that would cost her more than her marriage to my dad. She said if I told anyone it would break my dad’s heart.”
“What about my heart?” Clarke asks.
As much as Eli wishes he could be straight with Clarke about his unresolved feelings, he knows this isn’t what she came for.
“Damn it, Eli. What about walking away from me? I would have gone with you. I would have done anything for us to stay together. Just be honest. You didn’t want me anymore. You knew about my position and you ran.”
“Your position?” He’s confused. “I asked you to meet me, but you never showed.”
“What?” Clarke is flabbergasted. “No you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did. I left a note for you. You’re the only thing that would have made my choice better. I waited. When you didn’t show I assumed you’d changed your mind because of your parents.”
“My parents?” This doesn’t make sense. Clarke struggles to wrap her head around the last time they spoke. She thinks of the conversation with Siobhan and it all starts making sense.
“Yeah, because they were getting up in age.”
She shakes her head and sadly turns away. It’s obvious Eli has come up behind her, but she doesn’t move from her position. With her eyes closed to avoid tears she speaks softly and as calm as possible. “I think we were both lied to. Siobhan told me you didn’t want anything to do with me. It broke my heart. For the past six years I’ve wondered how you could be so endearing and then turn cold. How you could abandon our plans without a second’s thought. There were no warning signs. Not even a hint that you could be doubting our plans. I’ve wondered why you’d abandon me after making all those promises.” She finally turns around and realizes he’s closer than she expected. Neither of them move as she continues. “Tell me her secret.”
Clarke watches Eli struggle with what to say. Whatever the secret is, it’s big enough to still warrant worry. He opens his mouth to speak when they hear a little boy speaking. “I had an accident in bed.”
Eli looks from Jonathan to Clarke as if he doesn’t know how to handle it. Clarke, being used to this type of activity, hunches over to nurture the child. “It’s okay. Eli’s going to get you cleaned up in some new pajamas while I get you some clean, dry sheets, okay?”
Jonathan only knows this woman from the diner, but he feels comforted. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, buddy. Your mom told me this could happen if you drank late. It’s my fault. We won’t even tell her it happened.”
This sparks a smile on the child’s face. “Really?”
Eli rubs the boy’s hair. “Of course. Let’s get you in the shower.”
Clarke and Eli exchange glances, and somehow know what the other is thinking. She follows the guys upstairs and starts working on getting the bed clean. Luckily there was a plastic mattress pad keeping it from being soiled through. She places a couple towels down in the place of the pad and puts new sheets on the bed. By the time she’s finished they’re entering the room. With a wet head, and wearing an oversized T-shirt, Jonathan hops back onto the mattress and pulls the covers back up over him. “Thank you,” he says to Clarke.
“You’re welcome. I have a …” Before she’s able to mention Tyler she realizes her mistake. “I have to get going,” she offers instead. “Sweet dreams.”
“Bye.”
Eli turns to face Clarke. “I’ll be right down. Don’t leave yet.”
Clarke nods, but she’s not going to stand around and wait for more reasons to feel bad. Six years is a long time. Too much has changed. They aren’t the same people anymore. He has a life somewhere else, and she’s engaged to be married. There’s no way to make things right anymore. What’s done is done. At least with a little bit of knowledge she’ll be able to move on. She has to.