Chapter Twenty-Two
Dakota
I couldn’t have heard him right. Was he saying what I thought he was saying? How should I feel? I didn’t know how I should feel, but I knew how I felt. I was relieved. Thankful. Deliriously happy. The world without Evan in it was a safer place for everyone. When he finished with me, he would have moved on to some other poor victim. How horrible was I that I was elated that another man died?
“He’s…dead?” I asked just to clarify. I couldn’t read Trystan’s face. Was he upset that getting involved with me led him to this shitstorm? How could he not be, right?
“Dead.”
He was still quiet, way too quiet for my comfort. Of course, what was I expecting? Him to be as elated as I was? That wouldn’t be possible. He didn’t have a reason to hate Evan the way I did. He would have never crossed paths with Evan, other than the football field, if I hadn’t entered his life.
Evan was dead.
Could it finally be over?
“Do you hate me?” I asked, needing to know where I stood—solid ground or quicksand. “Do you hate that meeting me led you to all of this?”
He frowned, truly confused. “How can you think this is your fault, Dakota? Not every bad thing in the world is because of you. Hell, none of it is because of you! He was an evil person that needed removed from this earth so he could never hurt another person again—especially you. If the cops hadn’t killed him, I would have done it myself. It would have been my fucking honor to kill the bastard. If anything, I was pissed that my time with him was cut short because the police came in. He’s dead, Dakota. He died a coward, trying to sneak up on me with a knife. No, he wasn’t asking for forgiveness like he should have been, he tried to kill me too and the cops ended him before I could.”
I sat there staring at him and I was sure my mouth was gaping open. Finally, I asked, “You thought I would get angry at you for feeling that way? Lose respect for you? Now who is being ridiculous, Trystan? You saved my life when you noticed me on campus when the rest of the school body was content to accept my need to be invisible. You pursued me when I wasn’t worth pursuing. You made me smile again. You made me laugh again. You made love to me for the first time in my life and it woke something up inside of me that gave me the strength to keep trying, to want for more.” I laughed deliriously. “You know, Evan told me that I must fall in love with every man that fucks me. He thought it was hilarious that I was in love with you. Guess what? He was right to a point. I fell in love with the first man to ever make love to me. I’d thought Evan had ruined me for any chance of love and happiness. Instead, it was you who ruined me. I could never love another man after you. I could never give to them what I so willingly offered you. You fought for me. You fought me for me. You wouldn’t let me give up and I really wanted to. That night in my Jeep? I definitely didn’t do that—Evan was responsible for blocking my exhaust. But while I hadn’t intentionally tried to kill myself, it doesn’t mean that I wasn’t contemplating it that night. I’d seriously let the idea slide through my brain but then I thought of you. I wanted to call you. I wanted you there because you were so fucking strong and I felt so fucking weak. I needed your strength even then, Trystan.”
I could feel the tears streaking down my face and I wasn’t embarrassed by them. This man finally knew everything about me and he was still here…worried that he might not be what I wanted? How could he be so far from reality?
“I love you, Trystan, and I want us to be together. I would like for it to be forever, but I won’t hold you to that. It isn’t going to be easy. I’m not an idiot, I know that just because Evan is no longer in the equation, it doesn’t mean the emotional and physical damage won’t linger. I’m going to be a handful. If it ever gets to be too much…”
He stopped me with a kiss. “Don’t say it. I’ve already got so many punishments lined up for you that I’ll probably have to rent out Lincoln’s club in order to become creative with each of them. Loving you will never be too much, Guppy. I’m not belittling the problems that I know will be coming toward us faster than one of Alex’s passes. You’re going to have them and I’m going to have them but they won’t ever be more than we can handle if we’re both holding on to them.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Another punishment,” he snarled in an angry voice but his smile was softer than cotton candy and promised wicked delights. “It’s nothing we can’t handle but I don’t want you thinking this is going to be a one-sided shitshow. I’m trouble, babe. I’m arrogant, spoiled, self-centered, borderline bully but in a really cute way, and I’m very kinky. My career is always going to be a problem. It’s going to be demanding and I’m not always going to be around as often as I’d like to be. I have to travel. There will be intense media scrutiny. There will be my legions of fans that do all sorts of inventive things to woo me into their beds.” He waved an arm at his body. “I mean, look at all this magnificence, you can’t expect people to not fall in lust with me the moment they lay eyes on my awesomeness.” His eyes twinkled. “You’ll probably have to fight off a few twinks and bears and they will be the easy ones. The women? They can be vicious and creative bitches when they’re horny. Can you handle that, Guppy? Am I going to be too much trouble?”
He was so full of himself and I’d be damned if it didn’t make him the sexiest thing in the world. The worst and best part of it was that he was nothing but damned right—I probably would have to spend the rest of my life fighting off his fans. He would be worth it. There was just one problem with his little speech—travel without me? Why didn’t he want me with him?
“Why would you have to travel without me? Are you picturing me as a stay-at-home-dad? I’m not seeing that, at least not at first.” I supposed this was me being playful. It was new. It was fun.
“Because you’ll be swimming, of course. I’ve taken the liberty to hire the best swim coach in the United States for you.” He winked at me. “You’ll find I do that a lot—take liberties. It’s another one of my weaknesses but because you love me, you’ll learn to deal with them.”
“Maybe you’ll learn that you’re not always going to get your way about every single thing instead of me learning to accept that you’re a spoiled brat. Anyway, no swimming for me.” I shrugged. “I kind of got out of the circuit after Evan and I’m not at all interested in getting back in.” It was a lie—the coward’s way out, but it was all I had. I was nowhere near Olympic material, no matter how awesome the coach might be.
“You can kind of get back in, Guppy. I like you in that speedo. I’m not taking no for an answer on this one.”
Rolling my eyes, I countered, “You don’t take no for an answer on anything and they don’t wear speedos in competitive swimming in the Olympics. It’s some knee length pant thing, you would hate it. It would probably make my ass look flat, anyway.”
His hand automatically went under the blanket to cup my ass, not nearly as rough and possessive as usual, but tight enough to let me know he had a handful. “Nothing’s gonna make this ass flat, babe. It is perfect and it’s mine.”
“Yeah, it is. Are you sure you want to do this, Trystan? You’ve always been a player, enjoying men and women whenever you took a notion. Can you settle down? I believe in being faithful.” I still couldn’t believe this was going to work out—that he loved me.
The tight grip on my ass softened into a caress. “I’m not going to lie to you, Dakota, I never thought settling down with one lover would be for me. I couldn’t understand it, didn’t want to understand it. As much as I love my mom and dad, I even questioned how they did it. I thought love made you weak and I didn’t want any part of it. I know people might say it isn’t possible, but I swear that with just one look, you changed all of that. A part of me has known from the beginning that it would always be just you. Only you. I wanted to fight it, to lie to myself and act like it was just because you were my first real challenge.” His other hand reached up to caress my cheek. “If I was ever foolish enough to think that once I caught you, the desire to have you would diminish, I was the biggest fool of all. With one taste, I wanted more. I wanted it all—the house, the dogs and cats, the arguing over the television, and even watching us grow old together. Maybe even children one day. You didn’t make me weaker, Dakota, you made me stronger. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my days proving it to you.”
How could it have been less than a month that I’d even allowed the thoughts of suicide to enter my mind? He’d changed so much in so little time. He’d made my life worth living again…made me worth loving.
“I was gasping for air when you found me, Trystan, and you saved my life. I love you.”