Chapter 2
A country tune plays on the radio of the Dodge Hemi truck he uses as his everyday vehicle. With one hand tightly clenched to the wheel, Eli stares at the approaching headlights on the opposite side of the road. Each one represents all the times he could have traveled home to make amends.
The loss of his father is a shock. As much as he wants to blame himself, he knows his leaving only caused his father a temporary pain. At the time he had a wife who’d do anything to make him happy, and another son on the way to replace him.
He’d only ever heard from his father once; a birthday card sent to the wrong address and eventually forwarded.
Eli hasn’t stepped foot in his town since the night of his eighteenth birthday. He’d been sweating bullets, contemplating what he could do to get out of the mess he’d created. He knew there was no way he could look into his father’s eyes and keep up with such a heinous betrayal. Eli always said he’d take it to the grave, though now he wonders if Siobhan will start telling the truth. After all, the one person he’d been trying to protect is gone. It no longer matters who he hurts, because quite frankly, he doesn’t give a shit.
Eli knows people are going to ask where he’s been and why he’s never returned. He’s facing a lot of opinionated ex-friends and neighbors who will push until they understand what makes someone up and leave without a goodbye. They’re going to want to know why the high school prom king walked out on the promises he made to his queen, and the undeniable guilt he’s felt over it every single day since then. Without a literal pot to piss in, Eli had to do something drastic. At the time, the Marines was his best bet. For the next four years he became someone different. The once young buck, thin and naïve turned into a solid mass of muscle with stature to his name. Still enlisted as a Marine Reserve out of Lafayette, Louisiana, he only has to report for duty once a month or during emergency situations. The rest of his time is spent doing what he loves. Fixing up old homes. He purchased his first foreclosure after his last stint in Afghanistan. Knowing he wasn’t going to return to field duty, he had to have something to fall back on. Having done construction throughout high school, during the summers, Eli used his experience to his benefit.
The first project took him seven months. When it was all said and done he pocketed forty grand. The second house made him just as much. The third allowed him to really take his craft to a whole new level. It was a two story antebellum that required a full gut out. Nearly a year later he finished and it sold for half a million bucks.
Eli took some of his money and bought the small rancher he resides in. It’s nothing spectacular, but seemed to be enough for his needs, up until he had to rehome a woman and her child. Now he feels smothered.
While continuing the long trek to Georgia, Eli tries to remember his father and the special relationship they used to have. His mother died a long time ago, leaving just the two of them to bond.
Being a single father of a ten year old, they spent most of their free time fishing or doing small projects around the house. His father was a religious man, and he can recall him closing out each night reading scriptures from his family bible. Eli wonders if he continued the same routine after he’d gone, or if Siobhan changed everything about the man he used to know so well.
The mere thought of her makes his skin crawl. The lengths that woman was willing to go to keep his father happy would make anyone writhe. At the same time, Eli knew how desperate she’d been. She’d done it out of love, and as much as it sickens him to think he’d been a part of it, he knows his father died with a full heart.
It’s been years since Eli shed a tear. So much has changed. He no longer considers what could have been if he’d just stayed. He’s moved forward, which is exactly what everyone else should have done. Now, hopefully, he’s nothing but a faded memory. Returning to town won’t change that. What’s done can’t be rewritten.
There’s no going back and fixing the heart he shattered into a million pieces. It’s not possible. He made his bed and it’s his responsibility to lie in it.
It’s the wee hours of the morning when Eli makes it to town. He’s exhausted, far too tired to realize the shock and pain he’s experiencing. Hoping the key still remains hidden on a magnet attached to the old mailbox, he feels around in the dark. Not even the porch light illuminates the dark wrap around porch surrounded by woods. His father always liked his privacy. Just as Eli is about to give up, his fingers come in contact with a familiar shape. He tugs and releases the hold of the magnet before sticking the key into the door.
The first thing Eli notices before turning on the light is the stale smell. It’s musty inside, like the place hasn’t been kept up. Flicking on the light, Eli is taken back in time. It’s as if nothing has changed. Not even the furniture has been rearranged. The same old curtains still hang around the windows. Old folding snack tables are situated around the plaid printed sofa. Newspapers are strewn across the ottoman, and the recliner is worn and on it’s last leg.
Then it really hits Eli. His father was found dead in the recliner. He spent his last moments on this earth in that wretched piece of furniture he should have thrown away years before.
Eli takes a seat on the ottoman and stares at the worn leather material covering his father’s special seat. His hand runs across the arm, and as he does it he closes his eyes and takes in the familiarity of the space.
Eli feels a warn rush of emotions trying to escape his eyes. He’s been trained to be tough, to keep his feelings at bay. Marines don’t cry. They fight through the situation until they’re able to put it behind them.
But Eli isn’t just a Marine. He’s a son. He’s a man who abandoned his past life because he was a coward. Now he’ll never get to apologize. He’ll never have the opportunity to right his wrongs.
When Eli falls victim to his own exhaustion he makes his way upstairs to his old room, passing by the walls full of photographs documenting a life that seems so long ago.
Entering his room triggers more memories he wishes would wait until he’s rested his mind. Six years is a long time to leave a room sit, but it’s obvious that’s what his father did. Maybe he was too disgusted to enter. Perhaps the thought of being remotely close to the son who walked away was too much for the middle-aged man to comprehend. Whatever the case, it’s like a fossilized time capsule just waiting to be rediscovered.
Eli sits down on his childhood double bed and takes in his surroundings. There’s a row of football trophies on a shelf that runs from corner to corner, starting at Pop Warner and going all the way until his senior year of high school. On top of his dresser is a manila envelope, the contents are his acceptance to LSU.
There’s pictures on the mirror, and as he focuses in on them the bile begins churning. He feels sick over his decision to leave, but it’s her he can’t bear to think about.
Her smile beckons Eli. That cute ponytail with the long wavy curls. Those perfect white teeth. The way she always said his name. Her voice.
Eli has to turn away wincing. He can’t stand imagining what his life could have been like if he’d taken her with him. She’d never have to know the lie that forced his hand.
It’s ironic, out of all the women he’s shared his bed with, Clarke Mayville will always stand out. Making love to her was significant, even if he was too young to realize it at the time. No woman could ever hold a candle to the love Eli held in his heart for her. He wished he could have been the one to take her out of this town and give her the life she dreamed of. Wherever she is, he hopes she’s happy. Her potential for success would have kept her driven. Eli knows she’s probably still in college on the verge of becoming a doctor of medicine. The only thing keeping him from reaching out to her is knowing she was better off without him. He’d only hold her back, and they’d both resent each other for it.
Eli walks over and grabs the picture to take a closer look. She’s wearing that necklace he purchased after saving up for three months to afford it. On the night Clarke opened the gift, Eli promised to always be with her. Young jealousy had caused them many problems, so this was his way of reassuring her of his intentions.
He thinks back to the night he was leaving. She seemed so thrilled on the phone, telling him she could see their future so clear. Something was different about her. He figured it was school ending and the possibility of them really starting an adult together. He’d buried these memories, because they were too hard to bear. It was too much to consider. She’d been his everything. He would have laid down and put his life on the line for her. He should have.
The problem with Eli’s decision was that it was selfish. His father always said blood was thicker than water. Family was supposed to come first. With the burden of a lie so big looming over his head, Eli didn’t see any other way to escape. Clarke would have wanted to know why. The truth would hover until it broke them up. It would have been imminent, so he decided to walk away without a goodbye. It was better for the both of them, or at least, that’s what his juvenile mind told him.
Eli feels the photograph crumbling within his grasp. Before he realizes what’s happening, the past memory is nothing but a ball of paper to be thrown out with the trash.
Sitting on the edge of his bed, he lets his memories take him to his first couple weeks of boot camp. It was the only way to disappear from chasing demons. He’d made a promise to himself that at all costs he’d steer clear of his Georgia hometown. Against his better judgment, and knowing it would crush his father, he’d vowed to never return.
Eli didn’t think he’d have to meet his brother. He certainly didn’t want to look the boy in the eyes and know he’d abandoned him. Some things are too great to get over. There wasn’t anything to do to make amends. What’s done is done. There’s no going back to the one night his whole life was forced to change.