Chapter Nineteen
Thanksgiving had come and gone. We spent it at my parents’ house. Of course they invited Reed and his daddy. That was an eventful day. Reed’s dad was a man who could make you laugh at a wake. He had the greatest personality and smiled more often than not. He was genuine and a joy to have around. Seeing my father and Reed Sr. carrying on together warmed my soul. With Rhett and Reed right in the middle, you couldn’t help yourself from feeling warm and fuzzy.
Christmas was fast approaching, and things between Reed and me had stayed on the slow train. There were many nights of kissing until our lips were numb. Those nights were real common, but nothing more. I knew it was me holding us back, it was just hard to let go. In the back of my mind one question would eat at me; was I moving on too quickly?
I had a habit of using Maria and Rhett as buffers. If they were around, it was easier to control my desires for Reed. There was no way to stop the feeling of need around a man like him. It was there, it was strong, but it terrified me.
Tonight I let Maria convince me to have a girls’ night. Instead of the normal night out at Lucky’s, we were going out for dinner and a movie. Reed asked us to stop by, but I wasn’t sure we would. He’d been working at the bar a lot more lately because one of his bartenders quit. The situation kept his nights and days pretty full, between that and all his side jobs.
I missed seeing him daily, even though it made avoiding taking the next step with him that much easier.
***
“Are you ready yet? My hell, girl, it is just dinner and a movie,” Maria hollered down the hallway as I was finishing with my makeup. The bitch could roll out of bed looking like a million dollars, and it annoyed me. She could get ready in ten minutes and look like it took hours.
“Yes, twatwaffle, give me five damn minutes.” I groaned and continued to apply my mascara. My cell phone vibrated against the countertop, interrupting me.
Please stop by later, I miss you. It’s been three days since I got a kiss from the prettiest girl in town. R
What have you been doing then, kissing all the others, keeping your lips warm? K
No way, your lips are the only lips I wanna feel against mine. Think about it. Seeing you sure would make my night better. R
We’ll see. K
Have a good time. R
“Hey Mar, I think we may stop by Lucky’s after. Just for a few minutes. It seems someone misses me.” I felt like a school girl with a crush. He missed me, and that felt nice to know. I had been missing him too.
***
Four hours and a few drinks later, we walked into Lucky’s. The band was playing, and the place had to be almost at full capacity. Working our way through the crowd, we went straight for the bar. I stopped abruptly, and Maria ran into my back. “What the hell, I think my titties are now inverted.”
Her wisecrack didn’t even register as funny. My eyes were focused on what was happening in front of me.
Reed stood just at the end of the bar, shirtless. That alone would have been just fine, he is pretty damn sexy. It was the three girls who were currently hanging on him while the fourth took a picture that made my stomach turn. The girls were all young, pretty, and very flirtatious. The smaller of the three wore a sash that said ‘21st Birthday’ across the front. They were here celebrating, and Reed was the eye candy.
“What is wrong with you? Why did ya stop?” Maria bumped her hip against mine as she stepped up beside me. I continued to stare ahead, watching Little Miss Eager run her hand over Reed’s abs. My stomach hurt, and my eyes burned.
“I think I wanna go home. Is that okay with you?” I finally looked away because I couldn’t take any more of it.
Maria only nodded as she led me back out to her car. Once we got back to my place, both of us got some comfortable clothes on and camped out on the couch with a bottle of wine. Neither of us spoke about what happened at Lucky’s until that point. She was the first to say anything.
“It appeared innocent. Just some young girls celebrating, and he’s a good looking guy. I’m sure he was just humoring them.” She turned her body to face me and pulled her legs up to tuck them under her. “Maybe you should have talked to him.”
I shook my head and twisted my wine glass around in my hand over and over. “It isn’t like I’m giving him what he needs. He’s a guy, they need more than just occasionally making out like teenagers.”
“Hey, he understands. Don’t do that to yourself.”
After a long silence, I looked up. She looked concerned. I shrugged it off and sat up straighter.
“I need to do something, will you help me?” I asked.
“Sure.” Maria laughed lightly at my abrupt change in conversation. She leaned forward and placed her wine glass on the coffee table. “What are we doing?”
I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. “I wanna go through Blake’s things. The stuff I gathered from our apartment but never had the heart to look through. All those things his father brought. I wanna surround myself with Blake for just a couple hours. I need it, I have to feel him again. It’s time to go through it all.”
For the next hour I laughed and cried more tears than I had in months. I found more pictures of Blake and me, some I had no idea even existed.
Maria sat next to me while I looked through all the memories of my year with Blake. She got to know the sweet man I had fallen in love with and the father of my child. She could now see the appeal and know why I loved him so completely. We may not have had years upon years together, but I could promise the time I did have with him would forever be imbedded within my soul. A love like that didn’t leave easily; it surrounded me.
“What’s this?” I turned to find Maria holding up a notebook in one hand and a folded piece of paper in the other. I quickly dropped the things in my own hand and grabbed for hers.
An overwhelming ache spread throughout my chest as I looked over the reservation in my hands. It was for the day of the accident.
It was a weekend getaway in Cape Cod. There was also a small brochure showing the views and rooms. On the corner of the reservation paper, the words written there broke my heart.
To do list:
-Pick up the flowers from florist and have them spread petals on bed.
-Preorder dinner and have delivered to room at 8
-Pick up the ring from the jewelers
My eyes were so full of tears I could no longer see the paper. The ring. Those two words took everything that had healed within me and shattered it once again. We had talked about getting married. I knew it would happen eventually, maybe after I graduated and we settled down. The fact that he had planned to propose the weekend I lost him was too hard to swallow.
I forced myself to look through the notebook that the reservation and brochure were tucked inside. Blake had random thoughts and ideas for our future written inside.
He was always such a planner, and looking over his excessive lists always made me laugh. Now they just made me cry harder.
-Buy Kori her dream house.
-Fill our home with the laughter of our beautiful children.
-Never let a day go by without telling my wife and children how much I love them.
As if he had to write that down in order to complete those tasks. It just made him feel better seeing his dreams on paper. It was who he was, the man I loved.