Chapter Seven
Over the next few weeks I did a good job at staying busy. I spent my days working outside around my little house. I wanted to make our home the best I could, for Rhett. The problem I kept running into was, no matter how hard I tried, it still felt empty. I could fill it from floor to ceiling with everything I could find, yet it still felt hollow, like a shell with no filling.
More often than not, I was waking up throughout the night with dreams of the accident. The ones where Blake was begging me to help him were the worst. Seeing him reach out for me as he coughed blood and gasped for air caused me to wake up screaming. Once I was able to calm my breathing, I would fall into an uncontrollable sob that seemed to last for hours.
The loss of Blake was tearing me apart. I didn’t know how to come back from this. How did you carry on when you felt so vacant and destroyed? When you felt like half your soul was missing?
***
Fourth of July weekend came quickly. I knew that only meant it was time for me to once again climb out of my shell and make an appearance to those who pitied me.
Maria insisted I take part in the festivities. She was in charge of the food. She was making a big impression in town with her fancy cooking skills. It was her newfound hobby, and she was good at it. This was her chance to gather the praise she deserved. She was able to try out some new items and get some real feedback. Oh, how the cowboys loved every little bit. I knew her appearance only made it a little better on their behalf. They got to ogle her and devour her food.
I stood under the tent, placing out the new filled dishes after the current ones were emptied. I heard someone clear their throat, and I looked up, connecting immediately with a man who could still make my knees feel weak. The thought of that only spiked my temper, and I wanted to lash out.
“You gonna act like you hate me forever, Kori? Or are we gonna move past the fact I was a dumb kid who made an even dumber mistake?” He stared at me directly in the eyes, waiting for my response.
I narrowed my eyes and glared. “I think I’ll just stick to hating you forever.”
I heard him chuckle as I continued to busy myself with refilling the food that was running low.
“You don’t hate me, Kori, not like you say you do.”
What in the hell did he know? He had no idea how I felt. I leaned forward, bracing myself against the table with both hands. I could see the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Cocky, arrogant son of a bitch thought he had me in the palm of his hand.
“I can promise you one thing, Reed.” I paused to look up over his shoulder. Connecting my vision with none other than the girl he felt was worth throwing away everything we had, all those years ago. “If the last eight months have taught me anything, it would be that life is short. I don’t plan on wasting a moment of my time on those who don’t deserve it.” His smile fell as I continued. “You, Reed, took what we had and threw it away, for a quick roll in the hay with the town slut. That was the moment I started hating you.”
I pushed up off the table, causing a few of the dishes to rattle with the force.
I spun around and walked away, leaving him staring after me in what I assumed was regret.
***
“So what was that all about?” Maria nudged me from behind. I looked over my shoulder at Reed. His back was to us as he sipped casually on a beer. I watched as he stared out over the crowd of people claiming their spot for the fireworks show.
“It was nothing.”
She laughed. “Yeah, it looked like a whole lot of something, but definitely not nothing.” I rolled my eyes at her as I continued to watch Reed. He looked lonely and sad, staring out into a crowded space. I watched as he twisted his bottle around in his hands, looking down at the ground in front of him. “You feeling kinda bitchy?”
I twisted around to face Maria. “Why the hell would I feel bad? He deserves my bitchiness.”
She leaned back against the table, taking a moment to think, before she spoke. “Okay, Kori, you know I love you, girl. I mean, I freaking love you to pieces, but…” she faded off.
“But what?”
“The guy isn’t who he used to be. Reed’s changed, and he isn’t the same cocky prick he once was. His life hasn’t been easy since high school. The guy knows he screwed up with you. I know he regrets it every day. You have to remember something.” She paused taking in a slow, steady breath. “Before you two were a couple, you were friends. Really great friends. He used to be someone you could lean on, count on. He was always there for both of us growing up. He has a good heart. You know deep down I’m right.”
I let my eyes wander back over just in time to see Reed walking away. My stomach dropped suddenly with the thought of him leaving.
“Just try not to be so quick to push away those who care. I’m not saying you gotta fall in love all over again, but we can all use friends.” The tears formed in my eyes. Was I being too hard on him? It was such a long time ago and we were young.
***
Later, after everyone had settled to watch the fireworks, I quickly found my spot with Maria next to my parents. I took Rhett into my arms and snuggled him close. The sun had set, and it was just a matter of time before the show started.
“Mum mum…Mum,” Rhett rambled as he tugged on my necklace. I wrapped his blanket in tighter around him, pretending to nibble on his fingers as he giggled. My eyes filled with tears, looking down into the eyes that matched his daddy’s so perfectly. A tear ran down my cheek, and I quickly swiped it away.
Each day that passed, it became a little easier to deal with Blake being gone. It was really hard when Rhett would reach a milestone. I would find myself feeling guilty once again for being able to witness it. My heart would break all over again with the knowledge that Blake would never know his son. He would never be able to teach him the things a father should.
When the first firework cracked and scattered above us, Rhett jumped, grabbing hold of my shirt tighter. I held my hands over his ears and tilted his head toward the sky. He watched, mesmerized by the flashing colors. His face was the only thing I could watch; it was beautiful the way his eyes lit up. I rested my forehead against the top of his head when my heart could no longer take it. Squeezing my eyes tightly, I concentrated on breathing in his baby scent. Tears began to drift down my cheeks, while I silently expressed to Blake how much I missed him.
I felt a hand gently stoking over my back, and I turned toward the touch. Maria’s eyes were glossy as she attempted a reassuring smile. Her head rested against my shoulder, showing me the support I desperately needed. “You know he’s with you, right? Every day Blake’s here with you, watching over both of you.”
I nodded my head, and I caught movement over Maria’s shoulder. Reed was on a blanket a few groups over with his father. Our eyes connected for a moment, and I couldn’t look away. His face held an expression full of pain and regret. He forced a smile and winked.
I knew I had to let go of the anger he’d caused in me. It was making me a bitter person, and that wasn’t who I wanted to be.
I attempted a small smile in return, as a gesture of truce. I wasn’t making any promises. I couldn’t say there wouldn’t be days when I would want to hit him and yell. The man hurt me so badly when I had trusted him. He took my heart and stomped on it.
I would do everything I could to let go of the past and attempt to be civil. The pettiness of our childhood drama seemed so long ago. Life was so much more than it was then. I really just needed to let it go.