Chapter 18
Eli waits a few days to see if he’ll hear from Clarke again. When he doesn’t, he knows without a doubt that she wants nothing to do with him. Accepting that it’s the way it has to be, he goes ahead with his plan to collect a blood sample from Jonathan without Siobhan knowing. He makes arrangements for the two of them to go camping at the same place his father was going to take him the night of his death. It’s going to be a pivotal breakthrough in their newfound relationship. Bonding with the boy, teaching him skills, getting to know each other, it’s all part of the process Eli’s been afraid of doing. He knew if he let himself love the boy he wouldn’t be able to stay away. Stepping into the role of father isn’t as simple as calling himself a dad, or taking responsibility for the son he neglected up until now. He has a lot to make up for. First and foremost, he has to be one hundred percent certain he’s the biological father. There’s still a part of him that wishes the results would come back saying they were siblings, but he knows better. Too many factors point in the opposite direction. He can feel that tie now. It’s so strong it’s impossible to ignore. He thinks about the boy constantly, misses him even.
For now, Siobhan is being nice. She’s happy Eli wants to spend time with his so-called brother and, to his knowledge, doesn’t suspect he’s up to something. Using a Marine contact, Eli gets in touch with a company the military outsources it’s lab work to. It will take longer then going somewhere local, but he’d rather know it’s in good hands. This could determine his future. His dad would want him to fight. He owes it to him to be what the boy needs. Eli may still be young, but he doesn’t back down without giving it his all.
Not having camped since he was a kid, Eli struggles with the tent. He curses under his breath, but preservers through it to impress Jonny. After they unpack their supplies, Eli helps Jonny build a campfire and then find sticks they can use to roast the hotdogs they’ll be having for dinner. By the time the stars come out the two guys have consumed a whole pack of eight hotdogs, a bag of Doritos, and four s’mores. Jonny is wired on soda, and while he’s in a crazy mood Eli decides to play along. They monkey around until Jonny trips and cuts his knee. It’s bloody and he’s crying out into the dark of the night. Eli grabs the first aid kit and gets to work attending to the wound. He’s gentle as he cleans off the blood and dirt and places a bandage over the open cut. Jonny looks up at him with tear filled eyes and sniffles. “I wish Dad were here.”
Something inside of Eli cracks. “Yeah, me too. I’ll tell you a little secret, he’s always with us in here.” Eli takes a finger and pokes it where Jonny’s heart sits. “We keep him alive inside of us.”
“Why didn’t you ever come over before?”
“Well, for a while I was defending our country. Do you know what that means?”
When the boy shakes his head Eli explains what a Marine is and does. Then Jonny wants to know about being a soldier, so Eli tells him all about it, keeping the story clean and less freighting.
It’s not surprising that when it’s time to go to sleep, Eli feels a little body cuddle up next to him. Without a second’s thought he pulls the child closer and embraces him while he falls asleep. The last thing the child manages to say causes Eli’s eyes to tear up. “I love you, Eli. You’re the best.”
Arriving home to Michelle’s familiar vehicle in the driveway dampers Eli’s good mood. He’s faced with a dilemma that’s not going to end well. Her surprise visit has terrible timing. When she sees little Jonny jump from the truck and run inside she feels jealous. Michelle has wanted Eli to bond with her own son this way, and although they’ve made progress, she can tell with one look in her lover’s eyes that he genuinely cares about the boy. She approaches Eli, wrapping her arms around his body before he’s able to offer. Her head falls against his chest. “I missed you, babe. You haven’t been checking in.”
“You knew where I was,” he coldly replies while prying her off of him. “I took Jonny camping. We didn’t have service.” It’s a lie. He had full bars the whole trip. It was one of the stipulations Siobhan had about them going off into the wilderness.
“Are you sure that’s all it is?”
Disregarding the fact that Jonny is standing somewhere close, Eli realizes he can’t keep doing this to Michelle. She’s a good person and it’s not fair to keep leading her on. Even if he plans to return to Louisiana, he knows that he’ll have to travel to see Jonny too much to expect her to understand and be okay with it. “Look, the truth is, this is my home. It’s where I grew up, and this guy asked me stick around. I haven’t done a good job being there for him, so I have a lot of making up to do. I’m not sure if I’m coming back to stay in Louisiana.”
“But your house. What we have.”
Eli tries to be compassionate. “You’re welcome to stay in that house. The mortgage is paid for. Just keep up with the utilities and let me know if something goes wrong. I’d like for someone I know and trust to take care of it for me. Maybe somewhere down the line we’ll draw up a contract, or perhaps you’ll want to eventually take it off my hands.”
“Just like that? I drove all this way and you’re telling me we’re over? What about active duty? Are you going to expect to stay with us when you have to report?”
“No. I’ll stay on base. I’ll put in for a transfer so I won’t have to commute. I want to make this as easy as possible.”
Her hand comes across his face before he’s able to react. Eli takes the blow and keeps his stature as his eyes narrow in on the woman he’s obviously hurt. “Asshole! I knew this would happen. It’s that woman, isn’t it? You came back for her? That’s why you sent me away. You’re just like the rest of them. No good.”
Before she can shove him, he grabs both of her arms and holds her closer. She falls into him and begins to bawl. Eli turns to Jonny, who’s watching it all go down. “Go on inside, kiddo. Everything’s going to be all right.”
Once he knows the child is safely inside the house, he peers into Michelle’s sullen eyes. “I know this hurts, but don’t accuse me of shit you know nothing about. There’s no one else. Not like you’re thinking. That kid I just sent in the house, well he’s not my brother, Michelle. He’s my son.” He waits and lets the words sink in. “I’ve been in denial for a long time, but I’m ready to step up and be what the boy needs. You can call me a liar and a cheater, but I won’t let you taint the way he sees me. Calm yourself down and come inside. You’re welcome to stick around. I have no qualms with you. We had a good run, and I think you’re a fine woman, but I have other priorities I need to put front and center. Being a parent, I’d think you’d understand.”
She nods, sniffling as a reply comes out. “How is he your son?”
“Long story. Drunken night. Evil step-mom.”
“That’s horrible.”
“Try living it. Trust me, it wasn’t a mutual kind of event. It’s the thing nightmares are made from.”
Michelle gasps and chokes on her tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lose it. It’s just hard because I love you. I wanted us to work, but I could tell you were slipping away, even before your dad passed.”
“It’s not anything you did. I’m fickle. I’ve been on my own for a while now, and sharing my space and my time is difficult. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that I don’t remember how.” He strokes the side of her face. “I appreciate the time we shared together. You know how to make a man feel great.”
“Just not the one I want to keep.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t be in two places at once. It’s time I stopped running and fixed what I broke years ago.”
Eli puts his arm around Michelle and leads her inside. He doesn’t want her driving off in her condition. The company would be nice. He’d even enjoy some alone time before she heads out, if she’s up for it. After all, he has needs. He’s comfortable with Michelle. If only women could compartmentalize. Sometimes sex is just sex. It doesn’t have to mean anything.
Eli finds Jonny in his bedroom. He’s lying face down on the bed in tears. As he gets closer the child looks up at him. His bottom lip protrudes. “What’s up, buddy? I thought we were having a good time.”
“Are you going to leave again?”
Eli smiles. “No. I’m staying put.”
“Do you promise?” A rush of energy flows through the kid. He sits and eagerly waits for confirmation.
“Yes. I promise. I’m not going anywhere, not when my new best friend wants me to stick around.”
Jonny hugs him, and Eli reciprocates. In all of his life he’s never felt more content. This is where he belongs. It’s where he has to stay.