Chapter Twenty
Trystan
Six days. Six of the longest days and nights of my life. Even after the third day, when the doctors assured us he was out of danger, time hadn’t traveled any faster for me. I suspected that wouldn’t change until he finally opened his eyes again. I needed him to look at me. I had to know he didn’t really believe I was involved with Evan or his plans. There were so many things I needed to say, so many apologies and promises. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, assure him that hadn’t changed and never would, but that I wouldn’t push him anymore. I would take whatever he could offer and not demand or manipulate things to get more. He needed to know how fucking brave I thought he was, not just for fighting Evan in my apartment but for fighting Evan and the rest of that damned college town when nobody believed him.
A weaker man, probably someone like me, would’ve just rolled over and eventually disappeared altogether. I didn’t know much about Evan Tannahill but from what I’d learned so far, I was sure he never thought Dakota would go to the police and report what he and his friends did to him. He’d banked on his abuse of Dakota up until that point to keep him pliant and obedient. I wanted Dakota to know how our school had rallied behind him, demanding justice for past sins committed by football players who’d felt above the law and a school that had allowed it. He had to open his eyes so I could tell him Cowboy was alive and healing much quicker than he was…that we would never lock him in a room again. Binx was safe, thanks to him. I wanted him to meet my parents, because they were already in love with him and considered him a member of the family.
He just needed to open his fucking eyes! Dread washed over me again. Evan had told him I was involved. Seeing how he’d been treated and knowing how he thought all of us footballers stuck together, I was sure it wouldn’t have been a tough stretch for him to believe the lies. Hell, he already half believed I was plotting against him anyway. Add that text message that Evan sent to Alex from my phone and I looked about as guilty as the rest of the motherfuckers.
Right now, his mother and Detective Humphreys were down having supper in the cafeteria, my parents were at the apartment taking care of the pets and packing me up some more clean clothes, and Alex and Lincoln were busy deflecting the police. I had questions to answer, a statement to give, but I sure as hell didn’t have the proper state of mind to do it right now—not until I knew he was awake and heard the truth straight from my lips. Lincoln had managed to hold the police at bay for the past six days and I didn’t doubt for one minute that he would continue to do so. He knew I couldn’t leave Dakota’s side.
The sixth day drifted on just as slowly as the five in front of it and I was about to give up hope on today being the day, when I heard him make a strange noise. Instantly alert, I jumped up and was hovering over him within seconds, searching his face for a sign he was about to return to the land of the living. When his eyelids started fluttering, my chest started pounding. I’d prepared myself for a look of anguish because of my supposed betrayal…or even hatred—either would be justified with what Evan told him. I would take whatever he handed out to me and then I would do my damned best to convince him of my innocence.
I thought I was prepared. As it turned out, I was about to quickly find that Dakota would always have the ability to turn my life inside out and upside down. His eyes fluttered again and then, finally, they opened, the moment I’d been waiting for since I’d found him near death, or probably already dead, in my bedroom. It felt like a million years had passed since I’d seen those beautiful green irises. They were a tad paler than usual and a little foggy from all the drugs they’d been pumping into him, but they were open…and focused solely on me.
I couldn’t exactly read the expression in those beautiful depths but it didn’t matter—they were open. The truths could come later. Right now, I wanted to relish the fact that he was finally on his way back to the ones who loved him.
He blinked slowly and I whispered, “It’s okay, Dakota. You’re safe now. You’re in the hospital. Everything’s okay, babe. I’m so fucking proud of you.” I didn’t know what else to say. I’d vowed not to push him with my words of love, this wasn’t about me. My love for him had finally made me realize this stopped being about me a long time ago.
It would always be about Dakota in my heart and soul.
I watched as the life returned slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. After a few minutes, he started trying to say something to me, but couldn’t muster up any sounds from his parched throat. “Easy, babe. There’s been a tube in your throat since yesterday so take everything slow. Let me get you some water.”
Turning toward the table next to his bed, I picked up a small cube of ice and bumped it against his lips. The nurses said no liquids when he first woke because they could make him sick. Ice would help the dryness in his mouth, soothe his wounded throat, and give him enough fluid to ease up the uncomfortable parch he would feel. He obediently took the ice but kept his eyes on me the entire time.
I kept my hand on him, wrapped around the back of his neck, and relished the feelings of joy winding through my heart. Yes, his scrutiny of me was terrifying because I knew what he had to be thinking but even the fear of what he was thinking couldn’t keep me from holding him. For the first time in days, he finally felt alive beneath my touch.
When it looked like the piece of ice had melted, I asked, “Do you want another one? The nurses said not too much but a few cubes would be okay.”
He shook his head from side to side, licked his dry lips, and opened his mouth to speak. I braced myself, but kept smiling my sweetest smile at him. There were no words in existence that could take away my smile right now. He was going to be okay. Evan had lost.
“I love you, Trystan,” he said. The words were whispered and sounded like they caused him physical pain because of the scratchiness of his throat, but they were plain enough for me to understand.
I simply stopped breathing. Just like that—he knocked me on my ass and rendered me speechless.
A worried expression crossed his face and he asked, “Do you still love me? Even now? After you…know what happened?”
How could he think that? Quickly and honestly, I answered, “I told you I would never stop loving you and I won’t. Knowing what you’ve survived makes me love you even more, Dakota Jacobson. You’re the bravest, strongest man I’ve ever met in my life.”
He smiled serenely and then his eyes lost the battle with his long, heavy eyelashes and they closed again. Within seconds, he was fast asleep again.
And I felt like I ruled the fucking world!
Dakota
It’s the strangest feeling—a mix between something I liked and something I didn’t like. I didn’t have any idea how much time had passed or even what had happened but I was at least aware of some of the things going on around me. I knew my mother was there with me. I recognized her sweet voice and swore I could even smell her on different occasions of my floating in and out of reality. A mother always had a special scent that you would never forget and it managed to enter into your body and make everything seem better. I guessed that was why kids always wanted their mommy when they got hurt. Hell, not just kids, I wanted my mommy bad right now and I was thankful to whomever was responsible for bringing her to me.
I’d recognized voices from time to time. I knew that Detective Humphreys had been here with my mother. I’d heard Alex and Lincoln talking, mostly in their quiet, husky voices that made it difficult for me to understand, but I’d known they were there nonetheless. A man and woman whose voice I didn’t recognize were there religiously, always speaking to me, encouraging me to get better, and sounding as if they really cared. I assumed they were Trystan’s parents because they kept a close vigil on him as well. The doctors and nurses would come and go, poking and prodding in places I wasn’t interested in having poked or prodded at the time, and they would always have these chirpy voices that started out as annoying, but quickly escalated to a ‘punch-me’ level. Problem was—I couldn’t punch anybody. I couldn’t open my fucking eyes.
Some days I felt content to just lie there and listen to all the bustle going on around me. I was pretty sure they were trying to be quiet but failing miserably. Most days I would picture this ghost-like me climb out of my body and start shaking me violently, smacking me across the face, and demanding that I open my eyes. I pictured it, but it never happened. I just lay there, pretty much a useless pile of tubes and fluid bags, and listened to Trystan whisper words of encouragement, love, and to my pleasure, just mundane things that weren’t meant to provoke any emotion from me—just tidbits to get to know him better.
Yeah, listening to Trystan was my favorite. He told me all sorts of ridiculous stories of things that happened when he was a child and, to my horror, my mother added a few about me. Not fair. He would stroke my arms, my legs, rub my hands, caress my face, and toy with my hair. I was sure he had to leave my bedside because…well, just because, but he’d always been right by my side when my mind was alert and trying to kick my body in the ass to get it moving. I was pretty certain he must be overshadowing the doctors and nurses because I swore I could hear them grumbling under their breaths when they did their poking. It didn’t matter how frustrated they got, he was always there.
I knew that Cowboy was doing good and was already home, looking for me in every nook and cranny of the penthouse. Trystan’s parents commented every day about how sad he looked and Trystan urged me to get better so he could see that I was coming back to him. Binx was finally coaxed out from under the bookcase—well, not exactly coaxed, I don’t believe. If I heard them correctly, Alex and Lincoln finally had to lift the damned thing and Trystan’s mom snatched her up before she could get away.
Everything seemed perfect, just like a dream, except I couldn’t open my eyes. Finally, after what felt like weeks of trying, I managed to pry them open one day and say what I so desperately needed to tell Trystan—the thing I’d been so terrified that I’d never get to say on this side of heaven. I opened my eyes long enough to tell him I loved him and then I’d snuggled back into this cocoon of drugs I seemed to be forever locked in.
I was beginning to annoy myself. None of the other voices seemed to be agitated or exasperated by my lengthy checkout, but I was pissing me off at the very least. There was so much I needed to tell Trystan. I wanted to tell him all those things I was convinced I would never get the chance to say. I was not real excited about telling him all the facts about what happened with me, Evan, and his friends on that cold night in his family’s cabin, but I knew that if I ever intended to get better and have an honest relationship with him, the ugly details had to be revealed. The gag order issued by the court in Texas could go fuck itself. Trystan deserved to know everything.
He needed to know exactly what he was up against and only when he’d all the facts did I want him to make a decision about whether putting up with me would be worth the embarrassment and struggle that was drawing closer and closer each day. He needed to know that I sometimes got confused about physical intimacy. I’d used it as a tool to protect myself for so long that it sometimes became hard for me to distinguish between what was real and what was not. He needed to know that I had trust issues and probably always would. I had triggers. He’d seen those but there was no way he could understand them without knowing why they were there and where they came from. It was unfair to him and me to think I could hide them away and it not affect our relationship. Then there was the whole great state of Texas thing. He was going have to know that his future home as reigning Prince of Football hated the fuck out of me. Bad things were written, posted, and broadcast on the television, newspapers, and, of course, social media, and this wouldn’t stop. Evan wouldn’t stop. That might be too much to ask anybody to deal with—it was too much to ask of me. Most of all, he needed to know that I loved him and that I would love him regardless of what he decided. If the burden of having to wade through the Dakota-shitshow was too much, I would walk away and keep the love I had for him tucked in my heart forever.
That was just a small list of all the things I needed to say and make right, but I couldn’t even open my fucking eyes. I was absolutely sure not one of the people keeping vigil over me realized it, but I was on the verge of having a Texas-sized hissy-fit. Oh, and I was pissed off at the doctors. They must keep feeding drugs through my veins or I would be able to at least open my eyes just a crack.
Nothing.
I supposed time passed because I drifted off again to the state where not only was I incapable of opening my eyes or speaking, but I wasn’t even aware of anyone around me. Every time I woke from one of those, I was terrified and this time was no different. It was the same thing every damned time. A wave of terror washed over me and for a few seconds, I was right back in Trystan’s apartment with Evan leaning over me, about to plunge his knife straight through my heart.
I was sure only mere seconds passed between the instant the terror assaulted me to when I realized I was safe, but I would be damned if a lot of thoughts, memories, and regrets couldn’t slideshow through your head in those mere seconds. The fear and the slideshow from hell always brought about the same results. My heart monitor started beeping a frantic ‘the-nut-is-trying-to-awaken-again’ and the occupants in my room start going nuts. If I wasn’t the one lying in the bed of fucking frustration, I would probably see the humor in it. My mother, God bless her soul, would start trying to talk to me, stroking my hair and touching my face. Either Lincoln, Alex, or Trystan’s parents would start calling for the doctor or nurses to rush in so they could see that I was going to do absolutely nothing yet again. Trystan would squeeze my hand and yell obscenities to the doctors and nurses that obviously weren’t moving fast enough to suit him. I guess I could see his point—they might miss something.
Ha-ha. I was beginning to think that there wasn’t ever going to be anything for them to see.
Was this how people who are in a coma felt? I hoped the fuck not. It was horrible not to be able to respond.
This time, the monitor didn’t seem to be beeping nearly as wildly as in the past. My poor mother was whispering her endearments but she was crying this time—big ugly tears that a mother shouldn’t ever have to cry. Alex and Lincoln were nowhere around, but I was pretty sure I’d heard something about Alex having another doctor’s appointment about his hand. Trystan’s parents were smiling and I would be damned but I saw where Trystan got all his looks—they were both drop-dead beautiful people.
Holy fuck! I saw them. I was fucking seeing them. That meant I was either dead or my eyes were open and since the heart monitor was beeping, I was picking door number two. Thank the fuck! I was finally able to open my eyes.
Poor Trystan, he was barking orders at the nurses from the doorway. He didn’t know yet. What would he do when he noticed? What was he really thinking about me after everything he’d learned? What if he’d decided he didn’t...?
Uh oh. The heart monitors started going crazy.
The beeping alerted Trystan and when he turned to look at me, his gray eyes filled with such love and happiness that the beeping settled into a nice soothing rhythm. He’d been my rock-solid foundation since the moment I’d allowed my defenses to come down and let him into my heart. I watched as he stood there, frozen in the doorway, until I managed to break the spell he was weaving around my heart with a mere look. “Hey,” I said. At least that was what I tried for, my throat was still parched and felt like I’d been trying to deep throat a baseball bat.
A huge smile spread across his face and he crossed the room in what had to be a world’s record. When he reached my bedside, he stopped abruptly, like he was catching himself from doing something wrong, and answered, “Hey, Guppy.”
“Oh, baby, you had us worried sick,” my mother said, drawing a tiny part of my attention away from Trystan. “Don’t you ever do that again.” She leaned down and kissed my cheek and I felt one of her tear drops paint my face. “I love you, sweetheart. I love you so much.”
I wasn’t sure how she’d gotten herself to Alabama, but I was so damned thankful she was with me. I had given her nothing but grief for the past ten months and that was not likely to end anytime soon, but as much as I would like to protect her and keep her away from my mess, I would always need my mother. “Love you, too,” I managed to croak. “How did you get here?”
Her eyes brightened just a fraction. “I flew in with Trystan’s parents on their private jet.” She smiled a smile that I hadn’t seen on her face in a very long time. “Very cushy, indeed. I’m thinking about putting me one of those on layaway.”
Layaway. She’d never had to layaway anything in her life until I’d gone and fucked everything up. My life with Evan ended up costing her practically everything.
“I’m glad you’re here. I hope you don’t get into too much trouble with work.” It felt weird talking about personal things in front of people I didn’t really know, but the words wouldn’t stop flowing out of my mouth. My mom had gone from being a partner with McKenzie and McKenzie law firm to working as a cashier at TJ Maxx. The law firm that she’d called home since graduating from college had not only found a reason to dismiss her when the Evan explosion happened but they’d also completely turned their backs on her, making it clear which side of the Evan/Dakota saga they supported.
I think she’d been so worried about me and furious about what had happened that she never even had time to mourn the loss of her work life and all the friends she’d thought she had there. Well, she did have friends there—several of them walked out of the firm when old man McKenzie fired her. That had been an awesome show of support for my mom but just added a few more ruined lives in my column.
“Oh, sweetie, I could care less about losing another job if it would interfere with me getting to you when you needed me, but these people are different than McKenzie—they wouldn’t penalize me just because the media tried to get them to. They’re good people.” Her face lit up as she said, “But enough about me. I need you to assure me that you’re okay. Please, make your mommy feel better.”
“I’m fine, mom,” I answered somewhat truthfully. The fact that Trystan had been gently stroking my hand the entire time was making things easier but I was still nervous about the fact that I was about to have to air my dirty laundry and then live with the consequences. I’d thought there was a lot to lose during my first battle with Evan. This time, Trystan’s love might be at stake.
A beautiful woman with blonde hair and friendly blue eyes stepped into my vision when she wrapped her arms around Trystan and kissed the top of his head. The man that suddenly appeared behind her had to be Trystan’s father—same gray eyes, inky black hair, and muscles staked upon muscles. His smile was just as friendly as Trystan’s mom but it held an arrogant, confident tilt to it that was oh-so-familiar. Trystan’s mom was trying to be polite and not stare openly at me as if I was some kind of art exhibit. His dad? Hell, he clearly didn’t follow any rules except his own. He was definitely sizing me up and was making no attempts to hide it.
The funny thing was that I knew I was falling super fucking short in the sizing-up department, but you would never know it by the look on his face. For the first few seconds, he didn’t look like anybody’s father—just an alpha man flexing his confident swagger. After his intense scrutiny finished, he held the look of a daddy who’d merely been looking out for his son. I tried for a weak smile but I was sure I failed miserably. This was definitely not the way I would’ve fantasized about meeting Trystan’s family. The smile must not have been too far off base, because he winked at me and his lips curled into a smile. The man was breathtaking—not sexy like Trystan, just a breathtaking bundle of beautiful. Like his son, I was sure he could convince the world to follow him right off the edge of a cliff if he took a notion.
“Come on, son,” Trystan’s mother urged softly. “Give Dakota and his mother some time together and then you can come back in and stare at him some more.” She laughed softly and looked at me. “That’s all he’s done, sweetheart. You probably couldn’t rest and recover properly because you could feel his nosy little gaze on you the entire time.” She tugged Trystan by the ear and said, not as softly as she had with me, “Come along, Trystan. A mother has always earned the right to go first. There will be plenty of time for you and Dakota to talk later.”
He continued sitting there until I was afraid one earlobe was going to forever be longer than the other due to his mother’s tugging. Finally, he stood up and said, “I’ll be back in a few minutes, Guppy. Love you.” To my mother, he said, “Take your time, Ms. Jacobson, I’ll be right outside if either of you need anything.”
I’d never seen Trystan look or act humble before, it was cute. While I didn’t want him to leave, I did need to get my bearings together. Everything still felt a bit foggy and I ached in places I didn’t even realize could ache. I wasn’t going to worry about how many new holes Evan put in my body, there would be plenty of time for that later.
As Trystan and his parents left the room, my mom watched their departure with a warm glow in her eyes. I felt like my whole life had changed while I’d been trapped in the realm of the not-dead but not-yet-alive. I thought I had heard everything going on around me, eavesdropped on their conversations, but apparently, I’d missed more than I realized. There was a familiarity between my mom, Trystan and his family that I hadn’t realized had taken place.
When the door closed behind them, she swooped in for a hug so tight that the holes they’d patched up might start leaking again. Biting my bottom lip, I allowed her to do the mother thing and check me all over for possible injuries that might have occurred since the last time she’d checked—probably no more than thirty minutes ago. Finally satisfied, she kissed me on the forehead and settled back into her chair. The last time I’d seen her, I’d thought she looked like she’d aged five years throughout my ordeal. Now? She looked young and beautiful again—the carefree, yet strong woman who had sacrificed so much for me over the years.
“You’re so stubborn, Dakota Jacobson. I know damned good and well you could have woken up three days ago, but you were just too stubborn to do it. You’ve always been such a naughty boy.”
There were tears of happiness in her eyes even as she tried to act silly.
I cleared my throat, hoping I wouldn’t sound like a strangled frog again, and said, “I’m sorry, mom. I’m so sorry.”
Frowning, she asked, “What in the hell are you sorry for, Dakota James? You’ve done nothing wrong.”
I wanted to roll my eyes but she’d backhanded me for that enough times for me to find the good sense to keep them firmly locked with her gaze. “Mom, I’ve made your life a living hell for the past ten months. As soon as it starts to die down, I go and do something that causes it to explode again. You lost everything you’ve worked so hard for because of my stupidity…or weakness…or whatever the fuck it was that caused me to let that shit happen. Then you work to get me enrolled in another school under special circumstances and I go and fuck this up, too.” I drew in a deep breath. “I’m just sorry for all of it and I’m sorry that it isn’t over yet. I don’t think it will ever end and this is going to be the shit that accompanies me for the rest of my life.”
I tried to smile because I knew how pissed she got when I blamed myself but I was the only one I could control—blaming Evan was a total waste of my energy. “Let’s be honest here, mom, technically, according to the mother’s handbook, you’re pretty much stuck with me no matter how big of a trouble magnet I’m. I can’t expect other people to follow the mother’s handbook, though.” It was a pretty wimpy way of saying I was terrified that Trystan wouldn’t be willing to deal with my shit, but I wasn’t sure I could come right out and say it and not cry like a baby. She sure the fuck didn’t need to see me cry right now. If possible, I wasn’t going to be the reason to make her beautiful smile disappear again.
She arched a brow. “By ‘other people’, are you referring to a Mr. Trystan Matherly?”
“He’s perfect, right?” I answered weakly. “I can’t do this to him, mom. The upcoming trial? The way the newspapers and media twist and turn everything? That wouldn’t be fair to him or his family. You know he’s the prince of football in Texas, right? It would probably take me about fifteen minutes to strip his family of a huge portion of their fan base if word got out that I was associated with Trystan in any way whatsoever.”
She made a tsking sound and started tucking the blankets around my legs with enough force that a hurricane probably couldn’t have pulled them off. She did shit like that when she was irritated with me. When she had tucked, untucked, and then tucked again in an attempt to get her temper back under control, she finally said, “First of all, young man, there is no such thing as the prince of football. That’s just ridiculous. Secondly, Trystan or his parents don’t look or act at all like the sort of people who would cower to the press or their fans when they didn’t believe they were wrong. Thirdly, I like that boy very much and if you love him nearly as much as he clearly loves you, you won’t let stupidity stand in the way of your happiness. Yes, I’m calling you stupid right now but I’m trying to do it in a very nice way because I know you’ve been through a lot. Finally, I wouldn’t worry about the trial so much. Now that Evan’s mother has come forward, I don’t see where anyone could possibly doubt your innocence and Evan’s guilt.”
She always communicated like that—ticking things off by number, like she was doing her lawyering thing. Since it was what she understood best, I answered, “First of all, there is a prince of football in Texas and his name is Trystan Matherly—I saw the Sports Illustrated magazine myself. Secondly, I hardly think you’ve known any of them long enough to determine how they would react to the media when said media was determined to destroy someone to tell stories or, better yet, probably for their own entertainment. Thirdly, I love him more than anything in this world, mom. Finally, what the hell do you mean Evan’s mom came forward?” I couldn’t believe someone in his ranks might have finally succumbed to a case of honesty—especially his mom.
“She’s pitiful, Dakota, absolutely pitiful.”
Frowning, I said, “I thought you hated her.”
“I thought I did too,” she conceded. “That was before I learned the truth. Apparently abusing lovers is the norm for the Tannahill men. Evan’s father is just as vile as his son. Remember when their lawyer said she couldn’t be there to answer questions because she’d gone on a month-long cruise?”
I nodded, remembering how furious mother had been that while her son had been in the hospital, trying to recover physically and emotionally from what Evan did, Evan’s mom had decided to take a cruise. At the time, I’d honestly thought mother would have killed her if she could have gotten her hands on her.
“She wasn’t on a cruise, she was in the hospital trying to recover from the beating Evan’s dad had given her when she’d suggested they just tell the truth about what happened. He sent her to a private institution in the UK, where she had to have plastic surgery to hide all the damage he’d done. He only agreed to let her come home when she pretended to be on board with what they were doing. As soon as she got into the states, she went straight to the FBI to report this crime and many others that her husband has participated in.” She looked at me with new tears in her eyes. “She was how they found out that Evan was off of his ankle mechanism. When the FBI followed up, he was nowhere to be found.” Her eyes were blazing as she stared out the window next to my bed. “Several policemen in the local department knew his tracker had been removed but since they didn’t think sweet Evan was guilty of anything, they justified not reporting anything.”
“The FBI? What would they have to do with a college rape?” Everything I was hearing seemed like too much to take in. Hope wanted to blossom in my chest but I wouldn’t allow it—too risky.
“The cabin Evan took you to was owned by her family. It’s located two tiny miles past the state line and straight into Louisiana. That meant the FBI could be involved because Evan crossed state lines to participate in an abduction and rape. The bottom line was she knew her husband had the majority of the police department in his back pocket so going to them would have been a total waste of time. There had to be a way around the local authorities and she found it. She did what was right, Dakota. Somebody finally did what was right.”
“I’ll never be safe, mom. Evan will never stop,” I told her. “He doesn’t like losing and if his fans turn on him, he’ll only get worse.”
Something strange flashed in her eyes. “You can discuss that with Trystan, Dakota, but I’m going to tell you that it isn’t fair for you to make decisions for him. Give him the facts and let him draw his own conclusions.” She smiled sadly. “I think you’ll be surprised at how far he would go to protect you. He loves you, sweetheart. If I’ve learned anything over the past few days, it’s been that he is madly in love with you.”
“I’ve not been honest with him, mom. I’ve been nothing but a big lie. Every time he pulled a layer back, another lie was there, that one worse than the last. I didn’t trust him and he didn’t deserve that. Hell, mom, I had my doubts right up until I looked into Evan’s eyes. I was willing to let myself believe the absolute worst about him and I can’t say that I’m not always going to be that way. After everything that’s happened, it’s in my nature now.”
She huffed out a breath and studied a spot on the wall. I could tell she wanted to tuck the blankets again…maybe around my neck. “Your father left me when you were only six years old, Dakota. I’m not the one you need to discuss relationships with. You need to be having this discussion with Trystan, not me and definitely not with that voice inside your head.” She leaned in and kissed my forehead again. “Talk to him, sweetheart. It’s his decision, not yours.”
“Yeah, but sometimes it’s easier to make that decision for them because it might kill me if he does it by himself. You know?”
“I know. I know you’re afraid to give your heart to anybody, Dakota. I also know that if anybody could handle that beautiful heart of yours, it would be Trystan Matherly.” She stood up to leave and my heart monitor did that beeping thing again. I knew her leaving meant Trystan would be returning. I knew Trystan returning meant all my secrets were about to be secrets no longer.
“Love you,” I told her.
“I know, Buttons, I know.” She answered with a smile.
“Please don’t tell me you told them about that?” I begged. Apparently, when I was little, I had a knack for swallowing every button I could get into my mouth. Buttons had been cute when I’d been a toddler.
“Every last sordid detail, Buttons. I told you that you should have opened your eyes sooner! For every day that you laid there, I revealed an embarrassing detail about your childhood.” She grinned. “I was just about to get to the one where I found that sex toy in your nightstand and hid it from you.”
“Please stop talking,” I told her, already feeling a blush starting to creep up my neck. Boundaries were somewhat nonexistent with my mother. Since it had always just been the two of us, we’d grown up friends as much as mother and son. She would still kick my ass when I needed it, but she would always be my best friend.
“Dakota? When you’re feeling stronger, you and I will discuss you stopping your medication even when I told you not to. I will always be your mother and, therefore, you will always do as I say. Understood?”
The sweet smile on her face softened her words. I shouldn’t have stopped taking the medicine. It had definitely messed with my ability to see things for what they were. My paranoia increased and my capacity for making smart decisions slowly decreased and then vanished. Why the fuck would I have gone to that apartment when I suspected Evan was there? Because I’d been too stubborn to admit I needed help.
“Yes, mother,” I answered obediently.