Past
“I’M GONNA MARRY YOU ONE day, Edie. Make you mine forever.”
My heart couldn’t take it when he said things like that. Not because I didn’t believe him, but because I did.
We were only seventeen with a lifetime ahead of us. We still had to finish high school, then college, and it was almost impossible to imagine that Lennox would stick with me when he was off chasing his dream to become the next NFL superstar. He was destined for that, not for me—a small town nobody who lucked out by occupying the heart of Lennox Dean for the last two years. Luck—I usually had none unless it was bad, but that all seemed to change the day Lennox set his sights on me. He made me the best me I could be, despite the hand I’d been dealt, regardless of my demons, notwithstanding how undeserving of his affections I felt.
It took time to fall into the role of the quarterback’s girlfriend, but what everyone was too shallow to understand was that I didn’t care about being popular or who liked me. I only cared that he did.
And oh, did he. It was Lennox who taught me about unconditional, selfless love. It was he who injected new life into me when I was certain mine was headed nowhere. And because of that, I believed with the essence of my existence that he would follow through and marry me. If I let him.
But waiting for that day to come felt like a cruel punishment. When you’re as young as we were, anything in the far-off future seemed unreachable. Like a distant, undiscovered planet, light years away.
I often dreamed of the day we’d be ready to make that promise to each other. The day when we could stop worrying about doing the right thing and simply love each other without limitations. Daydreaming about following him on the road and getting out of here became my number one hobby, especially on days when we had a few peaceful moments to ourselves at his house, in his room, or in the shady nooks of the football field, like where we met up today.
“Come on, Lennox. Stop fooling around. You need to study.” I pushed his face out of my neck, unwillingly of course, and tapped my notebook.
“I am studying,” he joked, his green eyes hooded by lust-heavy lids. “I’m committing your delicious scent to memory.” He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. His head fell back and in that moment I felt his love the way I always did when he was near.
Too bad I had to be the killjoy, as he often liked to call me. “I’m serious! You have to pass this test. You heard what Coach said, didn’t you?”
“Obviously. I’m the one who told you.” Frustration marred his rugged features, his tight jaw thickening. “You’re no fun, even if you are gorgeous, Edie.” And just like that I was forgiven for being the voice of reason. One of us had to be if we ever wanted to get out of here and live our dreams.
Present
I PACKED A BAG SO quickly, I wasn’t even sure what I threw in there. I didn’t plan on staying long so it didn’t really matter. Clean underwear, a toothbrush, that’s all she wrote. What more did I need to face those two and live to tell about it. Scotch, whiskey, lots and lots of tequila.
The thought of drowning my sorrows that way should’ve been funny, but it wasn’t. Why? Because I didn’t drink. Never had, never would. Alcohol was the devil, a stepping stone to so much more, the reason the men in my life had fucked me over and left me broken and alone. First my father, then Lennox. It was a miracle I wasn’t a walking man-hating activist.
There were roughly two point five billion men in the world. I couldn’t mirror them all based on Lennox Dean and William Hayward. They weren’t all monsters. There had to be someone out there who didn’t need the crutch of a stiff drink to cope with life. Hell, life was supposed to be a blessing, not a curse. I was sure there was one person who could make me believe that again. I just hadn’t found him yet, and I sure as hell wouldn’t find anything of the sort when I went back home to deal with Lennox and Violet.
But out of obligation and the desperation in her voice, I would go. Return from whence I came. From the hurt, and the disappointment, and the humiliation of it all. I wondered if she knew the sacrifice I was making by taking this step. Did she even care that my doing this was the equivalent of her getting sober? To giving up the safety and security of being numbed by crack, coke, or whatever the fuck she was into these days, just to do the right thing.
The right thing. I always did the right thing. And look where it landed me. Sucker. You’re a fucking sucker, Eden.
I ignored the voice that sounded so much like the bitter one belonging to my witch of a grandmother, Agnes, and tried to disregard the warring emotions coursing through me.
I’d do the right thing one more time. If I didn’t, it would eat at me. And if something happened to Lennox, the man I once loved enough to risk it all, I could never forgive myself.