Chapter Thirty
“Can I do this alone?” I looked out the window toward the tombstone only thirty feet away. My throat burned with the emotional overload of what I was about to do.
I felt Reed’s hand skim over my arm. “Are you sure?” I could only nod as I opened the car door and crawled out.
I hadn’t even made it five feet before the tears began to fall. This would be the first time I had visited Blake’s grave. I wanted to so many times, I just felt unwelcome. I never wanted to take the chance of running into his parents.
With each step, my knees became a little weaker. My stomach ached, and my heart beat rapidly.
Blake Michael Harrison
1989-2012
Beloved Son, Father, and Friend
Forever In Our Hearts
I attempted to swallow back the sob. I hadn’t had a chance to see the tombstone. It was placed on long after I moved back home. I always wondered what it would say. I hoped with everything I had in me that they would acknowledge he was a father. Seeing it there in bold letter opened up the floodgates. I knelt down in front of it, bowing my head. I cried for the months he had missed and all of those he would miss in the future. The stinging pain in my chest was almost unbearable.
Gathering all the strength within my soul, I calmed my tears and slid closer to Blake. Resting my hand over the ground beneath me, I closed my eyes and pictured his face, his blue eyes, and that gorgeous smile.
“Hey, handsome, I’m finally here. I’m so sorry it took me so long. It doesn’t in any way indicate that I didn’t want to be here.
“I have missed you every single day. My heart still aches with the thoughts of what you went through. The pain you must have felt on that last night. You were ripped from our lives, and it still hurts so strong.
“I’ve dreamt of you so many times. It was like I could feel you there with me, touching me. Those memories kept me out of the darkness. You weren’t here in body, but you were still in my soul. You always will be.
“Your son is amazing, just like his daddy. He reminds me of you more and more every day. His reactions, his facial expressions, the two of you are so much alike. He has your eyes, and your smile.
“Rhett, yeah, I know, but I couldn’t pass that up. After all, it was that crazy damn dog that brought us together. It really seemed to fit, and it sounds both badass and confident.
“I will never let him forget who his daddy is. I promise to teach him all about the man you were.”
I sobbed into my hands. This was so hard.
“I need to tell you that I reconnected with my high school boyfriend and one of my best friends. He is so supportive of my love for you. He is so supportive of the importance of your presence in Rhett’s life. In fact, it’s because of him your parents have finally accepted us. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“His name is Reed. He’s really good to us, and he adores Rhett. It took some deep thought on my part to admit, but I had to move on. It wasn’t easy, Blake.
“I’ll always love you, you’re the father of my son. I will never let go of the place you hold in my heart, in my soul. That place is yours and it will be forever. You showed me what it felt like to really be loved. You were so selfless. You always put me first, from day one.
“If by some chance you can see me, hear me, please know that you were a man who forever changed my world, in so many ways. You were a great love, one I will never forget. When I’m old and gray, that love will still be within me, deep and strong.
“I will never forget you…ever.”
I spun around when I heard feet shuffling behind me. Rhett was running in my direction as Reed approached with caution. I could tell he was staying at a distance, waiting for the okay to come closer.
I nodded, and he dropped his hands from his pockets and came quickly to my side. He knelt down next to me, and Rhett stood in front of him. “You okay?” he asked as he tucked my hair behind my ear.
“Yeah, I think so. I needed this. It felt right telling him everything I needed to say.” I leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder. “I told him about you too.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded, and we sat in silence as Rhett pointed at the tombstone. “Rock,” he said, and I smiled at him.
He was too young to understand. One day I’d bring him back here and tell him all about how much his daddy loved him, without even meeting him. I made a silent vow to always visit Blake. To always keep him active in Rhett’s world.
***
I left Boston with a whole new outlook on life. I would live every day to its fullest. I would smile and laugh as often as I could. Life was too short. You never knew when your time here on earth would be brought to an end. I didn’t want to miss out on all the things that were before me.
I promised myself I would love with my whole heart, no longer fearful of losing the ones I loved. Instead, I would treasure every moment I was blessed with them in my life. I wanted to know that I took every chance I could to create a lasting memory.
I vowed to raise Rhett to be a man that any woman would be lucky to call their husband. He would be respectful and loving. He would be kind and considerate. I promised I would always be there for him, no matter what the situation was. I would listen and guide him the best I could. He would always know he had me in his corner. He would always understand that together, he and I would get through anything. He was the glue that held me together, and I would be the foundation for his life to grow. He would know he could always turn to me, and my love for him would only continue to grow stronger.
I would no longer hide behind the ache that I felt.