Chapter Six
“Never again…oh holy hell, ho-bag, this sucks.” I laughed as I watched Maria crawl along the floor to the bathroom across the hall. She groaned the entire way, stopping to hold her head every few feet. I felt queasy, but I had been up for over an hour already, and the Tylenol I took was beginning to work its magic.
“Oh my god, I think I’m dying, Kor. This is so not funny.” Maria’s moans poured out from the opened bathroom door. It sounded like she may be dying a slow death. The entire thing only caused me to laugh even harder.
After about ten minutes she walked toward the kitchen, looking like death, and I stifled a giggle. “Shut up before I hurl on you.”
“Don’t be such a girl.”
Rolling her eyes upward, she grabbed for a coffee cup, then filled it to the brim before lightly blowing on the dark liquid. “So what’s the plan for today? Are we going to hibernate so I can recuperate? Or are you dragging my ass off to do something I’m gonna complain about the entire time?”
“I’m leaning more toward option B. It sounds so much more fun.” The mumbling and bitching that spilled from her as I went off to get dressed caused me to break out in another fit of laughter.
Having Maria around helped me get through my days. She made it a little easier to climb out of bed daily and push myself forward. Being able to lean on her made things a little less dark and gloomy. She held my head when I needed to cry, though my tears were beginning to come less often. The smiles and laughter weren’t as hard to share with each passing day.
I used to feel guilty for every happy moment. I hated that Blake didn’t get the chance to smile and feel love. He was gone, and it was so unfair. I missed him so damn much, but I also knew that he wouldn’t want me to stop living. I remembered conversations we had about love and loss. I hated it when he would talk about something happening to one of us. It made me so mad to hear him talk about us not being together. But he would always say the same thing…
It would be the hardest thing in my life, Kori, but if we didn’t work out, I would still want you happy. Even if it meant being happy with another man. I couldn’t stand to see it, but if there was a guy out there who could make you smile and laugh, then I would want that for you. Loving someone means wanting them to be happy.
Those conversations with Blake always drove me insane. I mean, the thought of not being with him shredded me. Neither of us ever thought it would be death that tore us apart.
***
Maria and I spent the rest of the day on the lake. My daddy’s property actually had three of them, but I had my favorite. I called it my lake because growing up it had become my place to escape. It was my peace…my spot. I would go there to read or write. I’d hide there if I felt sad or even when I was happy.
When I went to pick up Rhett, my momma insisted Maria and I needed to enjoy our day. After about ten minutes of arguing she booted our asses out the door with a small basket of goodies. So my lake seemed like the best place to go.
“Do you remember when we were like, I don’t know, thirteen maybe? We used to come out here and swing from the branches, out into the water.”
I laughed picturing it. “Yeah, I also remember a certain time when someone thought it would be funny to climb the tree and slide off the branch.” I looked over just in time to see her cheeks redden from the memory. “You didn’t really count on the smaller branch snagging your bottoms and ripping them to shreds. There is nothing funnier than seeing your best friend dangling from a tree by her swimsuit bottoms, screaming like a bitch. Your arms and legs were flipping around in all directions, while your ass was bare to the world. If only I’d had a video camera, I could have used it as a form of torture.”
We both sat on the deck with our feet hanging over the side, reminiscing about the years when everything seemed simple. Before all the heartache and loss.
Silence set in for a short time before Maria got serious on me. “Kori, I’m glad you came back home. I wish it would have been under different circumstances, but I’ve missed you. After you left it wasn’t as fun around here. It feels nice to have my best friend around.”
She took a deep breath and looked out over the water. “I can’t pretend even for a second I understand your heartache. I can see how much you loved Blake and still do. You’ll always love ’em, Kor. He will forever be a part of you. He holds a place in your heart no one can ever fill.”
I held back the tears the best I could, but I had a feeling I knew where she was going with this conversation. I just wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it. I had done a great job avoiding conversations that got too deep. I knew I couldn’t hide forever. I would one day have to accept that my life would have to move on, without Blake. He was never coming back.
I swiped away the single tear trailing down my cheek.
Maria reached out, gripping my hand in hers before she continued.
“You’re young, and you have an entire life ahead of you. Just don’t shut down your heart to the possibility of another chance at love. I know you’re not ready right now. You’re the only one who will know when you are. Just promise me when the opportunity hits you, you won’t run away from it. You have entirely too much love to give. I would be saddened by the thought that there is someone out there who didn’t get the chance to feel your love. You are such a giving person. Anyone would be lucky to have you to share their life with. You are an amazing, strong person. Just know it’s okay to love again.”
I nodded as I stared off in the distance. I was too choked up with emotion to speak. I knew she was right, even if I couldn’t admit it out loud. I knew losing Blake changed me. It made me look at life in a whole new way.