Chapter One
Six Months Later
Kori
After the funeral, things went dark for me. It was almost impossible to get through my days without breaking down at every turn. I barely slept, couldn’t stomach food, and even breathing sometimes felt forced. My life had completely changed within seconds. The man who made me feel whole, made me feel loved, was now just a memory. Not being able to touch him was unbearable.
I decided to move back home with my parents. It just seemed the right thing to do, for both Rhett and myself. I needed the support.
Blake’s parents were cold and showed no signs of remorse toward me or my son for the way they had treated us. Basically they just wanted us to disappear. In their eyes I was the trailer trash who trapped their well-bred son by getting knocked up. Rhett was the proof that Blake and I were once together, a reminder of the son they lost, in more ways than one. They never even asked to meet him. They wanted no connection with either of us.
His father offered me a large sum of money to walk away without asking for anything more. I tore the check up in his face. The man was lucky that was all I did. I didn’t need anything from him. Blake had already taken out a life insurance policy after his parents refused to accept me or our child. We hoped to never have to use it, but he liked to plan ahead; he tended to be prepared for anything. The beneficiary was me, and that money would be put aside for our son, along with the money we both had been working so hard to save. It was what we referred to as ‘Our Future Fund.’ We planned to use it to buy our first home, once we decided where to settle.
I wasn’t worried about me, I just needed to make sure that no matter what, I could provide for our son.
My daddy was a farmer, and the solitude of my childhood home was what I needed. The land went on for hundreds of acres, and on the property he had more than one small home for his farmhands.
If they had their way I would have been moving back into my old room. After a long talk with both of them, they agreed to fix up the two bedroom home a mile down the road and allow me to live in it. My daddy’s only stipulation was that it was rent free. He knew he had me because I needed my own space, yet I still needed them close. I would make sure to pay them back in other ways.
Most of my classes were just finishing up, and I was allowed an extension due to the accident. After I finished before Christmas break, I transferred to the University in Statesboro Georgia to finish the rest of my degree. With it only being less than twelve miles from my hometown of Brooklet, it worked out well.
Last week I received my college degree in early education. I was now free to join the working world as a teacher.
I contacted all the local schools for the next school year, and now I would just have to wait and see how it went. The summer would give me the chance to get settled, a little more time to grieve and build the foundation I needed to move forward with raising my son.
With each passing day Rhett was looking more and more like his daddy. From the dark wavy hair on his head, all the way down to the way his pinky toenail curled around the top of his toe when it got too long.
Every time he giggled or laughed, I felt guilty for enjoying it. Blake was missing out on such a sweet sound. I found this website online that made toys with photos inside. I thought it would be kind of cool to place photos of Blake inside a few of Rhett’s toys. The problem was I couldn’t bring myself to let him chew on them or throw them around. Instead they now sat on a shelf along with dozens of other photos I had of us together.
I walked over to the bookshelf next to the television and picked up the black and white photo of us. We were sitting on campus near a big oak tree. A friend of ours took it. Blake had one hand on each side of my swollen belly while he placed a gentle kiss on my stomach. My head was thrown back in the act of laughing, and it was one of the best moments we had shared. We spent that day in complete happiness, and I wanted those days back so badly. I wanted to feel his arms around me again. I ached so badly to wake up with my head on his chest, to hear his heartbeat beneath me or feel his breath tickle my neck.
With every milestone Rhett reached, the ache only felt deeper and harder to bear. I had hoped that with time things would have gotten better, a little easier to move on. I just felt as if I were hollow and broken. A mere shell of my former self.
Rhett’s soft cry spilling through the baby monitor caused me to jump in surprise. I wiped the tears from my cheek, placing a kiss on the picture frame over Blake. I carefully placed it back into its designated spot on the shelf.
As I entered the nursery, the sight of my little man’s legs going a hundred miles an hour brought a much needed smile to my face.
I leaned over the side of his crib and placed my hand on his tummy. “Well, hi there, sweet boy.” He cooed louder, and I couldn’t fight against the laugh that erupted. “Oh my, aren’t we just a happy little guy?” I picked him up and snuggled him close. I still fought the emotions that flooded me every single time I held Rhett. Every kiss and smile we shared was also so bittersweet.
Why was life so unfair? I asked myself that question every day. Blake loved me like I needed to be loved. There wasn’t a day that had gone by he didn’t make sure I knew how much I meant to him. He was such a loving man, and I couldn’t understand how God could take him away from us.
The hardest thing was moving on without him and accepting that I would never again get the chance to see that beautiful man’s smile or to hear his laughter. His touch that I craved would go unfelt. The comfort of having him near would never again soothe me. I would be left feeling empty and shattered.
I was left without him to push forward, and that was one of the hardest things I would ever be forced to face.