The first thing I did when I woke up was check my phone to look for messages from Grady. 

I know that’s mildly pathetic, but that’s what I did every morning. What could I say? I was in love. 

That boy was everything I thought about. He was perfect in absolutely every way, and I couldn’t believe he actually wanted to be with me. 

I mean, the guy is literally famous! He could have anyone he wants, and instead what he wants is me. 

Of course, that’s not the main reason I’m so crazy about him. That was just the icing on the cake. The truth is, he’s the first man I’ve dated who truly makes me believe that forever is a possibility.

And I know that sounds a little bit crazy, considering I’ve only been dating him for a few months. But it’s the truth. I’ve dated other men before, but not like this. It never felt this real or meaningful. 

Still, I was trying to take it slow. I didn’t want Grady to know how totally head over heels I was for him. Not yet, at least. Not until I knew he felt the same way. 

Which, I was starting to really think he did. He sure seemed happy to be with me, anyway. Something in the way he looked at me told me I wasn’t the only one whose feelings ran deeply. And, of course, the way he constantly wanted to spend time with me.

But ever since my friend’s party last week, things have felt different. I don’t know, it’s weird, I thought we were having a good time, and then, after I sent him to go get drinks, he came back seeming… off. 

Honestly, I’ve been wracking my brain for reasons. I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it, or things really were starting to become different between us. I know I hadn’t changed, but maybe I’m becoming too insecure. 

I don’t know, it seemed like the facts were on my side. Prior to the party, I got a good morning text from him every day. But this was the fifth morning I’d received nothing from him and ended up totally disappointed. 

He hadn’t stopped talking to me completely, it wasn’t a fade out situation, and when I’d asked him about being distant, he’d told he was just busy and dealing with a lot right now. 

Which I respect, of course. I mean. we’d only been dating a matter of weeks. He didn’t owe anything to me, certainly not his time, I was understanding. 

It was just an unusual turn compared to how dedicated he’d seemed before. He was dropping a lot of things just to hang out with me, and, now, it seemed he was dropping me for other things. And I didn’t know why. 

I was starting to get really paranoid that I’d done something. But what was it that I could have possibly done? I’d been nothing but sweet to the guy. I thought we’d had a very nice, calm relationship blossoming between us. We hadn’t so much as had one fight. 

But maybe I was moving too fast for him. Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked him to go get drinks the night of the party. 

I know, I know, that seems like a weird thing to focus on, but it’s literally all I have to go on. Before that, things had been normal. Afterward, not so much. 

And I could see how maybe asking him to go get drinks was rude. He’s not my slave, he doesn’t have to do me any favors. And it kind of puts him in a weird boyfriend zone spot. 

You’re not supposed to just ask a guy you’re casually dating to go grab drinks for your friend’s party. That’s a favor you ask someone who’s a little closer o you, someone more intimate, like a boyfriend. 

But, honestly, I hadn’t thought he’d mind. It’d seemed like we were teeter-tottering on a relationship and that we were close enough that I could ask him favors like this. But maybe I’d been wrong. Maybe we weren’t on the same page.

Maybe that was actually the problem. He could feel like I’m pushing him to enter into a long-term relationship with me and feel uncomfortable with it. 

Yeah, that makes sense. I didn’t like it, but it made sense. And it’s the only thing I have to go off. 

So, for the past few days, I’ve been trying to back off. Not appear too clingy or anything, so that I didn’t reinforce the idea that I only wanted to be his boyfriend. Which I didn’t. Or, er, I guess I did, but, I mean, it doesn’t have to happen right away. I’m patient. I can wait as long as he wants. But I was getting tired of not talking to him. I couldn’t do this awkward thing for much longer. If his feelings had changed, I really wanted to know. He could at least do me the favor of being upfront with me. 

I didn’t want to text him, but after the fifth morning of no hello text, I decided it was time to suck it up and communicate with him. That’s what dating is all about, building communication. And I was prepared to build. 

“Is something wrong?” I texted Grady, nervously. 

Thank god for text messaging. This was something I didn’t think I’d be able to bluntly say over the phone. It was just a little too awkward, a little too aggressive. Though, I was purposefully trying to sound as unaggressive as I possibly could.

To my surprise, he answered right away. “Yeah, I’m fine, why?”

“It just seems like something’s wrong. I have barely been hearing from you. A big 180 from last week. Have I done something, maybe?”

He read the text right away, I could see it as soon as he did, but he didn’t answer for a few minutes. 

“No, absolutely not you. I mean it, I’m just busy. I’ll get things figured out very soon, and then we can talk.”

That felt weird to me. He’ll ‘get things figured out?’ What did he have to figure out, exactly? Nothing he had informed me of, that’s for sure. 

“Okay, sure. » I texted back, not even bothering to hide the fact that I felt pretty bitter. 

He gleaned my tone and seemed to do a complete 180. 

“Hey, actually, how about we talk tonight?”

I didn’t like the sound of that. 

“Talk? Not hang out?” I questioned. 

“Hang out, talk, whatever,” he said, to my relief. But then his subsequent text took that relief away again. “I do have a few things I need to discuss with you, though.”

Dammit, I hated this! I hate when a boyfriend tells me he needs to talk. It never ever seemed to mean anything good for me. And, based on how Grady had been acting this week, I had a feeling this didn’t mean anything good for me, either. 

A part of me wanted to text back, ‘if you’re going to break up with me, just do it now. You don’t need to come talk to end things.’

But I thought that was jumping the gun a little bit. I didn’t actually know what he wanted, and I still liked Grady a whole hell of a lot. I didn’t want to ruin it by assuming the worst. 

“Sure, yeah, what time? And where?”

“7:30, your place?”

“Okay, see you then.”

He didn’t bother to text me the rest of the day, which didn’t make me feel any better about the situation. The hours dragged on before seven thirty, and I was going out of my mind with worry. 

See, this is exactly why I hate dating. Dating is full of too many ups and downs. One week, you’re thrilled about where your relationship is going and hoping that your significant other likes you as much as you like them. Then, the next week, you’re on your bed filled with anxiety and wondering if he’s going to end the relationship. 

I couldn’t take this level of emotional stress. I wasn’t built for it. I wasn’t drawn to drama at all. I liked my personal life simple. I tried to keep things as simple as possible. I just hope that whatever Grady has to say to me, it would bring us back to a place of simplicity. 

Little did I know, it would do the exact opposite.