Chapter Two
“Kori, why don’t you let me and your dad watch Rhett tonight?” I swiveled around in the chair to face my momma, who was cutting up the apples for her famous pie. She never looked up as she continued to peel and slice.
“Why?”
This time she placed the knife on the countertop and lifted her head. “Sweetheart, you have spent the last six and a half months hiding out. You’ve ignored Maria’s phone calls and pretended to be busy. I think it would be good for you to get out and meet up with a few old friends.”
I just shook my head and looked down at Rhett as he smacked his hands against the rattles on his bouncer.
“Kori, it’s okay to have fun, honey. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love him, or that he isn’t still a big part of who you are.” She knelt before me, placing her hands on my knees. She gave me a gentle, reassuring squeeze.
The tears began to roll down my cheeks. “Don’t you understand, Momma? Every single day that passes, it becomes harder for me to remember. I can’t remember his smile. I’m starting to forget what his laugh sounded like. I don’t wanna forget those things.” I stood up from the table and walked to the back sliders. “I need to hold on to what I have left. The moment I move on and I allow those little things that are still remaining in my mind to disappear…” I took in a shuddering breath before continuing, “then he disappears too.”
I felt strong arms wrap around my shoulders and pull me back. I turned to look up into my father’s tear filled eyes. I had no idea he had even come into the room until just now.
“Darlin’, you will always have a part of Blake with you.” He turned me to face him, keeping his hands firmly on my shoulders. “You have a piece of him that no one else will ever have. Every day you’ll get a glimpse of him in the face of that handsome little boy right there.” He pointed to Rhett, and my chest tightened as more tears spilled over. “You can’t spend the rest of your life feeling guilty because you lived. Blake wouldn’t want that, baby girl, and you know it.” He brushed the tears from my cheeks. “That man hated your tears. He couldn’t take seeing you frown and did everything in his power to make sure you had a million reasons to smile.”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, attempting to calm my shuddering chest. “It’s just so hard to let go, Daddy.”
“Oh, darlin’, you don’t have to let go. You never have to let go…just live on. Live every day as a thanks for the memories you two shared while he was here. Celebrate the life you both created together.” He knelt to the floor and lifted Rhett from his bouncer and turned to face me. “We will all make sure that Blake is present in this boy’s life the best we can. Rhett will know how much his daddy loved him even before he was born. There won’t be a day that passes that we won’t remind Rhett that his daddy would be so proud of him. That he is with him even though we can’t see him. Sweetheart, he will be with us in our memories.”
My daddy held out Rhett, and I took him in my arms, pulling him close, feeling his soft hair tickle my nose as I breathed him in.
“It is time to start living again, beautiful girl. That is what Blake would have wanted for you. That boy, he never would have wanted you to suffer the way you have been.”
My daddy was right, I knew that. It never made the task any easier, though. The daily regrets and famous game of ‘What If’ kept me from living. I constantly had the emptiness in the pit of my stomach and struggled daily with the simple tasks. I needed him so badly.
The hardest thing was I never got to say goodbye. Did he know how much he meant to me? How much his love meant to me? Did he have any idea how much I loved him in return?